37 years ago in 1981 I began a very
important journey for myself I left my
home country Bangladesh for the first
time in my life
I moved to the United States to begin my
graduate studies I still remember
arriving at the campus of Southern
Illinois University in Carbondale I was
very very excited it was a dream come
true soon after my arrival I was invited
to dinner by my American host family I
met my host father John and his wife and
his two lovely teenage daughters at
dinner I I remember one very particular
moment from that evening after we had a
dinner John got up and started walking
towards the kitchen and he asked me
Mohammed would you like to have some
coffee and I quickly said no no it’s
okay thank you very much but I really
you see you see I said no because it was
the polite thing for me to do it was an
automatic response of my party you see a
host offers me coffee first time I say
no the host offers it the second time
and insists and then I say thank you and
accepted with gratitude and so I was
expecting John to offer me again for the
second time because I really wanted that
coffee John but John didn’t say anything
he he just said no problem mama it’s
alright he made his coffee came back sat
next to me started drinking it even
started appreciating the taste of his
that evening I left my host family’s
home confused and without having my
coffee a few days later I was talking to
my classmates and told them this story
and one of my American classmates he
started laughing loudly he said Mohammed
in America in this kind of situation you
either say yes or no and you mean it
and I said Wow hmm I didn’t know I’ll
remember this I remember a few days
later talking to John himself my host
father and I told him why I said no the
first time and when he heard the
explanation he burst into a laughter and
he said Mohammed next time when they
offer you coffee I will do twice and the
second time I will insist I told John no
worries
next time when you offer me a copy the
very first time I will say yes and we
both laughed that evening at that dinner
John was a cultural stranger to me but I
think I believe I connected well with
him in 1988 my cross-cultural journey
took a significant turn I moved to Japan
I came here to teach just after a few
days of my arrival I I got introduced to
a very kind-hearted woman Sheikh Hassan
Sheikh Hassan was a teacher at the local
community so we called her psyche sensei
now sticky sensei was very very motherly
very helpful very kind she lived with
her mother and her mother was like a
grandmotherly figure to us so we called
her Obasan in Japanese now Hasan was she
made delicious Japanese dishes she was
well known for that in her area and so
one evening
Hassan invites me to Homemade sushi
dinner just mean
and I was so happy I went enjoyed my
dinner but from that evening I remember
one particular moment after dinner and
conversation I was about to leave the
home and I walk towards the front
entrance a sliding door and now just
before I opened the door I turned around
to say goodnight to Sachi sensei and
Obasan and and then I saw something and
I wasn’t prepared for it
shakey sensei was standing but Obasan
she knelt down and bowed deeply and a
Ford touched the floor and I wasn’t
ready for that
because in my religious belief as a
Muslim I bow and touch the ground the
floor only when I pray to God and I
wasn’t ready for that but IIIi wasn’t
shocked because I had received so much
love and care and generosity from
obaasan so I left that evening with
mixed feelings and the next day I talked
to my colleagues in my department who
had been living in Japan for a long time
and one of my colleagues said Mohammed
that was the highest form of respect and
courtesy you could get in Japan and then
in spite of my religious belief I was
deeply moved I felt very humbled
so my coffee
moment with my host father John in
America and my goodnight moment with
Obasan here in Japan these are the two
critical moments out of many many many
critical moments that I have experienced
on the cross-cultural journey today here
and now it’s a rare honor for me it’s a
rare privilege for me
scanning in front of you each of us is
on a cross-cultural journey of our own
each of us has crossed national borders
each of us has crossed cultural
boundaries and I deeply appreciate the
opportunity to share an idea with you
which I passionately believe in and it’s
the belief in the power of connecting
with cross-cultural strangers
individually what is a cross-cultural
stranger a cross-cultural stranger is
any person we may already know we may
already have interacted with or we may
already have a close relationship but
there is some specific verbal or
nonverbal behavior of that person that
we are not familiar with and the
behaviors can happen anytime and
even a husband and a wife they feel that
they know each other and the two of them
are one may have critical moments where
when they find themselves to be
culturally strangers to each other I am
unmarried to shala she looks like a
Bangladeshi but she’s first-generation
American and soon after we got married
Sharla moved and joined me at our house
here in Japan and she came in she
rearranged the entire house in fact
chance for transform the whole house and
one evening she cooked American dishes
for me at home for family dinner and I
remember one moment again from that
evening Shahla laid the dishes American
food dishes and then she said okay let’s
light up the candles now and I said why
and as you might have guessed my ancient
Bangladeshi cultural memories kicked in
as I was growing up in Bangladesh we
used to light candles when electricity
was gone at that moment I didn’t realize
that for Shila candle lights were
connected associated with a romantic
atmosphere you know I’ve must admit over
the years over the years I have enjoyed
candlelit dinners in a very very
romantic way with Sharla many many times
so we may be cultural
we may have moments with cultural
strangers even in a family relationship
with a host father even with in a family
relationship with an adopted grandmother
connecting with cultural strangers what
is connecting now connecting is a a
psychological process it may be very
short it may be very very long but
connecting is a process and it involves
interactions with others and during
those interactions there are critical
moments that suddenly come up
unpredictably and these critical moments
create what researchers call call
cognitive dissonance in our mind and
that cognitive dissonance interrupts our
familiar way of thinking or interpreting
it’s triggered by unexpected nonverbal
or verbal behaviors it’s a clash is a
class between two different cultural
values and beliefs but this clash is not
an end in itself it actually it produces
a very creative dialectical tension in
our mind and our mind tries to resolve
the tension looking for meanings and
explanations at that point we may talk
to somebody who may be familiar with the
culture of the cultural strangers we
interact with or we may go to some other
sources and get information and
knowledge and with that we are able to
find an explanation and this explanation
leads to an understanding which I would
like to say a much deeper level of
understanding a complex whole that
incorporates contradictory values and
beliefs and then from cognitive
dissonance we moved to cognitive
flexibility and it’s a rich mental state
of mind and when I as I see this I’m
inspired by to Ted speakers kill stark
and Zachary wood historic is called a
stranger enthusiast and in a Tech Talk
see beautifully nicely draws our
attention to the fact that when we talk
to strangers it beautifully interrupts
our normal life in her words and it
gives us opportunities for unexpected
[Applause]
Zachary wood is called a crusader for
dialogue in his TED talk he tells about
his experiences and stories of his
struggles and attempts to create
dialogues across racial divide in
America and he says something which is
really powerful he says in his words we
are stronger not weaker by engaging with
what is connecting with cultural
individuals individually
what does individually mean and I will
individually means here looking at
people as individuals as they are and
not looking at them with a preconceived
notions of nationality of gender of
ethnicity so that’s an attempt on our
part to suspend those preconceived
notions and approach others as
individuals as they are in their actual
behaviors and it is this sense of
individuality that makes us global
citizens wherever we are where we are
with it is it is this sense of
individuality that helps us to cross our
national borders and cultural boundaries
effectively it is this sense of
individuality that helps us appreciate
and accept cultural strangeness among us
as individuals it is this sense of
individuality that helps us to
appreciate cultural diversity and it is
this sense of individuality that helps
us to become aware that at the core we
are human beings and we share a sense of
common humanity and we need this
awareness very badly for peace and love
and faith in the world that is so
[Applause] [Music]
important journey for myself I left my
home country Bangladesh for the first
time in my life
I moved to the United States to begin my
graduate studies I still remember
arriving at the campus of Southern
Illinois University in Carbondale I was
very very excited it was a dream come
true soon after my arrival I was invited
to dinner by my American host family I
met my host father John and his wife and
his two lovely teenage daughters at
dinner I I remember one very particular
moment from that evening after we had a
dinner John got up and started walking
towards the kitchen and he asked me
Mohammed would you like to have some
coffee and I quickly said no no it’s
okay thank you very much but I really
you see you see I said no because it was
the polite thing for me to do it was an
automatic response of my party you see a
host offers me coffee first time I say
no the host offers it the second time
and insists and then I say thank you and
accepted with gratitude and so I was
expecting John to offer me again for the
second time because I really wanted that
coffee John but John didn’t say anything
he he just said no problem mama it’s
alright he made his coffee came back sat
next to me started drinking it even
started appreciating the taste of his
that evening I left my host family’s
home confused and without having my
coffee a few days later I was talking to
my classmates and told them this story
and one of my American classmates he
started laughing loudly he said Mohammed
in America in this kind of situation you
either say yes or no and you mean it
and I said Wow hmm I didn’t know I’ll
remember this I remember a few days
later talking to John himself my host
father and I told him why I said no the
first time and when he heard the
explanation he burst into a laughter and
he said Mohammed next time when they
offer you coffee I will do twice and the
second time I will insist I told John no
worries
next time when you offer me a copy the
very first time I will say yes and we
both laughed that evening at that dinner
John was a cultural stranger to me but I
think I believe I connected well with
him in 1988 my cross-cultural journey
took a significant turn I moved to Japan
I came here to teach just after a few
days of my arrival I I got introduced to
a very kind-hearted woman Sheikh Hassan
Sheikh Hassan was a teacher at the local
community so we called her psyche sensei
now sticky sensei was very very motherly
very helpful very kind she lived with
her mother and her mother was like a
grandmotherly figure to us so we called
her Obasan in Japanese now Hasan was she
made delicious Japanese dishes she was
well known for that in her area and so
one evening
Hassan invites me to Homemade sushi
dinner just mean
and I was so happy I went enjoyed my
dinner but from that evening I remember
one particular moment after dinner and
conversation I was about to leave the
home and I walk towards the front
entrance a sliding door and now just
before I opened the door I turned around
to say goodnight to Sachi sensei and
Obasan and and then I saw something and
I wasn’t prepared for it
shakey sensei was standing but Obasan
she knelt down and bowed deeply and a
Ford touched the floor and I wasn’t
ready for that
because in my religious belief as a
Muslim I bow and touch the ground the
floor only when I pray to God and I
wasn’t ready for that but IIIi wasn’t
shocked because I had received so much
love and care and generosity from
obaasan so I left that evening with
mixed feelings and the next day I talked
to my colleagues in my department who
had been living in Japan for a long time
and one of my colleagues said Mohammed
that was the highest form of respect and
courtesy you could get in Japan and then
in spite of my religious belief I was
deeply moved I felt very humbled
so my coffee
moment with my host father John in
America and my goodnight moment with
Obasan here in Japan these are the two
critical moments out of many many many
critical moments that I have experienced
on the cross-cultural journey today here
and now it’s a rare honor for me it’s a
rare privilege for me
scanning in front of you each of us is
on a cross-cultural journey of our own
each of us has crossed national borders
each of us has crossed cultural
boundaries and I deeply appreciate the
opportunity to share an idea with you
which I passionately believe in and it’s
the belief in the power of connecting
with cross-cultural strangers
individually what is a cross-cultural
stranger a cross-cultural stranger is
any person we may already know we may
already have interacted with or we may
already have a close relationship but
there is some specific verbal or
nonverbal behavior of that person that
we are not familiar with and the
behaviors can happen anytime and
even a husband and a wife they feel that
they know each other and the two of them
are one may have critical moments where
when they find themselves to be
culturally strangers to each other I am
unmarried to shala she looks like a
Bangladeshi but she’s first-generation
American and soon after we got married
Sharla moved and joined me at our house
here in Japan and she came in she
rearranged the entire house in fact
chance for transform the whole house and
one evening she cooked American dishes
for me at home for family dinner and I
remember one moment again from that
evening Shahla laid the dishes American
food dishes and then she said okay let’s
light up the candles now and I said why
and as you might have guessed my ancient
Bangladeshi cultural memories kicked in
as I was growing up in Bangladesh we
used to light candles when electricity
was gone at that moment I didn’t realize
that for Shila candle lights were
connected associated with a romantic
atmosphere you know I’ve must admit over
the years over the years I have enjoyed
candlelit dinners in a very very
romantic way with Sharla many many times
so we may be cultural
we may have moments with cultural
strangers even in a family relationship
with a host father even with in a family
relationship with an adopted grandmother
connecting with cultural strangers what
is connecting now connecting is a a
psychological process it may be very
short it may be very very long but
connecting is a process and it involves
interactions with others and during
those interactions there are critical
moments that suddenly come up
unpredictably and these critical moments
create what researchers call call
cognitive dissonance in our mind and
that cognitive dissonance interrupts our
familiar way of thinking or interpreting
it’s triggered by unexpected nonverbal
or verbal behaviors it’s a clash is a
class between two different cultural
values and beliefs but this clash is not
an end in itself it actually it produces
a very creative dialectical tension in
our mind and our mind tries to resolve
the tension looking for meanings and
explanations at that point we may talk
to somebody who may be familiar with the
culture of the cultural strangers we
interact with or we may go to some other
sources and get information and
knowledge and with that we are able to
find an explanation and this explanation
leads to an understanding which I would
like to say a much deeper level of
understanding a complex whole that
incorporates contradictory values and
beliefs and then from cognitive
dissonance we moved to cognitive
flexibility and it’s a rich mental state
of mind and when I as I see this I’m
inspired by to Ted speakers kill stark
and Zachary wood historic is called a
stranger enthusiast and in a Tech Talk
see beautifully nicely draws our
attention to the fact that when we talk
to strangers it beautifully interrupts
our normal life in her words and it
gives us opportunities for unexpected
[Applause]
Zachary wood is called a crusader for
dialogue in his TED talk he tells about
his experiences and stories of his
struggles and attempts to create
dialogues across racial divide in
America and he says something which is
really powerful he says in his words we
are stronger not weaker by engaging with
what is connecting with cultural
individuals individually
what does individually mean and I will
individually means here looking at
people as individuals as they are and
not looking at them with a preconceived
notions of nationality of gender of
ethnicity so that’s an attempt on our
part to suspend those preconceived
notions and approach others as
individuals as they are in their actual
behaviors and it is this sense of
individuality that makes us global
citizens wherever we are where we are
with it is it is this sense of
individuality that helps us to cross our
national borders and cultural boundaries
effectively it is this sense of
individuality that helps us appreciate
and accept cultural strangeness among us
as individuals it is this sense of
individuality that helps us to
appreciate cultural diversity and it is
this sense of individuality that helps
us to become aware that at the core we
are human beings and we share a sense of
common humanity and we need this
awareness very badly for peace and love
and faith in the world that is so
[Applause] [Music]
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