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Facing Uncertain Futures: Parallel Planning in a Children’s Hospice | Dot Gillespie | TEDxStoke


where r tell people what I do for a

living I can almost guarantee the

response how sad that must be really

difficult I don’t know how you do that

now people say this because they think

that children’s hospices a place is full

of sadness and loss and death and grief

they’re wrong a children’s hospice can

be one of the most uplifting places you

will ever have the pleasure of working I

deal with life every day but we must

remember that death is sadly part of

life and sadly children and young people

aren’t exempt from that and yes I want a

children’s hospice so some days we care

for her support children and young

people at the end of their lives and we

care for and support their parents and

Families the pain of loss and grief

however what we do most of the time is

to work with children young people and

their families to help them live the

lives they want to lead making sure they

have all the care and support they need

to achieve that making every moment

count for every child own personal

family is what we aspire to achieve

every single day at the hospice so today

what I like to talk to you about is what

does face in the future mean when you’re

a young person living with a

life-limiting a life-threatening

condition a condition that will

significantly shorten your life to help

do this I’ve own list the help of some

very brave special young people that we

support at the Don Luiz Children’s

Hospice here in stoke-on-trent I’m going

thank you I’m doing so these young

people have one major thing in common

they are all living with a life emitting

or life-threatening condition so at this

point you may have noticed two things I

talk about living with a life emitting a

life-threatening condition not dying of

an illness or condition now this is

really important as a children’s

palliative care specialist we focus on a

navy and supporting all to Leon people

to live the life they aspire to to

achieve their hopes dreams and business

aspirations despite their condition and

illness the second thing you might be

wondering is what are these conditions

i’m talking about what our life emitting

conditions what our life threatening

conditions were life-limiting conditions

are those conditions often progressive

for which there is no hope of cure and

which will ultimately be fatal

shortening your life significantly often

in childhood or early adulthood these

lots of conditions that follows this

category the one our suspect you’re most

familiar with will reduce schönes

muscular dystrophy life-threatening

conditions on the other hand are those

conditions for which treatment is

available but treatment could fail and

again the one I suspect you’re most

familiar with would be cancer so facing

the future three little words that can

be interpreted in so many diverse and

unique ways so before I go on any longer

I’d like you to all please just to think

about for just a few moments the words

you would use to describe how you felt

about facing your future when you were

I suspect for some of you there may have

been words like excited full of hope and

anticipation looking forward to new

discoveries new experiences carefree for

the phone laughter sadly for some of the

young people that we supported the Don

Luiz this isn’t the case Facing the

Future for them can actually quite the

opposite it can be scary very scary it

can be a battle as you move from

children’s to adult services you often

have to fight for everything you have to

fight for access to appropriate

healthcare you have to fight for the

right Social Care Support Package fight

for equipment fight for transport it’s a

social life that’s a luxury are not a

given and it can be alive fraught with

all kinds of challengers issues and

barriers but at this point I’m going to

let some the old people talk about their

experience a face in their future yeah I

liked it is I’m doing fine same day as

eyebrows my edges are going to this see

all right but I’m i select on you a

little bit earlier I am is there just

talking about mathematician watch them

apart made across this accommodation

suppose it is for me now purchases

flight treasure it’s like to be

different in half my feet ship and now

nearly remember engage as you want to do

or that I feel it and have a patient I’m

anyone little dent updated an hour and

that will you risk injury so I know I

know I box change

before my versions of secular their

school and then did college legatee

investing what that will change when I

love sign all this stuff and blemish

balm okay I’ll take in what I was a bit

of a college or to do my colleges and

then 50 this 10 hey crashing down like

stop by potential for future kings

island there were I want to do I don’t

think about futures just I’m concerned

when I get there how I actually do it so

I in my mind of God set that little one

to do but and it’s not like something

that’s like Alice well groomed

impossible of what in your mind you know

sensible things that I want to do with

my life and older it’s just when we get

to the point of doing it well you know

how to accomplish it I just take a long

time I don’t know ignore the future you

see if he comes cuz I don’t really know

where let him know what how never do I

just like trying to be as much so huh

you heard different tech spirits is

there you heard Tilly talk up being

excited to want to do all the things

that all young people want to do it just

takes a little bit more time and

planning we also heard Khloe talking

about having her future all planned out

and that future sadly coming crashing

down around her as a health needs

changed deteriorated as a young person

living with a life of it in our life

threatening condition you could and

should be planning for your future

planning for your future studies your

careers your independence like all other

young people however but some of the

young people that we care for also have

to think about is what time they’re

going to have left to achieve although

things and ultimately when their lives

may come to an end imagine if you can

and it’s very difficult to be 16 17 or

18 and trying to plan for your future

hopes dreams ambitions but also planning

things like where you’d like to be the

end of your life who would like to have

around you what kind of funeral you’d

like to have you would like to leave

your special belongings to I’m sure

you’ll agree that’s a huge psychological

dilemma for any young person to have to

face in the palliative care world we

call this parallel planning now parallel

planning is health professional support

children young people and adults to

simultaneously plan the life they would

like to lead and the death they would

like to have again a really difficult

concept to get your head around at any

age never mind as young person so how do

they do it how do these very brave young

people face dealing with knowing they’re

not going to have the time or the

opportunities that we all take for

granted to achieve the things you want

to achieve relationships possibly

marriage possibly children they’re all

mortality how do young people face their

own mortality well here single people

talk about how they’ve dealt with it

yeah worry about like my life like I

will anyway not always in the end and I

want to try and do do as much as I can

and I think it as we’ve got all dates

because i have seen my conditions like

limiting get to spend a lot of people

that have passed away unfortunately so

it’s always very much in the forefront

of my mind about the condition and the

time I’ve got really that that does

affect you that even I know that we can

all go anytime but obviously when you

got lively with condition it’s obviously

more more real in your mind then it will

be in say someone else do it was my age

28 they wouldn’t think about their own

mortality really a lot a lot of friends

with Ike initiative passed away and it

feels like there’s not many of us left

from my age group there so it’s a bit

scary really to think wait because

you’re not sure who it could be next see

it’s pretty much guaranteed that it

could happen at some point also as it

feels like you need to hurry up and do

things because you might not have time

to get things done a lot of things like

I think about it I’m not sure Oh the

only thing sounds like someone else into

what music and I hear a song and I think

happened I don’t know why I think this

one but I like that kind of a few as you

can see there’s no one way that young

people deal with him or 30 they deal

with it in their own unique and

individual ways I should expect when I

was preparing and planning for this talk

I was prepared to hear them really sad

difficult and challenging things we were

after all discussing some very sensitive

subject matter however what I got

instead was a huge dose of hope and

inspiration for many of the old people I

got a real live demonstration of courage

in the face of adversity of bravery

immaturity that was way beyond their

years and just to give you an example of

that I’d like to read to you some words

from two of young people that you saw in

that film clip the first one is from

Tilly and this demonstrates beautifully

that hope and inspiration sorry I put my

glasses on as a young person with a

potentially life-threatening condition I

feel only all the more inspired to live

each day to the full I personally do not

dwell on the more sinister aspects of my

condition but instead invest my full

attention into how I can make my life a

fantastic one however long it may be if

you aren’t able to live a hundred

percent at the time one will call a

normal life time you must only ensure

that you get a hundred percent out of

each and every second to me Facing the

Future means ambition preparation

flexibility and courage ambition is

inside every teenager and I as a

sixteen-year-old girl with spinal

muscular atrophy am no different and

lastly I Levon Levon Charlotte’s were

starts a very down-to-earth your lady

and keeps it quiet Barry

she quite simply said you can’t live

your whole life thinking you might die

you’ve just got to make the most of what

you’ve got and carry on with life do the

things you want to do and make the most

of what you’ve got the hope that leaves

you two with a smaller dose perhaps of

hope and inspiration thank you for

listening [Applause]

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