[Music]
let’s leave the formal speeches to
Shakespeare shall we what
you’re clearly standing in front of us
brick yeah welcome to watchmojo.com and
today we’re counting down our picks for
the top 10 funniest speeches in movies
I’m a dread for this list we’re looking
at the most hilarious speeches and
monologues in film we’re only
considering those speeches delivered by
characters within the action of a scene
so even the funniest narration over the
best montage won’t make the cut
similarly the scene has to be
intentionally funny none of this so bad
it was funny stuff was it over a winner
Germans bombed Pearl Harbor
hell no Jeremy forget it he’s rolling
number 10 Annie and Helens toast
bridesmaids I just want to thank you for
carefully selecting me as your maid of
honor
can anyone make it to the end of the
scene without looking away we can’t it’s
so hard to watch but four really great
reasons at bride-to-be Lillian’s
engagement party her newly established
best friend Rose burns waspy Helen and
her childhood best friend Kristen wigs
annie compete with one another for
control of the microphone and for
Lillian’s affection thank you for coming
really quick you all for coming this
when does they really start line is out
mm-hmm
Consuela really quick speaking of
Consuelo Helen spouts some pretentious
baloney that excludes everyone in the
room and makes any jealous so any steps
up trying to recapture Lillian’s love no
and you can always count on me let’s
give credit to burnin wig for their
incredible performances it’s truly
painful to see them vie for the last
word but only because the comedy is so
effectively cringe-worthy
that’s what Benza
number nine
Billy gets it wrong Billy Madison the
Industrial Revolution changed the face
of the modern novel forever discuss
citing specific examples the Golden Age
of Adam Sandler gilmore waterboy Madison
back when audiences went crazy for
Sandler and it’s childish comedy he
rewarded their dedication with some
classic moments and this outrageous
speech is a prime example the Industrial
Revolution to me is just like a story I
know called the puppy who lost his way
throughout the film Sandler’s Billy
retakes grades 1 through 12 in an
attempt to truly learn something and
when we see him competing in an academic
decathlon for his father’s company
it appears he finally has asked a
complicated question it seems like Billy
has a moment of pure genius drawing on
knowledge he learned in the first grade
to answer so you see the puppy was like
industry in that they were both lost in
the woods but it turns out he’s actually
dead wrong and has been spewing total
nonsense
perhaps foreshadowing the future
Sandler’s character at least according
to the decathlon’s judge has made
everyone dumber I award you no points
and may God have mercy on your soul
number 8 I killed my sail Tommy Boy
let’s say I go into some guys office
let’s say he’s even remotely interested
in buying something well then I get a
little excited I’m like Joe Joe the
idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet
like the good old sailor days the Farley
days were a joy to behold we love
moments like kill whitey and his desktop
demo but this Tommy Boy speech takes the
cake as it incorporates everything we
loved about the big man the pet is my
possible sale oh my pretty little pet I
love you desperate after watching a sale
Farley’s Tommy takes it out on himself
by well taking it out on his food
explaining to his waitress Helen why
he’s a bad salesman
Tommy animatedly demonstrates how he
gets overexcited and kills his sale like
an unaware child would kill an animal
oh I killed her I killed my sail he
turns from playfully light to violently
dark in a split second which may be
traumatic for Helen but by god it’s
funny for us am i right god you’re sick
number seven
Wolfpack the hangover I want to talk
about something all right
oh I like I like to say something this
2009 todd phillips romp provided
breakout roles for every actor involved
but it was Zach Galifianakis perhaps the
least known of the bunch who instantly
rose to stardom thanks to his portrayal
of the unbelievably strange Allen I tend
to think of myself as a one-man Wolf
Pack and no moment epitomizes Allen more
than this awkward speech while on the
roof of their hotel overlooking Las
Vegas the boys toast the soon to be
married Doug
Allen who was only invited out of
kindness steals the spotlight how about
that ride in I guess that’s why they
call it Sin City hahaha
nervous he tries his hand at a prepared
joke before awkwardly expressing his
happiness over his newfound friends and
promising over a blood oath a night of
strippers and cocaine they have no idea
what they’re in for
so tonight I make a toast what what he
got there Oh number six Walters eulogy
to Donnie
The Big Lebowski he was one of us he was
a man who loved the outdoors and bowling
poor Donnie he was a man caught in the
wrong place at the wrong time he died
too young we’ll miss him there that
could have been Donnie’s eulogy instead
John Goodman’s Walter takes what should
have been a simple thoughtful speech to
places that only his dark mind could go
then it was the Lord you took him as you
took so many bright flowering young men
at Khe Sanh the Languedoc
at Hill 364 contrasting Jeff Bridges
passive mellowed out dude
Walters a man who never got over Vietnam
quick to anger he begins Donnie’s eulogy
with an attempt to provide a beautiful
and poised tribute but it only comes off
as awkward he then quickly moves past
his departed friends memorial to
lambaste God for the lives lost in
Vietnam it takes a lot to get the dude
mad but this hilarious deadpan scene
gets the job done or does anything have
to do with the advance are you talking
about dude I’m sorry
number 5 dr. Evil’s group therapy speech
Austin Powers international man of
mystery the details of my life are quite
inconsequential ok guys get your pinky
fingers ready after being frozen for the
full extent of his son’s childhood dr.
evil finds himself back in Scotts life
but the complications of their
tumultuous reunion land the duo in group
therapy together much to dr. Evil’s
dismay come on he has bigger friggin
sharks to fry my mother was a 15 year
old French prostitute named Chloe with
webbed feet after much pestering from
the oblivious group members
he’s goaded into sharing intimate
details of his own childhood my father
would womanize he would drink he would
make outrageous claims like he invented
the question mark dr. evil takes the
group of average joes through a highly
descriptive account of a childhood he
perceived to be completely standard but
was of course abusive traumatic and
downright bizarre he gives the recipe
for a demented maniac but like he says
you should really try it sometime there
really is nothing like a short and
scrotum it’s breathtaking I suggest you
try it
number four clammy hands Ferris
Bueller’s Day Off the key to faking out
the parents is the clammy hands it’s a
good nonspecific symptom I’m a big
believer in it listen up kids the cool
teenage badass you should all listen to
is taking a moment to lay down the law
and teach a lesson and believe it or not
this one can actually work the opening
scene of this iconic movie shows Matthew
Broderick’s titular character weaseling
his way out of school by faking sick
Jeannie please don’t be upset with me
you have your health
be thankful breaking the fourth wall and
speaking directly to the audience healer
explains the best way to get yourself
out of school and then proceeds to give
us his like philosophy I do have a test
today that wasn’t bullshit it’s on
European socialism I mean really what’s
the point
it’s his confidence charisma and
honestly solid points that make this
scene so great really we could all use a
day off in fact I’m gonna try it right
now that the Mojo police caught me it’s
not that I can don’t fascism or any is
it for that matter isms in my opinion
are not good number three the Christmas
bonus speech
National Lampoon’s Christmas vacation I
was afraid of sight you’re gonna bawl
alright are you going to open it oh
channeling every crazy dad ever
Chevy Chase is Clark Griswold is over
the top embarrassing and far too
enthusiastic for his too cool for school
children still you got a love family
especially around the holidays here the
Griswolds gather around Clark when he
opens his much height Christmas bonus
check or at least he you thought it was
a check it’s up to one year membership
in the jelly of the Month Club
okay Clark that’s the gift that keeps on
givin the whole year when he learns that
it’s merely a subscription to a crappy
Club Clark loses his well you can fill
in the blank the pent-up anger and
stress of the holidays which had
previously been masked by a candy coated
layer of enthusiasm and hope flies
straight out the window and I went to
look him straight in the eye
I don’t want to tell him what a cheap
lying no-good rotten four-flushing not
for the first time Clark goes on a
highly descriptive incredibly hilarious
rent
every single ounce of frustration
heartless fat ass bug-eyed stiff-legged
spotty lip we’re headed sack of monkey
shit he is number two over Animal House
you say over nothing is over until we
decide it is what you think it’s time to
give up what are you sitting down for
it’s time to galvanize the troops you
know what roll the clip hey what just
lying around shit what the hell is
supposed to do you moron like that one
guy in every great sports movie Animal
House is Bluto tries to inspire his frat
but in his case the result is a
factually incorrect bumbling speech and
when he roars and leaves in a hurry
none of them follows who’s with me let’s
go on take two however he finds some
success by first chastising the group
for being soft and letting destiny fall
through their fingertips we’re afraid to
go with you Berto we might get in
trouble watch my from nod and then
promising to kill the frats enemies much
to his surprise this actually works and
the rest as Bluto would have said had he
needed to keep going is history
before we unveil our number one pick
here are some honorable mentions if not
fair
we’ve traveled it I’m a hundred miles
cuz we thought we were gonna score but
now it’s not gonna happen dammit hey
buddy sit down shut up asswipe without
getting sick I believe strongly there’ll
always be a need for us to have a
well-articulated innovation policy with
emphasis on human resource development
Thank You number one three kinds of
people Team America world police what
you think everyone can get along and
dicks just want to all the time without
thinking it through but then you got
your assholes Chuck and all the assholes
want us to shit all over everything they
dominate television with South Park they
dominate the stage with the Book of
Mormon and while Trey Parker and Matt
Stone 2004 cult classic didn’t break box
office records the film’s defining
speech certainly dominates this list our
hero Gary having given up on Team
America has resorted to drinking away
his sorrows that is before he receives
inspiration from an unlikely source hit
rock bottom easy you oh you gotta calm
down here Chuck the old drunk throwing a
few back next to Gary takes a moment to
teach him a lesson on the three kinds of
people in this world how right is he we
can’t say but what we do know is that
this speech revitalizes Gary and will
have audiences anywhere anytime killing
themselves with laughter you get your
dick and your pussy all covered in shit
why and with that Gary saves the world
yeah do you agree with our list
hallelujah holy shit where’s the Tylenol
what do you think is the funniest movie
speech for more hilarious top 10s
published every day be sure to subscribe
to watchmojo.com black
[Music]
let’s leave the formal speeches to
Shakespeare shall we what
you’re clearly standing in front of us
brick yeah welcome to watchmojo.com and
today we’re counting down our picks for
the top 10 funniest speeches in movies
I’m a dread for this list we’re looking
at the most hilarious speeches and
monologues in film we’re only
considering those speeches delivered by
characters within the action of a scene
so even the funniest narration over the
best montage won’t make the cut
similarly the scene has to be
intentionally funny none of this so bad
it was funny stuff was it over a winner
Germans bombed Pearl Harbor
hell no Jeremy forget it he’s rolling
number 10 Annie and Helens toast
bridesmaids I just want to thank you for
carefully selecting me as your maid of
honor
can anyone make it to the end of the
scene without looking away we can’t it’s
so hard to watch but four really great
reasons at bride-to-be Lillian’s
engagement party her newly established
best friend Rose burns waspy Helen and
her childhood best friend Kristen wigs
annie compete with one another for
control of the microphone and for
Lillian’s affection thank you for coming
really quick you all for coming this
when does they really start line is out
mm-hmm
Consuela really quick speaking of
Consuelo Helen spouts some pretentious
baloney that excludes everyone in the
room and makes any jealous so any steps
up trying to recapture Lillian’s love no
and you can always count on me let’s
give credit to burnin wig for their
incredible performances it’s truly
painful to see them vie for the last
word but only because the comedy is so
effectively cringe-worthy
that’s what Benza
number nine
Billy gets it wrong Billy Madison the
Industrial Revolution changed the face
of the modern novel forever discuss
citing specific examples the Golden Age
of Adam Sandler gilmore waterboy Madison
back when audiences went crazy for
Sandler and it’s childish comedy he
rewarded their dedication with some
classic moments and this outrageous
speech is a prime example the Industrial
Revolution to me is just like a story I
know called the puppy who lost his way
throughout the film Sandler’s Billy
retakes grades 1 through 12 in an
attempt to truly learn something and
when we see him competing in an academic
decathlon for his father’s company
it appears he finally has asked a
complicated question it seems like Billy
has a moment of pure genius drawing on
knowledge he learned in the first grade
to answer so you see the puppy was like
industry in that they were both lost in
the woods but it turns out he’s actually
dead wrong and has been spewing total
nonsense
perhaps foreshadowing the future
Sandler’s character at least according
to the decathlon’s judge has made
everyone dumber I award you no points
and may God have mercy on your soul
number 8 I killed my sail Tommy Boy
let’s say I go into some guys office
let’s say he’s even remotely interested
in buying something well then I get a
little excited I’m like Joe Joe the
idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet
like the good old sailor days the Farley
days were a joy to behold we love
moments like kill whitey and his desktop
demo but this Tommy Boy speech takes the
cake as it incorporates everything we
loved about the big man the pet is my
possible sale oh my pretty little pet I
love you desperate after watching a sale
Farley’s Tommy takes it out on himself
by well taking it out on his food
explaining to his waitress Helen why
he’s a bad salesman
Tommy animatedly demonstrates how he
gets overexcited and kills his sale like
an unaware child would kill an animal
oh I killed her I killed my sail he
turns from playfully light to violently
dark in a split second which may be
traumatic for Helen but by god it’s
funny for us am i right god you’re sick
number seven
Wolfpack the hangover I want to talk
about something all right
oh I like I like to say something this
2009 todd phillips romp provided
breakout roles for every actor involved
but it was Zach Galifianakis perhaps the
least known of the bunch who instantly
rose to stardom thanks to his portrayal
of the unbelievably strange Allen I tend
to think of myself as a one-man Wolf
Pack and no moment epitomizes Allen more
than this awkward speech while on the
roof of their hotel overlooking Las
Vegas the boys toast the soon to be
married Doug
Allen who was only invited out of
kindness steals the spotlight how about
that ride in I guess that’s why they
call it Sin City hahaha
nervous he tries his hand at a prepared
joke before awkwardly expressing his
happiness over his newfound friends and
promising over a blood oath a night of
strippers and cocaine they have no idea
what they’re in for
so tonight I make a toast what what he
got there Oh number six Walters eulogy
to Donnie
The Big Lebowski he was one of us he was
a man who loved the outdoors and bowling
poor Donnie he was a man caught in the
wrong place at the wrong time he died
too young we’ll miss him there that
could have been Donnie’s eulogy instead
John Goodman’s Walter takes what should
have been a simple thoughtful speech to
places that only his dark mind could go
then it was the Lord you took him as you
took so many bright flowering young men
at Khe Sanh the Languedoc
at Hill 364 contrasting Jeff Bridges
passive mellowed out dude
Walters a man who never got over Vietnam
quick to anger he begins Donnie’s eulogy
with an attempt to provide a beautiful
and poised tribute but it only comes off
as awkward he then quickly moves past
his departed friends memorial to
lambaste God for the lives lost in
Vietnam it takes a lot to get the dude
mad but this hilarious deadpan scene
gets the job done or does anything have
to do with the advance are you talking
about dude I’m sorry
number 5 dr. Evil’s group therapy speech
Austin Powers international man of
mystery the details of my life are quite
inconsequential ok guys get your pinky
fingers ready after being frozen for the
full extent of his son’s childhood dr.
evil finds himself back in Scotts life
but the complications of their
tumultuous reunion land the duo in group
therapy together much to dr. Evil’s
dismay come on he has bigger friggin
sharks to fry my mother was a 15 year
old French prostitute named Chloe with
webbed feet after much pestering from
the oblivious group members
he’s goaded into sharing intimate
details of his own childhood my father
would womanize he would drink he would
make outrageous claims like he invented
the question mark dr. evil takes the
group of average joes through a highly
descriptive account of a childhood he
perceived to be completely standard but
was of course abusive traumatic and
downright bizarre he gives the recipe
for a demented maniac but like he says
you should really try it sometime there
really is nothing like a short and
scrotum it’s breathtaking I suggest you
try it
number four clammy hands Ferris
Bueller’s Day Off the key to faking out
the parents is the clammy hands it’s a
good nonspecific symptom I’m a big
believer in it listen up kids the cool
teenage badass you should all listen to
is taking a moment to lay down the law
and teach a lesson and believe it or not
this one can actually work the opening
scene of this iconic movie shows Matthew
Broderick’s titular character weaseling
his way out of school by faking sick
Jeannie please don’t be upset with me
you have your health
be thankful breaking the fourth wall and
speaking directly to the audience healer
explains the best way to get yourself
out of school and then proceeds to give
us his like philosophy I do have a test
today that wasn’t bullshit it’s on
European socialism I mean really what’s
the point
it’s his confidence charisma and
honestly solid points that make this
scene so great really we could all use a
day off in fact I’m gonna try it right
now that the Mojo police caught me it’s
not that I can don’t fascism or any is
it for that matter isms in my opinion
are not good number three the Christmas
bonus speech
National Lampoon’s Christmas vacation I
was afraid of sight you’re gonna bawl
alright are you going to open it oh
channeling every crazy dad ever
Chevy Chase is Clark Griswold is over
the top embarrassing and far too
enthusiastic for his too cool for school
children still you got a love family
especially around the holidays here the
Griswolds gather around Clark when he
opens his much height Christmas bonus
check or at least he you thought it was
a check it’s up to one year membership
in the jelly of the Month Club
okay Clark that’s the gift that keeps on
givin the whole year when he learns that
it’s merely a subscription to a crappy
Club Clark loses his well you can fill
in the blank the pent-up anger and
stress of the holidays which had
previously been masked by a candy coated
layer of enthusiasm and hope flies
straight out the window and I went to
look him straight in the eye
I don’t want to tell him what a cheap
lying no-good rotten four-flushing not
for the first time Clark goes on a
highly descriptive incredibly hilarious
rent
every single ounce of frustration
heartless fat ass bug-eyed stiff-legged
spotty lip we’re headed sack of monkey
shit he is number two over Animal House
you say over nothing is over until we
decide it is what you think it’s time to
give up what are you sitting down for
it’s time to galvanize the troops you
know what roll the clip hey what just
lying around shit what the hell is
supposed to do you moron like that one
guy in every great sports movie Animal
House is Bluto tries to inspire his frat
but in his case the result is a
factually incorrect bumbling speech and
when he roars and leaves in a hurry
none of them follows who’s with me let’s
go on take two however he finds some
success by first chastising the group
for being soft and letting destiny fall
through their fingertips we’re afraid to
go with you Berto we might get in
trouble watch my from nod and then
promising to kill the frats enemies much
to his surprise this actually works and
the rest as Bluto would have said had he
needed to keep going is history
before we unveil our number one pick
here are some honorable mentions if not
fair
we’ve traveled it I’m a hundred miles
cuz we thought we were gonna score but
now it’s not gonna happen dammit hey
buddy sit down shut up asswipe without
getting sick I believe strongly there’ll
always be a need for us to have a
well-articulated innovation policy with
emphasis on human resource development
Thank You number one three kinds of
people Team America world police what
you think everyone can get along and
dicks just want to all the time without
thinking it through but then you got
your assholes Chuck and all the assholes
want us to shit all over everything they
dominate television with South Park they
dominate the stage with the Book of
Mormon and while Trey Parker and Matt
Stone 2004 cult classic didn’t break box
office records the film’s defining
speech certainly dominates this list our
hero Gary having given up on Team
America has resorted to drinking away
his sorrows that is before he receives
inspiration from an unlikely source hit
rock bottom easy you oh you gotta calm
down here Chuck the old drunk throwing a
few back next to Gary takes a moment to
teach him a lesson on the three kinds of
people in this world how right is he we
can’t say but what we do know is that
this speech revitalizes Gary and will
have audiences anywhere anytime killing
themselves with laughter you get your
dick and your pussy all covered in shit
why and with that Gary saves the world
yeah do you agree with our list
hallelujah holy shit where’s the Tylenol
what do you think is the funniest movie
speech for more hilarious top 10s
published every day be sure to subscribe
to watchmojo.com black
[Music]
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