sometimes we have to ask ourselves
what’s using my life heard a guy give a
lecture one time that says we are today
what we were win and he was talking
about the fact that we to a great extent
behave think react because of some
previous experience that we’ve had one
of the things that we know about life is
that it is always changing
sometimes you up sometimes you’re down
sometimes things go real well and
sometimes they don’t sometimes you’re
happy and sometimes you said now that’s
that thing called life and when we begin
to understand and know that accepting
that reality that that we will never
ever have things just on an even keel
all the time
but you’re going to have some ups and
you’re gonna have some downs but during
those down moments that’s where the
growth takes place that’s where the work
is anybody can feel good when they have
their health their bills are paid they
have happy relationships the children
are acting normal
business is successful anybody could be
positive then anybody can have a larger
vision then anybody can have faith under
those kinds of circumstances am I
correct
see but the real challenge the real
challenge of growth mentally emotionally
and spiritually comes when you get
knocked down somebody said that that
adversity introduces a man to himself or
a woman how you handle it that’s where
the growth takes place when I was facing
some challenges I had a guy say
something to me and I suggest this is
one of the first things that you want to
do when you’re facing a challenge you
want to get unstuck evaluate where you
are look at it assess yourself assess
yourself and assess the situation what
brought you there what role did you play
Earl Nightingale had a saying I like he
said all of us are self-made but only
what has brought you to this point when
did you learn from it are you learning
anything are you doing it over and over
and over again somebody said that
insanity is doing the same thing in the
are you going through it are you growing
through it are you bigger and better
because of it because it’s not going to
leave you until you grow through it I
was going through a major challenge in
my life that was wearing me out that was
using me and one of my students told me
in a class that I was teaching lessons
in truth she said less until you handle
the challenges of life how do we get it
how do we get stuck a friend of mine
went through a divorce
my best friend he had a wife that did
not love him as much as he loved her it
was this first real true love he was a
very religious man did not believe in
divorce he made a mistake and he paid
for his mistake with a lot of pain a lot
of Tears and they came to a point where
he knew he should have got a divorce but
he was stuck he was stuck in something
called revenge he said she’s made me so
miserable I’m gonna pay her back he was
stuck and he stayed in there longer than
he should have because it began to us
attack him it began to affect him
psychologically and as a result of that
would eventually did get a divorce he
took that same attitude to other
relationships looking for something to
go wrong he was burned so badly he did
not want to risk pain again he was going
in relationships trying to avoid pain
when it became too close he would do
something to make sure the relationship
did not work he would always try and
find something wrong with the person
because there no perfect people so if
you look for it you can find it he was
stuck in revenge another friend of mine
working on a job loved the company very
much expected to retire there and one
day they call him in the office ask him
for his badge and identification told
the security man up walked into his desk
told him he was fired and he had to
leave then he was devastated and if you
came anywhere near him he will tell you
his story as we all have stories
even when he got a job he went on the
job telling anybody who would listen how
they fired him unjustly and he always
ended with it wasn’t fair life isn’t
fair life just is it’s not fair that
birds eat worms and they do so we can’t
even deal with what’s fair but he’s
stuck in the fact that it’s not fair I
don’t deserve that they were wrong I
used to be a state legislator in
Columbus Ohio during the break we used
to go out on the front lawn of the Ohio
legislature and the Capitol there and
observe people as they came by there was
one particular person that all of us
knew the children adults everybody used
to pick at him when he came by
we called him chicken man he had a
feather in his hat he had a toy chicken
on top of his car that he would drive
around the area in downtown blinking his
lights and occasionally blowing his horn
when he got out of his car he would dry
he would walk down town with a baby
carriage with two little baby dolls in
there and a picture of a woman and when
you say something to him I came near him
you would hear him making the sounds of
a chicken all of us used to laugh at
chicken man we didn’t know chicken man
story
chicken man woke up one morning around
3:00 a.m. and his house was on fire
he panic and he got out of the window
left quickly only to get outside to hear
his children and his wife screaming for
help he ran back to the door to go in to
save them and the flames were too hot
too awesome he tried to get in he
couldn’t get in he was desperate frantic
pretty soon the cries stopped they
perish in the fire his brother-in-law
came found out that his sister had died
and his niece is in the fire grab
chicken man and start beating him you
chicken why did you save my
your chicken your chicken when the
people pulled it off chicken man they
picked him up and said are you all right
and chicken man looked at him and he
started making the sounds of a chicken
he never ever overcame that tragedy he
was stuck from that experience none of
us knew what chicken man went wrong with
this picture and these little dials
I remember when I was stuck in anger for
a long time when I made a commitment to
my adopted mother that I was going to
purchase her a home I’ll never forget
the experience of working real hard to
get the money for the down payment so
when he told me of a beautiful home and
exclusive area of Miami I went to see it
took my mother there and she said yes I
wanted theirs on the water we went to
the closing my attorney said less have
you had a title search I said what’s the
title search well you just take a couple
of days to check it out and make sure
there are no liens against the property
that you might have to pay if you buy
this home the guy who was there selling
me the house he said listen he said the
only reason that I’m selling you this
house and selling it at a loss is
because I admire the fact that you want
to purchase his house for your mother I
have another guy who will give me
substantially more money but I like you
and I’ve got to get back to Philadelphia
now if we cannot consummate this deal
now then the deal is off
I said there are no liens against the
property he says no of course not
I looked at my attorney I said I believe
him
I’ll sign she said Mr Bryan I’m not
questioning his honesty she said but
business is business I signed that
contract and we had a big celebration
everybody in the neighborhood was
talking about Leslie coming home one of
the twins that Mamie adopted to buy her
a home Charl isn’t that nice God is
a few weeks later I received a letter a
registered letter indicating that the
house was going up for chef sale on the
courthouse steps a man had filed a
$12,000 lien against the property
because the previous owner old him that
money and if I did not come up with
$12,000 in 30 days he was going to sell
the house to the highest bidder
I called this man and said mister my
name is les Rana I purchased this house
I had nothing to do with your prior bill
bill bill he said that’s not my problem
he said you should have had a title
search I said can you give me time I
said my mother is an older lady she has
a bad heart and I said please I said if
you just give me the time I don’t know
how I’m gonna do it with the house note
and everything else but I think I can
pay you at least $2,000 a month and
within six months somehow I will pay
your money he said no I wanted all in 30
days so you get out I did everything I
could rack my mind thinking about how I
could get $12,000 because I took
everything I could to get the money just
for the down payment and the closing I
finally had to face the reality that I
wasn’t going to be able to do it I was
up around two o’clock in the morning
walking back and forth thinking how was
I going to tell my mother this my
children were there in the room sleeping
all night long I agonized over this I
lost over 23 pounds pretty soon I went
in the room where my mother was sleeping
and I said mama I got down on my knees
by the bed I said mama I gotta talk to
you and she said what’s wrong I said
mama I said we got to get out the house
I said in my haste to buy the house I
made a mistake
she said that’s all right baby I didn’t
I said mama you told me you loved it I
brought our friends out here to sit she
said you not have arthritis in my knees
and I don’t like going up the steps but
I knew it made you happy you loved it so
much I said mom I’ve lost 23 pounds
agonizing over this well we had to pack
up and go back to the old house down the
street from Northwestern High School in
Liberty City all those neighbors who
came out and saw his lead those
neighbors were there as we were coming
back we went in the house the roaches
were playing cards saying come on in and
I was wiped out I was embarrassed and
humiliated words cannot encompass the
symbolism of what I felt I remember when
I was unloading the furniture now I
began to cry my sister came by hmm you
know you didn’t have any money to buy no
how’s mr. big time hadn’t given me a
quarter
you know momma got a bad heart now y’all
back where you belong
as I was crying with my head down taking
furniture and my momma said hold your
head up
I said myself I said I just feel so bad
about this momma she said hold your head
up and dry your tears you have nothing
to be shame up and I did as we unloaded
that furniture in that house for several
weeks I was numb
I was immobilized with anger if I had
seen that guy I was thinking about
flying to Philadelphia I had all kind of
dreams about him and I don’t want to hit
this guy here hitting would been too
good for him I just want to just grab
I just may have found him they say well
beating would have been too good for him
I’ll just get him every time in my I’d
have been like a Doberman Pinscher the
God wouldn’t say I thought I made
everything but I don’t know where this
came from it I was reading the book on
forgiveness and they had a lot in that
says forgive and grow I had to let that
luggage go you see your mind is you know
when you’re going to a service station
to get gas you don’t go in there and
just stop pumping when you push the
lever up it clears the previous bill by
the same token if you want to begin to
move you’ve got to clear your mind of
all the unnecessary luggage and baggage
that’s weighing us down I couldn’t move
I couldn’t think about what am I going
to do to get out of this situation
because I was so concerned about what
happened and what he did to me and how
bad it was I was so stuck in that I
couldn’t even focus on what I should
have done feeling sorry for myself and
angry and none of that was taking me
anywhere so pretty soon I I learned
through effort made a conscious
deliberate determined effort I had to
let it go I had to forgive it let it go
and begin to focus on developing myself
and I say to you you’re gonna have
people to do things to you things are
going to happen to you and the most
important thing to do is to harness your
will and let it go and move so you can
grow so you can get on with your life it
doesn’t matter about what happens to you
what matters is what are you going to do
about it what are you going to do now
less huh how long do you want to tell
everybody at the bus stop in anybody who
would stand and listen to you
how long you repeat the same thing over
and over and over and over and over
again how many times do we have to hear
that don’t go around telling people what
your story is everybody has a story
it’s out glad that didn’t happen to me
sometimes you think you got some
problems you hear somebody else problem
and the way that that problem is real
bad it make you feel good tried to let
chicken man allowed his tragedy to
destroy his life all of us have
experienced some tragedy if we haven’t
we will and you can even let it destroy
your life or you can build upon it you
can permit it to let you let it hold you
down or you can decide I’m not going to
let that happen to me I’m bigger than
this make a declaration to yourself
declare all-out war that you’re going to
get out of this rut I don’t care how
good you are until I care how talented
you are I don’t care how much you work
on yourself there’s some times when
things aren’t going to go right they
just I’m not going to go right there are
times with anything that can happen will
happen Murphy’s Law will be knocking at
your door why I don’t know why that’s
called life and you have to deal with it
sometimes your life will be in a slump
just like sports some of the best
shooters can’t hit baskets different
times in games they get in a slump do
they sit on the sidelines and say your
digestion hit a basket today
no they continue to execute I suggest to
you that if you are facing a challenge
don’t stop stay busy work your plan
continue to do those things that you
know that work for you after you have
evaluated yourself in the situation
continue to move stay busy stay busy
stay busy repeat out to me help somebody
and help yourself because what you give
is what you get find somebody that you
can help so you can forget about you for
a moment see sometimes the best thing to
do is to be sometimes you have to just
back up and go within yourself a bow and
arrow you you can’t take a bow and just
push it out of there you just can’t push
the Aral out you have to pull it back
and then release it sometimes you have
to back up and go within and pray and
meditate and recharge your batteries go
away clear your head and then come back
and look at it from a different vantage
point don’t operate while you are under
the spell of the effect of what’s going
on next thing is that you’ve got to
activate the thinker in you don’t allow
your emotions to control you we are
emotional but you want to begin to
discipline your emotion if you don’t
discipline contain your emotions they
will use you your mind goes on automatic
just like a god you know I loved reading
the book call as a man thinketh by James
Allen he uses the analogy of the mind
being like a garden you know weeds don’t
have to have any encouragement to grow
you don’t have to water them they don’t
have to get sunshine they don’t have to
have fertile ground they will grow
through the cracks of a sidewalk am i
right but if you want to grow orchids or
roses or any kind of exotic flowers
there are special processes and
procedures you must go through well by
the same token you don’t have to force
yourself or motivate yourself to think
negatively to be depressed to hate
somebody to want revenge you want to get
back at somebody to beat yourself up
over the head to feel loaded with guilt
you don’t have to make any effort to do
that your mind is on automatic it will
but if you want to begin to move into
your own personal greatness if you want
to begin to really enjoy a happy
successful healthy life you’ve got to be
willing to go against the tide you’ve
got to be willing to harness your will
and say in spite of this I’m in control
here I’m not gonna let this get me down
I’m not gonna let this destroy me I’m
coming back and I’ll be stronger and
better because of it you have got to
make a declaration this is what you
stand for you’re standing up for your
dreams you’re standing up for peace of
mind you’re standing up for health you
want it and you’re gonna go all out to
have it it’s not going to be easy when
you want to change it’s not easy if it
were in fact easy everybody to do it but
if you’re serious you’ll go all out yes
I’m going to turn this situation around
I’m not going to sit back and moan and
cry over what happened and what went
wrong and who did what I’m going to do
something about this situation the next
thing that is important is that expect
things to get better for you because
they are say life is cyclic you’re not
what is whatever experience you’re
having right now it has not come to stay
it has come to pass not to stay just to
pass it’s just going through the biggest
challenges is to know what’s happening
this is a part of this thing we call
life this too shall pass and maintaining
perspective putting it in perspective I
was doing the training at a college and
it was a two-day training during
orientation and in the training that I
provide I’m a motivational speaker but I
conduct processes and personal dynamics
where people begin to go through changes
that stimulate the right and left
hemisphere of the brain enable them to
see themselves differently I conducted
this particular simulation with these
young kids 17 and 18 years of age so
that they would begin to see how they
make decisions of how they would survive
in this particular simulation process we
gave them
we had them to do it individually and
then collectively over 30% of them wrote
down as their first option in order to
survive they would commit suicide first
thing they wrote down suicide among
young people has increased 300% over
5,000 will successfully take their lives
this year why why did it do that they do
facet I was so shocked I said what do
you mean well at least we would not
suffer and then they had the nerve to
write down all of the other things they
were going to do after they committed
suicide I said listen to Dumbo
now when you when you come up with a
permanent solution for a temporary
problem that’s it games over that’s it
you’re not going to do anything anybody
wrote suicide at the top you can put
your pencil down see a lot of us because
of our limited vision of ourselves a lot
of us who begin to focus on problems and
enable them to overwhelm us we begin to
think that we have no options we begin
to believe that there’s no way out
repeat after me there’s always a way
where there’s a will there’s a way
shake somebody’s hand on your right
you’ve got to make those kind of
declarations to yourself I’m unstoppable
this will not get me down and if I get
knocked down I’m gonna be like Leo busca
you said you’re gonna have some low
moments in life but when you do you will
have high lows when you work on yourself
what are some of those things that you
can do during this period of time go for
walks do some things for you just go for
a stroll so you can engage in some
reflective thinking on life on yourself
looking and enjoying the universe
smelling the roses along the way listen
to upbeat music music that inspired you
I have only but goodies I have
strategies that I engage in to recharge
my batteries I’m preparing for that
because I know things are going to
happen that I cannot anticipate very
good friend of mine died the other day I
had a program for myself I have books
that I read that inspire me tapes that I
listen to that fire me up because you’re
gonna have sometimes low moments when
you won’t want to get out of bed you
just want to stay there at times you
won’t want to come out of the house the
times you’ll be feeling better don’t
know why what’s wrong I don’t know just
what did I happen I don’t know it’s
the other thing is take full
responsibility for your life except
where you are and the responsibility
that you’re going to take yourself where
you want to go so once that we have two
primary choices in life
we can either accept conditions as they
exist or we can take the responsibility
to change them see a lot of people want
to exempt themselves from taking
responsibility all they want to do is
talk about the problem every time you
see them they’ll tell you their story
over and over and over and over again no
no you want to take responsibility for
your life
I got me here I can get me out of this
and I’m getting out I’m not going to be
a volunteer victim George Bernard Shaw
said there are two kinds of people in
life you know he said those that make
things happen those that watch things
happen and those that don’t know what
happened
and he said the people to get alone in
this life look around for the
circumstances that they want and if they
can’t find them they make up they create
them so part of beginning to get unstuck
you’ve got to decide that the behavior
pattern that you have adopted doesn’t
work for you you’ve got to change your
strategies and changing your strategy
means reinventing your life recreating
you and you have the power to do that
you can decide that you’re going to
change that you’re not going to be a
you can decide that you’re going to
stand up to life
you can decide that I’m going to live
each day as if it were my last you can
you have the power to make that decision
you can decide I’m going to work on
myself and develop myself I’m going to
empower me and all of these things that
are happening to me right now
they’re just temporary inconveniences
they’re not stronger than I am
I’m in charge here next thing is
separate what you do from who you are
that’s what the guilt trap is about see
a lot of folks won’t let you forget what
you used to do or what you have done
what mistakes you’ve made all of us have
made some mistakes in life all of us
have done some things that if we had
them to do over again we wouldn’t do it
again a lot of things that if I had it
to do over again if I knew then what I
know now I would have done it
differently well it could happen that
way and that’s what you call life
I didn’t do it like that oh you don’t
want me to live that down how you want
to keep on putting that in my face
about what I did guess what I’m not
interested that’s what I did fit won’t
do it today so you were picking on an
so as you’re in the process of
reinventing your life write a
description of the kind of person that
you want to be what are the things that
you must overcome what qualities about
your personality you know that you’re
going to have to change because those
particular characteristics are
liabilities to you what are your assets
what are you strong points look at and
evaluating yourself to make that
determination other thing is that in
order to get out of a rut we need some
coaching find some trusted critics
people that you know care about you love
you some things that keeps us from
growing and getting out of ruts number
one we identify with feedback we take it
personal when someone want to give us
some feedback on where we are falling
short you tell us about our blind spots
we want to have everything being
positive about us we’re not perfect it’s
it hurts I have a friend who’s a trusted
critic I don’t like him but I love him
he doesn’t tell me the things I want to
hear he tell me what I need to hear so I
can grow it hurts it hurts when he put
me on the hot seat I can’t stand it but
that’s the only way that I can grow and
I’m glad that he loves me enough to risk
our friendship to tell me what I need to
get a support group somebody that you
can talk to people who perhaps might
have a similar problem support groups
are very powerful that you can share
some of the challenges that you’re going
through and it might be a situation
where one person can give you an idea of
how they handle that situation and
create an opening for you begin to
stimulate some possibilities in your
mind on how you can resolve the problem
we can’t grow by ourselves
as I mentioned before we grow from
people in projects the other thing is
about life when things happen to you
when you permit thanks to use you you
can’t change the past but you can
interpret you can reinterpret how you
see it for years I was going around with
a heavy load on my shoulders feeling bad
because I was adopted doing interviews
for adoption agencies in foster homes
and I was on television once and I told
these people in this particular
interview that I was given away my twin
brother and I when we were six weeks of
age friend of mine fortunately was
listening to the program and she said
les like to have lunch with you and so I
went over to see her she said when a
woman cares a baby for nine months
feeling that life movement in her it’s
automatic and natural for her to learn
to love that baby to expect it to come
here when she bares to pain to bring it
into the world
your mother Mamie Brown when she came in
to adopt you guys she didn’t go through
that process she looked at whoever your
biological mother was and said I’ll take
her you are giving away less you were
same circumstances same event but
reinterpreted an interpretation that
empowers me am I making sense to you
so when you begin to look at your past
give an interpretation that empowers you
that’s where I used to be that’s not
where I am now I’m growing now I want
you to think about in your mind right
now think about some particular event or
act in your life that you feel very bad
about that you really regret that that
took place if you had to do over again
you would do it differently with that
there I want you to see yourself in your
mind’s eye and say to yourself I love
myself unconditionally and I forgive
myself I knew better I would have done
I want you to think about somebody that
that cost you some pain cost you some
disappointment somebody that you don’t
like let me tell you something about the
mind how it uses you tell you something
super stupid that I’d used to do do you
know for years I hated my mother and my
father whoever they were because they
gave me away as I thought at that point
in time and guess what
I didn’t have any faces for the hatred
because I never saw either one of them
and I said I hate them for that and then
once I forgave them and said it’s okay
had they not given me away I would have
never been blessed to have the mother
that I have who to me is the greatest
mother in the world so the universe and
but when I went through this process
saying forgive them I remember in my
mind as I was trying to picture these
people I had two individuals in my mind
standing there with no faces because I
didn’t know how they look but I released
that I let that luggage go think about
somebody that you’ve heard somebody that
you’ve disappointed either deliberately
or inadvertently or someone that has
hurt you
deliberately or inadvertently think
about them somebody that that you really
really when you think about them that
the room turns red look at them in your
forgive you unconditionally for that’s a
heavy load to let off when I thought
about that guy I said wait a minute I
can’t no no you don’t know what this guy
did this was my mama you don’t know what
we went through my students said les
forgive let it go if you want to be
forgiven you better forgive somebody
none of us the perfect all of us have
made some mistakes and it wasn’t easy
it’s not easy forgiving am i right it’s
not everybody won’t forgive they say I
let it go so you can grow let’s get a
little demonstration here throw it up on
this side here right demonstrate it like
this let’s go I throw away negative
thoughts revenge guilt anything that’s
been holding me back
now with that right hand let’s bring
something in I bring in love peace of
mind good relationships whole lot of
I don’t know why people raise their
voices when we see a whole lot of that I
mean they get serious – you know me
they usually people are you running they
use two hands it they track ball
reinterpreting our past understanding
and knowing that we can move from where
we are that we can begin to design the
kind of life that empowers us that gives
us happiness that enable us to be on top
of who we are knowing that as we begin
to explore new horizons and new vistas
in life that as we begin to to focus on
developing ourselves as we begin to
elevate ourselves and not to follow the
crowd activating the thinker in us in
this disciplining and putting on hold
the emotional part of ourselves it’s not
easy but through practice and practice
and practice practice makes what
absolutely not dismantle that belief
system practice makes improvement you
can always better your best you can
always go beyond anything that you have
ever done you never hit a state of
perfection
you’re always bigger than what you do
and so all you’re looking for new
breakthroughs through practice and
practice and practice you’ll get better
and better and better and there’s still
some things that will happen to you that
will catch you on the blindside that you
did not anticipate you’ll get knocked
down but you won’t be knocked out
you’ll be able to get to your feet again
be on the ropes but you have a fast recovery rate when you work on yourself
what’s using my life heard a guy give a
lecture one time that says we are today
what we were win and he was talking
about the fact that we to a great extent
behave think react because of some
previous experience that we’ve had one
of the things that we know about life is
that it is always changing
sometimes you up sometimes you’re down
sometimes things go real well and
sometimes they don’t sometimes you’re
happy and sometimes you said now that’s
that thing called life and when we begin
to understand and know that accepting
that reality that that we will never
ever have things just on an even keel
all the time
but you’re going to have some ups and
you’re gonna have some downs but during
those down moments that’s where the
growth takes place that’s where the work
is anybody can feel good when they have
their health their bills are paid they
have happy relationships the children
are acting normal
business is successful anybody could be
positive then anybody can have a larger
vision then anybody can have faith under
those kinds of circumstances am I
correct
see but the real challenge the real
challenge of growth mentally emotionally
and spiritually comes when you get
knocked down somebody said that that
adversity introduces a man to himself or
a woman how you handle it that’s where
the growth takes place when I was facing
some challenges I had a guy say
something to me and I suggest this is
one of the first things that you want to
do when you’re facing a challenge you
want to get unstuck evaluate where you
are look at it assess yourself assess
yourself and assess the situation what
brought you there what role did you play
Earl Nightingale had a saying I like he
said all of us are self-made but only
what has brought you to this point when
did you learn from it are you learning
anything are you doing it over and over
and over again somebody said that
insanity is doing the same thing in the
are you going through it are you growing
through it are you bigger and better
because of it because it’s not going to
leave you until you grow through it I
was going through a major challenge in
my life that was wearing me out that was
using me and one of my students told me
in a class that I was teaching lessons
in truth she said less until you handle
the challenges of life how do we get it
how do we get stuck a friend of mine
went through a divorce
my best friend he had a wife that did
not love him as much as he loved her it
was this first real true love he was a
very religious man did not believe in
divorce he made a mistake and he paid
for his mistake with a lot of pain a lot
of Tears and they came to a point where
he knew he should have got a divorce but
he was stuck he was stuck in something
called revenge he said she’s made me so
miserable I’m gonna pay her back he was
stuck and he stayed in there longer than
he should have because it began to us
attack him it began to affect him
psychologically and as a result of that
would eventually did get a divorce he
took that same attitude to other
relationships looking for something to
go wrong he was burned so badly he did
not want to risk pain again he was going
in relationships trying to avoid pain
when it became too close he would do
something to make sure the relationship
did not work he would always try and
find something wrong with the person
because there no perfect people so if
you look for it you can find it he was
stuck in revenge another friend of mine
working on a job loved the company very
much expected to retire there and one
day they call him in the office ask him
for his badge and identification told
the security man up walked into his desk
told him he was fired and he had to
leave then he was devastated and if you
came anywhere near him he will tell you
his story as we all have stories
even when he got a job he went on the
job telling anybody who would listen how
they fired him unjustly and he always
ended with it wasn’t fair life isn’t
fair life just is it’s not fair that
birds eat worms and they do so we can’t
even deal with what’s fair but he’s
stuck in the fact that it’s not fair I
don’t deserve that they were wrong I
used to be a state legislator in
Columbus Ohio during the break we used
to go out on the front lawn of the Ohio
legislature and the Capitol there and
observe people as they came by there was
one particular person that all of us
knew the children adults everybody used
to pick at him when he came by
we called him chicken man he had a
feather in his hat he had a toy chicken
on top of his car that he would drive
around the area in downtown blinking his
lights and occasionally blowing his horn
when he got out of his car he would dry
he would walk down town with a baby
carriage with two little baby dolls in
there and a picture of a woman and when
you say something to him I came near him
you would hear him making the sounds of
a chicken all of us used to laugh at
chicken man we didn’t know chicken man
story
chicken man woke up one morning around
3:00 a.m. and his house was on fire
he panic and he got out of the window
left quickly only to get outside to hear
his children and his wife screaming for
help he ran back to the door to go in to
save them and the flames were too hot
too awesome he tried to get in he
couldn’t get in he was desperate frantic
pretty soon the cries stopped they
perish in the fire his brother-in-law
came found out that his sister had died
and his niece is in the fire grab
chicken man and start beating him you
chicken why did you save my
your chicken your chicken when the
people pulled it off chicken man they
picked him up and said are you all right
and chicken man looked at him and he
started making the sounds of a chicken
he never ever overcame that tragedy he
was stuck from that experience none of
us knew what chicken man went wrong with
this picture and these little dials
I remember when I was stuck in anger for
a long time when I made a commitment to
my adopted mother that I was going to
purchase her a home I’ll never forget
the experience of working real hard to
get the money for the down payment so
when he told me of a beautiful home and
exclusive area of Miami I went to see it
took my mother there and she said yes I
wanted theirs on the water we went to
the closing my attorney said less have
you had a title search I said what’s the
title search well you just take a couple
of days to check it out and make sure
there are no liens against the property
that you might have to pay if you buy
this home the guy who was there selling
me the house he said listen he said the
only reason that I’m selling you this
house and selling it at a loss is
because I admire the fact that you want
to purchase his house for your mother I
have another guy who will give me
substantially more money but I like you
and I’ve got to get back to Philadelphia
now if we cannot consummate this deal
now then the deal is off
I said there are no liens against the
property he says no of course not
I looked at my attorney I said I believe
him
I’ll sign she said Mr Bryan I’m not
questioning his honesty she said but
business is business I signed that
contract and we had a big celebration
everybody in the neighborhood was
talking about Leslie coming home one of
the twins that Mamie adopted to buy her
a home Charl isn’t that nice God is
a few weeks later I received a letter a
registered letter indicating that the
house was going up for chef sale on the
courthouse steps a man had filed a
$12,000 lien against the property
because the previous owner old him that
money and if I did not come up with
$12,000 in 30 days he was going to sell
the house to the highest bidder
I called this man and said mister my
name is les Rana I purchased this house
I had nothing to do with your prior bill
bill bill he said that’s not my problem
he said you should have had a title
search I said can you give me time I
said my mother is an older lady she has
a bad heart and I said please I said if
you just give me the time I don’t know
how I’m gonna do it with the house note
and everything else but I think I can
pay you at least $2,000 a month and
within six months somehow I will pay
your money he said no I wanted all in 30
days so you get out I did everything I
could rack my mind thinking about how I
could get $12,000 because I took
everything I could to get the money just
for the down payment and the closing I
finally had to face the reality that I
wasn’t going to be able to do it I was
up around two o’clock in the morning
walking back and forth thinking how was
I going to tell my mother this my
children were there in the room sleeping
all night long I agonized over this I
lost over 23 pounds pretty soon I went
in the room where my mother was sleeping
and I said mama I got down on my knees
by the bed I said mama I gotta talk to
you and she said what’s wrong I said
mama I said we got to get out the house
I said in my haste to buy the house I
made a mistake
she said that’s all right baby I didn’t
I said mama you told me you loved it I
brought our friends out here to sit she
said you not have arthritis in my knees
and I don’t like going up the steps but
I knew it made you happy you loved it so
much I said mom I’ve lost 23 pounds
agonizing over this well we had to pack
up and go back to the old house down the
street from Northwestern High School in
Liberty City all those neighbors who
came out and saw his lead those
neighbors were there as we were coming
back we went in the house the roaches
were playing cards saying come on in and
I was wiped out I was embarrassed and
humiliated words cannot encompass the
symbolism of what I felt I remember when
I was unloading the furniture now I
began to cry my sister came by hmm you
know you didn’t have any money to buy no
how’s mr. big time hadn’t given me a
quarter
you know momma got a bad heart now y’all
back where you belong
as I was crying with my head down taking
furniture and my momma said hold your
head up
I said myself I said I just feel so bad
about this momma she said hold your head
up and dry your tears you have nothing
to be shame up and I did as we unloaded
that furniture in that house for several
weeks I was numb
I was immobilized with anger if I had
seen that guy I was thinking about
flying to Philadelphia I had all kind of
dreams about him and I don’t want to hit
this guy here hitting would been too
good for him I just want to just grab
I just may have found him they say well
beating would have been too good for him
I’ll just get him every time in my I’d
have been like a Doberman Pinscher the
God wouldn’t say I thought I made
everything but I don’t know where this
came from it I was reading the book on
forgiveness and they had a lot in that
says forgive and grow I had to let that
luggage go you see your mind is you know
when you’re going to a service station
to get gas you don’t go in there and
just stop pumping when you push the
lever up it clears the previous bill by
the same token if you want to begin to
move you’ve got to clear your mind of
all the unnecessary luggage and baggage
that’s weighing us down I couldn’t move
I couldn’t think about what am I going
to do to get out of this situation
because I was so concerned about what
happened and what he did to me and how
bad it was I was so stuck in that I
couldn’t even focus on what I should
have done feeling sorry for myself and
angry and none of that was taking me
anywhere so pretty soon I I learned
through effort made a conscious
deliberate determined effort I had to
let it go I had to forgive it let it go
and begin to focus on developing myself
and I say to you you’re gonna have
people to do things to you things are
going to happen to you and the most
important thing to do is to harness your
will and let it go and move so you can
grow so you can get on with your life it
doesn’t matter about what happens to you
what matters is what are you going to do
about it what are you going to do now
less huh how long do you want to tell
everybody at the bus stop in anybody who
would stand and listen to you
how long you repeat the same thing over
and over and over and over and over
again how many times do we have to hear
that don’t go around telling people what
your story is everybody has a story
it’s out glad that didn’t happen to me
sometimes you think you got some
problems you hear somebody else problem
and the way that that problem is real
bad it make you feel good tried to let
chicken man allowed his tragedy to
destroy his life all of us have
experienced some tragedy if we haven’t
we will and you can even let it destroy
your life or you can build upon it you
can permit it to let you let it hold you
down or you can decide I’m not going to
let that happen to me I’m bigger than
this make a declaration to yourself
declare all-out war that you’re going to
get out of this rut I don’t care how
good you are until I care how talented
you are I don’t care how much you work
on yourself there’s some times when
things aren’t going to go right they
just I’m not going to go right there are
times with anything that can happen will
happen Murphy’s Law will be knocking at
your door why I don’t know why that’s
called life and you have to deal with it
sometimes your life will be in a slump
just like sports some of the best
shooters can’t hit baskets different
times in games they get in a slump do
they sit on the sidelines and say your
digestion hit a basket today
no they continue to execute I suggest to
you that if you are facing a challenge
don’t stop stay busy work your plan
continue to do those things that you
know that work for you after you have
evaluated yourself in the situation
continue to move stay busy stay busy
stay busy repeat out to me help somebody
and help yourself because what you give
is what you get find somebody that you
can help so you can forget about you for
a moment see sometimes the best thing to
do is to be sometimes you have to just
back up and go within yourself a bow and
arrow you you can’t take a bow and just
push it out of there you just can’t push
the Aral out you have to pull it back
and then release it sometimes you have
to back up and go within and pray and
meditate and recharge your batteries go
away clear your head and then come back
and look at it from a different vantage
point don’t operate while you are under
the spell of the effect of what’s going
on next thing is that you’ve got to
activate the thinker in you don’t allow
your emotions to control you we are
emotional but you want to begin to
discipline your emotion if you don’t
discipline contain your emotions they
will use you your mind goes on automatic
just like a god you know I loved reading
the book call as a man thinketh by James
Allen he uses the analogy of the mind
being like a garden you know weeds don’t
have to have any encouragement to grow
you don’t have to water them they don’t
have to get sunshine they don’t have to
have fertile ground they will grow
through the cracks of a sidewalk am i
right but if you want to grow orchids or
roses or any kind of exotic flowers
there are special processes and
procedures you must go through well by
the same token you don’t have to force
yourself or motivate yourself to think
negatively to be depressed to hate
somebody to want revenge you want to get
back at somebody to beat yourself up
over the head to feel loaded with guilt
you don’t have to make any effort to do
that your mind is on automatic it will
but if you want to begin to move into
your own personal greatness if you want
to begin to really enjoy a happy
successful healthy life you’ve got to be
willing to go against the tide you’ve
got to be willing to harness your will
and say in spite of this I’m in control
here I’m not gonna let this get me down
I’m not gonna let this destroy me I’m
coming back and I’ll be stronger and
better because of it you have got to
make a declaration this is what you
stand for you’re standing up for your
dreams you’re standing up for peace of
mind you’re standing up for health you
want it and you’re gonna go all out to
have it it’s not going to be easy when
you want to change it’s not easy if it
were in fact easy everybody to do it but
if you’re serious you’ll go all out yes
I’m going to turn this situation around
I’m not going to sit back and moan and
cry over what happened and what went
wrong and who did what I’m going to do
something about this situation the next
thing that is important is that expect
things to get better for you because
they are say life is cyclic you’re not
what is whatever experience you’re
having right now it has not come to stay
it has come to pass not to stay just to
pass it’s just going through the biggest
challenges is to know what’s happening
this is a part of this thing we call
life this too shall pass and maintaining
perspective putting it in perspective I
was doing the training at a college and
it was a two-day training during
orientation and in the training that I
provide I’m a motivational speaker but I
conduct processes and personal dynamics
where people begin to go through changes
that stimulate the right and left
hemisphere of the brain enable them to
see themselves differently I conducted
this particular simulation with these
young kids 17 and 18 years of age so
that they would begin to see how they
make decisions of how they would survive
in this particular simulation process we
gave them
we had them to do it individually and
then collectively over 30% of them wrote
down as their first option in order to
survive they would commit suicide first
thing they wrote down suicide among
young people has increased 300% over
5,000 will successfully take their lives
this year why why did it do that they do
facet I was so shocked I said what do
you mean well at least we would not
suffer and then they had the nerve to
write down all of the other things they
were going to do after they committed
suicide I said listen to Dumbo
now when you when you come up with a
permanent solution for a temporary
problem that’s it games over that’s it
you’re not going to do anything anybody
wrote suicide at the top you can put
your pencil down see a lot of us because
of our limited vision of ourselves a lot
of us who begin to focus on problems and
enable them to overwhelm us we begin to
think that we have no options we begin
to believe that there’s no way out
repeat after me there’s always a way
where there’s a will there’s a way
shake somebody’s hand on your right
you’ve got to make those kind of
declarations to yourself I’m unstoppable
this will not get me down and if I get
knocked down I’m gonna be like Leo busca
you said you’re gonna have some low
moments in life but when you do you will
have high lows when you work on yourself
what are some of those things that you
can do during this period of time go for
walks do some things for you just go for
a stroll so you can engage in some
reflective thinking on life on yourself
looking and enjoying the universe
smelling the roses along the way listen
to upbeat music music that inspired you
I have only but goodies I have
strategies that I engage in to recharge
my batteries I’m preparing for that
because I know things are going to
happen that I cannot anticipate very
good friend of mine died the other day I
had a program for myself I have books
that I read that inspire me tapes that I
listen to that fire me up because you’re
gonna have sometimes low moments when
you won’t want to get out of bed you
just want to stay there at times you
won’t want to come out of the house the
times you’ll be feeling better don’t
know why what’s wrong I don’t know just
what did I happen I don’t know it’s
the other thing is take full
responsibility for your life except
where you are and the responsibility
that you’re going to take yourself where
you want to go so once that we have two
primary choices in life
we can either accept conditions as they
exist or we can take the responsibility
to change them see a lot of people want
to exempt themselves from taking
responsibility all they want to do is
talk about the problem every time you
see them they’ll tell you their story
over and over and over and over again no
no you want to take responsibility for
your life
I got me here I can get me out of this
and I’m getting out I’m not going to be
a volunteer victim George Bernard Shaw
said there are two kinds of people in
life you know he said those that make
things happen those that watch things
happen and those that don’t know what
happened
and he said the people to get alone in
this life look around for the
circumstances that they want and if they
can’t find them they make up they create
them so part of beginning to get unstuck
you’ve got to decide that the behavior
pattern that you have adopted doesn’t
work for you you’ve got to change your
strategies and changing your strategy
means reinventing your life recreating
you and you have the power to do that
you can decide that you’re going to
change that you’re not going to be a
you can decide that you’re going to
stand up to life
you can decide that I’m going to live
each day as if it were my last you can
you have the power to make that decision
you can decide I’m going to work on
myself and develop myself I’m going to
empower me and all of these things that
are happening to me right now
they’re just temporary inconveniences
they’re not stronger than I am
I’m in charge here next thing is
separate what you do from who you are
that’s what the guilt trap is about see
a lot of folks won’t let you forget what
you used to do or what you have done
what mistakes you’ve made all of us have
made some mistakes in life all of us
have done some things that if we had
them to do over again we wouldn’t do it
again a lot of things that if I had it
to do over again if I knew then what I
know now I would have done it
differently well it could happen that
way and that’s what you call life
I didn’t do it like that oh you don’t
want me to live that down how you want
to keep on putting that in my face
about what I did guess what I’m not
interested that’s what I did fit won’t
do it today so you were picking on an
so as you’re in the process of
reinventing your life write a
description of the kind of person that
you want to be what are the things that
you must overcome what qualities about
your personality you know that you’re
going to have to change because those
particular characteristics are
liabilities to you what are your assets
what are you strong points look at and
evaluating yourself to make that
determination other thing is that in
order to get out of a rut we need some
coaching find some trusted critics
people that you know care about you love
you some things that keeps us from
growing and getting out of ruts number
one we identify with feedback we take it
personal when someone want to give us
some feedback on where we are falling
short you tell us about our blind spots
we want to have everything being
positive about us we’re not perfect it’s
it hurts I have a friend who’s a trusted
critic I don’t like him but I love him
he doesn’t tell me the things I want to
hear he tell me what I need to hear so I
can grow it hurts it hurts when he put
me on the hot seat I can’t stand it but
that’s the only way that I can grow and
I’m glad that he loves me enough to risk
our friendship to tell me what I need to
get a support group somebody that you
can talk to people who perhaps might
have a similar problem support groups
are very powerful that you can share
some of the challenges that you’re going
through and it might be a situation
where one person can give you an idea of
how they handle that situation and
create an opening for you begin to
stimulate some possibilities in your
mind on how you can resolve the problem
we can’t grow by ourselves
as I mentioned before we grow from
people in projects the other thing is
about life when things happen to you
when you permit thanks to use you you
can’t change the past but you can
interpret you can reinterpret how you
see it for years I was going around with
a heavy load on my shoulders feeling bad
because I was adopted doing interviews
for adoption agencies in foster homes
and I was on television once and I told
these people in this particular
interview that I was given away my twin
brother and I when we were six weeks of
age friend of mine fortunately was
listening to the program and she said
les like to have lunch with you and so I
went over to see her she said when a
woman cares a baby for nine months
feeling that life movement in her it’s
automatic and natural for her to learn
to love that baby to expect it to come
here when she bares to pain to bring it
into the world
your mother Mamie Brown when she came in
to adopt you guys she didn’t go through
that process she looked at whoever your
biological mother was and said I’ll take
her you are giving away less you were
same circumstances same event but
reinterpreted an interpretation that
empowers me am I making sense to you
so when you begin to look at your past
give an interpretation that empowers you
that’s where I used to be that’s not
where I am now I’m growing now I want
you to think about in your mind right
now think about some particular event or
act in your life that you feel very bad
about that you really regret that that
took place if you had to do over again
you would do it differently with that
there I want you to see yourself in your
mind’s eye and say to yourself I love
myself unconditionally and I forgive
myself I knew better I would have done
I want you to think about somebody that
that cost you some pain cost you some
disappointment somebody that you don’t
like let me tell you something about the
mind how it uses you tell you something
super stupid that I’d used to do do you
know for years I hated my mother and my
father whoever they were because they
gave me away as I thought at that point
in time and guess what
I didn’t have any faces for the hatred
because I never saw either one of them
and I said I hate them for that and then
once I forgave them and said it’s okay
had they not given me away I would have
never been blessed to have the mother
that I have who to me is the greatest
mother in the world so the universe and
but when I went through this process
saying forgive them I remember in my
mind as I was trying to picture these
people I had two individuals in my mind
standing there with no faces because I
didn’t know how they look but I released
that I let that luggage go think about
somebody that you’ve heard somebody that
you’ve disappointed either deliberately
or inadvertently or someone that has
hurt you
deliberately or inadvertently think
about them somebody that that you really
really when you think about them that
the room turns red look at them in your
forgive you unconditionally for that’s a
heavy load to let off when I thought
about that guy I said wait a minute I
can’t no no you don’t know what this guy
did this was my mama you don’t know what
we went through my students said les
forgive let it go if you want to be
forgiven you better forgive somebody
none of us the perfect all of us have
made some mistakes and it wasn’t easy
it’s not easy forgiving am i right it’s
not everybody won’t forgive they say I
let it go so you can grow let’s get a
little demonstration here throw it up on
this side here right demonstrate it like
this let’s go I throw away negative
thoughts revenge guilt anything that’s
been holding me back
now with that right hand let’s bring
something in I bring in love peace of
mind good relationships whole lot of
I don’t know why people raise their
voices when we see a whole lot of that I
mean they get serious – you know me
they usually people are you running they
use two hands it they track ball
reinterpreting our past understanding
and knowing that we can move from where
we are that we can begin to design the
kind of life that empowers us that gives
us happiness that enable us to be on top
of who we are knowing that as we begin
to explore new horizons and new vistas
in life that as we begin to to focus on
developing ourselves as we begin to
elevate ourselves and not to follow the
crowd activating the thinker in us in
this disciplining and putting on hold
the emotional part of ourselves it’s not
easy but through practice and practice
and practice practice makes what
absolutely not dismantle that belief
system practice makes improvement you
can always better your best you can
always go beyond anything that you have
ever done you never hit a state of
perfection
you’re always bigger than what you do
and so all you’re looking for new
breakthroughs through practice and
practice and practice you’ll get better
and better and better and there’s still
some things that will happen to you that
will catch you on the blindside that you
did not anticipate you’ll get knocked
down but you won’t be knocked out
you’ll be able to get to your feet again
be on the ropes but you have a fast recovery rate when you work on yourself
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