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How Do Our Relationships Both Challenge and Sustain Us? | Joshua Miller | TEDxNormal


in a kitchen there’s a little girl
she’s watching her mother prepare dinner
mommy she says why do you always cut the
end of the roast off before putting in
the oven well I don’t know I never
thought about it maybe we should ask
grandma because grandma taught me to do
it let’s call her grandma mommy said she
learned to cut the end of the roast off
from you why is that well I don’t know I
just assumed that’s what you do because
that’s what my mother your great
grandmother always did is she there can
you ask her sure your great
granddaughter granddaughter and I were
wondering why do you cut the end of the
roast off before putting in the oven Oh
sweetie I had to cut the end of the
roast off my pan was too small
when UNIVAC invented the computer they
refused to talk to any business
professionals because it was invented
for scientists so they assumed it had no
business applications
welcome Watson IBM once in fact said
that there was no more than five or six
households and the entire planet that
would ever have a need for a personal
computer hello Apple the other day I’m
watching the news and this pundit comes
on and he starts talking about this man
and he says that he knows in fact that
he will never give up his nuclear
program because he had seen other
leaders do it and it had led to their
demise so he wasn’t going to I’m sitting
here thinking who is this guy making a
statement like this a statement that
could in fact create policy and I bet
you right now Dennis Rodman knows more
about what’s going on in this guy’s head
than anybody on TV it’s scary but these
are the times we live in right now look
we all know that assumptions can lead to
consequences sometimes silly other times
quite serious but here’s the thing
that’s not new news we all know the
jokes about making assumptions here’s
what’s new under times of certainty and
stress we’re making more assumptions and
we are jumping to more conclusions you
see if we believe that this man will
never give up his nuclear program we may
stop trying diplomacy because we think
it’s useless and now we’re in a blind
spot
the number you see here this is called a
Zeta bite and I assure you it is a real
number this is the amount of information
we are taking in within our lives and in
our household
in 2010 humanity surpassed this number
to the tune of 1.2 zettabytes of media
and information consumption so let me
give you some context as Zeta byte is
enough information to fill 75 billion
iPads
that’s roughly nine iPads per person on
the planet that’s a lot of information
now the latest neuroscience research is
telling us what many of us already known
we are simply being bombarded by too
much electronic stimuli
it’s overworking our brains it’s over
taxing us so as a result all the
insights the articles the social media
the influences it’s amplifying our
anxieties it’s causing us to work
overtime and that’s a bad thing see
because when our brains work overtime it
creates uncertainty and our brains are
hard-wired for certainty we have to we
must work on this when we’re under
stress we use assumptions to reduce the
amplification of our anxieties but the
problem is they come with blind spots
you know what else has blind spots cars
cars have blind spots but they also have
the protective measures to avoid them
it’s time we did the same thing for our
brains so how do we see through our
blind spots we all make assumptions it’s
not a question of if you do it but
rather how often and how they go
unchecked you see not all assumptions
are created equal at some point you’re
going to make an assumption that’s a
given
assumptions operate sort of like a an
autopilot in our head right it’s a
structure of our brain that allows us to
think more critically while providing us
a sense of certainty think of it like
this an autopilot in an airplane is so
that the basic functions of the plane
are automated so that the pilot and crew
can focus on what’s most important
assumptions operate in a similar way but
here’s the thing if you’re thinking
critically about every thought feeling
belief that you had all the time you
would never get anything done
imagine if you had to relearn how to use
a fork every time you wanted to eat
something of course not
all right you just flick on the
autopilot and off you go but here’s the
thing we are not examining the settings
on our autopilot to see if we’ve turned
on the right one so it’s not a question
of what you assume but rather how you do
it and is it even true so how do you
decipher the truth about your
assumptions that’s the bigger question
you see to do this it requires a certain
set of skills and these are not
mysterious skills the first thing you
need to do is to figure out what you
believe the second thing is to examine
against objectivity and that might mean
pulling apart a complex idea or feeling
and putting it back together again and
then clearly stating what it is but
here’s the challenge with all this
bombardment our brains are no longer
thinking critically anymore I’ll give
you an example take this quote that’s
one small step for a man that’s one
giant leap for mankind
now here is my attempt to express the
same sentiment based on how we
communicate today
yeah as you can see a little bit gets
lost there right so on one hand our
brains are working overtime
we have anxiety and then we’re doing
this thing called making an assumption
it’s a quick fix but it’s a trap and
these are our blind spots staying clear
takes skill it’s a critical time to be
thinking critically here’s what I see 20
years from now because what people
confuse as normal is not always the best
thing I see a time where mindfulness
training is part of our schools everyday
curriculum where students are learning
about the importance of purpose and not
just programming we have to do a better
job equipping our kids our students our
future leaders on how to balance these
outside forces with the internal
conversations they’re having here and
here we need to find ways to focus on
not just the aptitude but the attitude
that’s going to allow them to not just
take small steps but giant leaps towards
what they aspire to achieve that is our
job big businesses government big
corporations they analyze big data then
we need bigger measures in place to
support those that analyze this data
that’s our institutions that’s our
companies our schools what about us what
about you what about me it’s time we
start taking accountability for our own
behavior our own habits in this area so
let’s talk about us today as individuals
you see it starts with your heart so how
do you access your own heart what are
you afraid to know
what’s one thing you least want to
accept what’s something you sense
without knowing you see anything is
possible anything when you start asking
the questions and listening to the
answers but you’ve got to know where to
look so there’s four areas to focus on
the first is your career the second is
your wellness the third is your finances
oh and let’s not forget probably the
most important your fourth is your
relationships to yourself and to others
you see when you start asking these
questions you may not like the answers
you get and when that happens you have a
choice and I’ve given this a spiritual
term called getting rid of your
you see if you don’t like what you hear
you have three options the first is to
dig deep keep asking these questions
listening for the answers the second is
you could take a break pause but come
back and the third which is most common
for most people is denial the problem
with the third is that it’s the path of
least resistance and the path of least
resistance is a highway to least
existence I encourage every single one
of you to dig deep live your life not
somebody else’s continue to ask these
questions listen to the answers it will
provide you a more profound a more
enriching life experience and in the end
isn’t that more satisfying than living
like an emoji thank you
you
[Applause]
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