petite
demanding latina in every sense of the
word quick with the back hand to the
mouth if I acted like I was grown and
hardworking this woman my mother raised
me to move in certainty and with the
knowledge that tomorrow is not promised
there’s no fear in that thinking we were
poor in the truest sense of the word
so tomorrow really was not promised I
have lived in boarding houses and
shelters and at times with family when
we could afford a place of our own it
was often a choice between food rent and
electricity I have taken showers by
candlelight and I have eaten rice every
day for an entire month for breakfast
and dinner but this is my mom a you
don’t question it and be you just don’t
question it
showers by candlelight honey that’s
called ambiance and a chance to reflect
upon your day rice for breakfast and
dinner every day for an entire month
baby you better be glad you had that
chance to hone your culinary imagination
mom wasn’t planned but that’s my mom
putting a little flair on everything
even this think because well life is
what you make it I’ll never forget the
time that I told my mom that fresh it
didn’t stink and it certainly didn’t
smell like roses and she laughed and
said ha ha but I bet my can grow
roses because manure is used for
fertilizer that’s my mom
now you can’t go through life with a mom
like mine and not think you’re gonna
have some sort of mantra following you
throughout your entire life my mantra of
choice no not my doesn’t smell like
roses although I’m pretty sure she would
have been ok with that too but the words
that brought me back to Tucson in 2010
life is what you make it these words
have followed me from childhood to child
rearing you see in 2010 I moved back to
Tucson from Texas and I made the
conscious decision to become a single
parent in Texas I was unemployed losing
my home and juggling about 4 therapy
appointments a week for my disabled
child in short there were 0 roses
growing out of my by 2011 my Tucson
life mimicked my Texas life I was
unemployed again and then woefully under
employed making $10 an hour at 6 hours a
week relying on food stamps
my daughter’s disability benefits to
cover rent food utilities and
transportation
often times I had to choose between gas
to get us to and from therapy or diapers
for my child I was failing her and I
knew it one time the despair got so bad
that I actually dialed the number to two
sons emergency Children’s Shelter casa
de los minions in the hopes that they
could come and take her and adopt her
out to a family that could afford to
give her everything that she needed and
maybe even anything she wanted she’s a
kid she deserved that I stared at the
numbers on the screen and I never
completed the call I kept hearing my
mom’s voice in my head life is what you
make it
so I put the phone down and I moved
forward without fear this was an act of
survival well this was an act of
rebellion because you see when you’re
poor you’re supposed to always be poor
you’re not supposed to want more or even
think you deserve more but if my mom was
right about this whole life is what you
make it thing then I owed it to myself
and my child to make this life amazing
so I did what any good after latina
would do I rebelled
I rebelled against my presence by boldly
declaring my future I rebelled against
my present by not having a back-up plan
but simply a plan I rebelled against my
present by believing that all doors of
opportunity were already open to me they
were just waiting for me to sashay my
way through them and I rebelled against
my present by whispering to myself every
single night this is not where my story
ends this is not where my story ends say
it with me
this is not where my story ends that
night I laid claim to my life plain and
simple and I began to live it as if I
was already who and what I wanted to be
and you know what after some time I
started to see some roses peeking
through my
so I’m here today to tell you that the
same is possible for you you can be and
do anything you want to do in this life
because it is yours it’s not hers it’s
not his it’s yours you decided to
determine who and what you are when I
tell you that these words life is what
you make it has been with me since
childhood I’m really not kidding let me
tell you a little story when I was about
8 years old I turned decided that I was
going to be the best kid on skates in my
town that’s me
8 years old all I had to do was conquer
the giant Hill and crusher on Park this
hill had trees straight up and down the
center so really it was kind of more
like paved peril than an actual hill one
false move and I would bust my behind
and go tumbling all the way down I
remember I asked my mom if I could do
this and she said sure go ahead it’s
your life and then I asked if she would
do it with me and she said haha nope you
see mama no dummy but she was also no
enabler of fear my mom knew that I was
terrified to go down this hill but she
refused to enable that fear in me and
let it stop me from trying let me repeat
that she refused to enable that fear in
me and let it stop me from trying that’s
something right so I trudged my narrow
behind on up that hill because at one
point in time it was actually narrow put
on my skates stood up and then stare
down my path to glory it was do or die I
kept hearing my mom’s voice in my head
it’s your life it’s your life but then I
remembered her words life is what you
make it my mom sat on top of the
opposite hill staring me as I
contemplated this mess I’d gotten myself
into me well I stared down at this hill
hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla pray for us
sinners now and at the hour of our death
you got that Mary death that’s happening
today and then off I went picking up
speed with each skate slide it’s your
life
life is what you make it it’s your life
life is what you make it it’s your life
life was what I made it and then before
I knew it I arrived at the bottom of
that hill with my knees and my
confidence in tech boom I was the best
kid on skates in my town until I wasn’t
see I repeated this routine over and
over again waving to my mom with more
and more vigor each time
hi mom hey mom what up mom
yo this last time I didn’t wave I
hollered I hollered bloody murder
because that hill I just tried to
swallow me whole as I tumbled
three-quarters of the way down it I
arrived at the bottom of that hill a hot
bloody mess but I was a hot bloody mess
who had owned her life and conquered
that hill
I was the best kid on skates in my town
on that day I had set out to do
something and I did it I was the best
kid on skates
bloody knees and all hell took me out
once
just like 28 years later I refused to
have my story ending with my child in
foster care and 38 cents in my bank
account my life was 100% mine when I
couldn’t rub two nickels together or
even put diapers on my child I double
down on the only talent that I knew I
had writing and I wrote a children’s
book and then I let my cousin convinced
me to publish this children’s book
but that one children’s book I was able
to parlay it into writing gigs with
various newspapers and magazines and I
stand here today and tell you that I am
so proud that this one children’s book
is on its way to becoming a children’s
I have stared down every hill I have
faced in this life said about a dozen
Hail Marys repeated mom’s mantra and
then skated my way to success and
ultimately freedom so right here right
now I’ve just one question for you
what’s your help
what are you backing down from why are
you letting life tame you when you
should be taming it and for the love of
all things holy where are your skates
I mean sure there’s gonna be some giant
hills and some even more giant trees
that are hell bound on taking you out
you can bet your last dollar on that but
you know what scars heal and trees can
be transplanted out of your way so are
you ready are you ready to go flying
face-first into the life that is just
waiting for you if you are I have this
one tiny piece of advice look out the
trees trees will be people or things or
even your own inner voice ready to trip
you up at any given point in time
remember the tree falls down in your
path it’s already dead you can’t save it
skate around it step over it but keep skating thank you