the message was clear delivered by does
just staring the students didn’t say
mean things there were no rude gestures
no verbal insults they simply said and
did nothing the effect was a wave of
isolation and loneliness all absorbed by
a ten year old girl the message you
don’t belong here
it could have scared her made her run
but she had received another message you
will have to work twice as hard in order
to get half the credit but you’re
smarter than those others you can do
this she resented hearing her father say
these kinds of things over and over but
his message managed to get through my
experience being bused to an all-white
school was a high-pressure defining
moment but this isn’t about busing or
race or me for that matter
it’s about messages and pressures later
in life I began to wonder what types of
pressures young girls today are facing
I interviewed 25 mom friends and their
girls and I asked one of the top
pressures facing your daughter’s on a
daily basis this is what they told me in
somewhat top-down order grades are the
leading pressure number one
not good enough
is that a message with the pressure
another message that becomes a pressure
second a very close second body image
and weight
okay I don’t know on this last one if
she feels she has a big butt or once one
but what’s interesting is this is a
number one pressure for a 16 year old
girl now we have pressure to fit in
being sexually active came up many times
if you haven’t had sex you’re weird if
you’re dating a guy and the two of you
haven’t had sex time or you will be
judged and this response is from high
school and college age girls last we
have the pressures of being a
student-athlete this struggle is real
very real
interesting it doesn’t matter if these
pressures are fantasies or real they are
supported by the almost subliminal
messaging created by social media
general media and Girl Talk in the
hallways at school our teens are
swimming in them and there are serious
consequences the Center for Disease
Control has reported that the suicide
rate for teenage girls doubled from 2007
to 2015
teenage boys up 30% recently we lost a
16 year old girl in our school circle to
suicide the last entry in her diary
simply said I’m just tired we’re all
familiar with the image of the shipwreck
victim lonely isolated sitting on a
deserted island sending out messages in
a bottle what if they got one back
wouldn’t that give them hope using
pressures from my youth and inspiration
from what was happening around me I
began writing positive quotes on my
daughter’s bathroom mirror with a dry
erase marker
I didn’t tell her I was going to do it I
just did it and I began with her most
favorite quote he was kind he was smart
you is important she said nothing not a
word but she didn’t erase it so the next
week I wrote another quote and it
continued and then I thought what if an
old quote could be used again
so I began writing them on paper so she
could keep them not just any paper I use
neon colored paper green purple pink
orange yellow sometimes I added 3d
stickers as I watched the other girls on
her soccer team I wondered if they would
like to receive these cards with parent
permission
I began mailing hope notes to these
young ladies on a weekly basis via
United States Postal Service at one
point I was mailing 54 handwritten
personally addressed brightly colored
envelopes with a new quote inside every
week the girls rarely said anything to
me about it however their parents gave
awesome feedback
my daughter would occasionally run up to
me mom mom look look on my phone look
look at the picture on the Instagram
okay why am I looking at another duh
clip pose no no mom no no look behind
her she hangs your quotes on her wall
sometimes they were attached bathroom
mirrors sometimes a bedroom door success
I had become an indirect communicator of
good a positive message cinder most
importantly I was getting through I
stopped sending hope notes had I
oversaturated them is more always better
or is it sometimes just more how long
would I be able to keep their attention
stamps are expensive handwritten notes
are time-consuming I stopped the
mailings I created color-coded jars of
quotes for motivation inspiration
courage and faith enough to enjoy a new
quote every day every week for a year
just pull out whatever you need when you
need it I gave away 25 jars in 2017 my
hairdresser loves it so much she shares
it with her clients if they’re having a
difficult day she allows them to choose
a quote from the jar
she’s even incorporated it as part of
her cable reality TV show on occasion
I’ll be tagged on a post just someone
letting me know they’re enjoying the
quotes
currently I use a texting app to send
positive quotes three to four times per
week to those who’ve asked to receive
them my 17 year old niece says it’s
really nice because there are no
expectations attached I don’t have to
respond I don’t have to click like I
don’t have to do anything other than
just read it it’s nice because there’s
no pressure another young lady thanked
me for sending them because she said
they just make me happy it’s not the
same as the colourful notes because
those showed someone took the time and
care to send them but this message is
too important for me to stop I would
love for everyone in the audience to
send a hope note to someone say positive
things be creative they’ll be surprised
delighted and unbeknownst to you will
likely receive it when they need it most
tell them it’s okay to fail an exam
sometimes you learn more from failing
tell them they’re beautiful always tell
them it is okay for them to dictate
their own actions when it comes to their
body and let them know you were there to
assist them through this process called
life my father got through his message
got through I heard the message I needed
to hear he likely didn’t know I got it
but it got through
keep sending positive messages don’t
stop our boys and girls are like that
shipwreck survivor waiting for a sign a
message in a bottle
but a hope note on a mirror in a
backpack or a lunchbox will do nicely
thank you
[Applause]
just staring the students didn’t say
mean things there were no rude gestures
no verbal insults they simply said and
did nothing the effect was a wave of
isolation and loneliness all absorbed by
a ten year old girl the message you
don’t belong here
it could have scared her made her run
but she had received another message you
will have to work twice as hard in order
to get half the credit but you’re
smarter than those others you can do
this she resented hearing her father say
these kinds of things over and over but
his message managed to get through my
experience being bused to an all-white
school was a high-pressure defining
moment but this isn’t about busing or
race or me for that matter
it’s about messages and pressures later
in life I began to wonder what types of
pressures young girls today are facing
I interviewed 25 mom friends and their
girls and I asked one of the top
pressures facing your daughter’s on a
daily basis this is what they told me in
somewhat top-down order grades are the
leading pressure number one
not good enough
is that a message with the pressure
another message that becomes a pressure
second a very close second body image
and weight
okay I don’t know on this last one if
she feels she has a big butt or once one
but what’s interesting is this is a
number one pressure for a 16 year old
girl now we have pressure to fit in
being sexually active came up many times
if you haven’t had sex you’re weird if
you’re dating a guy and the two of you
haven’t had sex time or you will be
judged and this response is from high
school and college age girls last we
have the pressures of being a
student-athlete this struggle is real
very real
interesting it doesn’t matter if these
pressures are fantasies or real they are
supported by the almost subliminal
messaging created by social media
general media and Girl Talk in the
hallways at school our teens are
swimming in them and there are serious
consequences the Center for Disease
Control has reported that the suicide
rate for teenage girls doubled from 2007
to 2015
teenage boys up 30% recently we lost a
16 year old girl in our school circle to
suicide the last entry in her diary
simply said I’m just tired we’re all
familiar with the image of the shipwreck
victim lonely isolated sitting on a
deserted island sending out messages in
a bottle what if they got one back
wouldn’t that give them hope using
pressures from my youth and inspiration
from what was happening around me I
began writing positive quotes on my
daughter’s bathroom mirror with a dry
erase marker
I didn’t tell her I was going to do it I
just did it and I began with her most
favorite quote he was kind he was smart
you is important she said nothing not a
word but she didn’t erase it so the next
week I wrote another quote and it
continued and then I thought what if an
old quote could be used again
so I began writing them on paper so she
could keep them not just any paper I use
neon colored paper green purple pink
orange yellow sometimes I added 3d
stickers as I watched the other girls on
her soccer team I wondered if they would
like to receive these cards with parent
permission
I began mailing hope notes to these
young ladies on a weekly basis via
United States Postal Service at one
point I was mailing 54 handwritten
personally addressed brightly colored
envelopes with a new quote inside every
week the girls rarely said anything to
me about it however their parents gave
awesome feedback
my daughter would occasionally run up to
me mom mom look look on my phone look
look at the picture on the Instagram
okay why am I looking at another duh
clip pose no no mom no no look behind
her she hangs your quotes on her wall
sometimes they were attached bathroom
mirrors sometimes a bedroom door success
I had become an indirect communicator of
good a positive message cinder most
importantly I was getting through I
stopped sending hope notes had I
oversaturated them is more always better
or is it sometimes just more how long
would I be able to keep their attention
stamps are expensive handwritten notes
are time-consuming I stopped the
mailings I created color-coded jars of
quotes for motivation inspiration
courage and faith enough to enjoy a new
quote every day every week for a year
just pull out whatever you need when you
need it I gave away 25 jars in 2017 my
hairdresser loves it so much she shares
it with her clients if they’re having a
difficult day she allows them to choose
a quote from the jar
she’s even incorporated it as part of
her cable reality TV show on occasion
I’ll be tagged on a post just someone
letting me know they’re enjoying the
quotes
currently I use a texting app to send
positive quotes three to four times per
week to those who’ve asked to receive
them my 17 year old niece says it’s
really nice because there are no
expectations attached I don’t have to
respond I don’t have to click like I
don’t have to do anything other than
just read it it’s nice because there’s
no pressure another young lady thanked
me for sending them because she said
they just make me happy it’s not the
same as the colourful notes because
those showed someone took the time and
care to send them but this message is
too important for me to stop I would
love for everyone in the audience to
send a hope note to someone say positive
things be creative they’ll be surprised
delighted and unbeknownst to you will
likely receive it when they need it most
tell them it’s okay to fail an exam
sometimes you learn more from failing
tell them they’re beautiful always tell
them it is okay for them to dictate
their own actions when it comes to their
body and let them know you were there to
assist them through this process called
life my father got through his message
got through I heard the message I needed
to hear he likely didn’t know I got it
but it got through
keep sending positive messages don’t
stop our boys and girls are like that
shipwreck survivor waiting for a sign a
message in a bottle
but a hope note on a mirror in a
backpack or a lunchbox will do nicely
thank you
[Applause]
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