one I fear that my legacy will be an
unfinished poem like the ones that fill
my notebook I do not want to look back
on my life and see that it could have
been so much more than it turned out to
be – my life is a series of almost I
fear that I will never know greatness
that I will not be able to stay around
long enough to even become good enough
to be great at anything 3 I often feel
like I do not belong like a concert in a
library a red dress at a Funeral I am a
magnet for wide-eyed looks people will
not always tell you when your different
is showing but their eyes will browse
raised in confusion it is more polite to
say you are one of a kind than to try
understanding why they will say you are
unique claim variety is the spice of
life laugh it off then dismiss the
moment because it feels too much like a
turtleneck in the summertime these
compliments will always feel more like
insults for I’m in a perpetual state of
barely getting by of trying to catch up
ironic that someone so full speed ahead
can so easily get left behind five when
people tell me I am amazing I do not
believe them I smile give thanks and
hope not to be discovered I am a fraud
if only they knew that my
accomplishments feel a lot more like
accidents as if the universe sometimes
makes mistakes in my favor like a glitch
in the solar system a data error someone
somewhere must have spelled my name
wrong I hope no one notices 6 the best
of intentions with the worst execution I
am what happens when a brilliant idea
meets a terrible mistake 7 my life must
look a lot like the 4th of July upon
arrival I like the sky bright loud and
temporary I am a beautiful explosion but
only for a moment a short-lived
spectacle a pyrotechnic poet I have
always wished our more fireplace than
firework 8 I have a love-hate
relationship with a pill bottle I am now
at 60 milligrams of adderall a day when
I don’t take it I feel useless but when
I do the dry mouth plagues me and I am
less myself but I guess that is a good
thing people say they see the difference
say I’m more pleasant and agreeable
I wonder if I am medicated to make
everyone else’s life easier
9 I wish my life were easier wish I
wasn’t such a problem such a series of
unfortunate events there are only so
many apologies you get until I’m sorry
is no longer enough thank you
so with ADHD there are good days and bad
days safe to say I wrote that poem on a
bad day pushing boundaries is something
that has always come naturally to me
I had displayed textbook symptoms of
ADHD my entire life but because it
manifests differently in women and girls
we tend to be diagnosed a lot later in
life I wasn’t diagnosed until my first
year at Community College that was where
I met my first boundary after struggling
to the point of Tears in a remedial math
class the professor noticed that my low
grades were not for a lack of effort
College had always been on my agenda I
had always dreamed of being the first in
my family to earn a degree but it was
turning out to be a lot harder than I
ever imagined the professor recommended
that I get evaluated for a learning
disability and I did and the counselor I
met with after that said Angela you know
you should really think about taking up
a trade trade school might be best for
someone like you people with ADHD don’t
tend to do very well in higher education
and you don’t want to set yourself up
for that kind of emotional turmoil or
set yourself up for failure I don’t know
about you but someone tells me I can’t
do something I take great pride in
proving them wrong so when I transferred
to Cal State LA in 2008 one of the first
stops I made was to the office for
students with disabilities I met with my
counselor dr. Silverstein there and I
had was a very nervous and awkward
transfer student who was newly diagnosed
with ADHD and I had no idea what that
was going to mean for me my family my
life or my education for all I knew back
then ADHD was this debilitated disease
that was going to eat away at my brain
and turn me into some like zombie one of
the perks of ADHD is having a very vivid
imagination but anyway dr. Silverstein
sits me down in his office and said
something to me that I’ll never forget
with a smile on his face he said Angela
ADHD is not a prison sentence you have a
learning disability but you are not
disabled some people would say that you
think outside the box but it’s more like
you don’t even really know where the box
is and I laugh and I exhaled and I took
that mantra with me for the rest of my
life it’s been a long road to
self-acceptance I will tell you that but
the thing I want you all to leave here
with today is not only a sense of
compassion for people who are living
with ADHD and other invisible
disabilities it’s the fact that my life
has taken an unconventional but
extraordinary path because
of it and that is because I’ve learned
that it’s okay to be different and more
important it’s okay to ask for help and
accept it when you need it ADHD is
characterized by three symptoms
inattention impulsivity and in
hyperactivity in my poem I say that my
life is a series of almost one of the
characteristics of ADHD is not being
able to carry out tasks to full
completion like most people with it I’ve
started so many projects and not
finished them some of those being a
clothing line a film editing career
advertising school and even a teaching
credential see I’m an excellent starter
I can start almost anything starting is
not the problem for me I get ideas by
the minute
but it’s the finishing that always seems
to elude me for me asking for help
started with accommodations under the
American Disabilities Act employers and
schools are required by law to provide
people with disabilities accommodations
– for them to order to funk in order for
them to function successfully so what
are accommodations accommodations are an
alteration of an environment or a
curriculum format or equipment that
allows an individual with a disability
to gain access to content and
demonstrate their knowledge these can
include double time on tests or
assignments the use of assistive tech
devices such as an iPad or in my case
today a teleprompter the use of a quiet
room free of distractions for tests
allowing students to demonstrate
knowledge in unconventional ways such as
creating a video instead of writing an
essay identifying the needs of a student
is important that’s what accommodations
are it’s really just identifying those
needs and needing them so that students
can demonstrate their knowledge if a
child can’t learn the way you teach then
you need to teach the way they learn and
that is how I feel accommodations don’t
change what you’re learning they change
how you’re learning it they make it
easier for someone to learn this brings
me to equality versus equity this slide
demonstrates the difference between
equality and equity equality is treating
everyone the same but equity is giving
everyone what they need to be successful
the crates these kids are standing on
represent accommodations notice how
their needs are different but once their
needs are met there
ability to access or watch the game
becomes the same equality aims to
promote fairness but it can only work if
everyone starts from the same place and
needs the same help which we know is not
always the case at Cal State LA I
learned to advocate for myself I learned
to ask for help when I needed it and I
learned that a huge part of my education
was going to be me speaking up for
myself in order to gain access to the
curriculum because of that in 2011 with
the help from my family friends
professors and counselors I pushed
through my third boundary and graduated
from this institution with my bachelor’s
during communication studies with an
emphasis in rhetoric and social change
I had finally started something and
finished it but I wasn’t done yet it was
2010 and I found myself teaching poetry
through a nonprofit called collective
voices at an alternative school called
learning works in my hometown of
Pasadena
that was what I found my purpose I
wouldn’t have been able to tell you back
then but teaching teaching would be the
thing that changed me it would end up
being where I felt my most beautiful it
would be where time would stop and where
everything would start to make sense but
when I combined my two loves with poetry
and teaching that was where the magic
really happened for me teaching feels a
lot like flying it’s like I’m the pilot
flying a plane and my students are my
passengers but I’m in control it’s my
job to get them to their destination
safely which is ultimately the discovery
of who they are but the journey is up to
me but the you know keep in mind flying
requires grace control and reliability
and up until then I’d never known that
kind of race or control outside of
teaching I was and still am out of
control in a lot of ways ADHD has its
own special way of making you the most
interesting person in any room and by
interesting I just mean the person with
the most bizarre stories like the time I
locked my car my keys in my car nine
times in one month or the time I
multiple times I worked all night on an
essay only to get to school and realize
I forgot my backpack or the times I got
my car repo’d not because I didn’t have
the money to pay the car payment but
because I just forgot to pay the payment
three months in a row or how about just
last week when I was headlining a
university show but I showed up 20
minutes late to my own show
not because of traffic like I had told
them but because I hadn’t misplaced my
phone at work and couldn’t leave without
it because the navigation and I
eventually found it in the refrigerator
or the most applicable one last night
while I was supposed to be rehearsing
for this talk I found myself distracted
by the sudden need to search the
internet for today’s outfit inspiration
obviously by looking to my generations
undisputed style icon the nanny
but anyway that’s neither here nor there
not to mention while all these
adventures are part of my daily life my
car house office and head are often in
complete disarray like clothes and
papers just everywhere all the time my
friends will tell you the point is I had
finally found my still point in my
turning world teaching was my thing and
all of a sudden I’m at the head of a
classroom and all of a sudden I have
answers me of all people the girl who
once accidentally flushed her keys down
the cart down the toilet is suddenly pop
poised calm and why is even but after a
few years of teaching I started to get
tired none of the kids but of myself it
is emotionally exhausting to look at
their to look my students in their eye
week after week and sincerely tell them
to follow their dreams while
simultaneously running from my own as a
poetry teacher I had created an entire
contemporary class curriculum based
around the poetry of my peers I am part
of the la poetry community and for a lot
of years I watched and cheered for my
friends as they complete competed in
slams row books and were even paid to
perform a huge universities
I watched them make a living out of
their art and for the longest time I
secretly wanted that for myself but I
pretended I didn’t I did that because I
was scared scared that I wasn’t good
enough and my poem I say when people
tell me I am amazing I do not believe
them I smile give thanks and hope not to
be discovered I am a fraud
truth be told fear and inadequacy have
been the prevailing themes in my own
life I have allowed fear to stop my arms
from reaching so many times a person
with ADHD is six times more likely to
have another psychiatric or learning
disorder than most other people
ADHD usually overlaps with other
disorders so after being clinically
diagnosed with depression anxiety and
ADHD in 2008 I began therapy and
medication for the long journey toward
healing from the irrational scars these
invisible disabilities have left behind
I began to realize that they had managed
to slither their way into almost every
aspect of my life but it wasn’t until I
began teaching that I really began to
hold myself accountable if I was going
to be a real teacher or a good one at
least I was going to have to live up to
the same standards I was holding my
students to and that means
I had to try by then I had a whole bunch
of poems and I had been performing at
open mics for at least five years sure
had a lot of cool ideas but I had to
face the fact that ideas in and of
themselves mean nothing ideas without
follow-through are just dreams and
dreams don’t pay the rent they don’t get
you a degree they don’t finish paintings
or films or create movements that make
the world a better place and they damn
sure don’t show the world what you are
capable of actions do that’s why in 2015
I applied to a writing program at USC
called the community literature
initiative this program focuses on
teaching writers in LA how to create
poetry of publishable quality the course
is a 10-month training program to refine
works in progress in to finalize
manuscripts ready for publication they
only accept 14 poetry students a year
and that year I happened to be one of
them I was scared to death that my ADHD
would hold me back I’ve never been a
discipline writer I’m more of a free
spirit hippy Child kind of a writer like
yeah man whenever the poem comes it just
comes but being accepted into this
program meant two things one that I was
going to have to start considering
myself a real poet like I did my friends
and to that I was going to have to start
believing my poems were good enough to
become a real book that people should
actually buy with real money those were
two things that I had never thought
about before in my poem I say my life
must look a lot like the fourth of July
upon my arrival I like the sky bright
loud and temporary I am a beautiful
explosion but only for a moment I have
always wished I were more fireplace than
firework and that still rings true but
in 2016 my first book was published by
the world state’s press and it was
called confessions of a firework and it
was dedicated to my students
so rewind back to 2015 it may have been
my newfound confidence and actually
starting to take my career as a writer
seriously or combined with the lack of
visibility of Latinas and la poetry
scene but something sparked with two my
friend Jessica and I we knew he wanted
to start something we just didn’t quite
know what it was going to be it quickly
morphed into a large-scale version of
what our friendship already was
homegirls supporting home world we
decided we would form a collective and
searching on a fire was born she in
Ghana is the Spanish slang term meaning
badass woman how many y’all in here are
badass women that’s what I thought so
Ching gonna fire is the alchemy that
occurs when badass women come together
and set the world on fire so a Chan
gonna is any woman who chooses to live
her life on her own terms period it is
not limited to Latinas anyone can meet
Ching gonna so in just one year we
curate monthly poetry events and writing
workshops for women featuring women and
produce solely by women in just one year
of existence we’ve started somewhat of a
movement it’s our mission to create
space and visibility for and to promote
solidarity among all women and in only
one year we’ve had 10 sold-out events in
LA been paid to perform at countless
events and universities as a duo and
individually and we just recently
reached 11,000 Instagram followers which
was a big deal for us and we just got
back from our first out-of-state trip to
Wisconsin where we were asked to be the
keynote speakers of a multicultural
conference at the University of
Wisconsin La Crosse
yesterday and I both deal with
depression and anxiety so in a lot of
ways we have become each other’s support
system the fact is we have started a
business and that was something I never
thought my ADHD would allow starting a
business requires long-term commitment
constant checking of and replying to
emails showing up on time to meetings
and managing money all things that don’t
come naturally to me at all but the
great thing about our partnership is
that she has not tried to change me she
meets me where I’m at she understands
that my ADHD causes me to think and
process things differently than she does
and she lets me stick to what I’m good
at
she takes care of all the dates but she
downloaded a Google Calendar and linked
our booking email to my phone so that I
could feel empowered to participate in
the booking of the negotiation together
we inspire women every day to push
boundaries with our friendship and our
lives we push the boundary of body
positivity
respectability politics and what is
possible for people living with mental
illness together we are working toward
leaving a legacy and that is something I
am truly proud of leaving a legacy is a
lot like starting a fire for some people
were born with matches in their back
pocket and some of us were only given
two sticks to rub together see the spark
is the same but if setting the spark is
the journey if you weren’t one of the
lucky ones if a lighter wasn’t handed
down to you on a silver platter than the
best you can do is rub those two sticks
together until you create a spark and
the fact of the matter is this way may
take longer and it may be more daunting
but but it will always mean more and I
know this this analogy can frustrate us
it’s not what we want to hear but the
thing is it is the truth the fact is
creating fire allowed the expansion of
human activity to proceed into the
darker and colder hours of the night
flames are the part of the fire we can
see they can be different colors
depending on what the substance that is
burning which is to say your legacy does
not have to look the same as anyone
elses and that’s what we forget my life
hasn’t turned out at all the way I
imagined it it has turned out better the
moment I began to embrace the part of
Who I am that makes me different instead
of rejecting it is the moment I began to
live my fullest life the boundary of
ADHD is still there every single day but
I never stopped pushing back against it
and neither should you whether you have
a learning disability or not whether
it’s a mental illness or domestic
violence if you are struggling with
racism sexism homophobia you can’t be
afraid to ask for support when you need
it and you can’t let the boundaries that
live places in front of you stop you
from becoming who you were meant to be
last month I received a phone call that
added to my own personal legacy
California Senator Anthony Portantino
had chosen to honor me as one of his 10
selected women of the year I couldn’t
believe it I was speechless which is a
state most people with ADHD don’t
usually find themselves in as you can
tell by the length of this speech but
anyway I’m not telling you this to brag
of course it is an amazing
accomplishment and I was the youngest of
the recipients so I was in the presence
of some real England eyes that day as
you can see but my point is is that
Senator Portantino is a very established
and respected politician he represents
California’s 25th state Senate District
but his life didn’t take a very
conventional path either prior to his
election to the assembly
spent many years working in film and
television as a production manager a
producer and art director and a location
manager as a politician he has a long
and distinguished record of public
service which includes nearly eight
years on city council with two terms as
mayor and now he’s a senator an
interesting path into politics in his
introduction to me that day to everyone
that day he had a personal anecdote but
he didn’t know me personally so I was
curious as to what he was going to say
that day I was the last to receive the
award and I didn’t know him personally
so I was curious as what he was going to
say he revealed that he had not only
read my book but that a certain poem had
struck a chord with this ADHD senator as
he called himself I stood there in awe
and listen to him finish the intro but
my mind was somewhere else I was looking
at this man who had accomplished so much
in his lifetime a man who was doing so
much for the community and a man who was
highly respected in his field but I was
also looking at a man with ADHD a man
who had pushed his boundary so far back
that they no longer existed the senator
had seen myself in my poem he had seen
himself in my poem and that is why he
chose to honor me that day in that
moment I no longer felt like a fraud I
finally felt affirmed not only as a poet
but as a person who like him is not only
living but thriving with ADHD and that
is something that I’m very proud of
thank you
you
unfinished poem like the ones that fill
my notebook I do not want to look back
on my life and see that it could have
been so much more than it turned out to
be – my life is a series of almost I
fear that I will never know greatness
that I will not be able to stay around
long enough to even become good enough
to be great at anything 3 I often feel
like I do not belong like a concert in a
library a red dress at a Funeral I am a
magnet for wide-eyed looks people will
not always tell you when your different
is showing but their eyes will browse
raised in confusion it is more polite to
say you are one of a kind than to try
understanding why they will say you are
unique claim variety is the spice of
life laugh it off then dismiss the
moment because it feels too much like a
turtleneck in the summertime these
compliments will always feel more like
insults for I’m in a perpetual state of
barely getting by of trying to catch up
ironic that someone so full speed ahead
can so easily get left behind five when
people tell me I am amazing I do not
believe them I smile give thanks and
hope not to be discovered I am a fraud
if only they knew that my
accomplishments feel a lot more like
accidents as if the universe sometimes
makes mistakes in my favor like a glitch
in the solar system a data error someone
somewhere must have spelled my name
wrong I hope no one notices 6 the best
of intentions with the worst execution I
am what happens when a brilliant idea
meets a terrible mistake 7 my life must
look a lot like the 4th of July upon
arrival I like the sky bright loud and
temporary I am a beautiful explosion but
only for a moment a short-lived
spectacle a pyrotechnic poet I have
always wished our more fireplace than
firework 8 I have a love-hate
relationship with a pill bottle I am now
at 60 milligrams of adderall a day when
I don’t take it I feel useless but when
I do the dry mouth plagues me and I am
less myself but I guess that is a good
thing people say they see the difference
say I’m more pleasant and agreeable
I wonder if I am medicated to make
everyone else’s life easier
9 I wish my life were easier wish I
wasn’t such a problem such a series of
unfortunate events there are only so
many apologies you get until I’m sorry
is no longer enough thank you
so with ADHD there are good days and bad
days safe to say I wrote that poem on a
bad day pushing boundaries is something
that has always come naturally to me
I had displayed textbook symptoms of
ADHD my entire life but because it
manifests differently in women and girls
we tend to be diagnosed a lot later in
life I wasn’t diagnosed until my first
year at Community College that was where
I met my first boundary after struggling
to the point of Tears in a remedial math
class the professor noticed that my low
grades were not for a lack of effort
College had always been on my agenda I
had always dreamed of being the first in
my family to earn a degree but it was
turning out to be a lot harder than I
ever imagined the professor recommended
that I get evaluated for a learning
disability and I did and the counselor I
met with after that said Angela you know
you should really think about taking up
a trade trade school might be best for
someone like you people with ADHD don’t
tend to do very well in higher education
and you don’t want to set yourself up
for that kind of emotional turmoil or
set yourself up for failure I don’t know
about you but someone tells me I can’t
do something I take great pride in
proving them wrong so when I transferred
to Cal State LA in 2008 one of the first
stops I made was to the office for
students with disabilities I met with my
counselor dr. Silverstein there and I
had was a very nervous and awkward
transfer student who was newly diagnosed
with ADHD and I had no idea what that
was going to mean for me my family my
life or my education for all I knew back
then ADHD was this debilitated disease
that was going to eat away at my brain
and turn me into some like zombie one of
the perks of ADHD is having a very vivid
imagination but anyway dr. Silverstein
sits me down in his office and said
something to me that I’ll never forget
with a smile on his face he said Angela
ADHD is not a prison sentence you have a
learning disability but you are not
disabled some people would say that you
think outside the box but it’s more like
you don’t even really know where the box
is and I laugh and I exhaled and I took
that mantra with me for the rest of my
life it’s been a long road to
self-acceptance I will tell you that but
the thing I want you all to leave here
with today is not only a sense of
compassion for people who are living
with ADHD and other invisible
disabilities it’s the fact that my life
has taken an unconventional but
extraordinary path because
of it and that is because I’ve learned
that it’s okay to be different and more
important it’s okay to ask for help and
accept it when you need it ADHD is
characterized by three symptoms
inattention impulsivity and in
hyperactivity in my poem I say that my
life is a series of almost one of the
characteristics of ADHD is not being
able to carry out tasks to full
completion like most people with it I’ve
started so many projects and not
finished them some of those being a
clothing line a film editing career
advertising school and even a teaching
credential see I’m an excellent starter
I can start almost anything starting is
not the problem for me I get ideas by
the minute
but it’s the finishing that always seems
to elude me for me asking for help
started with accommodations under the
American Disabilities Act employers and
schools are required by law to provide
people with disabilities accommodations
– for them to order to funk in order for
them to function successfully so what
are accommodations accommodations are an
alteration of an environment or a
curriculum format or equipment that
allows an individual with a disability
to gain access to content and
demonstrate their knowledge these can
include double time on tests or
assignments the use of assistive tech
devices such as an iPad or in my case
today a teleprompter the use of a quiet
room free of distractions for tests
allowing students to demonstrate
knowledge in unconventional ways such as
creating a video instead of writing an
essay identifying the needs of a student
is important that’s what accommodations
are it’s really just identifying those
needs and needing them so that students
can demonstrate their knowledge if a
child can’t learn the way you teach then
you need to teach the way they learn and
that is how I feel accommodations don’t
change what you’re learning they change
how you’re learning it they make it
easier for someone to learn this brings
me to equality versus equity this slide
demonstrates the difference between
equality and equity equality is treating
everyone the same but equity is giving
everyone what they need to be successful
the crates these kids are standing on
represent accommodations notice how
their needs are different but once their
needs are met there
ability to access or watch the game
becomes the same equality aims to
promote fairness but it can only work if
everyone starts from the same place and
needs the same help which we know is not
always the case at Cal State LA I
learned to advocate for myself I learned
to ask for help when I needed it and I
learned that a huge part of my education
was going to be me speaking up for
myself in order to gain access to the
curriculum because of that in 2011 with
the help from my family friends
professors and counselors I pushed
through my third boundary and graduated
from this institution with my bachelor’s
during communication studies with an
emphasis in rhetoric and social change
I had finally started something and
finished it but I wasn’t done yet it was
2010 and I found myself teaching poetry
through a nonprofit called collective
voices at an alternative school called
learning works in my hometown of
Pasadena
that was what I found my purpose I
wouldn’t have been able to tell you back
then but teaching teaching would be the
thing that changed me it would end up
being where I felt my most beautiful it
would be where time would stop and where
everything would start to make sense but
when I combined my two loves with poetry
and teaching that was where the magic
really happened for me teaching feels a
lot like flying it’s like I’m the pilot
flying a plane and my students are my
passengers but I’m in control it’s my
job to get them to their destination
safely which is ultimately the discovery
of who they are but the journey is up to
me but the you know keep in mind flying
requires grace control and reliability
and up until then I’d never known that
kind of race or control outside of
teaching I was and still am out of
control in a lot of ways ADHD has its
own special way of making you the most
interesting person in any room and by
interesting I just mean the person with
the most bizarre stories like the time I
locked my car my keys in my car nine
times in one month or the time I
multiple times I worked all night on an
essay only to get to school and realize
I forgot my backpack or the times I got
my car repo’d not because I didn’t have
the money to pay the car payment but
because I just forgot to pay the payment
three months in a row or how about just
last week when I was headlining a
university show but I showed up 20
minutes late to my own show
not because of traffic like I had told
them but because I hadn’t misplaced my
phone at work and couldn’t leave without
it because the navigation and I
eventually found it in the refrigerator
or the most applicable one last night
while I was supposed to be rehearsing
for this talk I found myself distracted
by the sudden need to search the
internet for today’s outfit inspiration
obviously by looking to my generations
undisputed style icon the nanny
but anyway that’s neither here nor there
not to mention while all these
adventures are part of my daily life my
car house office and head are often in
complete disarray like clothes and
papers just everywhere all the time my
friends will tell you the point is I had
finally found my still point in my
turning world teaching was my thing and
all of a sudden I’m at the head of a
classroom and all of a sudden I have
answers me of all people the girl who
once accidentally flushed her keys down
the cart down the toilet is suddenly pop
poised calm and why is even but after a
few years of teaching I started to get
tired none of the kids but of myself it
is emotionally exhausting to look at
their to look my students in their eye
week after week and sincerely tell them
to follow their dreams while
simultaneously running from my own as a
poetry teacher I had created an entire
contemporary class curriculum based
around the poetry of my peers I am part
of the la poetry community and for a lot
of years I watched and cheered for my
friends as they complete competed in
slams row books and were even paid to
perform a huge universities
I watched them make a living out of
their art and for the longest time I
secretly wanted that for myself but I
pretended I didn’t I did that because I
was scared scared that I wasn’t good
enough and my poem I say when people
tell me I am amazing I do not believe
them I smile give thanks and hope not to
be discovered I am a fraud
truth be told fear and inadequacy have
been the prevailing themes in my own
life I have allowed fear to stop my arms
from reaching so many times a person
with ADHD is six times more likely to
have another psychiatric or learning
disorder than most other people
ADHD usually overlaps with other
disorders so after being clinically
diagnosed with depression anxiety and
ADHD in 2008 I began therapy and
medication for the long journey toward
healing from the irrational scars these
invisible disabilities have left behind
I began to realize that they had managed
to slither their way into almost every
aspect of my life but it wasn’t until I
began teaching that I really began to
hold myself accountable if I was going
to be a real teacher or a good one at
least I was going to have to live up to
the same standards I was holding my
students to and that means
I had to try by then I had a whole bunch
of poems and I had been performing at
open mics for at least five years sure
had a lot of cool ideas but I had to
face the fact that ideas in and of
themselves mean nothing ideas without
follow-through are just dreams and
dreams don’t pay the rent they don’t get
you a degree they don’t finish paintings
or films or create movements that make
the world a better place and they damn
sure don’t show the world what you are
capable of actions do that’s why in 2015
I applied to a writing program at USC
called the community literature
initiative this program focuses on
teaching writers in LA how to create
poetry of publishable quality the course
is a 10-month training program to refine
works in progress in to finalize
manuscripts ready for publication they
only accept 14 poetry students a year
and that year I happened to be one of
them I was scared to death that my ADHD
would hold me back I’ve never been a
discipline writer I’m more of a free
spirit hippy Child kind of a writer like
yeah man whenever the poem comes it just
comes but being accepted into this
program meant two things one that I was
going to have to start considering
myself a real poet like I did my friends
and to that I was going to have to start
believing my poems were good enough to
become a real book that people should
actually buy with real money those were
two things that I had never thought
about before in my poem I say my life
must look a lot like the fourth of July
upon my arrival I like the sky bright
loud and temporary I am a beautiful
explosion but only for a moment I have
always wished I were more fireplace than
firework and that still rings true but
in 2016 my first book was published by
the world state’s press and it was
called confessions of a firework and it
was dedicated to my students
so rewind back to 2015 it may have been
my newfound confidence and actually
starting to take my career as a writer
seriously or combined with the lack of
visibility of Latinas and la poetry
scene but something sparked with two my
friend Jessica and I we knew he wanted
to start something we just didn’t quite
know what it was going to be it quickly
morphed into a large-scale version of
what our friendship already was
homegirls supporting home world we
decided we would form a collective and
searching on a fire was born she in
Ghana is the Spanish slang term meaning
badass woman how many y’all in here are
badass women that’s what I thought so
Ching gonna fire is the alchemy that
occurs when badass women come together
and set the world on fire so a Chan
gonna is any woman who chooses to live
her life on her own terms period it is
not limited to Latinas anyone can meet
Ching gonna so in just one year we
curate monthly poetry events and writing
workshops for women featuring women and
produce solely by women in just one year
of existence we’ve started somewhat of a
movement it’s our mission to create
space and visibility for and to promote
solidarity among all women and in only
one year we’ve had 10 sold-out events in
LA been paid to perform at countless
events and universities as a duo and
individually and we just recently
reached 11,000 Instagram followers which
was a big deal for us and we just got
back from our first out-of-state trip to
Wisconsin where we were asked to be the
keynote speakers of a multicultural
conference at the University of
Wisconsin La Crosse
yesterday and I both deal with
depression and anxiety so in a lot of
ways we have become each other’s support
system the fact is we have started a
business and that was something I never
thought my ADHD would allow starting a
business requires long-term commitment
constant checking of and replying to
emails showing up on time to meetings
and managing money all things that don’t
come naturally to me at all but the
great thing about our partnership is
that she has not tried to change me she
meets me where I’m at she understands
that my ADHD causes me to think and
process things differently than she does
and she lets me stick to what I’m good
at
she takes care of all the dates but she
downloaded a Google Calendar and linked
our booking email to my phone so that I
could feel empowered to participate in
the booking of the negotiation together
we inspire women every day to push
boundaries with our friendship and our
lives we push the boundary of body
positivity
respectability politics and what is
possible for people living with mental
illness together we are working toward
leaving a legacy and that is something I
am truly proud of leaving a legacy is a
lot like starting a fire for some people
were born with matches in their back
pocket and some of us were only given
two sticks to rub together see the spark
is the same but if setting the spark is
the journey if you weren’t one of the
lucky ones if a lighter wasn’t handed
down to you on a silver platter than the
best you can do is rub those two sticks
together until you create a spark and
the fact of the matter is this way may
take longer and it may be more daunting
but but it will always mean more and I
know this this analogy can frustrate us
it’s not what we want to hear but the
thing is it is the truth the fact is
creating fire allowed the expansion of
human activity to proceed into the
darker and colder hours of the night
flames are the part of the fire we can
see they can be different colors
depending on what the substance that is
burning which is to say your legacy does
not have to look the same as anyone
elses and that’s what we forget my life
hasn’t turned out at all the way I
imagined it it has turned out better the
moment I began to embrace the part of
Who I am that makes me different instead
of rejecting it is the moment I began to
live my fullest life the boundary of
ADHD is still there every single day but
I never stopped pushing back against it
and neither should you whether you have
a learning disability or not whether
it’s a mental illness or domestic
violence if you are struggling with
racism sexism homophobia you can’t be
afraid to ask for support when you need
it and you can’t let the boundaries that
live places in front of you stop you
from becoming who you were meant to be
last month I received a phone call that
added to my own personal legacy
California Senator Anthony Portantino
had chosen to honor me as one of his 10
selected women of the year I couldn’t
believe it I was speechless which is a
state most people with ADHD don’t
usually find themselves in as you can
tell by the length of this speech but
anyway I’m not telling you this to brag
of course it is an amazing
accomplishment and I was the youngest of
the recipients so I was in the presence
of some real England eyes that day as
you can see but my point is is that
Senator Portantino is a very established
and respected politician he represents
California’s 25th state Senate District
but his life didn’t take a very
conventional path either prior to his
election to the assembly
spent many years working in film and
television as a production manager a
producer and art director and a location
manager as a politician he has a long
and distinguished record of public
service which includes nearly eight
years on city council with two terms as
mayor and now he’s a senator an
interesting path into politics in his
introduction to me that day to everyone
that day he had a personal anecdote but
he didn’t know me personally so I was
curious as to what he was going to say
that day I was the last to receive the
award and I didn’t know him personally
so I was curious as what he was going to
say he revealed that he had not only
read my book but that a certain poem had
struck a chord with this ADHD senator as
he called himself I stood there in awe
and listen to him finish the intro but
my mind was somewhere else I was looking
at this man who had accomplished so much
in his lifetime a man who was doing so
much for the community and a man who was
highly respected in his field but I was
also looking at a man with ADHD a man
who had pushed his boundary so far back
that they no longer existed the senator
had seen myself in my poem he had seen
himself in my poem and that is why he
chose to honor me that day in that
moment I no longer felt like a fraud I
finally felt affirmed not only as a poet
but as a person who like him is not only
living but thriving with ADHD and that
is something that I’m very proud of
thank you
you
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