and yet one of the hardest words I have
to say I’ll admit in giving this talk
today and telling my friends what the
topic was they laughed at the irony they
said that’s hilarious malsky because you
can’t say no and I’ll admit at first my
feelings were kind of hurt because your
friends are supposed to believe in you
but they already knew the secret that
wasn’t so secret which was that I can’t
say no I don’t want to say no to
possibilities or professional
opportunities but I know that I’m also
tired I’m feeling exhausted that I’m
eating stress for breakfast lunch and
dinner and so I realized if we take this
narrative back a couple of years that
there were murmurs small murmurs that
were tugging at my sleeve telling me
that it was time to slow down but there
was no time to slow down about two years
ago I found myself at the height of busy
busy looked like any other year really
for me which was in essence changing
jobs I was changing a job that I
absolutely loved but I was moving on to
a new adventure of teaching teachers
which is of course another passion of
mine but I was also finishing my
master’s degree and for good measure of
course just to stay at the height of
busy I thought I would also plan and get
married that summer so busy was what I
was and yet there was no other word to
replace busy and this is what happened
even into the years following now that I
find myself occupied with my doctoral
work and the work that I’m currently
doing as an instructional coach busy is
just busy people would ask me cat how’s
work going I said busy how was work in
school and life going and there was no
other word to replace it so I did what I
thought would be the best thing to do
I’ll just replace the word if I shift
the paradigm of busy just by simply
replacing it then busy doesn’t exist
anymore
so I would be asked again how is life
busy how’s work how’s school busy there
was no way to get rid of this word it
was an absolute curse I had somehow
glorified busy and yet I knew in my
heart that I was tired of the
metaphorical cafeteria line of taking
second helpings of stress exhaustion
with no side of chill so I did the next
best thing I thought you know as a good
multitasker I would start some calendar
reminders for myself on my phone so this
is from my own phone I thought okay if I
need to write every day I’ll write every
day and so ding 9 a.m. this would pop up
and I was ready but I didn’t write and
then this spilled in and of course into
my exercise which also didn’t happen
true story true story right and so this
was realistically what would pop up on
my phone every morning and for those of
us that lived in the era when the phone
was on the wall the cord reached into
the living room we had a nice
satisfaction of when we saw something I
heard something we didn’t want we could
just have that satisfaction slapping it
down but with obviously these flat smart
phones this doesn’t cut it anymore
and so this spilt in even further and I
didn’t really realize how far down the
rabbit hole I was until my last dentist
appointment and that’s that’s really
when it struck me that if I was going to
have to remind myself of some of the
absolutely daily things this needed to
change but I wasn’t ready I didn’t want
to change I was getting used to the
glorification of busy and I felt as
though I could manage it but there were
other murmurs there were things in my
life illness I was getting sick all the
time I was getting tired of being sick
and tired and so I also realized as the
tugs on the sleeve came by that I was
losing connection with friends family
loved ones I missed out on time with
these people and
wanted to become a better friend
colleague wife daughter and so when I
knew that I was losing connection I
wanted to try and regain this back but
he didn’t know where to start I was
still really frustrated with this whole
busy paradigm I needed courage courage
to me means that I’m going to go and do
something that absolutely scares me
case in point with you today however I
didn’t have the courage yet but I knew
that I was going to have to do something
that scared me which was saying no but
in saying no I was still scared because
I felt like I was gonna lose out saying
no meant that I was gonna lose out on
opportunities I had prided myself on my
work ethic on how far I had gotten so
far that I didn’t want to stop but other
things were telling me that I needed to
and so here I stood out of personal
crossroads on one hand I was a
self-identified workaholic and to a
certain degree I still AM I’m not
perfect isn’t that the point and on the
other hand I had all this personal
freedom that I had loved I was missing
out on passions of volunteering or just
spending more time with friends and
being present in that moment without
having to think about other things that
even though I was upset that I had let
my busy dictate my happy I knew that I
needed to make changes and so I started
for any of you that resonate this
resonates to you right now
we all know that some of the sweetest
victories start small and so I did the
first thing that I brought back was
exercise now exercise and I we’ve known
each other for a really long time
we’ve gone out for coffee several times
we know each other’s facebook profiles
we’ve creeped each other we know and yet
it was time to define the relationship
and so I’m happy to tell you today as I
stand here we’re going steady
yeah and so what that means for me is
that in essence we don’t see each other
every day but we’re at least making time
for each other
and that’s what counts because with
exercise came more creativity which then
spilled back into my professional life I
mean I I love exercising because there
was clarity of mind more car ride
manifestos I was singing in the car
again I didn’t sing when I was stressed
out you know the private space with the
four to six windows either way I was
bringing that back and that was making
me happy and more productive but also
felt like I was gaining some wellness in
my life another thing I started doing
was writing my narratives this of course
teared into some of my doctoral work
currently but I was writing about my
life about my adolescence but also
learnings that I was having not only as
a teacher educator but also just as a
daughter or wife and these writings
brought me so much joy and so I kept
this to myself
however the writing certainly opened up
new windows for me another thing I did
was I started keeping a journal of
gratitude not a lot of writing simply
writing one thing down everyday that
brought me joy or that I was absolutely
grateful for and in doing this I felt as
though I was able to ground myself I was
able to see what was more important if
we looked at this at a metaphoric beach
of life we’d be able to look at the
landscapes the larger pieces rather than
always focusing on the background noise
or the tiny granules of sand that we’re
in between my toes this all helped me
and I started to feel like I was gaining
some ground in the wellness area and yet
FOMO was still there the fear of missing
out is still something that tugs at me
it’s the obligations it’s the stress
it’s these other pieces they’re the
murmurs these things that don’t
necessarily roar at you but they say hey
you need to be here or you need to need
to need to and so I wanted to try and
calm those down as much as I could with
regaining some of my wellness and so I
dug in just a little bit deeper I took a
little bit of a technological sabbatical
I know that sounds
harsh but it’s not it doesn’t mean that
I’m not still keeping up with my dog’s
Facebook or Instagram account it just
means that I’ve taken some time to be
mindful of when I’m on my devices how
often I’m spending time in front of a
computer screen when am i checking email
I’m not checking email anymore past 6
o’clock I’ve made some rules and
boundaries for myself but they don’t
always work for everyone which is why I
introduced to you multitasking because
that’s the personalized piece it’s what
brings back the idea that you you as
yourselves will find ways to be
productive but also to attend to the
Wellness that is the most important
piece work for you as an individual I
can’t say that I do it all the time I
can’t say that I don’t say no all the
time I do say yes but I also say no when
I know that I need to safeguard what is
the most important thing to me sometimes
my health and so I encourage you all to
have the courage to look inward to
self-reflect to look upon your lives and
see where it is that you need to maybe
make some changes or things are going
just great
wellness is something that we all can
have but it’s not necessarily something
that we all can attend to at the same
time or in the same way it is such a
beautiful struggle to look at what it is
that you need to change it’s also a
beautiful privilege to be able to look
inward to self-reflect to know that you
can make changes it’s such a beautiful
privilege to be able to walk with
oneself with authenticity thank you
[Applause]
you [Applause]