Caring for others, a very important point
I want to know how to help others
But our intentions are not always converted into
Ready-made ability and really help others
Imagine a five-year-old child
Stumbled into the room of my mom and dad
Surprised to find that his mother is crying
Mom is always very strong and has been solving problems for him.
Now he is eager to do something to make the crying mother strong, but he has been drowned by tears.
Mom’s crying, probably because of the embarrassing economic situation,
Bad work, or
Because he had a big fight with his partner.
But these are not a child who can understand the control.
He poured a glass of water intimately
And suggested that she can go downstairs to give her his favorite rabbit doll.
The urge to help will automatically emerge
Even if you don’t actually have the ability to help
Two people in love may be eager to support each other generously
But lack the skills to convey friendly intentions to each other
The result is that they feel isolated, resentful, and not loved.
We will be so distressed because we are not aware of a rare phenomenon that we do not often mention:
The concept of “help” is diverse and varies from person to person.
We tend to comfort others from our own perspective, in a way that we like to be comforted.
But when this doesn’t work, the troubles of being comforted will increase, because it feels more lonely without being understood.
Conversely, we will feel that he is not grateful and cold, and then vowed not to try to help again.
So, an important task is to try to understand that we need to convey love in a way that can be felt by our partners.
We may be the kind that, when it comes to sorrow or difficulty, the type that most needs to be confided first.
Our complaint may not be organized
We may repeat it several times, but we still can’t say this thing.
But it doesn’t matter, because what we want most is just a companion when we are sad.
I will always sit next to me and listen patiently.
We only need them to express their attention with their eyes instead of their mouths.
Come to feel our anger and understand our loss
At most, at the right time, pick up a sentence, “What?”, or a little supportive tone.
However, we definitely don’t want: answers, remedies, or ideal analysis
Let the other party pay for it, find a way, or talk about it when we are sad and silent.
We want them to listen to them because we really need help.
Not the specific things we mentioned
(Parking fines, family disputes, or delays in delivery)
But a feeling: most people I met
Can’t really spend time and energy to feel the way we live.
Maybe this is a long-standing situation:
Maybe in reality our parents have ideas, they are very busy and very successful.
But on the other hand, it is a little cold, indifferent
In this situation, they always use rational thinking immediately, and strive to push our difficult demands to the side.
Now, we can understand why simple “solving problems” cannot be an excuse for not listening to problems.
This is why simple “listening” is the key to making the other person feel cared for.
We may spend some time deliberately
Back to some places over and over again
Back over and over again, where our partners think they have finished
Revisit the small details in some stories, not to mislead each other
But this repeated discussion creates an atmosphere of concern.
This is the only way we care for and trust.
Acceptance, quiet attention
Come again, at the other end
“Caring” may not be perceived
Unless conveyed in a precise and specific “recommendation”
General sympathy doesn’t make much sense
We may want to hear a series of thoughts, like what to do next,
What should I do?
Who should I contact, how can I get a reply, and so on.
Others can easily say that they can understand our difficult situation.
And we prefer a specific plan.
“Caring” is in the eyes of your partner, a series of points listed on white paper.
and,
We may not shy away from seeing our partners are willing to spend money on our problems.
(They are for us) It’s not too time to be cherished
We prefer that they will spend money (for us) consulting with an accountant or lawyer.
Or ask us to have a great dinner.
Through the childhood of economic distress, we prefer to see the way of economic expenditure, so that we can really feel the support of being cared for.
We are not simply relieved by the words of others.
We have established a high degree of vigilance and do not believe in a simple verbal commitment.
For us, good memories are
When we were nine years old, when we were seriously injured and lying in the hospital,
An elderly elder unexpectedly gave us a great gift.
They never promised us a lot
(Maybe they are shy)
But this move really touched us.
We feel the true warmth and goodwill of others – as if for the first time
When I learned how valuable their gifts are
There are some different people, when we reveal our pain
The only thing we hope for is to hear: Everything will be fine!
We don’t mind that this may be unrealistic.
Despair will easily knock us down, we will easily find many reasons to give up
For more of us, “care” is a kind of hope.
Or, for some people, hope (the encouragement) will irritate us.
The way to calm us down is to explore the expected disaster
We don’t like a person to bear this fear
We hope that some people will explore this grim and bleak environment together:
Discussing prison, bankruptcy, headlines, death…
Only when our peers can keep up with our extremely negative discussions
We can be sure that we are not considered a ruthless sentimental by others.
But someone can be as honest as we are, and see the dangers and worry about them.
They may still support us even if we say something that is causing trouble
Hug, for some people, may be a small reaction to hear bad news
But for us, we can most effectively feel the care that comes from the heart.
Before we feel the help in thought, we need someone to soothe our body first.
When we close our eyes in pain, we are eager to be quietly held and surrendered to their solid embrace.
The help of the adult world may be related to the inner help of others.
But for us, physical contact can soothe our mood.
We are affected by childhood memories
Smart parents understand that sad, crying children do not need rational advice.
They need to be put on the bed, be held, and have a soft big hand stroking their heads
Unfortunately, we are easily irritated by the wrong way of care.
On the contrary, when our love is not appreciated, we are also easily annoyed.
Realizing that there are many ways to help, at least alert yourself, we are likely to misunderstand others
Not annoyed with the incompetence of our lover, or the wrong way of effort
We started to understand – maybe the first time we learned
The basic fact is that these noisy little friends are really trying to help us.
In turn, the way our partners care about us is the way they want to be cared for.
Care does not seem to stop only in the intention of caring:
This must include an unremitting efforts to bring our “love of love”
Transformed into a “language of love” that truly aligns with each other’s psychological and personal growth experiences
I want to know how to help others
But our intentions are not always converted into
Ready-made ability and really help others
Imagine a five-year-old child
Stumbled into the room of my mom and dad
Surprised to find that his mother is crying
Mom is always very strong and has been solving problems for him.
Now he is eager to do something to make the crying mother strong, but he has been drowned by tears.
Mom’s crying, probably because of the embarrassing economic situation,
Bad work, or
Because he had a big fight with his partner.
But these are not a child who can understand the control.
He poured a glass of water intimately
And suggested that she can go downstairs to give her his favorite rabbit doll.
The urge to help will automatically emerge
Even if you don’t actually have the ability to help
Two people in love may be eager to support each other generously
But lack the skills to convey friendly intentions to each other
The result is that they feel isolated, resentful, and not loved.
We will be so distressed because we are not aware of a rare phenomenon that we do not often mention:
The concept of “help” is diverse and varies from person to person.
We tend to comfort others from our own perspective, in a way that we like to be comforted.
But when this doesn’t work, the troubles of being comforted will increase, because it feels more lonely without being understood.
Conversely, we will feel that he is not grateful and cold, and then vowed not to try to help again.
So, an important task is to try to understand that we need to convey love in a way that can be felt by our partners.
We may be the kind that, when it comes to sorrow or difficulty, the type that most needs to be confided first.
Our complaint may not be organized
We may repeat it several times, but we still can’t say this thing.
But it doesn’t matter, because what we want most is just a companion when we are sad.
I will always sit next to me and listen patiently.
We only need them to express their attention with their eyes instead of their mouths.
Come to feel our anger and understand our loss
At most, at the right time, pick up a sentence, “What?”, or a little supportive tone.
However, we definitely don’t want: answers, remedies, or ideal analysis
Let the other party pay for it, find a way, or talk about it when we are sad and silent.
We want them to listen to them because we really need help.
Not the specific things we mentioned
(Parking fines, family disputes, or delays in delivery)
But a feeling: most people I met
Can’t really spend time and energy to feel the way we live.
Maybe this is a long-standing situation:
Maybe in reality our parents have ideas, they are very busy and very successful.
But on the other hand, it is a little cold, indifferent
In this situation, they always use rational thinking immediately, and strive to push our difficult demands to the side.
Now, we can understand why simple “solving problems” cannot be an excuse for not listening to problems.
This is why simple “listening” is the key to making the other person feel cared for.
We may spend some time deliberately
Back to some places over and over again
Back over and over again, where our partners think they have finished
Revisit the small details in some stories, not to mislead each other
But this repeated discussion creates an atmosphere of concern.
This is the only way we care for and trust.
Acceptance, quiet attention
Come again, at the other end
“Caring” may not be perceived
Unless conveyed in a precise and specific “recommendation”
General sympathy doesn’t make much sense
We may want to hear a series of thoughts, like what to do next,
What should I do?
Who should I contact, how can I get a reply, and so on.
Others can easily say that they can understand our difficult situation.
And we prefer a specific plan.
“Caring” is in the eyes of your partner, a series of points listed on white paper.
and,
We may not shy away from seeing our partners are willing to spend money on our problems.
(They are for us) It’s not too time to be cherished
We prefer that they will spend money (for us) consulting with an accountant or lawyer.
Or ask us to have a great dinner.
Through the childhood of economic distress, we prefer to see the way of economic expenditure, so that we can really feel the support of being cared for.
We are not simply relieved by the words of others.
We have established a high degree of vigilance and do not believe in a simple verbal commitment.
For us, good memories are
When we were nine years old, when we were seriously injured and lying in the hospital,
An elderly elder unexpectedly gave us a great gift.
They never promised us a lot
(Maybe they are shy)
But this move really touched us.
We feel the true warmth and goodwill of others – as if for the first time
When I learned how valuable their gifts are
There are some different people, when we reveal our pain
The only thing we hope for is to hear: Everything will be fine!
We don’t mind that this may be unrealistic.
Despair will easily knock us down, we will easily find many reasons to give up
For more of us, “care” is a kind of hope.
Or, for some people, hope (the encouragement) will irritate us.
The way to calm us down is to explore the expected disaster
We don’t like a person to bear this fear
We hope that some people will explore this grim and bleak environment together:
Discussing prison, bankruptcy, headlines, death…
Only when our peers can keep up with our extremely negative discussions
We can be sure that we are not considered a ruthless sentimental by others.
But someone can be as honest as we are, and see the dangers and worry about them.
They may still support us even if we say something that is causing trouble
Hug, for some people, may be a small reaction to hear bad news
But for us, we can most effectively feel the care that comes from the heart.
Before we feel the help in thought, we need someone to soothe our body first.
When we close our eyes in pain, we are eager to be quietly held and surrendered to their solid embrace.
The help of the adult world may be related to the inner help of others.
But for us, physical contact can soothe our mood.
We are affected by childhood memories
Smart parents understand that sad, crying children do not need rational advice.
They need to be put on the bed, be held, and have a soft big hand stroking their heads
Unfortunately, we are easily irritated by the wrong way of care.
On the contrary, when our love is not appreciated, we are also easily annoyed.
Realizing that there are many ways to help, at least alert yourself, we are likely to misunderstand others
Not annoyed with the incompetence of our lover, or the wrong way of effort
We started to understand – maybe the first time we learned
The basic fact is that these noisy little friends are really trying to help us.
In turn, the way our partners care about us is the way they want to be cared for.
Care does not seem to stop only in the intention of caring:
This must include an unremitting efforts to bring our “love of love”
Transformed into a “language of love” that truly aligns with each other’s psychological and personal growth experiences
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