hello my name is Trisha and I am an
adult child of an alcoholic when I
recall my childhood I can remember that
my father loved me very deeply and he
would do anything for our family however
he suffered from major depression and
childhood trauma he was an immigrant who
was financially struggling to support
our family and he was in pursuit of the
American dream he often felt that he was
failing and as a result he would drink
heavily and when he did he would be
emotionally abusive to my mother and to
me at home I would feel scared and
unsafe I so desperately wanted my father
to be happy again and I couldn’t fix
this and this pain would be so deep
within me that I would hide within
myself and I would escape in my books my
academics and my theater arts in hopes
that I would find safety there my
greatest fear in school as if kids
really knew what was happening at home
what they still liked me and this would
lead me into a never-ending negative
thinking loop that would sound a lot
like this there’s something wrong with
me I’m not good enough and I’m not safe
these beliefs would affect me for the
rest of my life even into my adulthood
see my conclusion was how can I make
meaningful relationships with others if
I can’t even connect to my whole self so
it was around this time I decided to
begin my own therapy sessions it was in
actually my early 20s my therapist and I
began work on my childhood traumas we
made great accomplishments together but
I continued to feel shame for what
happened in the past it was around this
time I was preparing for my oral
examination
which is required obtaining my master’s
degree in graduate school I was
experiencing some of the worst anxiety
had ever felt my entire life I couldn’t
take it anymore
and I asked her there’s got to be
another way and then she recommended a
new therapy EMDR eye movement
desensitization reprocessing I’ve never
heard of this before but I was willing
to try anything within four EMDR
sessions my anxiety was disappearing I
was experiencing powerful insights that
I never experienced before in previous
sessions and I was healing rapidly have
you ever seen something so beautiful
that it left you speechless that’s how I
felt about EMDR I wanted to know
everything about it where it came from
how it came to exist and how could I
begin to use this in my own therapy
sessions with my clients see eyes
consider this knowledge a gift that I
want to continue to pay forward and I’m
compelled today to share with you my own
personal story of how EMDR has allowed
me to heal from my own childhood traumas
but before I do this I would like to
talk with you about EMDR and how it came
to exist in 1987 dr. Francine Shapiro
discovered EMDR during a time that she
was battling cancer she was on a walk
and she observed that her disturbing
thoughts were disappearing she had not
done this deliberately at the moment of
reflection she realised her eyes were
rapidly moving so she came up with a
theory bilateral movement
eyes moving from left to right would
allow for disturbing memories to be seen
and new and less too stressful ways now
research studies are currently showing
that eye movement and EMDR resembles the
same process as REM sleep
rapid eye move
REM occurs in the same stage of sleep as
dreaming and although the exact
mechanisms are not well understood at
this time scientists believe that this
is where the brain can store memories
interpret lessons balance moods and
coincidentally it can process survival
information that typically comes from
traumatic experiences but unlike REM the
mind is completely awake during EMDR
therapy which allows for clients to be
able to process and access complexities
of their traumas so now that you know
what EMDR is I’d like to talk with you
about my own very personal experience of
what it was like to go through an AMD
recession so you may be wondering why I
have this backpack right it’s a simple
backpack one that we see all the time
it’s very easy to dismiss but this
backpack was one of the very first vivid
images that I saw on the first time that
I had my EMDR session my therapist asked
me to recall my worst performance
anxiety with the use of bilateral
movement and just like a flashback I was
a sophomore in high school not to give
my final monologue on stage and I was in
front of my drama class I was excited
expecting support delivering my lines
and then I was interrupted by the sounds
of whispering laughter and snickering I
felt horrified that day I told myself I
because it proved exactly what I thought
was true about myself is I wasn’t good
enough there was something wrong with me
it would also be a reminder that I
didn’t feel safe and I didn’t feel
protected by my teacher in the same way
a I felt towards my father at home and
then it would hit me all at once this
backpack was symbolic of lost childhood
innocence I felt like I lost the theatre
arts that day the same way I felt like I
lost my dad to alcohol and I felt no
longer that shame of I was just a kid
I was trying to fit in and belong in
school just like it wasn’t my fault
that my dad was an alcoholic and this
would be a powerful insight that would
be life-changing for me to recognize
this is finally I was able to confront
my negative thinking loop it was a
visceral experience so you can imagine
after experiencing my EMDR session I was
convinced I wanted to use this with my
own clients and so I began to be trained
and certified and EMDR I used it in my
private practice and my clients would
experience great healing as a result of
this this therapy but I began to observe
a clear pattern that was occurring my
clients would consistently come in and
deny that they had any traumas they
needed to work on when in fact they
always did
so why you have come up with my own
theory and that is we will all
experience a trauma at some point in our
lifetime the American Psychological
Association defines trauma as an
emotional response to a terrible event a
terrible event can be a life-threatening
moment such as combat an accident or
rape as well as a loss of a loved one a
loss of a job or even a significant
breakup and from a physiological
standpoint we look at trauma our bodies
will automatically go into fight flight
faint and freeze mode and our brains
will then memorize every aspect of the
perceived trauma taking in those five
senses to protect us from having to ever
experience that perceived danger ever
again and when you think about it that’s
exactly what happened to me in my body
my body and my brain I was going into
this never-ending negative thinking loop
the only difference this time was
bilateral movement was being introduced
that helped me to finally gain control
of my entire nervous system so my
childhood traumas have caused me to
disconnect from my whole self making it
difficult for me to have meaningful
relationships with others in my first
EMDR session I discovered that my body
my brain and my eyes could heal me I was
healing me and if this was possible this
proved that in fact there was nothing
wrong with me that I could heal myself
and this was significant to realize that
there was in fact not only nothing wrong
with me that it wasn’t my fault the same
way that all children deserve to feel
safe at home and at school I deserved
that as well and in realizing this I
would have genuine love and forgiveness
for all parts of myself
the traumatized self included so I leave
you with these final thoughts I am an
adult child of an alcoholic and I will
no longer be defined by my past traumas
I do believe that we will experience a
trauma at some point in our lifetime but
I also believe that we have the
capability of incredible tremendous
healing I’ve seen it with my very own
eyes as a client and as a therapist and
so with that
I asked each of you if we were all to
choose to process our most traumatized
memories and instead found our most kind
and compassionate selves I wonder what
you would see I also wonder how
different our world might be thank you
so much [Applause]