[Music]
mom-mom the voice of my little boy was
calling me out of my sleep mom I’ve had
a nightmare dinosaurs are gonna eat me I
threw back the covers and scooped him up
and began to walk back to his bedroom I
he’d seen Jurassic Park at a friend’s
house recently I would have never let
him see it because he’s too young and he
has asked her tits so he’s super literal
and instead of doing what I’d done in
previous nights just tucking him in
saying it’s okay
dinosaurs aren’t real you’re safe I
thought I’m gonna come at this another
way I said do you know what I think your
body was trying to tell you something
what did you need to do when you woke up
go to the toilet he said I think yes
that’s right so next time you have a
silly dream don’t worry about it just
ask yourself why is my body waking me up
I got back into bed that night and my
mind went boom
I had just instinctively uncovered a key
insight into my life the 12 years I
struggled with addiction suddenly had
new context that evening was two years
into my recovery and there I was 3:30
a.m.
writing uncontrollably because I finally
was able to articulate why my addiction
no longer had any power or significance
anymore I wasn’t asleep in my life just
going through the motions
I was now intentional and awake the
biggest shift are made in those two
years was that I understood the
importance of my well-being
up until that evening I hadn’t even
considered that my mind and body were
trying to communicate to me I saw my
addiction only as the affirmation of
personal flaws I bought into completely
the societal perception that struggle
equals weakness in framing my addiction
in a negative context shame takes hold
this is so counterproductive because it
doesn’t help people find answers other
than I am the problem we have to realize
that nobody screws up their life on
purpose it became clear to me during
early in my recovery that I didn’t know
much about myself so I discovered a
system to check in with myself each day
so I want you to imagine the three sides
of the oxygen mask all three sides are
needed to seal firm around your face to
ensure that you have good flow the three
sides of the well-being system rely on
self-care self awareness and self esteem
and like the oxygen mask
we need them to ensure that we have good
flow we need to practice daily self-care
to ensure that our emotions and stress
are in balance we need to be grow in
self-awareness so that we can build on
learning about ourselves and others
through all circumstances including
struggles and our self-esteem needs to
be intact and grounded in truth and
authenticity
the well-being system helped me to stay
awake in my life
but life can interrupt our flow at any
moment on all sides and instead of being
educated to self-correct we’ve become
professionals at ignoring distracting
and normalizing harmful impacts to our
well-being system I hadn’t noticed that
I had gone to sleep in my life
overwhelmed by huge losses I was leaking
oxygen on all sides my self-esteem had
been impacted
I didn’t properly understand my
environment and self-care wasn’t even on
my radar so why didn’t I know well like
most of you here my education had
focused primarily on academic
intelligence I didn’t know that I was
lacking in deep personal and emotional
intelligence now known as EQ and without
this knowledge we just don’t have all
the skills and awareness necessary to
navigate life and struggles successfully
and I’m not alone we see it every day
with the rise of addictions mental
health struggles violence crimes and
suicides when I was 18 I didn’t know I
was in a harmful environment after all I
was just at the club with my boyfriend
in a socially normalized environment
unaware I was playing a machine as
intentionally designed to be as
neurologically addictive as cocaine I
had no clue that my brain was being
manipulated by the Machine tricked and
deceived like features like losses
disguised as wind this is where you bet
five dollars and the lights and sounds
go off like you’ve won but it’s only
three dollars so it celebrates you
losing two dollars in a way that’s
registered in your brain as a win so you
just keep going and going and going
understanding this
through the research I’ve done helped me
to comprehend the mental bewilderment
that haunted me for over a decade
I loathe myself and with each dollar
I lost fear and shame piled higher and
higher until I just couldn’t endure it
anymore
I couldn’t stand one more day of hearing
the sounds pokies in my mind to me my
dreams driven by the regret of huge
losses
I simply had no energy left to keep
holding up a facade of I’m okay but
there was a tiny life inside of me a
miraculous sixth child I couldn’t figure
out how to take my life and not hers but
I was so desperate for mental peace
I’d lost hope and it had been removed in
three ways I’m you trying to get help
numerous times and it not working / me
concealing my struggle and not being
okay with being human and by the
futility of the once an addict always an
addict mentality now all of you here
would know someone who struggled with
something look at that list again and
now try and see them through eyes of
compassion the first time I thought help
was in 2003 and I was told by the
Lifeline operator just don’t wear shoes
if you don’t wear shoes well you won’t
be able to get into a venue so you won’t
be able to gamble ah my life without
shoes this is a solution next was
face-to-face counseling where I was
shown this the cycle of addiction it
looks like a whirlpool doesn’t it have
you haven’t done that in a backyard
swimming pool to swim round and round
well pretty soon you don’t have to swim
at all because the momentum just carries
you around and the momentum that fuels
this is fear shame and regret and the
way society judges
dr. Ngaba Marte who talks about trauma
and how it leads to addiction and I
agree but there’s a second kind of
addiction that is not properly
understood but sorry a second kind of
trauma that’s not properly understood I
call it the trauma of after this is
where people fall victim to societal
entrapment of modern addictions by
design socially intentional environments
and products that from predatory
industries that we have socially
normalized that harm our well-being we
fail to understand the moment that when
we do something reckless and impulsive
outside of our core beliefs that impact
causes fracture I call it the fracture
of self and people were then haunted by
that shame it breaks my heart when
people refer to themselves by labels I’m
an alcoholic I’m a gambler I’m an addict
I gently correct them and try and
reconnect them to ensure that they never
forget that to err is human
people say to me you’re so brave for
sharing your story
why because whilst we continue to equate
sharing vulnerably with bravery we
unconsciously allows so much space for
stigma and shame to thrive we’re
fundamentally afraid of our humanity
desperate to conceal it at all costs and
I know because I almost paid the
ultimate price
people think that successful recovery is
that you’ve stopped whatever it is well
I had had periods of stopping over the
years but I still wasn’t okay because I
thought that the mistakes that I had
made had disqualified me from ever being
whole again or worthy of a normal life
that unconscious oppression the burden
of recovery kept me swirling around the
whirlpool what followed that point of
despair in 2012 was a journey that I
didn’t expect in fact I didn’t even
think it was possible but as the baby
inside me grew I too grew in knowledge
about learning about myself and all that
was that play it was the beginning of
the rebuilding of me in every way
I curiously dived into the research and
learning because I couldn’t shake the
thought of if it happened to me I knew
what’s happening to others right now
eight Australians a day take their life
and nearly 800,000 globally each year
but how could I shift the hopelessness
that was now so visible all around me
the decision to share my story was not
easy and I naively thought that the
gambling industry might not know of the
harm that they caused well my eyes are
wide open now I realized that they knew
long before I ever walked into a club
they knew and they had no intention then
or now to reduce those harms to protect
people and both sides of government have
allowed the industry to multiply and
flourish for decades understanding this
fact devastated me my personal advocacy
has been a light for many but it goes
way beyond this space because gambling
was only my journey through pain the
nonprofit organization I founded called
the Hope Project focuses on the
prevention of all struggles by
humanizing it and bridging the gap in EQ
education and highlighting the
importance of sustainable mental health
I’ve been fortunate to work with
changemakers and future focused
organizations because they’ve allowed me
to equip and facilitate vulnerable
conversations both here and abroad and
until we start having them then people
stay only at surface level hiding inside
of themselves
we changed the vernacular of addiction
from negative to positive from what’s
wrong with me to what do I need to learn
about myself or my environment we
changed the system of the whirlpool of
shame to a linear system of
understanding well-being first and move
along pathways to grow through struggle
because struggle is just an opportunity
to come awake and pay attention in our
world and not be defined by it because
struggle was actually an invitation to
just come awake and pay closer attention
an identifying overwhelm as the thief of
passion and purpose it’s so important in
our society because we hear it I’m
overwhelmed at work I’m overwhelmed at
school I’m overwhelmed with the kids
overwhelm is the thief or passionate and
purpose and it creates apathy and it is
the precursor to addiction and mental
health struggles we have to start
listening to what our minds and bodies
are saying and I created this little
tool to equip a better conversation that
you can have with yourself or with
another awake is the acronym that helps
you to identify what area of blindness
you’re experiencing what am I not aware
of what do I need am i being authentic
am i keeping my eyes forward and am I
being mindful every day and on the back
the census acronym helps you to identify
what emotions driving your behavior it’s
so easy for us to get caught up in our
world
but we need to check in with ourselves
daily and be the protectors of our
well-being it’s my hope that one day
soon a wake will be just normal everyday
vernacular used to equip simple
knowledge with concepts that right now
people don’t even talk about I believe a
fresh perspective constructive
conversations and new skills in
awareness we can break the tide of
hopelessness and call back a society
that is addiction proof
[Applause]
mom-mom the voice of my little boy was
calling me out of my sleep mom I’ve had
a nightmare dinosaurs are gonna eat me I
threw back the covers and scooped him up
and began to walk back to his bedroom I
he’d seen Jurassic Park at a friend’s
house recently I would have never let
him see it because he’s too young and he
has asked her tits so he’s super literal
and instead of doing what I’d done in
previous nights just tucking him in
saying it’s okay
dinosaurs aren’t real you’re safe I
thought I’m gonna come at this another
way I said do you know what I think your
body was trying to tell you something
what did you need to do when you woke up
go to the toilet he said I think yes
that’s right so next time you have a
silly dream don’t worry about it just
ask yourself why is my body waking me up
I got back into bed that night and my
mind went boom
I had just instinctively uncovered a key
insight into my life the 12 years I
struggled with addiction suddenly had
new context that evening was two years
into my recovery and there I was 3:30
a.m.
writing uncontrollably because I finally
was able to articulate why my addiction
no longer had any power or significance
anymore I wasn’t asleep in my life just
going through the motions
I was now intentional and awake the
biggest shift are made in those two
years was that I understood the
importance of my well-being
up until that evening I hadn’t even
considered that my mind and body were
trying to communicate to me I saw my
addiction only as the affirmation of
personal flaws I bought into completely
the societal perception that struggle
equals weakness in framing my addiction
in a negative context shame takes hold
this is so counterproductive because it
doesn’t help people find answers other
than I am the problem we have to realize
that nobody screws up their life on
purpose it became clear to me during
early in my recovery that I didn’t know
much about myself so I discovered a
system to check in with myself each day
so I want you to imagine the three sides
of the oxygen mask all three sides are
needed to seal firm around your face to
ensure that you have good flow the three
sides of the well-being system rely on
self-care self awareness and self esteem
and like the oxygen mask
we need them to ensure that we have good
flow we need to practice daily self-care
to ensure that our emotions and stress
are in balance we need to be grow in
self-awareness so that we can build on
learning about ourselves and others
through all circumstances including
struggles and our self-esteem needs to
be intact and grounded in truth and
authenticity
the well-being system helped me to stay
awake in my life
but life can interrupt our flow at any
moment on all sides and instead of being
educated to self-correct we’ve become
professionals at ignoring distracting
and normalizing harmful impacts to our
well-being system I hadn’t noticed that
I had gone to sleep in my life
overwhelmed by huge losses I was leaking
oxygen on all sides my self-esteem had
been impacted
I didn’t properly understand my
environment and self-care wasn’t even on
my radar so why didn’t I know well like
most of you here my education had
focused primarily on academic
intelligence I didn’t know that I was
lacking in deep personal and emotional
intelligence now known as EQ and without
this knowledge we just don’t have all
the skills and awareness necessary to
navigate life and struggles successfully
and I’m not alone we see it every day
with the rise of addictions mental
health struggles violence crimes and
suicides when I was 18 I didn’t know I
was in a harmful environment after all I
was just at the club with my boyfriend
in a socially normalized environment
unaware I was playing a machine as
intentionally designed to be as
neurologically addictive as cocaine I
had no clue that my brain was being
manipulated by the Machine tricked and
deceived like features like losses
disguised as wind this is where you bet
five dollars and the lights and sounds
go off like you’ve won but it’s only
three dollars so it celebrates you
losing two dollars in a way that’s
registered in your brain as a win so you
just keep going and going and going
understanding this
through the research I’ve done helped me
to comprehend the mental bewilderment
that haunted me for over a decade
I loathe myself and with each dollar
I lost fear and shame piled higher and
higher until I just couldn’t endure it
anymore
I couldn’t stand one more day of hearing
the sounds pokies in my mind to me my
dreams driven by the regret of huge
losses
I simply had no energy left to keep
holding up a facade of I’m okay but
there was a tiny life inside of me a
miraculous sixth child I couldn’t figure
out how to take my life and not hers but
I was so desperate for mental peace
I’d lost hope and it had been removed in
three ways I’m you trying to get help
numerous times and it not working / me
concealing my struggle and not being
okay with being human and by the
futility of the once an addict always an
addict mentality now all of you here
would know someone who struggled with
something look at that list again and
now try and see them through eyes of
compassion the first time I thought help
was in 2003 and I was told by the
Lifeline operator just don’t wear shoes
if you don’t wear shoes well you won’t
be able to get into a venue so you won’t
be able to gamble ah my life without
shoes this is a solution next was
face-to-face counseling where I was
shown this the cycle of addiction it
looks like a whirlpool doesn’t it have
you haven’t done that in a backyard
swimming pool to swim round and round
well pretty soon you don’t have to swim
at all because the momentum just carries
you around and the momentum that fuels
this is fear shame and regret and the
way society judges
dr. Ngaba Marte who talks about trauma
and how it leads to addiction and I
agree but there’s a second kind of
addiction that is not properly
understood but sorry a second kind of
trauma that’s not properly understood I
call it the trauma of after this is
where people fall victim to societal
entrapment of modern addictions by
design socially intentional environments
and products that from predatory
industries that we have socially
normalized that harm our well-being we
fail to understand the moment that when
we do something reckless and impulsive
outside of our core beliefs that impact
causes fracture I call it the fracture
of self and people were then haunted by
that shame it breaks my heart when
people refer to themselves by labels I’m
an alcoholic I’m a gambler I’m an addict
I gently correct them and try and
reconnect them to ensure that they never
forget that to err is human
people say to me you’re so brave for
sharing your story
why because whilst we continue to equate
sharing vulnerably with bravery we
unconsciously allows so much space for
stigma and shame to thrive we’re
fundamentally afraid of our humanity
desperate to conceal it at all costs and
I know because I almost paid the
ultimate price
people think that successful recovery is
that you’ve stopped whatever it is well
I had had periods of stopping over the
years but I still wasn’t okay because I
thought that the mistakes that I had
made had disqualified me from ever being
whole again or worthy of a normal life
that unconscious oppression the burden
of recovery kept me swirling around the
whirlpool what followed that point of
despair in 2012 was a journey that I
didn’t expect in fact I didn’t even
think it was possible but as the baby
inside me grew I too grew in knowledge
about learning about myself and all that
was that play it was the beginning of
the rebuilding of me in every way
I curiously dived into the research and
learning because I couldn’t shake the
thought of if it happened to me I knew
what’s happening to others right now
eight Australians a day take their life
and nearly 800,000 globally each year
but how could I shift the hopelessness
that was now so visible all around me
the decision to share my story was not
easy and I naively thought that the
gambling industry might not know of the
harm that they caused well my eyes are
wide open now I realized that they knew
long before I ever walked into a club
they knew and they had no intention then
or now to reduce those harms to protect
people and both sides of government have
allowed the industry to multiply and
flourish for decades understanding this
fact devastated me my personal advocacy
has been a light for many but it goes
way beyond this space because gambling
was only my journey through pain the
nonprofit organization I founded called
the Hope Project focuses on the
prevention of all struggles by
humanizing it and bridging the gap in EQ
education and highlighting the
importance of sustainable mental health
I’ve been fortunate to work with
changemakers and future focused
organizations because they’ve allowed me
to equip and facilitate vulnerable
conversations both here and abroad and
until we start having them then people
stay only at surface level hiding inside
of themselves
we changed the vernacular of addiction
from negative to positive from what’s
wrong with me to what do I need to learn
about myself or my environment we
changed the system of the whirlpool of
shame to a linear system of
understanding well-being first and move
along pathways to grow through struggle
because struggle is just an opportunity
to come awake and pay attention in our
world and not be defined by it because
struggle was actually an invitation to
just come awake and pay closer attention
an identifying overwhelm as the thief of
passion and purpose it’s so important in
our society because we hear it I’m
overwhelmed at work I’m overwhelmed at
school I’m overwhelmed with the kids
overwhelm is the thief or passionate and
purpose and it creates apathy and it is
the precursor to addiction and mental
health struggles we have to start
listening to what our minds and bodies
are saying and I created this little
tool to equip a better conversation that
you can have with yourself or with
another awake is the acronym that helps
you to identify what area of blindness
you’re experiencing what am I not aware
of what do I need am i being authentic
am i keeping my eyes forward and am I
being mindful every day and on the back
the census acronym helps you to identify
what emotions driving your behavior it’s
so easy for us to get caught up in our
world
but we need to check in with ourselves
daily and be the protectors of our
well-being it’s my hope that one day
soon a wake will be just normal everyday
vernacular used to equip simple
knowledge with concepts that right now
people don’t even talk about I believe a
fresh perspective constructive
conversations and new skills in
awareness we can break the tide of
hopelessness and call back a society
that is addiction proof
[Applause]
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