hi i am world-renowned raconteur John
Hastings and this is watchmojo.com and
ladies and gentlemen it’s summertime
sort of it’s overcast you want to know
what I’m kind of happy it’s overcast
because I am a big giant white person I
absorbed Sun like a god damn solar panel
it’s terrible I walk around for three
months sweating it’s terrible it’s the
worst and here’s the biggest problem
you’re on a road trip it’s beautiful its
iconic you want to roll down the window
stick your hand out I stick my hand out
to do that wave thing it comes back on
fire it’s terrible and then you know
what you’re doing you want to get a
pretty girl you want to get a pretty
girl for the summer so what do you got
to do you got to get a suntan you got to
get beautiful and bronzed and I am NOT a
tough person by any means ladies and
gentlemen not at all let’s say the
camera man decided he didn’t like what I
was saying about his girlfriend by the
way sheezus what kidding I’m kidding
buddy but let’s say he didn’t like it he
wanted to fight wonder what my only move
would be I’d have to get into the fetal
position and cry and hold my tears pool
so he would slip and fall and then I
would have him do you know what I mean
but I do show my toughness is deep down
inside me and the cockles I believe and
this is how I show on top with the
entire length of the summer I big giant
egg color man do not apply sunscreen at
all no I walk around more boiled than a
lobster more seared than a Nazi in hell
damn straight and here’s the thing if I
even do get a girl I don’t want them to
touch me I want to get a blowjob but a
different kind I want them to blow on me
and then I tell them to fill the bathtub
full of ice and then get the gout
because I want to listen to some Kenny G
and relax my skin is on fire it’s
terrible I can’t get a girl I don’t know
how to deal with it for the Internet I’m
John Hastings
you
Hastings and this is watchmojo.com and
ladies and gentlemen it’s summertime
sort of it’s overcast you want to know
what I’m kind of happy it’s overcast
because I am a big giant white person I
absorbed Sun like a god damn solar panel
it’s terrible I walk around for three
months sweating it’s terrible it’s the
worst and here’s the biggest problem
you’re on a road trip it’s beautiful its
iconic you want to roll down the window
stick your hand out I stick my hand out
to do that wave thing it comes back on
fire it’s terrible and then you know
what you’re doing you want to get a
pretty girl you want to get a pretty
girl for the summer so what do you got
to do you got to get a suntan you got to
get beautiful and bronzed and I am NOT a
tough person by any means ladies and
gentlemen not at all let’s say the
camera man decided he didn’t like what I
was saying about his girlfriend by the
way sheezus what kidding I’m kidding
buddy but let’s say he didn’t like it he
wanted to fight wonder what my only move
would be I’d have to get into the fetal
position and cry and hold my tears pool
so he would slip and fall and then I
would have him do you know what I mean
but I do show my toughness is deep down
inside me and the cockles I believe and
this is how I show on top with the
entire length of the summer I big giant
egg color man do not apply sunscreen at
all no I walk around more boiled than a
lobster more seared than a Nazi in hell
damn straight and here’s the thing if I
even do get a girl I don’t want them to
touch me I want to get a blowjob but a
different kind I want them to blow on me
and then I tell them to fill the bathtub
full of ice and then get the gout
because I want to listen to some Kenny G
and relax my skin is on fire it’s
terrible I can’t get a girl I don’t know
how to deal with it for the Internet I’m
John Hastings
you
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