look let’s say you’re socially anxious
okay so what happens when you’re
socially anxious you go to a party your
heart’s beating why the party is a
monster why because it’s judging you and
it’s judging you it’s putting you low
down the dominance hierarchy because
that’s what a negative judgement is and
that interferes with your sexual success
and that means that you’re being harshly
evaluated by nature itself right so you
are confronting that the dragon of chaos
when you go into the social situation
and so what do you do you like this
right you hunched over and that’s low
dominance I’m no threat it’s like well
that’s not gonna get you very far you
know but that’s a logical thing to do
and in the in the face of a tyrant so
I’m no threat you know you look at the
king and you’re dead I’m no threat and
hunched over and then what’s happening
internally how are what are people
thinking about me what are people
thinking about me am I looking stupid am
i looking foolish jeez I’m awkward I
hate being here man I’m sweating too
much it’s all internalized right it’s
all self focused the the the i-isn’t
work the AI isn’t working what do you
tell people stop don’t stop thinking
about yourself because you can’t it’s
like don’t think of a white elephant
white elephant white elephant what
elephant you can’t tell someone to start
thinking about something because they
get caught in the loop what you do with
socially anxious people is you say look
at other people look at them right why
because if you look at them you can tell
what they’re thinking and then you
unless you’re unless you’re terribly
socialized and some people are some
people have no social skills and so the
reason they can’t go to a party is
because they don’t even know how to
introduce themselves like they’re just
no one ever taught them how to behave
and so they’re really good candidates
for behavior therapy because you walk
them through the process of how you
actually manifest the procedures that
are associated with social acceptability
but most people aren’t like that they
have the ability so if they’re really
introverted in high in neuroticism they
can usually talk quite well to someone
one-on-one why because they look at them
well if I look at you
another thing to do if you’re ever
speaking to a group of people never
speak to the group of people that
doesn’t exist you talk to individuals
and then they reflect for you the entire
group because they’re all entrained so
you look at one person they broadcast to
you what everyone’s thinking and you
know how to talk to one person so it’s
easy so as soon as you focus on the
person not you you post your attention
outward use your eye you push your
attention outward and you start watching
well then all your automatic mechanisms
kick in and you stop being awkward
because if we’re talking and I’m looking
here I don’t know what you’re gonna do
next and I’m gonna put disjunctions into
the like they’re like bad chords in the
melody of our of our conversation
because and the reason is I’m not paying
attention so that’s why the eye is the
thing at the top of the pyramid it’s
like the thing that enables you to win
the set of all possible dominance our
keys is the eye pay attention pay
attention that’s the critical issue
that’s why the Egyptians worshipped
Horus that’s why Horus was the thing
that rescued Osiris from the from the
depths it’s the capacity to pay
attention what do you pay attention to
most what your right hemisphere signals
as anomalous it attracts your attention
it’s like this isn’t going quite right
I’m not looking at that wrong that’s
what you look at that’s what you look at
what’s not going right because that’s
see that’s the terrible monster that
might eat you but it’s also the place
you get all the information so that’s
why it’s useful to have discussions with
your enemies because they will tell you
things you do not know and that’s such a
great thing because if you don’t know
them well you’re not very smart are you
you know there may be a time when you go
somewhere this that’s the thing you need
to know and maybe your enemy will tell
you why you’re such a fool you know and
a bunch of other things that aren’t true
too but even one thing that’s accurate
it’s like yeah thanks very much man
maybe I’ll do some work on that and I
won’t have to carry that forward so and
that’s part of the reason again why the
terrible predator it’s always the
terrible predator that has the gold it’s
like it’s the person who delivers the
message you do not want to hear
so it’s rough
ruff but it doesn’t matter life is rough
to move forward you know I mean I’ve
dealt with lots of people who have
anxiety disorders you know and one thing
about people who have anxiety disorders
is they are not mysterious to me
I understand it’s it’s no problem for me
to understand why people have anxiety
disorders or why they’re depressed or
why they have substance use problems the
mystery to me is always why people don’t
have all of those things at once because
everybody has a reason to be anxious in
fact we have the ultimate reason to be
anxious because we know that we’re
vulnerable and we know that we’re going
to die and how you cannot be anxious
under those circumstances is a great
mystery it’s a massive mystery and the
same thing applies with regards to
depression and then the same thing
applies to some degree with regards to
drug and alcohol abuse as I said last
week there’s plenty of reasons to drown
your consciousness in alcohol that’s for
sure we could refer to the
aforementioned anxiety and depression
not least and so and the and the sorts
of drugs that people are prone to take
our chemicals that take the affective
edge off the tragedy of life so so back
to back to the issue of fear I mean
Abraham is self-conscious if that’s what
this commentary says but the thing is as
he moves forward despite that he’s
self-conscious and he knows the danger
but he moves forward despite that and
that’s actually the appropriate response
in the face of actual non naive
understanding of what constitutes life
like if you’re naive and you move
forward it’s like well what the hell do
you know you know there’s no courage in
naivety because you don’t know what
there is to stop you you don’t know what
dangers you might apprehend but to be
aware of what it is that your problem is
so to be alert existentially let’s say
or to be fully self conscious means that
you’re perfectly aware of your
limitations and how you might be hurt
and then to make the decision to move
forward into the unknown in the land of
the stranger anyways that’s the I would
say that’s one of the secrets to a good
life and I can say that really without
fear of contradiction I would I would
say because the clinical literature on
this is very very very clear what you do
with people who are afraid and and to
some degree depressed but
certainly anxious is you lay out what
what they’re anxious about first of all
in in detail what is it that you’re
afraid of what might happen and then you
decompose it into small problems
hypothetically manageable problems and
then you have the person expose
themselves to the thing that they’re
afraid of and and what happens isn’t
that they get less afraid that isn’t
what the clinical literature indicates
exactly what happens instead is they get
braver and that’s not the same thing
right because if you get less afraid
it’s like well the world isn’t as
dangerous as I thought it was you know
silly me if you get bravery that’s not
what happens what happens is yeah the
world damn world’s just as dangerous as
I thought or maybe if it’s even more
dangerous than I thought
but it turns out that there’s something
in me that responds to taking that on as
a voluntary challenge and grows and
thrives as a consequence and there’s no
doubt about this even the
psychophysiological findings are quite
clear if you if you can if you impose a
stressor on two groups of people and on
one group the stressor is imposed
involuntarily and on the other group the
stressor is picked up voluntarily the
people who pick up the stressor
voluntary
voluntarily use a whole different
psychophysiological system to deal with
it they use the system that’s associated
with approach and challenge and not the
system that’s associated with defensive
aggression and withdrawal and the system
that is associated with challenges much
more associated with positive emotion
and much less associated with negative
emotion it’s also much less hard on you
because the the defensive posturing
system the prey animal system man when
that thing kicks in it’s all systems are
go for you you know you’re the gas is
pushed down to the or the pedals pushed
down to the metal and the brakes are on
you’re using future resources that you
could be storing for future time right
now in the present to ready yourself for
emergency so there’s there’s there’s
nothing simple or trivial at all about
the idea of being called to move
forthrightly forward into the strange
and the unknown and there’s a real
adventure that’s associated with that
right so that’s an exciting thing which
is part of the reason why people travel
and then also to see yourself as the
sort of creature that can do that is
willing to do that on a habitual basis
is also the right kind of taun
for I hate this word for your
self-esteem you know because the
self-esteem has nothing to do with
feeling good about yourself as I already
mentioned there isn’t necessarily reason
why a priori you should just feel good
about yourself but if you can view
yourself acting in a courageous and
forthright manner and encountering the
world and trying to improve your lot and
and and taking risks you know in a non
naive way well then you have something
that you can comfort yourself with at
night when you’re wondering what the
whole damn point of is of your futile
and miserable life and so and that’s
necessary because it’s often the case
that you wake up at 4:00 in the morning
or at least sometimes the case that you
wake up at 4:00 in the morning when
things haven’t been going that well and
wonder just what the hell the point is
of your futile and miserable life you
have to have something real to set
against that it can’t be just
rationalizations about how you know
you’re a valuable person among others
even though that’s true that’s not good
enough
you need something that’s more realistic
to set it against that an observing
courage in yourself is definitely one of
the things that that that can help you
sleep soundly at night when when things are destabilized a little bit around you
okay so what happens when you’re
socially anxious you go to a party your
heart’s beating why the party is a
monster why because it’s judging you and
it’s judging you it’s putting you low
down the dominance hierarchy because
that’s what a negative judgement is and
that interferes with your sexual success
and that means that you’re being harshly
evaluated by nature itself right so you
are confronting that the dragon of chaos
when you go into the social situation
and so what do you do you like this
right you hunched over and that’s low
dominance I’m no threat it’s like well
that’s not gonna get you very far you
know but that’s a logical thing to do
and in the in the face of a tyrant so
I’m no threat you know you look at the
king and you’re dead I’m no threat and
hunched over and then what’s happening
internally how are what are people
thinking about me what are people
thinking about me am I looking stupid am
i looking foolish jeez I’m awkward I
hate being here man I’m sweating too
much it’s all internalized right it’s
all self focused the the the i-isn’t
work the AI isn’t working what do you
tell people stop don’t stop thinking
about yourself because you can’t it’s
like don’t think of a white elephant
white elephant white elephant what
elephant you can’t tell someone to start
thinking about something because they
get caught in the loop what you do with
socially anxious people is you say look
at other people look at them right why
because if you look at them you can tell
what they’re thinking and then you
unless you’re unless you’re terribly
socialized and some people are some
people have no social skills and so the
reason they can’t go to a party is
because they don’t even know how to
introduce themselves like they’re just
no one ever taught them how to behave
and so they’re really good candidates
for behavior therapy because you walk
them through the process of how you
actually manifest the procedures that
are associated with social acceptability
but most people aren’t like that they
have the ability so if they’re really
introverted in high in neuroticism they
can usually talk quite well to someone
one-on-one why because they look at them
well if I look at you
another thing to do if you’re ever
speaking to a group of people never
speak to the group of people that
doesn’t exist you talk to individuals
and then they reflect for you the entire
group because they’re all entrained so
you look at one person they broadcast to
you what everyone’s thinking and you
know how to talk to one person so it’s
easy so as soon as you focus on the
person not you you post your attention
outward use your eye you push your
attention outward and you start watching
well then all your automatic mechanisms
kick in and you stop being awkward
because if we’re talking and I’m looking
here I don’t know what you’re gonna do
next and I’m gonna put disjunctions into
the like they’re like bad chords in the
melody of our of our conversation
because and the reason is I’m not paying
attention so that’s why the eye is the
thing at the top of the pyramid it’s
like the thing that enables you to win
the set of all possible dominance our
keys is the eye pay attention pay
attention that’s the critical issue
that’s why the Egyptians worshipped
Horus that’s why Horus was the thing
that rescued Osiris from the from the
depths it’s the capacity to pay
attention what do you pay attention to
most what your right hemisphere signals
as anomalous it attracts your attention
it’s like this isn’t going quite right
I’m not looking at that wrong that’s
what you look at that’s what you look at
what’s not going right because that’s
see that’s the terrible monster that
might eat you but it’s also the place
you get all the information so that’s
why it’s useful to have discussions with
your enemies because they will tell you
things you do not know and that’s such a
great thing because if you don’t know
them well you’re not very smart are you
you know there may be a time when you go
somewhere this that’s the thing you need
to know and maybe your enemy will tell
you why you’re such a fool you know and
a bunch of other things that aren’t true
too but even one thing that’s accurate
it’s like yeah thanks very much man
maybe I’ll do some work on that and I
won’t have to carry that forward so and
that’s part of the reason again why the
terrible predator it’s always the
terrible predator that has the gold it’s
like it’s the person who delivers the
message you do not want to hear
so it’s rough
ruff but it doesn’t matter life is rough
to move forward you know I mean I’ve
dealt with lots of people who have
anxiety disorders you know and one thing
about people who have anxiety disorders
is they are not mysterious to me
I understand it’s it’s no problem for me
to understand why people have anxiety
disorders or why they’re depressed or
why they have substance use problems the
mystery to me is always why people don’t
have all of those things at once because
everybody has a reason to be anxious in
fact we have the ultimate reason to be
anxious because we know that we’re
vulnerable and we know that we’re going
to die and how you cannot be anxious
under those circumstances is a great
mystery it’s a massive mystery and the
same thing applies with regards to
depression and then the same thing
applies to some degree with regards to
drug and alcohol abuse as I said last
week there’s plenty of reasons to drown
your consciousness in alcohol that’s for
sure we could refer to the
aforementioned anxiety and depression
not least and so and the and the sorts
of drugs that people are prone to take
our chemicals that take the affective
edge off the tragedy of life so so back
to back to the issue of fear I mean
Abraham is self-conscious if that’s what
this commentary says but the thing is as
he moves forward despite that he’s
self-conscious and he knows the danger
but he moves forward despite that and
that’s actually the appropriate response
in the face of actual non naive
understanding of what constitutes life
like if you’re naive and you move
forward it’s like well what the hell do
you know you know there’s no courage in
naivety because you don’t know what
there is to stop you you don’t know what
dangers you might apprehend but to be
aware of what it is that your problem is
so to be alert existentially let’s say
or to be fully self conscious means that
you’re perfectly aware of your
limitations and how you might be hurt
and then to make the decision to move
forward into the unknown in the land of
the stranger anyways that’s the I would
say that’s one of the secrets to a good
life and I can say that really without
fear of contradiction I would I would
say because the clinical literature on
this is very very very clear what you do
with people who are afraid and and to
some degree depressed but
certainly anxious is you lay out what
what they’re anxious about first of all
in in detail what is it that you’re
afraid of what might happen and then you
decompose it into small problems
hypothetically manageable problems and
then you have the person expose
themselves to the thing that they’re
afraid of and and what happens isn’t
that they get less afraid that isn’t
what the clinical literature indicates
exactly what happens instead is they get
braver and that’s not the same thing
right because if you get less afraid
it’s like well the world isn’t as
dangerous as I thought it was you know
silly me if you get bravery that’s not
what happens what happens is yeah the
world damn world’s just as dangerous as
I thought or maybe if it’s even more
dangerous than I thought
but it turns out that there’s something
in me that responds to taking that on as
a voluntary challenge and grows and
thrives as a consequence and there’s no
doubt about this even the
psychophysiological findings are quite
clear if you if you can if you impose a
stressor on two groups of people and on
one group the stressor is imposed
involuntarily and on the other group the
stressor is picked up voluntarily the
people who pick up the stressor
voluntary
voluntarily use a whole different
psychophysiological system to deal with
it they use the system that’s associated
with approach and challenge and not the
system that’s associated with defensive
aggression and withdrawal and the system
that is associated with challenges much
more associated with positive emotion
and much less associated with negative
emotion it’s also much less hard on you
because the the defensive posturing
system the prey animal system man when
that thing kicks in it’s all systems are
go for you you know you’re the gas is
pushed down to the or the pedals pushed
down to the metal and the brakes are on
you’re using future resources that you
could be storing for future time right
now in the present to ready yourself for
emergency so there’s there’s there’s
nothing simple or trivial at all about
the idea of being called to move
forthrightly forward into the strange
and the unknown and there’s a real
adventure that’s associated with that
right so that’s an exciting thing which
is part of the reason why people travel
and then also to see yourself as the
sort of creature that can do that is
willing to do that on a habitual basis
is also the right kind of taun
for I hate this word for your
self-esteem you know because the
self-esteem has nothing to do with
feeling good about yourself as I already
mentioned there isn’t necessarily reason
why a priori you should just feel good
about yourself but if you can view
yourself acting in a courageous and
forthright manner and encountering the
world and trying to improve your lot and
and and taking risks you know in a non
naive way well then you have something
that you can comfort yourself with at
night when you’re wondering what the
whole damn point of is of your futile
and miserable life and so and that’s
necessary because it’s often the case
that you wake up at 4:00 in the morning
or at least sometimes the case that you
wake up at 4:00 in the morning when
things haven’t been going that well and
wonder just what the hell the point is
of your futile and miserable life you
have to have something real to set
against that it can’t be just
rationalizations about how you know
you’re a valuable person among others
even though that’s true that’s not good
enough
you need something that’s more realistic
to set it against that an observing
courage in yourself is definitely one of
the things that that that can help you
sleep soundly at night when when things are destabilized a little bit around you
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