[Applause]
good afternoon mmm
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 13
so my brain works a little bit
differently than most of us so I would
like to introduce you how my brain
sometimes works every day you have a lot
of thoughts you think whether you want a
cup of coffee you think whether it is
cold enough outside for you to wear
gloves you think whether you turn the
stove off how to make pancakes this
morning and you think whether you love
person X and then you think you’re
feeling a little bit hungry so you
decide that you grab some food so let’s
say you’re at McDonald’s which is your
favorite but then one of these weird
thoughts passes through your minds what
if my food is poisoned well that’s not
completely irrational because years ago
you worked at a restaurant unemployed
spit into the food of a customer who
complained that there was too much
dressing in their food but then maybe
this man this time didn’t even decide to
spit into the food and said he cut his
finger open and bled into it in which
case you might get half see your God
knows what else but what are you gonna
do you can’t complain to the owner at
this point that will only increase your
chance of having blood or spit in your
food and then you hit the pause button
at this point man you’re having a
thought spiral there’s almost certainly
neither blood nor spit in your food
which was made to you by xiah thoughtful
and kind people and then there’s a
finally there’s finally some sense of
relief in the room and then you let
outside until you circle back to the
words almost certainly because reality
there is there could be a blood a drop
of blood in your food that will give you
a chronic illness and then you try to
stop yourself again by thinking that man
what you’re thinking is completely
unreasonable but then you say well but
because really it isn’t completely
unreasonable and then you try to comfort
yourself and you say well but and then
you try to comfort yourself and you say
well but
and then you try to cover it yourself
and you say well but until you’re
sweating shaking mess unable to control
your thoughts also you never got to eat
that quarter pound and cheese I ruminate
i ruminate over think and worry about
things I cannot control this causes
anxiety and obviously some depression as
well and to remedy this anxiety I form
these habits routines and tics ever
since I was in middle school I realized
that I was suffering through these
thought spirals which led me to seek
some medical help which was when I was
officially diagnosed with OCD obsessive
compulsive disorder well living with OCD
is not always very easy it’s actually
quite scary to fight against the
stereotypes of this disease many people
seem to believe that OCD is just about
obsession over neatness or organ the
organization of one’s surroundings and
many people actually make fun of this
disease whenever they find themselves
obsessing over neatness a little bit oh
I’m so OCD they’ll say as they cringe
over a tile that is a little bit of skew
but that’s that’s just absurd that’s
like me saying when I cough a little oh
I’m so bTW I mean brain tumor huh what a
thing to make fun of but 18.1 percent of
the entire world’s population suffer
with some symptoms of OCD according to
the World Health Organization so what is
a common disease that just deserves more
care and attention to its patients
I sure your CDs not just about obsession
over cleanliness but and the thought
spirals from OCD can be extremely
exhausting and they’re powerful enough
to obliterate your ability to do
literally anything else however in my
struggles I found that I can gamify my
obsessions into something enjoyable if I
focus on my passions a lesson I learned
in my theater community
I realized that I was interested in
acting but the thought of me seeing
myself perform on the stage that means
one of the worst thoughts BIOS danger
what if I forget all the lines for the
performance that everyone has worked
their butts off for well you should
practice to avoid such disaster well but
what if I have basketball practice that
day I can’t practice my lines well but
you should still practice you’re
committed to the play well but what if I
just can’t well but well but well but
well but well bud well bud well buds
sounds overdramatic right but that’s
just my constant reality but it turns
out that our theater community is not
where people laugh at your mistakes but
where people see your mistakes as signs
of growth so instead of being scared I
started to fall in love of theater and
that led me to thinking what else am i
passionate about and how can i pair that
with my spirals for the better I
realized that I was interested in
creative writing writing provides me
with tremendous consolation because it
reminds me that I’m not the only one in
this world suffering with this intense
mental pain but when I brought the
drafts of short stories I was working on
to my journalism teacher at first I was
really terrified of the idea that I was
sharing such personal work with another
person for instance when I was working
in a tavella titled a January storm I
wanted to try to find a form and
expression for this deeply personal
experiences of living in thought spirals
one of the characters in my novella
describes her experiences with the
spirals like this it feels as though a
part of myself has detached and gone to
Amsterdam it’s like looking through a
magnifying glass that only picks up
under potentially dangerous harmful and
scary yeah it was quite scary to reveal
my own personal struggles through
writing but it also felt quite
liberating at the same time but luckily
my journalism teacher not only
understood how personal these stories
were for me but also encouraged me to
continue with this passionate she spent
so much of her time reading my stories
and ultimately encouraged me to publish
these stories and now thanks and credits
to her many much
stories are published yes OCD can’t mean
washing your hands until they bleed yes
oh listen you can’t mean being late to
school because you weren’t able to
perform your daily routines in the right
way yes OCD can mean you going into a
panic mode because you weren’t able to
just unleash your compulsions but really
what I learned is that when you focus
your compulsions for good like how I was
absolutely obsessed with the process of
developing my passions it may not be
the thing about spirals is that when you
followed inward it never actually ends
it continues to tighten and tighten
infinitely but when you follow your
passions your perspective widens and
then you get to follow the spiral
outwards away from the tight burdens of
thoughts and into the places state of
confidence and that’s how I learned to
approach my OCD I’m a 17 year old and I
love acting I love theater and I love
writing but I also happen to have OCD
so I like to ask you do you have a 70
year old in your life then please
encourage our passions of course this
isn’t the entire picture of OCD did OCD
that I just presented to you but really
without the adults in my life my theatre
teacher my journalism teacher I wouldn’t
have had a place for my spirals to go so
please greet our obsessiveness with open
arms please as adults and teachers in
our lives help us see past our
obsessions and help us find within it
our passions because when our quirkiness
is celebrated we’re no longer scared to
be ourselves and that’s when our
diversity starts to make a difference
thank you [Applause]