good morning believe nation its Evan my
one word is believe and I believe in
people more than they believe in
themselves and my sincere hope is that
if you see in yourself what I see in you
you’ll be able to change the planet so
to help you in your journey today’s
messages show up over to you brené
Brown my story is that I’m I am a
researcher and I never thought I would
have a big public career and so I did a
TED talk that went very viral and in the
wake of that I was kind of everywhere
for a couple of months on every cnn.com
NPR it was everywhere and something I
wasn’t used to and the marching orders
from my therapist and my husband were do
not read the comments online so I read
all the comments online it’s a one
morning I woke up and there were two or
three new articles out and I started
reading the comments and they were
devastating they weren’t about my work
they were about me they were super
personal and they were the things that
created people play in their mind and
then give up doing what they really want
to do like if I asked every single one
of you you would try what would you try
if you knew people would never say this
about you what would that what would
this be
it would those were the comments that
morning
of course she embraces imperfection what
choice does she have look what look at
how she looks I feel sorry for her kids
less research more Botox just mean
personal attacks the things that really
up until that moment had inspired me to
stay very small in my life in my career
just so I could avoid those things
so that morning Steven the kids leave I
stay home I get on the couch and I watch
eight hours of Downton Abbey and when
it’s over I don’t want to turn off
Downton Abbey because I then because the
minute you turn off Downton Abbey then
it’s like soccer practice and dinner and
back to the mean people and maybe should
I get motox and maybe you know maybe if
I stand still when I talk so I get my
laptop and I do a search for who was
president in the United States during
the Downton Abbey era have you ever done
that like you you’re numbing with TV or
movie and so when it’s over you just
like stay in that space by like learning
more about the actors and what’s going
on I’ve been doing this long enough to
know this is like you’re laughing with
me
so I put it in and Theodore Roosevelt
comes up and a quote comes up and I read
it and this is what it says it’s a quote
from a speech that he gave in the early
nineteen hundred’s of the Sorbonne and a
lot of people call them in the arena
speech and this is the passage that
changed changes my life it’s not the
critic who counts it’s not the man who
points out how the strong man stumbles
or where the doer of Deeds could have
done it better the credit belongs to the
person who’s actually in the arena whose
face is marred with blood and sweat and
dust who at the best in the end knows
the triumph of high achievement and who
at worst if he fails he fails daring
greatly so the moment that I read that I
closed my laptop and this is what
shifted in me three huge things first I
spent the last 12 years studying
vulnerability and that quote was
everything I know about vulnerability it
is not about winning it’s not about
losing it’s about showing up and being
seen the second thing this is who I want
to be I want to create I want to make
things that didn’t exist before I touch
them I want to show up and be seen in my
work and in my life
and if you’re going to show up and be
seen there is only one guarantee and
that is you will get your ass kicked
that is the guarantee that’s the only
certainty you have if you’re gonna go in
the arena and spend any time in there
whatsoever especially if you’ve
committed to creating in your life you
will get your ass kicked so you have to
decide at that moment I think for all of
us if courage is a value that we hold
this is a consequence you can’t avoid it
the third thing which really set me free
and I think Steve my husband would argue
has made me somewhat dangerous is kind
of a new philosophy about criticism
which is this if you’re not in the arena
also getting your ass kicked I’m not
interested in your feedback one of the
hardest parts of all being an
entrepreneur is you put your idea out
there and it gets rejected it doesn’t
work you know much more worrisome than
failing for people is failing in front
of other people to have this new product
you create a new service you create and
you put it out there and in you don’t
get customers or even worse you know
your friends and your family or people
around you tell you that it’s never
gonna work out and then a doesn’t and
then you failed in front of them and
most people are so afraid of that
failure of failing in front of people
that they care about that they don’t do
anything because you have this plan this
thing that you want to do this high
grade idea that you think is gonna
change your life and help the people
around you but because it may not work
out because you don’t have the certainty
that it’s gonna work you play small and
you don’t do anything about it and there
has to be a point that you decide
whether you are going to live according
to your own expectations or somebody
else’s like how long are you willing to
let other people’s opinions and
perspective of you hold you back from
doing the thing that you want to do a
lot of times those perspectives and
opinions will be wrong a lot of times
your friends and family are actually
cheering you on you still just don’t
want to fail in front of other people
but sometimes it may be true sometimes
your uncle Joe will say you’re never
gonna make it look at you look
in your background and your family how
much money you have your you don’t have
the skills to do that and he may be
right but you won’t know until you
actually go and test it and I relate and
I resonate in my first business when I
was making $300 a month I turned down
the high-paying jobs that I thought I
wanted that my friends all wanted and I
was too embarrassed and ashamed to tell
my friends that I had no money that I
couldn’t go out to beer and grab you
know grab beer and pizza with them and I
had to pick one thing a month that I
could go to because that’s all they
could afford but I was too embarrassed
in the shame to tell them when they
asked how I was doing I would say I’m
you know I’m living the entrepreneur
lifestyle everything’s great I’m just
hustling hard I’m working and working
but really I was just I couldn’t afford
to go out and I’m sure if I actually
told them that they would understand and
do it have my back and they would have
been supportive and encouraging maybe
some of them would harass me but I think
net net net they would have supported me
and that would have actually been really
helpful to me because at the time I was
dealing with everything by myself just
trying to internalize everything and to
the outside world be seen as a success I
think about my friend who really wanted
to get in front of a camera he was a guy
who was behind the camera all the time
and he wanted to be in front of the
camera and one day I I forced him I
pushed him to be in front of the camera
and and I asked him why are you so
afraid to be in front of the camera you
want to do this like you want to spread
a message why are you so afraid to get
in front of the camera and he was
worried about what his friends would say
on Facebook if they saw a video of him
his words it’d be a negative vibe is
word they wouldn’t support him and so I
did something dramatic
you know I filmed him I said okay enough
of this we’re gonna we’re gonna film you
we’re gonna put you in front of the
camera
and put it in front of the camera and he
shared his message and then I posted the
video and I posted it to Facebook and I
tagged him and I contacted his wife and
I had her contact all of his friends who
I didn’t have as mutual friends and say
hey watch his video and something
amazing happened all of his friends were
super supportive we’re encouraging him
we’re cheering him on where he thought
there’d be this negative buzz negative
vibe
judgment a lot of negativity and it was
the exact opposite they supported him
and wanted him to go and have success
and when he saw that difference that
sparked a shift for him and then he
started getting in front of the camera
and he’s been unafraid to get in front
of the camera ever since he’s create a
lot of interviews a lot of different
videos a lot of moving videos some with
me some with others where now he enjoys
being in front of the camera just
because he was living according to what
he thought his friends would think and
experiencing their support and kind of
being pushed into the limelight made
that shift for him but it’s not I was
gonna work out like that sometimes you
will fall flat on your face sometimes
people may laugh at you sometimes the
people in your network will tell you
that you suck and that you’re never
gonna be a success you just have to
decide at what point in your life are
you gonna show up and do the thing that
you want to do and get a result and just
see if it works versus just sitting in
your head all day wishing you could do
something but being afraid because of
other people’s expectations and
perceptions at some point you have to
say I’ve had it up I don’t care what you
guys think I’m gonna go out and do it
because I need to prove to myself that I
can or at least I need to certainly that
I can so the question of the day today
is I’m curious what has prevented you
from truly showing up from really
releasing the message or the product or
service or the business that you have
inside you what has prevented you from
really going all at it what are you so
afraid of leave it down in the comments
below really curious to find out and if
you leave a comment within the first
couple hours of the video going live you
have a good chance of winning one of our
two you
I also want to give a quick shout out to
mary mary thank you so much you’re
picking up a cup of my book your one
word and taking that picture it looks
great leaning up against your laptop i
hope you enjoyed the book and i really
appreciate your support thank you guys
again for watching I believe in you I
hope you continue to believe in yourself
and whatever your one word is much love
and I’ll see you again tomorrow morning
for another shot of an espresso
[Music]
I had a path I knew what my path was my
path was to become what I am right now
now I lost sight of it in an interesting
sort of way or I won about it in a
wayward path but fortunately for me all
all the all the getting hide the
drinking the drugs and everything else I
did I showed up at the theater every day
I did plays ripped out of my mind I
rehearsed ripped out of my mind but
every lesson that I learned I held on to
for some reason God whatever if somebody
let me hold on to everything that I was
learning my stage left my stage rights
my upstage foot always out turned down
this way learning how to develop a
character doing all those things because
those are things that I loved and I did
them in the midst of everything else
that I was doing – you know when when my
friends were getting ready to go get
some more drugs oh no I got a bit too
theater and I’ll catch y’all on the
theatres oh you know when I’m done and I
jet uh I gotta go build a set I got to
do this so I did everything that I had
to do so I was focused on this by any
means necessary plus I had a professor
who was like you know well you know all
the great ones do their jobs and get
ripped out of their minds you know you
look at the Peter O’Toole’s and yeah
they get done they get hired they do
what they do but they show up and they
do the jobs so we were like okay and
that’s what we did
you know we drank with him and we went
to Styles Vaknin class we’d go smoke a
joint come in and do our other acting
classes or go build a set or build some
costumes I think some like do all the
things that we had to do so I kept
learning my lessons and doing them at
different places in life I promise you
you’re gonna find you don’t know where
to go everybody goes through this the
most successful people in the world wake
up some mornings with no clue what to do
today okay so first thing I want you to
know is that it’s normal it happens to
everybody it’s not like you’re a bad
person or you’re lost or you’re
depressed or
you got some problem you need to take
medication for everybody everybody
regardless their stature in life where
they are regardless of their money their
relationship their job they run the
joint promise you no matter how much
they present like they look like they
got the whole package put together
everybody everybody has those days and
the Sun is kicking today has those days
where they don’t know what to do I don’t
know what to do
you know uncertainty my friend Dale
Christiansen told me when I was 25 years
old experienced in depression every
day’s like no matter what man no matter
what no matter what dudes show up even
if your eyes are bleeding show up I’ve
been doing that for 34 years now show up
even when I don’t want to okay and then
what I try to do is I try to help one
person one person and what happened over
the period of 34 years I did that every
day I’m not depressed anymore at least
not for long periods of time I don’t use
any kind of medication don’t use any
kind of drugs don’t smoke we don’t drink
over excessively drink I might have a
drink once in a while and got a
beautiful wife two beautiful kids and
for the most part my life is frickin
wonderful all I did was this
I don’t overanalyze never do i label
myself a loser a quitter I’m hard on
myself I never I never labeled myself
OCD a CD a DD OCD D whatever a
depressant alcohol like a drug addict no
no I don’t this is what I do I do things
okay show up move in the direction I
don’t overanalyze move in the direction
that that I think could be more pro
survival than staying in one place and
number three help somebody
one word is believe and I believe in
people more than they believe in
themselves and my sincere hope is that
if you see in yourself what I see in you
you’ll be able to change the planet so
to help you in your journey today’s
messages show up over to you brené
Brown my story is that I’m I am a
researcher and I never thought I would
have a big public career and so I did a
TED talk that went very viral and in the
wake of that I was kind of everywhere
for a couple of months on every cnn.com
NPR it was everywhere and something I
wasn’t used to and the marching orders
from my therapist and my husband were do
not read the comments online so I read
all the comments online it’s a one
morning I woke up and there were two or
three new articles out and I started
reading the comments and they were
devastating they weren’t about my work
they were about me they were super
personal and they were the things that
created people play in their mind and
then give up doing what they really want
to do like if I asked every single one
of you you would try what would you try
if you knew people would never say this
about you what would that what would
this be
it would those were the comments that
morning
of course she embraces imperfection what
choice does she have look what look at
how she looks I feel sorry for her kids
less research more Botox just mean
personal attacks the things that really
up until that moment had inspired me to
stay very small in my life in my career
just so I could avoid those things
so that morning Steven the kids leave I
stay home I get on the couch and I watch
eight hours of Downton Abbey and when
it’s over I don’t want to turn off
Downton Abbey because I then because the
minute you turn off Downton Abbey then
it’s like soccer practice and dinner and
back to the mean people and maybe should
I get motox and maybe you know maybe if
I stand still when I talk so I get my
laptop and I do a search for who was
president in the United States during
the Downton Abbey era have you ever done
that like you you’re numbing with TV or
movie and so when it’s over you just
like stay in that space by like learning
more about the actors and what’s going
on I’ve been doing this long enough to
know this is like you’re laughing with
me
so I put it in and Theodore Roosevelt
comes up and a quote comes up and I read
it and this is what it says it’s a quote
from a speech that he gave in the early
nineteen hundred’s of the Sorbonne and a
lot of people call them in the arena
speech and this is the passage that
changed changes my life it’s not the
critic who counts it’s not the man who
points out how the strong man stumbles
or where the doer of Deeds could have
done it better the credit belongs to the
person who’s actually in the arena whose
face is marred with blood and sweat and
dust who at the best in the end knows
the triumph of high achievement and who
at worst if he fails he fails daring
greatly so the moment that I read that I
closed my laptop and this is what
shifted in me three huge things first I
spent the last 12 years studying
vulnerability and that quote was
everything I know about vulnerability it
is not about winning it’s not about
losing it’s about showing up and being
seen the second thing this is who I want
to be I want to create I want to make
things that didn’t exist before I touch
them I want to show up and be seen in my
work and in my life
and if you’re going to show up and be
seen there is only one guarantee and
that is you will get your ass kicked
that is the guarantee that’s the only
certainty you have if you’re gonna go in
the arena and spend any time in there
whatsoever especially if you’ve
committed to creating in your life you
will get your ass kicked so you have to
decide at that moment I think for all of
us if courage is a value that we hold
this is a consequence you can’t avoid it
the third thing which really set me free
and I think Steve my husband would argue
has made me somewhat dangerous is kind
of a new philosophy about criticism
which is this if you’re not in the arena
also getting your ass kicked I’m not
interested in your feedback one of the
hardest parts of all being an
entrepreneur is you put your idea out
there and it gets rejected it doesn’t
work you know much more worrisome than
failing for people is failing in front
of other people to have this new product
you create a new service you create and
you put it out there and in you don’t
get customers or even worse you know
your friends and your family or people
around you tell you that it’s never
gonna work out and then a doesn’t and
then you failed in front of them and
most people are so afraid of that
failure of failing in front of people
that they care about that they don’t do
anything because you have this plan this
thing that you want to do this high
grade idea that you think is gonna
change your life and help the people
around you but because it may not work
out because you don’t have the certainty
that it’s gonna work you play small and
you don’t do anything about it and there
has to be a point that you decide
whether you are going to live according
to your own expectations or somebody
else’s like how long are you willing to
let other people’s opinions and
perspective of you hold you back from
doing the thing that you want to do a
lot of times those perspectives and
opinions will be wrong a lot of times
your friends and family are actually
cheering you on you still just don’t
want to fail in front of other people
but sometimes it may be true sometimes
your uncle Joe will say you’re never
gonna make it look at you look
in your background and your family how
much money you have your you don’t have
the skills to do that and he may be
right but you won’t know until you
actually go and test it and I relate and
I resonate in my first business when I
was making $300 a month I turned down
the high-paying jobs that I thought I
wanted that my friends all wanted and I
was too embarrassed and ashamed to tell
my friends that I had no money that I
couldn’t go out to beer and grab you
know grab beer and pizza with them and I
had to pick one thing a month that I
could go to because that’s all they
could afford but I was too embarrassed
in the shame to tell them when they
asked how I was doing I would say I’m
you know I’m living the entrepreneur
lifestyle everything’s great I’m just
hustling hard I’m working and working
but really I was just I couldn’t afford
to go out and I’m sure if I actually
told them that they would understand and
do it have my back and they would have
been supportive and encouraging maybe
some of them would harass me but I think
net net net they would have supported me
and that would have actually been really
helpful to me because at the time I was
dealing with everything by myself just
trying to internalize everything and to
the outside world be seen as a success I
think about my friend who really wanted
to get in front of a camera he was a guy
who was behind the camera all the time
and he wanted to be in front of the
camera and one day I I forced him I
pushed him to be in front of the camera
and and I asked him why are you so
afraid to be in front of the camera you
want to do this like you want to spread
a message why are you so afraid to get
in front of the camera and he was
worried about what his friends would say
on Facebook if they saw a video of him
his words it’d be a negative vibe is
word they wouldn’t support him and so I
did something dramatic
you know I filmed him I said okay enough
of this we’re gonna we’re gonna film you
we’re gonna put you in front of the
camera
and put it in front of the camera and he
shared his message and then I posted the
video and I posted it to Facebook and I
tagged him and I contacted his wife and
I had her contact all of his friends who
I didn’t have as mutual friends and say
hey watch his video and something
amazing happened all of his friends were
super supportive we’re encouraging him
we’re cheering him on where he thought
there’d be this negative buzz negative
vibe
judgment a lot of negativity and it was
the exact opposite they supported him
and wanted him to go and have success
and when he saw that difference that
sparked a shift for him and then he
started getting in front of the camera
and he’s been unafraid to get in front
of the camera ever since he’s create a
lot of interviews a lot of different
videos a lot of moving videos some with
me some with others where now he enjoys
being in front of the camera just
because he was living according to what
he thought his friends would think and
experiencing their support and kind of
being pushed into the limelight made
that shift for him but it’s not I was
gonna work out like that sometimes you
will fall flat on your face sometimes
people may laugh at you sometimes the
people in your network will tell you
that you suck and that you’re never
gonna be a success you just have to
decide at what point in your life are
you gonna show up and do the thing that
you want to do and get a result and just
see if it works versus just sitting in
your head all day wishing you could do
something but being afraid because of
other people’s expectations and
perceptions at some point you have to
say I’ve had it up I don’t care what you
guys think I’m gonna go out and do it
because I need to prove to myself that I
can or at least I need to certainly that
I can so the question of the day today
is I’m curious what has prevented you
from truly showing up from really
releasing the message or the product or
service or the business that you have
inside you what has prevented you from
really going all at it what are you so
afraid of leave it down in the comments
below really curious to find out and if
you leave a comment within the first
couple hours of the video going live you
have a good chance of winning one of our
two you
I also want to give a quick shout out to
mary mary thank you so much you’re
picking up a cup of my book your one
word and taking that picture it looks
great leaning up against your laptop i
hope you enjoyed the book and i really
appreciate your support thank you guys
again for watching I believe in you I
hope you continue to believe in yourself
and whatever your one word is much love
and I’ll see you again tomorrow morning
for another shot of an espresso
[Music]
I had a path I knew what my path was my
path was to become what I am right now
now I lost sight of it in an interesting
sort of way or I won about it in a
wayward path but fortunately for me all
all the all the getting hide the
drinking the drugs and everything else I
did I showed up at the theater every day
I did plays ripped out of my mind I
rehearsed ripped out of my mind but
every lesson that I learned I held on to
for some reason God whatever if somebody
let me hold on to everything that I was
learning my stage left my stage rights
my upstage foot always out turned down
this way learning how to develop a
character doing all those things because
those are things that I loved and I did
them in the midst of everything else
that I was doing – you know when when my
friends were getting ready to go get
some more drugs oh no I got a bit too
theater and I’ll catch y’all on the
theatres oh you know when I’m done and I
jet uh I gotta go build a set I got to
do this so I did everything that I had
to do so I was focused on this by any
means necessary plus I had a professor
who was like you know well you know all
the great ones do their jobs and get
ripped out of their minds you know you
look at the Peter O’Toole’s and yeah
they get done they get hired they do
what they do but they show up and they
do the jobs so we were like okay and
that’s what we did
you know we drank with him and we went
to Styles Vaknin class we’d go smoke a
joint come in and do our other acting
classes or go build a set or build some
costumes I think some like do all the
things that we had to do so I kept
learning my lessons and doing them at
different places in life I promise you
you’re gonna find you don’t know where
to go everybody goes through this the
most successful people in the world wake
up some mornings with no clue what to do
today okay so first thing I want you to
know is that it’s normal it happens to
everybody it’s not like you’re a bad
person or you’re lost or you’re
depressed or
you got some problem you need to take
medication for everybody everybody
regardless their stature in life where
they are regardless of their money their
relationship their job they run the
joint promise you no matter how much
they present like they look like they
got the whole package put together
everybody everybody has those days and
the Sun is kicking today has those days
where they don’t know what to do I don’t
know what to do
you know uncertainty my friend Dale
Christiansen told me when I was 25 years
old experienced in depression every
day’s like no matter what man no matter
what no matter what dudes show up even
if your eyes are bleeding show up I’ve
been doing that for 34 years now show up
even when I don’t want to okay and then
what I try to do is I try to help one
person one person and what happened over
the period of 34 years I did that every
day I’m not depressed anymore at least
not for long periods of time I don’t use
any kind of medication don’t use any
kind of drugs don’t smoke we don’t drink
over excessively drink I might have a
drink once in a while and got a
beautiful wife two beautiful kids and
for the most part my life is frickin
wonderful all I did was this
I don’t overanalyze never do i label
myself a loser a quitter I’m hard on
myself I never I never labeled myself
OCD a CD a DD OCD D whatever a
depressant alcohol like a drug addict no
no I don’t this is what I do I do things
okay show up move in the direction I
don’t overanalyze move in the direction
that that I think could be more pro
survival than staying in one place and
number three help somebody
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