we know videogames require some
limitations but these are just
ridiculous Stanley walked through the
red door welcome to watchmojo.com and
today we’ll be counting down our picks
for the top 10 things badass videogame
characters cannot do I still don’t think
we’re communicating properly Stanley
walked through the red door for this
list we’re taking a look at videogame
characters with amazing abilities that
are still unable to perform easy
everyday tasks number 10
say no to a challenge what’s that cloud
you think you can take him well if you
insist nice knowing you sporadic battles
are commonplace in most role-playing
games while these battles will help your
character gain experience and level up
occasionally you just want to get on
with main quest remember cut the ones
that matter I know I know
alas some characters are simply
incapable of rejecting a fight in the
Pokemon games for example there is
always a fellow trainer waiting to
challenge you around every corner as
much as you’d like to peacefully pass by
saying no to these battles is never an
option
this is especially frustrating when
you’re almost completely drained of
health and since you can’t flee you have
no choice but to accept that it’s pretty
much game over number nine
remove their undergarments fishing been
away shit have changed around here
grocery families ain’t big no more a lot
of video games allow the player to dress
their character however they see fit you
can even make them casually roll around
in their underwear and nobody’ll really
bat 9 ah here’s the blushing bride now
let’s begin the ceremony one thing you
can never seem to do though is have your
character walk around in their birthday
suit why do so many characters draw that
line and taking off their tighty whities
no homie love no huh
don’t they eventually have to bathe what
if they need to get a colonoscopy hasn’t
anybody ever heard of going commando
we’re watching you whatever you say
bitch of course if you really want to
get naked in a game you can always play
Saints Row 4 not Lincoln this just got
weird okay can i flow now knock yourself
at number 8
hold a gun and a flashlight at the same
time I don’t know how I survived one can
only do so much with two hands but we’re
pretty sure that you can carry both a
small gun and a flashlight
simultaneously apparently this is too
difficult for your character in Doom 3
though so you have to keep switching
between these two items which is
especially inconvenient considering that
the danger is always lurking in the dark
hey Alan wait can carry a gun and
flashlight at the same time link can
carry his sword and a lantern at the
same time if you count attaching it to
his belt
why can’t you multitask here we’re at
very least to get a gun with a
flashlight attached to it is there no
duct tape on Mars
number 7 make decisions for themselves
you said no you wouldn’t refuse that’s a
yes right a fair deal of modern games
are driven by choice like the Mass
Effect trilogy and to a certain extent
the Stanley parable remember that unlike
here the real world makes sense and at
no time should you make a choice that
does not conform to rational logic for
the most part however video games leave
free will out of the question
giving players specific objectives to
complete with no alternative mario has
to save the princess
Donkey Kong has to reclaim his hoard of
bananas Franklin has to help that stupid
paparazzi if he makes the mistake of
getting too close
leave me out you’ll shit me no no no we
can make beaucoup bucks your man these
video game characters are always being
manipulated by their surroundings and
controlled by a grand puppet master
incapable of making any decisions for
themselves man things just got kind of
philosophical eh yeah God you used to be
cool just because I’m a gamer doesn’t
mean I’m not cool
number 6 break down wood indoors if door
is made of metal or solid titanium it
makes sense that you shouldn’t be able
to simply break it down last time we
checked though wooden doors are not
indestructible even when they’re locked
from the other side it’s nothing that
blunt force or a few explosives
shouldn’t be able to fix things that
your character generally specializes in
yeah I guess there’s a thing or two I
could show you imagine how quickly we
could blast through every Zelda dungeon
if bombs worked on those locked doors
alas wooden doors are simply every video
game characters kryptonite you know I
could break you down I just don’t feel
like it if you want to get past one
either find a key or master the art of
lock picking if that’s an option
number five yell at annoying AI
characters I know you’d be fine if you
landed on your butt in a perfect world
every AI character would be as awesome
as Elizabeth from BioShock Infinite
Yuri huh instead we mostly get stuck
with companions that are irritating
unhelpful and share way too much
information Master Liang did you know
that your long hearts yeah I heard that
beeping that was me I was beeping to let
you know about the beeping that’s
particularly infuriating when an AI
character is constantly getting into
trouble or you have to rescue them all
we want to do is slap these characters
across the face and tell them to shut up
already but the players are forced to be
polite
God just save Zelda with my friggin
slingshot
did you know boots go on feet yeah
that’s uh that’s great we’re not sure
how link puts up with the likes of Navi
and fee but his ability to stay cool
clearly makes him a saint
number four climb over small objects
wait a second I forgot my wallet don’t
you just hate it when you’re so close
yet so far in many video games you’ll
find yourself mere inches away from
achieving your objective all you have to
do is climb over that small object
you’re gonna run something else you can
do here this would be easy enough if
your character were capable of jumping
or grabbing onto ledges these characters
generally like to do everything the long
hard way with no room for shortcuts keep
going friend that station was rated but
there’s others up ahead it’s too bad you
can’t fit a forklift in your inventory
you will never get over a Ledge it’s
impossible number three
talk so you’re the new kid everyone is
talking about what’s your name
he doesn’t talk out King he thinks he’s
hot shit or something Gordon Freeman is
a man a few words link is a man a few
grunts and Chell solely communicates
through body language not that we can
see it or nothing okay what you’re doing
there is jumping you just she just
jumped the point is that none of these
video game characters are cut out for
careers in public speaking
Rick could you repeat that please
given their extraordinary circumstances
you’d think that they would have
something interesting to say every once
in a while what are your name I’m next
then again maybe not all video game
characters were meant to speak remember
what happened when Samus finally opened
her mouth in Metroid Other M the word he
so obviously chose outsider pierced my
heart
number two touch most things I mean
you’re all trained killers some of you
can kill with one touch one touch this
is such an old mechanic that most people
never question it anymore but it seems
kind of odd when you think about it now
I’m sure that a Kremlin could do some
serious damage to a monkey but they’d
actually have to bite him first I assume
and how is it that Mario gets ko’d by a
Goomba you kill it by jumping on its
head but you touch one pixel of its side
and it’s game over for you plumber boy
seriously though Mega Man can kick the
crap out of a handful of robot masters
but those spikes are a no-go
even if you just brush them with your
arm what the heck is with you guys if
the intruder can stand on your head even
if he has to freeze you first do not
hover over pits that are too large for
him to jump over we make those pits big
for a reason before we get to our number
one pick here are a few honorable
mentions
number one swim even open-world games
such as Grand Theft Auto and Assassin’s
Creed keep the characters restricted to
certain areas often game developers
contain these characters by surrounding
them with a deadliest substance known to
man water
the idea that trained killers like tommy
vercetti or al tiger can’t swim is one
thing but you honestly expect us to
believe that the Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles and frog can’t survive in water
we can accept a lot of mind-boggling
things and video games but this is kind
of going off the deep end do you agree
with our list you’re playing for the
wrong side dude
what other mundane tasks are badass
video game characters incapable of
performing for more entertaining top 10s
published every day be sure to subscribe
to watchmojo.com and finally if you
begin to wonder if your choices are
actually meaningful and whether you’ll
ever make a significant contribution to
the world just remember that in the vast
infinite nough subspace your thoughts
and problems are materially
insignificant
you
limitations but these are just
ridiculous Stanley walked through the
red door welcome to watchmojo.com and
today we’ll be counting down our picks
for the top 10 things badass videogame
characters cannot do I still don’t think
we’re communicating properly Stanley
walked through the red door for this
list we’re taking a look at videogame
characters with amazing abilities that
are still unable to perform easy
everyday tasks number 10
say no to a challenge what’s that cloud
you think you can take him well if you
insist nice knowing you sporadic battles
are commonplace in most role-playing
games while these battles will help your
character gain experience and level up
occasionally you just want to get on
with main quest remember cut the ones
that matter I know I know
alas some characters are simply
incapable of rejecting a fight in the
Pokemon games for example there is
always a fellow trainer waiting to
challenge you around every corner as
much as you’d like to peacefully pass by
saying no to these battles is never an
option
this is especially frustrating when
you’re almost completely drained of
health and since you can’t flee you have
no choice but to accept that it’s pretty
much game over number nine
remove their undergarments fishing been
away shit have changed around here
grocery families ain’t big no more a lot
of video games allow the player to dress
their character however they see fit you
can even make them casually roll around
in their underwear and nobody’ll really
bat 9 ah here’s the blushing bride now
let’s begin the ceremony one thing you
can never seem to do though is have your
character walk around in their birthday
suit why do so many characters draw that
line and taking off their tighty whities
no homie love no huh
don’t they eventually have to bathe what
if they need to get a colonoscopy hasn’t
anybody ever heard of going commando
we’re watching you whatever you say
bitch of course if you really want to
get naked in a game you can always play
Saints Row 4 not Lincoln this just got
weird okay can i flow now knock yourself
at number 8
hold a gun and a flashlight at the same
time I don’t know how I survived one can
only do so much with two hands but we’re
pretty sure that you can carry both a
small gun and a flashlight
simultaneously apparently this is too
difficult for your character in Doom 3
though so you have to keep switching
between these two items which is
especially inconvenient considering that
the danger is always lurking in the dark
hey Alan wait can carry a gun and
flashlight at the same time link can
carry his sword and a lantern at the
same time if you count attaching it to
his belt
why can’t you multitask here we’re at
very least to get a gun with a
flashlight attached to it is there no
duct tape on Mars
number 7 make decisions for themselves
you said no you wouldn’t refuse that’s a
yes right a fair deal of modern games
are driven by choice like the Mass
Effect trilogy and to a certain extent
the Stanley parable remember that unlike
here the real world makes sense and at
no time should you make a choice that
does not conform to rational logic for
the most part however video games leave
free will out of the question
giving players specific objectives to
complete with no alternative mario has
to save the princess
Donkey Kong has to reclaim his hoard of
bananas Franklin has to help that stupid
paparazzi if he makes the mistake of
getting too close
leave me out you’ll shit me no no no we
can make beaucoup bucks your man these
video game characters are always being
manipulated by their surroundings and
controlled by a grand puppet master
incapable of making any decisions for
themselves man things just got kind of
philosophical eh yeah God you used to be
cool just because I’m a gamer doesn’t
mean I’m not cool
number 6 break down wood indoors if door
is made of metal or solid titanium it
makes sense that you shouldn’t be able
to simply break it down last time we
checked though wooden doors are not
indestructible even when they’re locked
from the other side it’s nothing that
blunt force or a few explosives
shouldn’t be able to fix things that
your character generally specializes in
yeah I guess there’s a thing or two I
could show you imagine how quickly we
could blast through every Zelda dungeon
if bombs worked on those locked doors
alas wooden doors are simply every video
game characters kryptonite you know I
could break you down I just don’t feel
like it if you want to get past one
either find a key or master the art of
lock picking if that’s an option
number five yell at annoying AI
characters I know you’d be fine if you
landed on your butt in a perfect world
every AI character would be as awesome
as Elizabeth from BioShock Infinite
Yuri huh instead we mostly get stuck
with companions that are irritating
unhelpful and share way too much
information Master Liang did you know
that your long hearts yeah I heard that
beeping that was me I was beeping to let
you know about the beeping that’s
particularly infuriating when an AI
character is constantly getting into
trouble or you have to rescue them all
we want to do is slap these characters
across the face and tell them to shut up
already but the players are forced to be
polite
God just save Zelda with my friggin
slingshot
did you know boots go on feet yeah
that’s uh that’s great we’re not sure
how link puts up with the likes of Navi
and fee but his ability to stay cool
clearly makes him a saint
number four climb over small objects
wait a second I forgot my wallet don’t
you just hate it when you’re so close
yet so far in many video games you’ll
find yourself mere inches away from
achieving your objective all you have to
do is climb over that small object
you’re gonna run something else you can
do here this would be easy enough if
your character were capable of jumping
or grabbing onto ledges these characters
generally like to do everything the long
hard way with no room for shortcuts keep
going friend that station was rated but
there’s others up ahead it’s too bad you
can’t fit a forklift in your inventory
you will never get over a Ledge it’s
impossible number three
talk so you’re the new kid everyone is
talking about what’s your name
he doesn’t talk out King he thinks he’s
hot shit or something Gordon Freeman is
a man a few words link is a man a few
grunts and Chell solely communicates
through body language not that we can
see it or nothing okay what you’re doing
there is jumping you just she just
jumped the point is that none of these
video game characters are cut out for
careers in public speaking
Rick could you repeat that please
given their extraordinary circumstances
you’d think that they would have
something interesting to say every once
in a while what are your name I’m next
then again maybe not all video game
characters were meant to speak remember
what happened when Samus finally opened
her mouth in Metroid Other M the word he
so obviously chose outsider pierced my
heart
number two touch most things I mean
you’re all trained killers some of you
can kill with one touch one touch this
is such an old mechanic that most people
never question it anymore but it seems
kind of odd when you think about it now
I’m sure that a Kremlin could do some
serious damage to a monkey but they’d
actually have to bite him first I assume
and how is it that Mario gets ko’d by a
Goomba you kill it by jumping on its
head but you touch one pixel of its side
and it’s game over for you plumber boy
seriously though Mega Man can kick the
crap out of a handful of robot masters
but those spikes are a no-go
even if you just brush them with your
arm what the heck is with you guys if
the intruder can stand on your head even
if he has to freeze you first do not
hover over pits that are too large for
him to jump over we make those pits big
for a reason before we get to our number
one pick here are a few honorable
mentions
number one swim even open-world games
such as Grand Theft Auto and Assassin’s
Creed keep the characters restricted to
certain areas often game developers
contain these characters by surrounding
them with a deadliest substance known to
man water
the idea that trained killers like tommy
vercetti or al tiger can’t swim is one
thing but you honestly expect us to
believe that the Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles and frog can’t survive in water
we can accept a lot of mind-boggling
things and video games but this is kind
of going off the deep end do you agree
with our list you’re playing for the
wrong side dude
what other mundane tasks are badass
video game characters incapable of
performing for more entertaining top 10s
published every day be sure to subscribe
to watchmojo.com and finally if you
begin to wonder if your choices are
actually meaningful and whether you’ll
ever make a significant contribution to
the world just remember that in the vast
infinite nough subspace your thoughts
and problems are materially
insignificant
you
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