I want you to think about the five
people that you trust the most think
about the five people you trust the most
boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife you
know son sister brother sibling
bestfriend business partner who are
those five people that you trust the
most think about those five minutes okay
you got those five names ready what
caused you to have the level of trust
that you have in them today did it
happen accidentally see if you really
take a look at those five names it’ll
typically be you got closer after you
overcame a massive conflict together
family spouse friend business partner
massive conflict together so what do you
mean Patrick here’s what I mean by it
see a lot of time people have a conflict
oh my gosh I don’t even deal with it
this is too scary I can’t stand conflict
look at conflicts as if you’re going
through something together with another
person a business partner an enemy if
you overcome that together you
officially have an additional person in
your life that you trust a little bit
more does that make sense so today in
this video I’m going to talk to you
about five different ways you and I
handle conflict and eight steps on how
to address conflicts as they come up in
your life listen if you want to dig
deeper on this topic obvious you’re
gonna pick up a lot of different hacks
from this video on how to address
conflict but if you’re somebody that
same path beginning 20:19 on I want to
create a system in my brain that I know
how to handle conflicts problems issues
a system this morning I was talking to a
webinar I was doing for India hundreds
of students in there these are all
engineers and the guy asked me a
question he says hey you know how do I
come up with better ideas and what do I
do to protect my idea so listen we spend
way too much time talking about your
great idea I want to give you system
that you have endless number of ideas
that you can look at any industry and
say wow here’s seven ideas for this
industry here’s nine ideas for this
industry here’s 17 ideas for this
industry so you’re never worried about
losing your ideas because the guys in
Silicon Valley don’t wake up in the
morning saying oh my gosh
I hope somebody doesn’t steal an idea
know they have a system on how to
continuously come up with ideas so I am
hosting a three-day conference
in Dallas from May 1st to May first call
the vault oK we’ve already had people
register from 36 different countries and
the whole purpose of this event we can
invite entrepreneurs executives CEOs
founders salespeople entrepreneurs I
want to move up in their careers to come
through and I’m going to be sharing with
you my system on how I grew a business
in a time financial industry where
everybody was afraid nobody was getting
into the insurance industry or financial
industry in lo9 after the market drops
in 2008 38 % I get in and I take one
small office from sixty six agents and I
scale it to 9700 insurance agents Oscar
De La Hoya becomes one of my investors
Gabrielle Brenner who owns the Houston
Dynamo becomes one of the investors
Atalaya fund that’s a two billion dollar
fund and we scaled this business during
good and bad times as a 30 year old seal
with no four-year degree no two-year
degree I’ve never shadowed the CEO to
see different ways how did this take
place I’m gonna share all my hacks with
you all my systems with you for three
days and one of the things that I want
to transfer over to you is a formula a
problem-solving formula that allows you
to use this in every aspect of your life
war room boardroom bedroom it doesn’t
matter that’s what’s gonna be
transferred at the vault event and this
event will sell out 36 countries have
already registered but we’re gonna put
the link below for you to go out and
register by team and comm you go to that
website you’ll find the details you can
register and I hope to see you there in
Dallas I hope you’re gonna make an
investment into yourself in 2019 and
realized that the you currently today
cannot get to the next level until you
figure out a way to change yourself and
recreate yourself I’m a byproduct of
many of these events this event could
end up being what it’s done for me it
could end up doing for you 2019 and also
having said let’s get right into it so
five different ways people handle
conflicts number one the first way
people handle conflicts is the lowest
level this is people who are stubborn
close minded I don’t want to hear about
it I don’t even want to deal with it I’m
purely stubborn this person I recognize
very well because that’s who I was for
the first twenty two years of my life I
knew it all I was stubborn don’t tell me
anything I’m good to go
okay stubborn the second level of
somebody that accommodates these are
people that are passive they confirm ok
no problem you guys want to go there
I really don’t want to put no problem
really don’t want to do that but I get
it I don’t want to make you mad no
problem
conform conform conform conform conform
second level it’s not as bad as stubborn
but it’s pretty bad to be conforming all
the time you’re always accommodating the
third level is avoiding no I’d rather
not talk to her you know what I can’t
even stand what she said the other day
why don’t you call her no way I would
never call her I can’t believe what he
just said in the other business meaning
how dare he call me out like that in
that business meaning once you get makan
no way I’m not gonna call him up
avoidance avoidance avoidance avoidance
and all of these conflicts in your life
add up you’re carrying a 500 pound
backpack if you’re constantly avoiding
conflict you are because you’re afraid
of avoiding it if you are that level
number 4 is somebody that compromises
you here a lot of times people say well
I compromise you know I’m willing to
compromise babe why don’t we compromise
some people think compromise at the
highest level you know a marriage you
gotta compromise I don’t know about that
I think you do you know you don’t yeah
you have to compromise why do I have to
compromise I don’t want to compromise
maybe she has the better choice but you
have to compromise because it’s healthy
for marriage it’s healthy for business I
don’t think so the highest level is
collaborate what is collaborating means
maybe your idea is better than mine
maybe spending the million dollars in
the area that you are suggesting is
gonna give us 80% return on the million
maybe my million is gonna make us 40
percent maybe you are right if I
compromise we meet halfway so I give you
half a million I keep a half a million
no no collaboration means tell me what
you think and here’s what I’m thinking
that’s what you’re thinking okay got mom
I hate to say it she’s right I want to
go with your side that’s the five levels
by the way please don’t take this as me
the expert is saying this I’m
automatically putting myself at the
highest category I’ve had to work to get
up to this point the bigger I wanted to
get with my business every single year I
had to remind myself to get closer to
collaboration and lower compromise lower
than being just a person that
accommodates I wanted to get to
collaboration and adult my business grow
so now now that we know the five levels
you have to assess yourself and say I
think I’m level two I think I’m level
three by the way this is not a scoring
system on whoever gets the high score
wins you have to be very honest with
yourself against address the conflict
with yourself
maybe you are level 1 maybe you are
level 2 and how has that worked for you
if it hasn’t work for you then you got
to change that’s a very simple question
every time I’m trying to challenge
somebody to improve your way of thinking
got you to where you’re at right now are
you happy with where you are right now
if you say yes don’t change your way of
thinking if you said no guess what we
have to change your way of thinking and
every single time I wanted to grow to
the next level I had to change the
stubborn human beings way of thinking
this guy I’m not talking at you this guy
and every time I change here everything
in my world change so now let’s talk
about how to handle conflicts okay so
number one when you’re looking at a
conflict you have to be very hard on the
conflict soft on the person if you’re
dealing with a human conflict so I can’t
believe you did this how could you do
something like this not that hard on a
problem soft on a person hard on a
problem soft on a person if you’re hard
on a problem soft on a person the person
is willing to take your feedback that’s
number one number two every time you
have a conflict you are trying to you
know shorten the life span of the
conflict let me explain to you think
about what’s going on around the world
right now I mean we saw earlier last
year I think North Korea and South Korea
met imagine how many years that conflict
has been going what if they were to meet
each other sooner what if they would had
a meeting think about and in law don’t
want to meet each other life spans for
seven years I don’t want to meet my
in-laws I don’t want to meet my you know
daughters you know mother I don’t I
don’t want to meet her at all seven
years six years simply a conversation
because you’re not willing to sit down
together you want to figure out a
lifespan of a conflict and shorten it as
much as possible so how do you do that
first you’ve got to gather data so
somebody comes up here so you know what
we’re facing this issue in the company
right now and let me tell you what’s
going on okay or your kid comes up to
you’re like just yesterday I got a call
my kid punched the kid in the face my
wife calls me and my wife says they
kicked Patrick out of practice what do
you mean
the coach just came and said your son
can come back here we’re gonna watch the
videos but you cannot come back to
practice I call my son here’s the one
thing about my son my son is not afraid
of the truth I know which one okay this
is not the marketer this is the one
that’s very
very serious very serious right he says
daddy I’m telling you he punched me
first I said buddy here’s the one thing
with you you tell me the truth I’m gonna
back you up if you lied to me I can’t
defend you dad I’m telling you he
punched me in the stomach first so I
called the owner to a soccer place I
said let me ask you a question did this
take place and he says what do you mean
I said my son is telling me this and I
know my son this is not the market or
son he tells me the truth
he tells me such-and-such and he says
sir I apologize said you sent him off
today in front of his peers this is an
embarrassing moment for I’m not okay
with this but if he made the mistake I
need to know because he’s ever gonna
have a conversation with me later on
tonight but if you made the mistake you
need to apologize not me says no problem
let us go look at the tapes they look at
the tapes they call me three hours later
you know what they say sir we looked at
the tapes we apologize your son was
punched in the stomach and your son
reacted if it was me I would have
reacted the same way your son reacted
because I see it on the tape I said no
problem we just want to apologize to you
sir I said sir you don’t need to
apologize to me I’m not hurt by this my
son needs an apology from you and I said
coach so it’s a matter of fact your
coaches to call us well then the coach
called I talked to the coach I said I’m
gonna bring my son to practice next week
when he comes you need to sit in front
of him look at him in the eyeball and
tell him you apologized to him he didn’t
make the mistake he said no problem I
said fine I’ll bring him to practice
then I brought it what’s the point there
I had to gather data I had to sit there
and say what is his side of this story
what is the school side of the story
what is my wife says decided story what
is the owner side of the story and what
is the truth so once you gather data the
next thing you do is you qualify the
conflict what do we mean by qualifying
the conflict so you have all the data
you start looking at trends is this
repeated is it happening is it
continuously happening it is real it is
repeated we got to qualify this is a
real conflict that we’re dealing with
here then you quantify the conflict what
is quantified quantifies you got to put
a number to it how urgent is it vary
it’s a nine okay we got to address it
right now it’s a 1 come on guys I don’t
have time for this you guys handled it
cuz urgency is low how serious is the
conflict it is a 9 I’m involved not that
serious you guys handled it right so you
qualified the higher it is the more I’m
needed the lower it is the less I made
it assuming this is you have leaders
that can handle within their depart
once you leave it up to them because you
know in order to also develop leaders is
you gotta have a lot of your guys that
handle problems and conflicts themselves
and they only come to you when it’s very
high
so now let’s debrief number one you
gather data number two you qualify the
conflict number three you quantify the
conflict number four do not hyperbole
eyes the conflict meaning don’t start
promoting the conflict oh my gosh you
guys won’t believe what happened so now
you’re recruiting more people into the
problem you don’t need to do that I did
a conference called the other than my
executive team and I told them about an
issue I faced and they’re like Pat you
really face this issue I said yes but
this is how I give you guys problems I
tell you guys about a problem or
challenge I’m facing after it happens
why because if I’m going through it you
have your own problems why am I gonna
add other prompts I’m personally dealing
with into your life you don’t need it
let me first see if I need it then if
you need to now come and tell you but I
got it I’m not trying to bring more
problems into other people’s lives
because momentum goes lower a lot of
times we have the habit of hey dude
about what happened hey did you hear
about what happened hey did your about
what happened you’re indirectly
recruiting eight nine other people into
your from your hyperbolized
and you’re getting other people to be
less efficient their prompts first if
you can handle yourself then ask for
help so do not hyperbole eyes when you
have an issue you’re facing so now if
the conflict is bigger and you’re
sitting there say well I don’t really
know how to handle some my own get a
second opinion have somebody just like
you know folks have an advisory board a
board of directors some decisions that
call my board on some days I’ll just
cause I need 10 minutes your time hey
here’s what we’re going through what do
you think about this that thought
thought that I you know what that was
great I cannot tell you I’ve said it so
many times if you ask any employee that
works with me closely if you ask any my
directors any my executives any my board
members they will tell you
Patrick’s most common question he asks
is what do you think what do you think
what do you think the bigger the problem
I ask more people the smaller the
problem is just the people that are
directly involved but get a second
opinion if you kind of stuck on what you
need to do then the higher the problem
go to the higher-ups people to help you
out the lordís just ask somebody there
you work with on a day-to-day basis okay
so we’ve already dealt with that the
next thing you do is you either deal
direct or you let it go let me explain
what I mean by this I get a lot of
people that call me say you want to
believe what this person said to me the
other day
can you live with it No then you got to
call them up
can you live with it yes don’t let it go
yeah I’m just gonna let it go I said
because you bring this up again next
week you got to call them up but if you
don’t bring it up
that means you let it go so don’t tell
me let it go and bring it up against I
don’t wanna hear about it again no Patti
it kept me up at night then you got to
call them up don’t bring me don’t bring
it up to me don’t you call that person
up so I did deal direct or let it go too
many times we just kind of hang on to
something and you’re getting killed
because that’s problem you’re hanging on
to and you don’t want to bring your
spouse friends business partner coworker
just bring it up it’s so much easier if
you just bring it up next listen this is
gonna be very hard to do very very hard
to do because I’m assuming you’re
watching this whoever that’s watching
this you’re an entrepreneur an executive
a co-founder you are who you are because
you have pride you have an ego that
helps you out but it also can’t hurt you
let me explain to what I mean by this if
you allow your pride and ego get in the
way of problems and conflict you’re not
gonna have the highest return when
dealing with conflicts let me explain to
what just took place right now okay my
wife and I were fixing up one out one of
our homes okay and we have this paint
job that we had to do it’s a bigger
dollar month it’s not a $20,000 paint
job it’s a bigger dollar run because the
bigger house were dealing with so we’re
spending a lot of money on the paint job
so she gets the payment on what it needs
to be paid and she agrees to it no
problem okay then all of a sudden they
start the job they finished the second
floor second floor is over with
next thing you know yesterday at 6:00
p.m. my wife comes into my office she’s
a little bit nervous so what’s gonna be
baby I have to talk to you I’m like
listen I’m in a meeting is this urgent
yes okay let’s step outside we step
outside and we talk she said babe
remember how I told you to paint Jeff
where the house was gonna be this much I
said yes it’s gonna end up being this
much I said no way yes I said baby
you’ve been crystal clear with everybody
on this situation I have been baby but
that’s what they said I said we’re not
doing that so I had a meeting with them
after having a meeting with him just a
very big paint company the CEO the
company came in met with me today and we
sat here and I said and he’s like so
tell us your situation wait a minute
I said you first have to tell us why
you’re here what’s your outcome and what
do you know he said what he said then I
pointed at the guy who gave the estimate
I said did you ever come from this total
room
with my wife sir I never did I need you
to know this honey tell him what your
situation is she explained she’s done a
my wife she doesn’t over exaggerate
she’s just very simple if you see my
wife you
she just this is who I am and she’s like
extremely organized and prepared like my
wife can tell you every single second
every time she nursed our children every
one of our kids for an entire year she
has all the notebook do you realize I
don’t have a single assessment of how
many times I did anything you know for
nursing and all this other stuff so hey
we have three kids awesome this woman is
super organized with everything right so
she presents it to them and she does it
in a very here’s what we did here’s what
we talked about here’s what she told me
this the one thing and I noticed the CEO
is being a little bit of a jerk to my
wife I’m gonna look into this guy and
he’s like trying to bully a little bit
I’m like listen and here’s what I told
him I said let’s call him Mike I said
Mike listen you seem like a man with a
lot of pride you’re from Texas
I can respect it I’m also a man with a
lot of pride I’m from Iran believe me we
have a lot of pride you run a business I
run a business
we’re not negotiating here we’re telling
you he made a mistake so you are either
gonna make it good or you’re not gonna
make you good this is not a debate
like we’re not going back and forth we
don’t do back and forth you’ve made it
clear you made a mistake okay so now in
situations like this as a CEO I have one
of two choices either I can be a dick
which you can be that’s your right you
can be that person to us and then you
walk away and you win you say you’re at
fault you should have known because this
is the thing fine you may win the
argument short-term but I guarantee you
lose long-term because when it comes
down to me I’m driven by principles
that’s how I am I’m a principled guy and
so if you’re a principled guy and you
want to have a relationship with
somebody like me because if we overcome
this conflict together and we set aside
your ego and my ego we find some way to
collaborate knowing whether you made the
mistake or I made the mistake we move
forward but I want to make one thing
very clear this is not a negotiation so
what do you want to do Mike long pause
20 seconds
takes a breath and you know the kind of
a breath like you know you’re wrong he
says okay this is our fault we’re gonna
make it good I said fair I said first of
all I want to apologize to you because
that was very tough on you yesterday and
I loved the way you handled yourself
this is a sales guy I said I just want
you to know your sales guy not an ounce
of him comes across as somebody that’s
trying to mislead and misrepresent he
made a mistake he just manned up to it I
just wanna let you know I have respect
for you on the way you handled it then
he came back moving back and forth and
at the end he stuck around at the office
he’s like talking we wouldn’t let my
wife come like we got work to do here he
says if we do you good will you please
write a great review about us what do
you think the answer is of course we’re
gonna write a killer review about what
you did
but I respect him because he was willing
to set aside as pride even though this
is a man that’s an a-type personality in
Texas with muscles at 60 years old he
looks like Jerry Jones on steroids
here’s what he looked like but I respect
the way he handled it now obviously the
jobs got to get done before everything
is good but if you allow your pride and
your ego again the way I’ve done it many
times in my career you will lose you
have to figure out a way set that part
aside and last but not least this is how
I think about when I think about
conflicts anybody that works with me
closely will tell you this I don’t like
dead weight I hate that weight I cannot
stand dead weight dead way to me is a
problem that we solve to years ago that
keeps resurfacing I don’t like it not of
my marriage not of my friendships not in
the business life not in my health none
of it
nothing I don’t like dead weight I like
permanent solutions so we don’t have to
come back and revisit meaning whatever
way you go through you come up with your
game plan at the end on how to address
your issue that you’re dealing with
whatever problem you’re dealing with
right now don’t come up with a solution
that’s gonna just fix it for a month or
two months or three months or a year
come up with the permanent solution come
up with something you don’t have to come
back and revisit with that individual
with you with the group with everybody
involved with the business on whoever it
is that’s the most spouse anybody come
out with permanent and explained to the
other person that you’re trying to solve
the conflict with why you’re looking for
permanent not temporary and they will
respect you even more so now obviously
this is a 15 20 minute video I’m gonna
spend three days
deceptive vault again this is not a
15-20 minute lesson you need a lot of
examples this is gonna be a hands-on
type of a conference where I’m gonna go
hands-on you’re gonna say stuff you’re
gonna process what other people the
system’s gonna be given to you a bunch
of different tasks is gonna be given to
you if you haven’t yet register for the
vault do so before it sells out this is
not a regular conference we’re not gonna
have 2030 speakers all selling you a
2000 dollar package to buy we’re
actually gonna process a lot of issues
with you for three days so click on the
link to do that now the video is I told
you I want you to watch post this video
one of them is here how to think big as
an entrepreneur the reason why I chose
this video is because the bigger you
think you the bigger I can get you to
think the more you realize these ego
stuff that you’re dealing with conflict
you’ve got to be able to handle it but
you got to think bigger that’s number
one the other thing is if you haven’t
watched a video good voice bad boys this
is my acting that I did in a video
called good boys bad boys is three of me
good pad bad pad and the real pad and
we’re going through a conflict together
you have to see how this whole five six
seven minute video comes about of
dealing with conflict we’re good path is
trying to collaborate with bat but you
just have to see it for yourself so
either watch this video how to think big
as an entrepreneurial good voice bad
voice and then if you want the PDF text
us seven four seven two six zero eight
four six one once again seven four seven
two six zero eight four six one text us
at that number and Kai will respond back
with the PDF of today’s episode if you
got any questions thoughts comment below
and if you haven’t subscribed it or
trying to click on the button over here
thanks for watching everybody take care bye bye
people that you trust the most think
about the five people you trust the most
boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife you
know son sister brother sibling
bestfriend business partner who are
those five people that you trust the
most think about those five minutes okay
you got those five names ready what
caused you to have the level of trust
that you have in them today did it
happen accidentally see if you really
take a look at those five names it’ll
typically be you got closer after you
overcame a massive conflict together
family spouse friend business partner
massive conflict together so what do you
mean Patrick here’s what I mean by it
see a lot of time people have a conflict
oh my gosh I don’t even deal with it
this is too scary I can’t stand conflict
look at conflicts as if you’re going
through something together with another
person a business partner an enemy if
you overcome that together you
officially have an additional person in
your life that you trust a little bit
more does that make sense so today in
this video I’m going to talk to you
about five different ways you and I
handle conflict and eight steps on how
to address conflicts as they come up in
your life listen if you want to dig
deeper on this topic obvious you’re
gonna pick up a lot of different hacks
from this video on how to address
conflict but if you’re somebody that
same path beginning 20:19 on I want to
create a system in my brain that I know
how to handle conflicts problems issues
a system this morning I was talking to a
webinar I was doing for India hundreds
of students in there these are all
engineers and the guy asked me a
question he says hey you know how do I
come up with better ideas and what do I
do to protect my idea so listen we spend
way too much time talking about your
great idea I want to give you system
that you have endless number of ideas
that you can look at any industry and
say wow here’s seven ideas for this
industry here’s nine ideas for this
industry here’s 17 ideas for this
industry so you’re never worried about
losing your ideas because the guys in
Silicon Valley don’t wake up in the
morning saying oh my gosh
I hope somebody doesn’t steal an idea
know they have a system on how to
continuously come up with ideas so I am
hosting a three-day conference
in Dallas from May 1st to May first call
the vault oK we’ve already had people
register from 36 different countries and
the whole purpose of this event we can
invite entrepreneurs executives CEOs
founders salespeople entrepreneurs I
want to move up in their careers to come
through and I’m going to be sharing with
you my system on how I grew a business
in a time financial industry where
everybody was afraid nobody was getting
into the insurance industry or financial
industry in lo9 after the market drops
in 2008 38 % I get in and I take one
small office from sixty six agents and I
scale it to 9700 insurance agents Oscar
De La Hoya becomes one of my investors
Gabrielle Brenner who owns the Houston
Dynamo becomes one of the investors
Atalaya fund that’s a two billion dollar
fund and we scaled this business during
good and bad times as a 30 year old seal
with no four-year degree no two-year
degree I’ve never shadowed the CEO to
see different ways how did this take
place I’m gonna share all my hacks with
you all my systems with you for three
days and one of the things that I want
to transfer over to you is a formula a
problem-solving formula that allows you
to use this in every aspect of your life
war room boardroom bedroom it doesn’t
matter that’s what’s gonna be
transferred at the vault event and this
event will sell out 36 countries have
already registered but we’re gonna put
the link below for you to go out and
register by team and comm you go to that
website you’ll find the details you can
register and I hope to see you there in
Dallas I hope you’re gonna make an
investment into yourself in 2019 and
realized that the you currently today
cannot get to the next level until you
figure out a way to change yourself and
recreate yourself I’m a byproduct of
many of these events this event could
end up being what it’s done for me it
could end up doing for you 2019 and also
having said let’s get right into it so
five different ways people handle
conflicts number one the first way
people handle conflicts is the lowest
level this is people who are stubborn
close minded I don’t want to hear about
it I don’t even want to deal with it I’m
purely stubborn this person I recognize
very well because that’s who I was for
the first twenty two years of my life I
knew it all I was stubborn don’t tell me
anything I’m good to go
okay stubborn the second level of
somebody that accommodates these are
people that are passive they confirm ok
no problem you guys want to go there
I really don’t want to put no problem
really don’t want to do that but I get
it I don’t want to make you mad no
problem
conform conform conform conform conform
second level it’s not as bad as stubborn
but it’s pretty bad to be conforming all
the time you’re always accommodating the
third level is avoiding no I’d rather
not talk to her you know what I can’t
even stand what she said the other day
why don’t you call her no way I would
never call her I can’t believe what he
just said in the other business meaning
how dare he call me out like that in
that business meaning once you get makan
no way I’m not gonna call him up
avoidance avoidance avoidance avoidance
and all of these conflicts in your life
add up you’re carrying a 500 pound
backpack if you’re constantly avoiding
conflict you are because you’re afraid
of avoiding it if you are that level
number 4 is somebody that compromises
you here a lot of times people say well
I compromise you know I’m willing to
compromise babe why don’t we compromise
some people think compromise at the
highest level you know a marriage you
gotta compromise I don’t know about that
I think you do you know you don’t yeah
you have to compromise why do I have to
compromise I don’t want to compromise
maybe she has the better choice but you
have to compromise because it’s healthy
for marriage it’s healthy for business I
don’t think so the highest level is
collaborate what is collaborating means
maybe your idea is better than mine
maybe spending the million dollars in
the area that you are suggesting is
gonna give us 80% return on the million
maybe my million is gonna make us 40
percent maybe you are right if I
compromise we meet halfway so I give you
half a million I keep a half a million
no no collaboration means tell me what
you think and here’s what I’m thinking
that’s what you’re thinking okay got mom
I hate to say it she’s right I want to
go with your side that’s the five levels
by the way please don’t take this as me
the expert is saying this I’m
automatically putting myself at the
highest category I’ve had to work to get
up to this point the bigger I wanted to
get with my business every single year I
had to remind myself to get closer to
collaboration and lower compromise lower
than being just a person that
accommodates I wanted to get to
collaboration and adult my business grow
so now now that we know the five levels
you have to assess yourself and say I
think I’m level two I think I’m level
three by the way this is not a scoring
system on whoever gets the high score
wins you have to be very honest with
yourself against address the conflict
with yourself
maybe you are level 1 maybe you are
level 2 and how has that worked for you
if it hasn’t work for you then you got
to change that’s a very simple question
every time I’m trying to challenge
somebody to improve your way of thinking
got you to where you’re at right now are
you happy with where you are right now
if you say yes don’t change your way of
thinking if you said no guess what we
have to change your way of thinking and
every single time I wanted to grow to
the next level I had to change the
stubborn human beings way of thinking
this guy I’m not talking at you this guy
and every time I change here everything
in my world change so now let’s talk
about how to handle conflicts okay so
number one when you’re looking at a
conflict you have to be very hard on the
conflict soft on the person if you’re
dealing with a human conflict so I can’t
believe you did this how could you do
something like this not that hard on a
problem soft on a person hard on a
problem soft on a person if you’re hard
on a problem soft on a person the person
is willing to take your feedback that’s
number one number two every time you
have a conflict you are trying to you
know shorten the life span of the
conflict let me explain to you think
about what’s going on around the world
right now I mean we saw earlier last
year I think North Korea and South Korea
met imagine how many years that conflict
has been going what if they were to meet
each other sooner what if they would had
a meeting think about and in law don’t
want to meet each other life spans for
seven years I don’t want to meet my
in-laws I don’t want to meet my you know
daughters you know mother I don’t I
don’t want to meet her at all seven
years six years simply a conversation
because you’re not willing to sit down
together you want to figure out a
lifespan of a conflict and shorten it as
much as possible so how do you do that
first you’ve got to gather data so
somebody comes up here so you know what
we’re facing this issue in the company
right now and let me tell you what’s
going on okay or your kid comes up to
you’re like just yesterday I got a call
my kid punched the kid in the face my
wife calls me and my wife says they
kicked Patrick out of practice what do
you mean
the coach just came and said your son
can come back here we’re gonna watch the
videos but you cannot come back to
practice I call my son here’s the one
thing about my son my son is not afraid
of the truth I know which one okay this
is not the marketer this is the one
that’s very
very serious very serious right he says
daddy I’m telling you he punched me
first I said buddy here’s the one thing
with you you tell me the truth I’m gonna
back you up if you lied to me I can’t
defend you dad I’m telling you he
punched me in the stomach first so I
called the owner to a soccer place I
said let me ask you a question did this
take place and he says what do you mean
I said my son is telling me this and I
know my son this is not the market or
son he tells me the truth
he tells me such-and-such and he says
sir I apologize said you sent him off
today in front of his peers this is an
embarrassing moment for I’m not okay
with this but if he made the mistake I
need to know because he’s ever gonna
have a conversation with me later on
tonight but if you made the mistake you
need to apologize not me says no problem
let us go look at the tapes they look at
the tapes they call me three hours later
you know what they say sir we looked at
the tapes we apologize your son was
punched in the stomach and your son
reacted if it was me I would have
reacted the same way your son reacted
because I see it on the tape I said no
problem we just want to apologize to you
sir I said sir you don’t need to
apologize to me I’m not hurt by this my
son needs an apology from you and I said
coach so it’s a matter of fact your
coaches to call us well then the coach
called I talked to the coach I said I’m
gonna bring my son to practice next week
when he comes you need to sit in front
of him look at him in the eyeball and
tell him you apologized to him he didn’t
make the mistake he said no problem I
said fine I’ll bring him to practice
then I brought it what’s the point there
I had to gather data I had to sit there
and say what is his side of this story
what is the school side of the story
what is my wife says decided story what
is the owner side of the story and what
is the truth so once you gather data the
next thing you do is you qualify the
conflict what do we mean by qualifying
the conflict so you have all the data
you start looking at trends is this
repeated is it happening is it
continuously happening it is real it is
repeated we got to qualify this is a
real conflict that we’re dealing with
here then you quantify the conflict what
is quantified quantifies you got to put
a number to it how urgent is it vary
it’s a nine okay we got to address it
right now it’s a 1 come on guys I don’t
have time for this you guys handled it
cuz urgency is low how serious is the
conflict it is a 9 I’m involved not that
serious you guys handled it right so you
qualified the higher it is the more I’m
needed the lower it is the less I made
it assuming this is you have leaders
that can handle within their depart
once you leave it up to them because you
know in order to also develop leaders is
you gotta have a lot of your guys that
handle problems and conflicts themselves
and they only come to you when it’s very
high
so now let’s debrief number one you
gather data number two you qualify the
conflict number three you quantify the
conflict number four do not hyperbole
eyes the conflict meaning don’t start
promoting the conflict oh my gosh you
guys won’t believe what happened so now
you’re recruiting more people into the
problem you don’t need to do that I did
a conference called the other than my
executive team and I told them about an
issue I faced and they’re like Pat you
really face this issue I said yes but
this is how I give you guys problems I
tell you guys about a problem or
challenge I’m facing after it happens
why because if I’m going through it you
have your own problems why am I gonna
add other prompts I’m personally dealing
with into your life you don’t need it
let me first see if I need it then if
you need to now come and tell you but I
got it I’m not trying to bring more
problems into other people’s lives
because momentum goes lower a lot of
times we have the habit of hey dude
about what happened hey did you hear
about what happened hey did your about
what happened you’re indirectly
recruiting eight nine other people into
your from your hyperbolized
and you’re getting other people to be
less efficient their prompts first if
you can handle yourself then ask for
help so do not hyperbole eyes when you
have an issue you’re facing so now if
the conflict is bigger and you’re
sitting there say well I don’t really
know how to handle some my own get a
second opinion have somebody just like
you know folks have an advisory board a
board of directors some decisions that
call my board on some days I’ll just
cause I need 10 minutes your time hey
here’s what we’re going through what do
you think about this that thought
thought that I you know what that was
great I cannot tell you I’ve said it so
many times if you ask any employee that
works with me closely if you ask any my
directors any my executives any my board
members they will tell you
Patrick’s most common question he asks
is what do you think what do you think
what do you think the bigger the problem
I ask more people the smaller the
problem is just the people that are
directly involved but get a second
opinion if you kind of stuck on what you
need to do then the higher the problem
go to the higher-ups people to help you
out the lordís just ask somebody there
you work with on a day-to-day basis okay
so we’ve already dealt with that the
next thing you do is you either deal
direct or you let it go let me explain
what I mean by this I get a lot of
people that call me say you want to
believe what this person said to me the
other day
can you live with it No then you got to
call them up
can you live with it yes don’t let it go
yeah I’m just gonna let it go I said
because you bring this up again next
week you got to call them up but if you
don’t bring it up
that means you let it go so don’t tell
me let it go and bring it up against I
don’t wanna hear about it again no Patti
it kept me up at night then you got to
call them up don’t bring me don’t bring
it up to me don’t you call that person
up so I did deal direct or let it go too
many times we just kind of hang on to
something and you’re getting killed
because that’s problem you’re hanging on
to and you don’t want to bring your
spouse friends business partner coworker
just bring it up it’s so much easier if
you just bring it up next listen this is
gonna be very hard to do very very hard
to do because I’m assuming you’re
watching this whoever that’s watching
this you’re an entrepreneur an executive
a co-founder you are who you are because
you have pride you have an ego that
helps you out but it also can’t hurt you
let me explain to what I mean by this if
you allow your pride and ego get in the
way of problems and conflict you’re not
gonna have the highest return when
dealing with conflicts let me explain to
what just took place right now okay my
wife and I were fixing up one out one of
our homes okay and we have this paint
job that we had to do it’s a bigger
dollar month it’s not a $20,000 paint
job it’s a bigger dollar run because the
bigger house were dealing with so we’re
spending a lot of money on the paint job
so she gets the payment on what it needs
to be paid and she agrees to it no
problem okay then all of a sudden they
start the job they finished the second
floor second floor is over with
next thing you know yesterday at 6:00
p.m. my wife comes into my office she’s
a little bit nervous so what’s gonna be
baby I have to talk to you I’m like
listen I’m in a meeting is this urgent
yes okay let’s step outside we step
outside and we talk she said babe
remember how I told you to paint Jeff
where the house was gonna be this much I
said yes it’s gonna end up being this
much I said no way yes I said baby
you’ve been crystal clear with everybody
on this situation I have been baby but
that’s what they said I said we’re not
doing that so I had a meeting with them
after having a meeting with him just a
very big paint company the CEO the
company came in met with me today and we
sat here and I said and he’s like so
tell us your situation wait a minute
I said you first have to tell us why
you’re here what’s your outcome and what
do you know he said what he said then I
pointed at the guy who gave the estimate
I said did you ever come from this total
room
with my wife sir I never did I need you
to know this honey tell him what your
situation is she explained she’s done a
my wife she doesn’t over exaggerate
she’s just very simple if you see my
wife you
she just this is who I am and she’s like
extremely organized and prepared like my
wife can tell you every single second
every time she nursed our children every
one of our kids for an entire year she
has all the notebook do you realize I
don’t have a single assessment of how
many times I did anything you know for
nursing and all this other stuff so hey
we have three kids awesome this woman is
super organized with everything right so
she presents it to them and she does it
in a very here’s what we did here’s what
we talked about here’s what she told me
this the one thing and I noticed the CEO
is being a little bit of a jerk to my
wife I’m gonna look into this guy and
he’s like trying to bully a little bit
I’m like listen and here’s what I told
him I said let’s call him Mike I said
Mike listen you seem like a man with a
lot of pride you’re from Texas
I can respect it I’m also a man with a
lot of pride I’m from Iran believe me we
have a lot of pride you run a business I
run a business
we’re not negotiating here we’re telling
you he made a mistake so you are either
gonna make it good or you’re not gonna
make you good this is not a debate
like we’re not going back and forth we
don’t do back and forth you’ve made it
clear you made a mistake okay so now in
situations like this as a CEO I have one
of two choices either I can be a dick
which you can be that’s your right you
can be that person to us and then you
walk away and you win you say you’re at
fault you should have known because this
is the thing fine you may win the
argument short-term but I guarantee you
lose long-term because when it comes
down to me I’m driven by principles
that’s how I am I’m a principled guy and
so if you’re a principled guy and you
want to have a relationship with
somebody like me because if we overcome
this conflict together and we set aside
your ego and my ego we find some way to
collaborate knowing whether you made the
mistake or I made the mistake we move
forward but I want to make one thing
very clear this is not a negotiation so
what do you want to do Mike long pause
20 seconds
takes a breath and you know the kind of
a breath like you know you’re wrong he
says okay this is our fault we’re gonna
make it good I said fair I said first of
all I want to apologize to you because
that was very tough on you yesterday and
I loved the way you handled yourself
this is a sales guy I said I just want
you to know your sales guy not an ounce
of him comes across as somebody that’s
trying to mislead and misrepresent he
made a mistake he just manned up to it I
just wanna let you know I have respect
for you on the way you handled it then
he came back moving back and forth and
at the end he stuck around at the office
he’s like talking we wouldn’t let my
wife come like we got work to do here he
says if we do you good will you please
write a great review about us what do
you think the answer is of course we’re
gonna write a killer review about what
you did
but I respect him because he was willing
to set aside as pride even though this
is a man that’s an a-type personality in
Texas with muscles at 60 years old he
looks like Jerry Jones on steroids
here’s what he looked like but I respect
the way he handled it now obviously the
jobs got to get done before everything
is good but if you allow your pride and
your ego again the way I’ve done it many
times in my career you will lose you
have to figure out a way set that part
aside and last but not least this is how
I think about when I think about
conflicts anybody that works with me
closely will tell you this I don’t like
dead weight I hate that weight I cannot
stand dead weight dead way to me is a
problem that we solve to years ago that
keeps resurfacing I don’t like it not of
my marriage not of my friendships not in
the business life not in my health none
of it
nothing I don’t like dead weight I like
permanent solutions so we don’t have to
come back and revisit meaning whatever
way you go through you come up with your
game plan at the end on how to address
your issue that you’re dealing with
whatever problem you’re dealing with
right now don’t come up with a solution
that’s gonna just fix it for a month or
two months or three months or a year
come up with the permanent solution come
up with something you don’t have to come
back and revisit with that individual
with you with the group with everybody
involved with the business on whoever it
is that’s the most spouse anybody come
out with permanent and explained to the
other person that you’re trying to solve
the conflict with why you’re looking for
permanent not temporary and they will
respect you even more so now obviously
this is a 15 20 minute video I’m gonna
spend three days
deceptive vault again this is not a
15-20 minute lesson you need a lot of
examples this is gonna be a hands-on
type of a conference where I’m gonna go
hands-on you’re gonna say stuff you’re
gonna process what other people the
system’s gonna be given to you a bunch
of different tasks is gonna be given to
you if you haven’t yet register for the
vault do so before it sells out this is
not a regular conference we’re not gonna
have 2030 speakers all selling you a
2000 dollar package to buy we’re
actually gonna process a lot of issues
with you for three days so click on the
link to do that now the video is I told
you I want you to watch post this video
one of them is here how to think big as
an entrepreneur the reason why I chose
this video is because the bigger you
think you the bigger I can get you to
think the more you realize these ego
stuff that you’re dealing with conflict
you’ve got to be able to handle it but
you got to think bigger that’s number
one the other thing is if you haven’t
watched a video good voice bad boys this
is my acting that I did in a video
called good boys bad boys is three of me
good pad bad pad and the real pad and
we’re going through a conflict together
you have to see how this whole five six
seven minute video comes about of
dealing with conflict we’re good path is
trying to collaborate with bat but you
just have to see it for yourself so
either watch this video how to think big
as an entrepreneurial good voice bad
voice and then if you want the PDF text
us seven four seven two six zero eight
four six one once again seven four seven
two six zero eight four six one text us
at that number and Kai will respond back
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thanks for watching everybody take care bye bye
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