that you could even as a purpose
the newer to nourish the young you have
no worth no value
only a no thing preys on the vulnerable
child who is unable to defend herself
only and no thing baits a child as if
she is the catch of the day only a no
thing terrorizes a child in slow motion
and strikes that child but her small
only or no thing violates that young
only and no thing fuses to see the
correlation between your despicable
actions and my undeserved consequences
you murdered my precious spirit you
taught me to dissociate because of you I
don’t trust anybody not even myself
you yes you do you give me no thing you
do you think it’s possible to break free
from the ropes that buy in other words
do you think it’s possible to change the
way you think and feel about how
somebody wronged you in the past my
eight years of experience as a child
victims advocate and more recently my
role is the enough abuse campaign
coordinator has taught me so much about
child sexual abuse prevention my 45
years of experience as a survivor has
taught me that the treatment is a
journey that no one could have taken for
me child sexual abuse is a universal
silent epidemic it doesn’t matter if you
are rich or poor black or white male or
female it doesn’t matter where in the
world you live or whether or not you
believe in God because child sexual
abuse is one of the most underreported
crimes good accurate information is
difficult to collect what we know comes
from retrospective studies studies that
gather information from adults who
report on sex abuse they experienced as
children from those reports researchers
estimate that is many as 1 in 4 women
and 1 in 6 men report having been
sexually abused before their 18th
birthday this means that you most likely
know people in your community in your
circle of friends
and in your family who are survivors or
abusers you may not actually know this
because 90% of these cases go unreported
for years perhaps decades nobody wants
to keep a secret like this but the fear
the shame and the guilt prolong the
silence until it becomes a rope that
binds I’d like to share a story for my
10th birthday my parents brought me to
the surface at Madison Square Garden I
still remember seeing the elephant’s
bound by what appeared to be an ordinary
rope tied around their front leg the
Rope seemed so fragile compared to the
massive size and strength of the
elephants
I noticed the elephants didn’t test the
rope they didn’t even try to escape at
the end of the show I asked the trainer
elephants don’t try to break free and he
said when they were babies they were
tired on its thick heavy chain
and at first they did try to break free
but they failed and they tried again and
again and they failed again yeah and at
some point they just gave up and the
thick chains were no longer necessary
and an ordinary rope tied around their
front leg was enough to keep them from
breaking free that night I wrote about
the elephants in my diary but it wasn’t
until I reread the entry years later
then I saw how similar we are to the
elephants there are those of us who were
bound by limitations real nor imagined
by feelings of inadequacy by fear or by
some horrible traumatic experience and
struggle as we might those limitations
continue to impede our progress until
perhaps we to just give up any adversity
child sexual abuse is just that example
has a potential to become a rope that
binds so how do we break free the
journey to freedom is definitely
individualized but I would love to share
some of my experiences with the hope
that they can inspire you when I was
time I started to keep a diary at the
time writing and drawing was very
cathartic in high school I joined the
track team
I discovered that running exercise
reduced my anxiety so did music singing
and acting the school play in college I
learned the importance of having a focus
I loved study
Tricia exercise years later I would
discover their important role along with
meditation spirituality how they change
brain chemistry after college I was
lucky to have a mentor recognized that I
and he recommended talk therapy talk
therapy the exact opposite of keeping
secrets breaking the silence was truly
the start of my healing
I discovered that traveling helped me to
adapt for example when I climbed Mount
Kilimanjaro in Tanzania Africa
I learned to acclimate our group leader
told us that in order to summon we must
first return to a lower altitude to
acclimate in other words the climb was
not linear Healing is not linear
like the climb very often my healing
journey took me one step forward and two
steps back when the air got too thin it
was difficult to breathe I learned to
return to base camp my safe place at a
lower altitude I learned the importance
of having fun I went to culinary school
to learn the fine art of baking that was
fun
do not underestimate the eeling powers
I learned the importance of giving back
how many of you wish you can have a
do-over a chance to talk to your younger
self
the old adage if only I knew then what I
we are supposed to use our life
experiences and their own wisdom to help
others my fur children helped me to help
others Dava Vina became Pet therapists
not only mine and I became a child
victims advocate and together we worked
with abused children and their
non-offending family members in a final
effort to break free of my childhood
trauma I wrote a letter I addressed it
for years my finger pointed to you
whenever anything went wrong in life but
after a long journey
I have finally discovered the truth God
gives each of us free will and lessons
to learn to be responsible for our own
actions sin is not only what what does
sin is also what one does not do such as
not speaking out when witnessing cruelty
am responsible for my thoughts and my
feelings on the days and years that
followed you are responsible for your
actions I choose to believe you are not
or an important I can be forgiven I
forgive me even though you did not ask
for my forgiveness
I forgive you even though at times your
voice that your actions still bother me
I forgive I want to be without anger
hatred and distrust in my life
forgiveness it’s the only way forward
for me I forgive you totally I have
learned and it takes an enormous amount
of strength to let go I choose to let go
of the darkness in order to grab hold of
the life I choose to stop running away
unlike writing the ropes that find where
I was able to change the beginning many
times in life I had to learn to be
present in the moment in order to change
my ending I invite you to change your
ending you are the author of your script
I invite you to listen to the still
silent voice and ask for the help you
deserve I invite you to encourage others
to break their silence in order to
change the path of their journey is it
possible to break free from the ropes
that bind not only is it possible it is
imperative I hope you will share this
message with those still struggling thank you