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Dreams and Despair: Allowing Success and Adversity to Co-exist | Michelle McCullough | TEDxRiverton


do you remember what you asked for for

Christmas or holiday the year you were

12 I do while my friends were begging

their parents for gerb Oh genes and Sony

Walkmans I pled for my mother to bring

me a Franklin day planner it might have

been the only 12 year old in history but

it was a real goal and I had high

anticipation and on Christmas morning I

opened up a box of success goodness my

friends were walking around the

neighborhood donning a label over their

zipper and listening to cassette tapes

and almost obsolete technology I was

writing a mission statement

prioritizing to-do lists and getting

very organized this was not a phase I

grew out of in fact I had a paper

planner all through high school and

college only taking a brief break for a

Palm Pilot

speaking of obsolete but I’ve read all

the books and I could plaster walls and

small communities with all the personal

development books I’ve read things like

smart goals and planning and

productivity and purpose and having a

high positive outlook on life all became

tools and mantras for me to live a

high-performance life and then people

said well why don’t you come and teach

us your things because I started using

these tricks to start businesses and

start a family and grow in my career and

be successful in marriage after I failed

the first one of course it was just a

starter but now as we move into teaching

corporations and organizations about

high performance and success now we

start to have a real conversation about

what really matters and then people

would come to me afterwards and say

thank you this is great do you have a

book and I didn’t and I would recommend

books by the three C’s Covey Canfield

and Christensen and then the time came

for me to write my own book myself

published it at first and then later it

got picked up by a national publisher

not one of the top ten out of New York

but I saw that international

distribution

my book was available on Barnes & Noble

and at Target and at Amazon and it never

quite did what I wanted it to do turns

out if you want to be number one even in

just your category do not launch a book

the same time as Tony Robbins but in

this book that I came to know and love

and put all of my success principles and

there’s one chapter that I love the most

on positivity now in the book I talk

about how being positive can actually

make you more successful that looking on

the bright side will help you succeed in

your goals while I still believe this to

be true I figured something out after my

book launched because the book launch

came and went and I sat there and

thought not what I’ve worked on the book

for six years and I can cast

anticipation excitement and thrill and

then it comes and goes

and then it’s down and over the last 12

months I’ve kind of wandered a little

wondering what really mattered not

knowing what to write about next or what

to work on next and then I learned

something really powerful that while

positivity is important actually just

pursuing our goals and our dreams makes

us happier regardless of the outcome we

live in a world with millions of

self-help books and unknown numbers of

success coaches yet 90% of the world

still reports feeling unfulfilled why is

that does the world really wear us down

does reality really sink in I’m sure we

could pass around the microphone and we

could share with each other our tales of

personal whoa statistically speaking in

this room we have people who are

divorced caring for aging parents caring

for kids with disabilities we also have

people who are struggling financially

people who are trying to figure out how

to overcome loneliness and even just

paying the bills our problems are real

but how can our dreams and everyday

despair coexist in 2012 a think tank

called the world happiness report

surveyed individuals

in 156 countries all over the world

something they continue to do and they

report back every spring to the United

Nations with their findings they ask

individuals in their own language to

evaluate their life on a ladder where

zero represents the worst life possible

and ten represents the best life

possible now before we go into the

findings I want you to answer that

question for yourself on a scale from

zero to ten how would you rate your

current life where zero represents the

worst possible life and ten represents

the best possible life now let’s dive

into the findings it was hypothesized

that those from companies hunt countries

like America that have stronger

economies and more technological

advances would have higher levels of

satisfaction than those from

underdeveloped countries or would it be

the other way around I was surprised to

find that across every economy every

country and every culture the findings

were evenly distributed and the median

answer was five just five and as I think

about these findings as we evaluate

whether or not we consider our life to

be wonderful

or great it doesn’t matter what our

opportunities are I believe that where

there’s a lack of purpose there’s a lack

of progress where there’s a lack of

progress there’s a lack of happiness see

inside each of us we have this inherent

innate need to want to progress we want

to do more we want to be more we want to

have more and yet we wander around

saying well this is the way life really

is could be better could be worse I’m a

five now I was raised by an eternal

optimist

she had happiness quotes plastered all

around our house and she wore the

Chinese character for happiness all

around her neck and she would talk to us

all the time about how looking on the

bright side is the most important and

understanding her reality made that very

valuable to me as an adult she was a

single divorced mother care

for four kids and my youngest brother

has Asperger’s syndrome and the world

teaches us about the optimist and the

pessimist the world teaches us that the

pessimist looks on the bad side and the

realist sees things as they really are

and the optimist looks on the bright

side and as I became an adult I started

to feel like being the optimist wasn’t

enough the challenges that were coming

my way seemed to be only dealt for

people that had stronger abilities

stronger skins and yet I craved

happiness and then I realized there was

something more called

the happiest H a P P why I st the

happiest doesn’t just look on the bright

side the happiest is the bright side

they’re the ones going after their goals

and the dreams they’re the ones looking

around for people who want to do the

same and helping make their dreams a

reality the happiest is the way

happiness is not the destination

it’s a practice and all too often we put

that at the end of what we want to

achieve I’ll be happy when I get that

promotion I’ll be happy when I publish

the book I’ll be happy when I lose that

ten pounds

or twenty but until we realize that

happiness is the way we’re missing the

point

but as we go about doing the things in

our souls that we really care about not

the things that we should do but the

things that we want to do because with

the challenges that we have wouldn’t it

be possible that if we all were going

after our hopes and dreams and if they

were preserving us even in the midst of

our challenge that our realities could

be enveloped by the things that we care

about in our hearts and maybe just maybe

reality isn’t why we’re here in this

human existence

maybe reality is the distraction for who

were meant to be and what we are meant

to feel the happiest is the only way to

live and while I was a little bit

confused about it as a child wandering

as an adult if I could really make that

happen I realized that my mom was the

happiest she was being the bright side

for us she was being the bright side for

other people in the midst of her

challenges and she survived some of the

hardest things because of her outlook

she just didn’t know it then she didn’t

know that she was the happiest but now

if you’re hearing this you do and you

know and you can become this in your

every day lives and as I’ve thought

about this even more I start to get

excited and companies have been calling

me not to talk about high performance in

the min the height of my high

performance book launch they’re asking

me to talk about happiness because they

know that it’s about more than

productivity and planning it’s about the

things that we feel that matter in our

businesses in our homes and in our

personal lives and now I know what to

write about next don’t live like a 5 you

have one life

[Applause] [Music]

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