[Music]
I want you to imagine that you’re five
or six years old and you’re laying in
your bedroom and your bedroom is dark
and you’re scared because you’re pretty
sure that there’s a monster in your
closet maybe it’s under your bed you
don’t know
so you scream for your mom and your dad
and they come in they turn on the light
they check in the closet they look under
your bed and there’s no monster and you
feel instantly safe but for me as we sit
in the dark together this is when I feel
the most safe because my monster can’t
see me and he doesn’t know where I am
but as the lights start to come up my
fears and my anxiety are real and
they’re big I can I can feel my hands
starting to get kind of clammy right now
I can feel my heart starting to race I’m
probably getting blotchy on my my chest
and my neck that happens when I feel
anxious and I feel this way whenever I
think about this topic because in 2013
and 2014 my family and I were victimized
by a stalker and he’s still out there
somewhere
I feel relatively confident that he’s
not in the room with us today which is
probably a good thing
and my fear doesn’t come so much from
talking to all of you my fear comes from
the idea that maybe one day he’ll see
this video online
and although that we haven’t had a
problem in the last four years those
problems could begin again I think it’s
important for you guys all to understand
that stalking is a persistent pattern of
unwanted behavior committed by another
person that makes you feel scared
threatened or fearful for you and your
family safety a couple weeks into our
stalking issues I received a text
message from an untraceable cell phone
number that said life as you know it
will never be the same again
those 11 little words never leave my
mind what did they even mean
that this person want to kill me kidnap
me
hurt my kids hurt my husband I didn’t
know all I know is that someone out
there and I had a pretty good idea of
who it was wanted to hurt me and there
is a lot of ways to make that happen the
fear that I felt was paralyzing and it
stopped me in my tracks for three years
prior to my victimization I was a strong
woman I’m a business owner I was a
recognized national speaker that used to
travel all over the country I used to go
running all the time I was involved in
all kinds of local community events and
all of that stopped I’ve come to learn
that I’m not alone in my reactions
stalking victims typically experience a
higher prevalence of social dysfunction
of anxiety of severe depression and
insomnia in my case I stopped running
because I was just afraid to be alone
outside definitely I couldn’t go to work
because my depression and my anxiety was
too much for me to manage without a lot
of therapy more than half of all
stalking victims lose five or more days
of work I lost three years three years
my husband and I we stopped socializing
because I was just an emotional wreck
all the time and the guilt that I felt
for bringing this person into my life
and now that my kids had to suffer for
it my husband was horrible we probably
should have gone for help to the police
at this point but at this point I took a
hundred percent of the responsibility
for everything that was going on and as
far as I was concerned I had hurt the
person who was doing this to us so it
was really my fault the fear that I felt
was horrible but the feeling of being
hunted and my family being hunted that
is the most crippling thing that I have
ever felt for months we tried to handle
things on our own and when the first
fake Facebook page was created
tending to be me it reached out to all
my family and friends and horrible
things were said online we reported it
and it was taken down when it happened
for the second time and this time it
attached itself to my business and
reached out to my business colleagues
all over the country we reported it and
it was taken down but when it happened
for the third time and this time it
attached itself to our kids elementary
school
well that sent me over the emotional
deep edge as I’m sure you can imagine
and that is when we finally got the
authorities involved after we filled out
reports with the Sheriff’s Department we
were approached by a victim’s advocate
who will always have a special place in
my heart we went to see her and I
remember sitting on her couch and my
husband was sitting here and she was
sitting here and I was shaking and I was
crying and I was apologizing to them
both for creating this horrible madness
that now infected our lives and she
looked at me and she put her hand in
mine she handed me a folder packet and
she said Robyn I didn’t write this for
you but you need to read it you see up
until that point I still took all of the
responsibility for everything that was
happening to our family but it was that
advocate in that moment on that day that
made me realize oh my god we’re being
stalked right now and this behavior is
not normal and it’s not okay and it is
not my fault
if you’re going through this right now I
need you to listen to me it’s not your
fault either the first page in the
packet that she gave me was a list of
typical stalking behaviors and this is
what it said a stalker will attempt to
control track and threaten you for a
variety of different ways everything on
that list described us to a tee this
confident strong woman that you’re
looking at on stage today stayed hidden
behind a locked door in my house
and when I was home alone for one year
if somebody rang the doorbell I didn’t
answer it because I was sure whoever was
on the other side of that door was there
to kidnap or kill me even if it was the
UPS guy and I like getting stuff but I
was sure no matter what color they were
wearing that they were out to get me can
you imagine feeling that way all the
time when I did leave the house it was
only to drive our kids to and from
school or to pick them up and when I was
in my car I was constantly looking in my
rearview mirror to make sure I wasn’t
being followed
their principal their teachers they all
had pictures of our alleged stalker with
very specific instructions to never let
those kids leave without us thank God
our kids were little and didn’t know
what was going on because we watched
them like hawks and had they been
teenagers you know the kind that know
everything and have no fear about
anything they would have fought us tooth
and nail to keep them safe my husband
and I would probably still be in therapy
today we probably should because and
they’re all teenagers now but it has
taken me four years to get back to a new
normal life I call it my new normal life
because the deep-rooted fear that exists
from being stopped never leaves you you
have days that are easier but then
something happens and you go right back
to that panic and fear of when it first
happened so you may be asking yourself
how it is that I even feel comfortable
talking to all of you about this today
and to be honest I don’t feel 100%
comfortable I feel very vulnerable
sharing a story that’s very personal to
my husband and I and we actually went
back and forth for quite a while and if
we should even talk about this but we
both agreed in the end that if we could
help somebody else going through this
same story then sharing what’s going on
with us and how we got through it is
worth it one of my favorite authors and
speakers brené Brown says
there is strength and vulnerability and
today is another step in my emotional
healing and my strength this is how I’m
choosing to move forward even though I’m
always looking behind my back
because I know the sooner you start to
talk about the stalking the sooner it
gets you back in the driver’s seat of
your own life and the quicker it takes
the domination away from the stalker
seven and a half million people in the
United States every year are victimized
by stalkers and of that seven and a half
million eighty-five percent of them know
the person who’s stalking them look
around this room right now thirty people
in this room took me going through a
similar situation one in four women and
one in 13 men are victimized by stalking
at some point in their lifetime and of
all the different types of stalking out
there the most common which is called
intimate relationship stalking does
happen more often to women but the
second most common which is called
intimate relationship stalking I’m sorry
it’s called acquaintance stalking
happens more often to men the good news
and I always like to find good news in
every bad situation is that since the
1990s stalking is now illegal in every
state in our country which is a big deal
but the thing is is no matter what it is
a very personal crime it is a very
dangerous crime and there are no
one-size-fits-all lists of solutions for
everybody to deal with what they’re
dealing with so I want to share with you
the four things that worked for us the
first which is very hard is to stop all
communication with the person who’s
stalking you you have to find your
bravery to tell the person up front I
don’t want to have anything to do with
you anymore and I did this I did it so
many times I did it over text I did it
over phone I now realize that because I
kept responding to the person who was
stalking me I was giving him exactly
what he wanted was continual power over
me the second thing you need to do is
you need to tell people around you you
need to create
an army of support your friends your
family your co-workers a few weeks into
our stocking situation I was planning an
event for a local charity in town
two hours before the event was supposed
to happen I went home to take a shower
and put on my dress to go back and work
the event that night one hour before I
was gonna leave my house I got a call
from a co-worker who was working the
event with me to let me know that the
person who was stalking me had just
RSVP’d to attend that party so one hour
before that party was supposed to happen
I made the decision not to go tough call
for me because I was in charge of the
party he never went that night either
and I often wonder if he was in the
parking lot watching to see if I was
gonna go in and that’s a fear that never
leaves my mind the other thing that you
need to think about is social media my
recommendation is to get off of it but
we all love our social media so if you
can’t or won’t then you need to use the
privacy settings and block your stalker
from seeing what you’re doing and you
need to make sure that your friends
don’t post about you the person who made
those fake facebook pages pretending to
be me went so far as to go to my
family’s pages and copy pictures of my
family to put them on those fake pages
so they look like they were mine the
third thing you need to do is to keep
yourself safe this might sound
exhausting to you but it’s become second
nature to me I Drive different ways to
work all the time I leave my house at
different times I’ve even been known to
change gyms I am always aware of my
surroundings I very rarely run by myself
anymore and if I do it’s in a populated
area I’ve also learned all kinds of
self-defense techniques this is super
empowering my favorite is boxing I have
a mean right hook when my boxing
instructor says I do I’m also very very
trained in the use of self-defense
techniques like pepper spray but if this
is something you want to learn how to do
you need to talk to a professional about
it because the last thing you want to
accidentally do when you’re scared at
home and not wanting to answer the door
is paint your neighbor
so make sure you get help with all of
this stuff the fourth thing you need to
remember to do is to keep track of
everything and remember stalking is
illegal in the US so keep track of your
records if you want to get a TPO a
temporary protective order that’s great
I should have done this it was
recommended to us to do this I didn’t do
it because I didn’t want to make crazy
crazier and I was scared to have to see
my stalker in court I wish I hadn’t had
that fear and I’m telling you fight the
fear because had we gotten that tpo we
would have had a whole lot of less
issues that we had because we didn’t
have it so be brave go to your local
authorities for help call your victims
advocate if you don’t know who to call I
want you to call the victim connect
resource center at 855 for victim they
specialize in helping victims of
stalking as far as me and me telling my
story to all of you today on this stage
this is the final way that I’m getting
my power back to the person who stalked
me I have one thing to tell you life as
I know it is not the same anymore
it’s better I am stronger I am a better
leader I am a better communicator I am a
better wife and a better mother I am no
longer led by my fear I am no longer a
victim or even a survivor
I am a thriver thank you very much
[Applause]
I want you to imagine that you’re five
or six years old and you’re laying in
your bedroom and your bedroom is dark
and you’re scared because you’re pretty
sure that there’s a monster in your
closet maybe it’s under your bed you
don’t know
so you scream for your mom and your dad
and they come in they turn on the light
they check in the closet they look under
your bed and there’s no monster and you
feel instantly safe but for me as we sit
in the dark together this is when I feel
the most safe because my monster can’t
see me and he doesn’t know where I am
but as the lights start to come up my
fears and my anxiety are real and
they’re big I can I can feel my hands
starting to get kind of clammy right now
I can feel my heart starting to race I’m
probably getting blotchy on my my chest
and my neck that happens when I feel
anxious and I feel this way whenever I
think about this topic because in 2013
and 2014 my family and I were victimized
by a stalker and he’s still out there
somewhere
I feel relatively confident that he’s
not in the room with us today which is
probably a good thing
and my fear doesn’t come so much from
talking to all of you my fear comes from
the idea that maybe one day he’ll see
this video online
and although that we haven’t had a
problem in the last four years those
problems could begin again I think it’s
important for you guys all to understand
that stalking is a persistent pattern of
unwanted behavior committed by another
person that makes you feel scared
threatened or fearful for you and your
family safety a couple weeks into our
stalking issues I received a text
message from an untraceable cell phone
number that said life as you know it
will never be the same again
those 11 little words never leave my
mind what did they even mean
that this person want to kill me kidnap
me
hurt my kids hurt my husband I didn’t
know all I know is that someone out
there and I had a pretty good idea of
who it was wanted to hurt me and there
is a lot of ways to make that happen the
fear that I felt was paralyzing and it
stopped me in my tracks for three years
prior to my victimization I was a strong
woman I’m a business owner I was a
recognized national speaker that used to
travel all over the country I used to go
running all the time I was involved in
all kinds of local community events and
all of that stopped I’ve come to learn
that I’m not alone in my reactions
stalking victims typically experience a
higher prevalence of social dysfunction
of anxiety of severe depression and
insomnia in my case I stopped running
because I was just afraid to be alone
outside definitely I couldn’t go to work
because my depression and my anxiety was
too much for me to manage without a lot
of therapy more than half of all
stalking victims lose five or more days
of work I lost three years three years
my husband and I we stopped socializing
because I was just an emotional wreck
all the time and the guilt that I felt
for bringing this person into my life
and now that my kids had to suffer for
it my husband was horrible we probably
should have gone for help to the police
at this point but at this point I took a
hundred percent of the responsibility
for everything that was going on and as
far as I was concerned I had hurt the
person who was doing this to us so it
was really my fault the fear that I felt
was horrible but the feeling of being
hunted and my family being hunted that
is the most crippling thing that I have
ever felt for months we tried to handle
things on our own and when the first
fake Facebook page was created
tending to be me it reached out to all
my family and friends and horrible
things were said online we reported it
and it was taken down when it happened
for the second time and this time it
attached itself to my business and
reached out to my business colleagues
all over the country we reported it and
it was taken down but when it happened
for the third time and this time it
attached itself to our kids elementary
school
well that sent me over the emotional
deep edge as I’m sure you can imagine
and that is when we finally got the
authorities involved after we filled out
reports with the Sheriff’s Department we
were approached by a victim’s advocate
who will always have a special place in
my heart we went to see her and I
remember sitting on her couch and my
husband was sitting here and she was
sitting here and I was shaking and I was
crying and I was apologizing to them
both for creating this horrible madness
that now infected our lives and she
looked at me and she put her hand in
mine she handed me a folder packet and
she said Robyn I didn’t write this for
you but you need to read it you see up
until that point I still took all of the
responsibility for everything that was
happening to our family but it was that
advocate in that moment on that day that
made me realize oh my god we’re being
stalked right now and this behavior is
not normal and it’s not okay and it is
not my fault
if you’re going through this right now I
need you to listen to me it’s not your
fault either the first page in the
packet that she gave me was a list of
typical stalking behaviors and this is
what it said a stalker will attempt to
control track and threaten you for a
variety of different ways everything on
that list described us to a tee this
confident strong woman that you’re
looking at on stage today stayed hidden
behind a locked door in my house
and when I was home alone for one year
if somebody rang the doorbell I didn’t
answer it because I was sure whoever was
on the other side of that door was there
to kidnap or kill me even if it was the
UPS guy and I like getting stuff but I
was sure no matter what color they were
wearing that they were out to get me can
you imagine feeling that way all the
time when I did leave the house it was
only to drive our kids to and from
school or to pick them up and when I was
in my car I was constantly looking in my
rearview mirror to make sure I wasn’t
being followed
their principal their teachers they all
had pictures of our alleged stalker with
very specific instructions to never let
those kids leave without us thank God
our kids were little and didn’t know
what was going on because we watched
them like hawks and had they been
teenagers you know the kind that know
everything and have no fear about
anything they would have fought us tooth
and nail to keep them safe my husband
and I would probably still be in therapy
today we probably should because and
they’re all teenagers now but it has
taken me four years to get back to a new
normal life I call it my new normal life
because the deep-rooted fear that exists
from being stopped never leaves you you
have days that are easier but then
something happens and you go right back
to that panic and fear of when it first
happened so you may be asking yourself
how it is that I even feel comfortable
talking to all of you about this today
and to be honest I don’t feel 100%
comfortable I feel very vulnerable
sharing a story that’s very personal to
my husband and I and we actually went
back and forth for quite a while and if
we should even talk about this but we
both agreed in the end that if we could
help somebody else going through this
same story then sharing what’s going on
with us and how we got through it is
worth it one of my favorite authors and
speakers brené Brown says
there is strength and vulnerability and
today is another step in my emotional
healing and my strength this is how I’m
choosing to move forward even though I’m
always looking behind my back
because I know the sooner you start to
talk about the stalking the sooner it
gets you back in the driver’s seat of
your own life and the quicker it takes
the domination away from the stalker
seven and a half million people in the
United States every year are victimized
by stalkers and of that seven and a half
million eighty-five percent of them know
the person who’s stalking them look
around this room right now thirty people
in this room took me going through a
similar situation one in four women and
one in 13 men are victimized by stalking
at some point in their lifetime and of
all the different types of stalking out
there the most common which is called
intimate relationship stalking does
happen more often to women but the
second most common which is called
intimate relationship stalking I’m sorry
it’s called acquaintance stalking
happens more often to men the good news
and I always like to find good news in
every bad situation is that since the
1990s stalking is now illegal in every
state in our country which is a big deal
but the thing is is no matter what it is
a very personal crime it is a very
dangerous crime and there are no
one-size-fits-all lists of solutions for
everybody to deal with what they’re
dealing with so I want to share with you
the four things that worked for us the
first which is very hard is to stop all
communication with the person who’s
stalking you you have to find your
bravery to tell the person up front I
don’t want to have anything to do with
you anymore and I did this I did it so
many times I did it over text I did it
over phone I now realize that because I
kept responding to the person who was
stalking me I was giving him exactly
what he wanted was continual power over
me the second thing you need to do is
you need to tell people around you you
need to create
an army of support your friends your
family your co-workers a few weeks into
our stocking situation I was planning an
event for a local charity in town
two hours before the event was supposed
to happen I went home to take a shower
and put on my dress to go back and work
the event that night one hour before I
was gonna leave my house I got a call
from a co-worker who was working the
event with me to let me know that the
person who was stalking me had just
RSVP’d to attend that party so one hour
before that party was supposed to happen
I made the decision not to go tough call
for me because I was in charge of the
party he never went that night either
and I often wonder if he was in the
parking lot watching to see if I was
gonna go in and that’s a fear that never
leaves my mind the other thing that you
need to think about is social media my
recommendation is to get off of it but
we all love our social media so if you
can’t or won’t then you need to use the
privacy settings and block your stalker
from seeing what you’re doing and you
need to make sure that your friends
don’t post about you the person who made
those fake facebook pages pretending to
be me went so far as to go to my
family’s pages and copy pictures of my
family to put them on those fake pages
so they look like they were mine the
third thing you need to do is to keep
yourself safe this might sound
exhausting to you but it’s become second
nature to me I Drive different ways to
work all the time I leave my house at
different times I’ve even been known to
change gyms I am always aware of my
surroundings I very rarely run by myself
anymore and if I do it’s in a populated
area I’ve also learned all kinds of
self-defense techniques this is super
empowering my favorite is boxing I have
a mean right hook when my boxing
instructor says I do I’m also very very
trained in the use of self-defense
techniques like pepper spray but if this
is something you want to learn how to do
you need to talk to a professional about
it because the last thing you want to
accidentally do when you’re scared at
home and not wanting to answer the door
is paint your neighbor
so make sure you get help with all of
this stuff the fourth thing you need to
remember to do is to keep track of
everything and remember stalking is
illegal in the US so keep track of your
records if you want to get a TPO a
temporary protective order that’s great
I should have done this it was
recommended to us to do this I didn’t do
it because I didn’t want to make crazy
crazier and I was scared to have to see
my stalker in court I wish I hadn’t had
that fear and I’m telling you fight the
fear because had we gotten that tpo we
would have had a whole lot of less
issues that we had because we didn’t
have it so be brave go to your local
authorities for help call your victims
advocate if you don’t know who to call I
want you to call the victim connect
resource center at 855 for victim they
specialize in helping victims of
stalking as far as me and me telling my
story to all of you today on this stage
this is the final way that I’m getting
my power back to the person who stalked
me I have one thing to tell you life as
I know it is not the same anymore
it’s better I am stronger I am a better
leader I am a better communicator I am a
better wife and a better mother I am no
longer led by my fear I am no longer a
victim or even a survivor
I am a thriver thank you very much
[Applause]
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