I’ve always wanted to date the most
popular girl drive the nicest car and go
to the fanciest school Yale is the gold
correct more than anything in the world
but I can’t afford any of that
my uncle’s paying me to escort my cousin
who’s semi-formal I’ll take you cousin
what I’ll take you cousin to the dance
why what would you get out of it I get
the payment you were talking about and I
get to take your car you got a suit
[Music]
you’re getting paid to take a girl on a
date did you know that Michelle Obama
got paid to go on a date with Barack and
look how great that turned out it’s not
true I don’t know but it could be true
and that is my point
[Music]
good evening let’s do this so we can
stop doing this we don’t care what you
say I happen to think that you and I
could have a really good time tonight
you have clearly never been to my high
school
this is your job no should be troubled
rich girls and Eva Schaffer it could be
big business here I figured out how to
get the money I need to go to Yale I’m
offering my services as a chaperone for
whatever it is that girls one hey oh my
god you didn’t oh but I did every day
would be custom-built they could pick my
personality my interest whether I’m a
listener or its Hocker what’s the
weirdest part I had listened to this
girl talk for four hours straight all I
was allowed to say was there is no other
way to see it oh my god that is the
perfect date there’s no other way to see
can you imagine if I get enough money to
get into Yale and date Shelby hey
it’d be my dream come true you’re just
waiting for people to accept you instead
of something yourself you act so tough
it’s just an ass we used to spend time
together but I guess you’d have your new
bridge friends I don’t know which
version of myself I’m supposed to be wow
she’s a really bad dancer
yeah she’s the worst I’ve been so many
people these past few months a cowboy an
art connoisseur and a bad friend it’s
time to figure out who I am and what I
want what are some of your interests
outside of school
howdy usual teenage stuff yeah
popular girl drive the nicest car and go
to the fanciest school Yale is the gold
correct more than anything in the world
but I can’t afford any of that
my uncle’s paying me to escort my cousin
who’s semi-formal I’ll take you cousin
what I’ll take you cousin to the dance
why what would you get out of it I get
the payment you were talking about and I
get to take your car you got a suit
[Music]
you’re getting paid to take a girl on a
date did you know that Michelle Obama
got paid to go on a date with Barack and
look how great that turned out it’s not
true I don’t know but it could be true
and that is my point
[Music]
good evening let’s do this so we can
stop doing this we don’t care what you
say I happen to think that you and I
could have a really good time tonight
you have clearly never been to my high
school
this is your job no should be troubled
rich girls and Eva Schaffer it could be
big business here I figured out how to
get the money I need to go to Yale I’m
offering my services as a chaperone for
whatever it is that girls one hey oh my
god you didn’t oh but I did every day
would be custom-built they could pick my
personality my interest whether I’m a
listener or its Hocker what’s the
weirdest part I had listened to this
girl talk for four hours straight all I
was allowed to say was there is no other
way to see it oh my god that is the
perfect date there’s no other way to see
can you imagine if I get enough money to
get into Yale and date Shelby hey
it’d be my dream come true you’re just
waiting for people to accept you instead
of something yourself you act so tough
it’s just an ass we used to spend time
together but I guess you’d have your new
bridge friends I don’t know which
version of myself I’m supposed to be wow
she’s a really bad dancer
yeah she’s the worst I’ve been so many
people these past few months a cowboy an
art connoisseur and a bad friend it’s
time to figure out who I am and what I
want what are some of your interests
outside of school
howdy usual teenage stuff yeah
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