he was a social analyst nonconformist
and one of the greatest stand-up
comedians ever see I’m a visionary I’m
ahead of my time trouble is I’m only
about an hour and a half ahead welcome
to watchmojo.com and today we’re
counting down our picks for the top 10
George Carlin bits isn’t he nice oh he
is so nice please be advised this clip
contains mature language and teens you
have been warned
I got a really filthy joke for you bill
but there’s a lady here well that’s okay
she’s filthy too go ahead well it’s her
number 10 have a nice day yeah yeah yeah
want to give me my fucking change please
Harlan made it out of the hippie dippie
70s a little older a little more
clean-cut and a little cranky err some
of them are really insistent I said have
a nice day all right I got that one all
right I’ll give a shot he had already
made himself famous by picking apart the
ridiculous way people interact and this
bit is the ultimate example this routine
came at a time when he was still
focusing on observational humor not
politics or the grumpy old man schtick
crappy day hey that’d be easy no trouble
at all a crappy day just get up
there’s no planning involved for a
crappy day number nine state prison
farms this is when Carlin started
railing against society with newfound
bitterness here’s his black Lee funny
hypothesis about carting the worst
criminals to fenced-off
rectangular-shaped states rectangular
states are cheaper defense saves the
taxpayers money
you know where they’d fight to the death
for captivated TV audiences his
trademark vocabulary in full force he
spouts religious one-liners as easily as
he paints absurd mental pictures know
the maniac farm will be reserved
strictly for hopeless cases like a guy
who gets a big tattoo on his chest of
Liza Minnelli taking a shit you know and
he tells you if he Wiggles a certain way
it looks like she’s wiping her ass you
know this bit is essential Karlin
because of the questions it asks about
morality and the system everyone will
have guns everyone will have drugs and
no one will be in charge just like now
but at least we’ll have a balanced
budget number eight dumb Americans it
plays more as a rant than as a comedy
routine but this Carlin bit was way
ahead of the curve this country is full
of nitwits and assholes you haven’t
noticed that well my goodness
as a forefather of Jon Stewart and
Stephen Colbert types Carlin brought
politics and comedy together to give us
a clearer perspective only he did it
with a venomous anti-establishment view
that’s what the owners count on the fact
that Americans will probably remain
willfully ignorant of the big red white
and blue dick that’s being jammed up
their assholes everyday
long story short the system is broken
corporations are evil and the American
Dream is well he’ll tell you called the
American dream because you have to be
asleep to believe it
number seven the planet is fine this was
one of Carlin’s personal favorites and
it’s just as relevant now as it was then
Carlin attacks self-righteous
environmentalists for their arrogance
over the save the planet game the planet
is fine the people are fucked the people
are fucked bleak yes one yep brutal
uh-huh
but that was Carlin in his later years
how about the people in Kilauea Hawaii
who build their homes right next to an
active volcano and then wonder why they
have lava in the living world kind of
wonder if he wanted to see humanity fall
flat on its collective face planet will
shake us off like a bad case of please a
surface nuisance number six things you
never see hear or wanna hear like we’ve
mentioned Carlin was a fan of words and
theoretical situations there’s a lot of
things you never see and you don’t know
you don’t see him because you don’t see
him you got to see something for us to
know you never saw it then you see it
and say hey I never saw that too late
you just saw it the fast-talking
mind-bending wordsmith invents a
succession of bizarre hypotheticals
strung together by his increasingly
gravelly voice well Jim there’s no
reason why you shouldn’t live another 20
to 30 years however you will be bleeding
constantly from both eyes only the
things you never see hear or wanna hear
were a little more innocent than those
listed in State Prison Franz well sort
of as soon as I put this hot poker in my
ass I’m going to chop my dick off
sometimes all it takes is a funny turn
of phrase and a good dose of profanity
to bust a gut I’m the first person in
the world to put those words together in
that particular
number five Carlin on death and Ageing
recorded just months before his death
the album it’s bad for you features
several bits that deal with ageing and
death she not have been doing going
through my address book and crossing out
the dead people you do that that’s a lot
of fun isn’t it and of course the
ridiculous things people say when
confronted with these facts of life you
know I lost my father ah he’ll turn up
particularly poignant because of its
timing satirical as always and sharp
tongued as ever
Carlin goes for logic over emotion
questions false sympathy and reiterates
his intolerance for bullshit if someone
did somehow survive death in a non
physical form I personally think he’d be
far too busy with other celestial
activities than to be standing around
paradise smiling down number four
Carlin on religion and God depending on
your point of view this bit could be
incredibly abrasive or incredibly
relevant but you can be sure Carlin did
not care to do any of these ten things
he has a special place full of fire and
smoke and burning and torture and
anguish when he will send you to live
and suffer and burn and choke and scream
and cry forever and ever till the end of
time but he loves you he knew that
nothing in smart comedy was out of
bounds his Catholic upbringing inspired
a hostile view of religion but also
helped him understand the topic enough
to pick it apart with surgical precision
suppose your prayers aren’t answered
what do you say well it’s God’s will
thy will be done fine but if it’s God’s
will he’s gonna do what he wants to
anyway
why the fuck bother praying in the first
place hey he almost makes praying to Joe
Pesci makes sense how can you beat that
two reasons first of all I think he’s a
good actor okay to me that dudes second
he looks like a guy who can get things
done Joe
fuck away number three a place for my
stuff carlins stand up focused on many
profound topics but it can’t all be
religion politics and death everybody’s
got to have a little place for they’ll
stuff that’s all life is about that’s
the meaning of life trying to find a
place to keep your stuff with spot-on
observational humor like this Harlan
wins everyone back and blows their minds
and we mean everyone who can’t relate to
the idea of stuff having stuff keeping
stuff getting more stuff it’s all your
house is it’s a place to keep your stuff
while you go out and get more stuff
great writing and even greater delivery
help this bit give new meaning to the
phrase it’s funny cuz it’s true
sometimes you got to move sometimes you
got a move you got to get a bigger house
why too much stuff number two baseball
and football baseball is played on a
diamond in a park the baseball park
football is played on a gridiron in a
stadium War Memorial Stadium while many
praised his political comedy Carlin was
at his best when focusing on lighter
Universal commentaries on everyday
things perhaps one of the greatest
examples of his grip on language and pop
culture is this famous sports themed
routine which he tweaked throughout his
career baseball has no time limit we
don’t know how long it’s gonna last we
might have extra innings football is
rigidly timed and it will end even if we
have to go to sudden death why do you
keep coming back to it it’s a classic
funny accurate biting articulate and a
little mean its Carlin to a teen
football you get a penalty in baseball
you make an error oops
number one seven words you can never say
on television it was the early 70s and
Carlin was emerging from his mainstream
shell as a counterculture icon all I
could think of was shit piss fuck cunt
cocksucker motherfucker and tits man
this breakout bit built Carlin’s name
and got him arrested while the updated
filthy words took things to the Supreme
Court there are words that you can say
no problem typography no one has ever
gone to jail for screen
topography but there are some words that
you can go to jail for indecent but not
obscene this became his signature
routine because it dissected language
skewered the status quo and had lots of
cursing nobody even tells you when
you’re a kid what the words are that
you’re supposed to avoid you have to say
them to find out which ones they are
shit fuck that’s true we’re still
looking for the job we’re swearing dis
applauded poontang
do you agree with our list say that’s
fairly decent which is your favorite
George Carlin routine for more top 10s
be sure to subscribe to watchmojo.com
life is not that complicated you get up
you go to work eat three meals you take
one good shit you go back to bed what’s
the fucking mystery
and one of the greatest stand-up
comedians ever see I’m a visionary I’m
ahead of my time trouble is I’m only
about an hour and a half ahead welcome
to watchmojo.com and today we’re
counting down our picks for the top 10
George Carlin bits isn’t he nice oh he
is so nice please be advised this clip
contains mature language and teens you
have been warned
I got a really filthy joke for you bill
but there’s a lady here well that’s okay
she’s filthy too go ahead well it’s her
number 10 have a nice day yeah yeah yeah
want to give me my fucking change please
Harlan made it out of the hippie dippie
70s a little older a little more
clean-cut and a little cranky err some
of them are really insistent I said have
a nice day all right I got that one all
right I’ll give a shot he had already
made himself famous by picking apart the
ridiculous way people interact and this
bit is the ultimate example this routine
came at a time when he was still
focusing on observational humor not
politics or the grumpy old man schtick
crappy day hey that’d be easy no trouble
at all a crappy day just get up
there’s no planning involved for a
crappy day number nine state prison
farms this is when Carlin started
railing against society with newfound
bitterness here’s his black Lee funny
hypothesis about carting the worst
criminals to fenced-off
rectangular-shaped states rectangular
states are cheaper defense saves the
taxpayers money
you know where they’d fight to the death
for captivated TV audiences his
trademark vocabulary in full force he
spouts religious one-liners as easily as
he paints absurd mental pictures know
the maniac farm will be reserved
strictly for hopeless cases like a guy
who gets a big tattoo on his chest of
Liza Minnelli taking a shit you know and
he tells you if he Wiggles a certain way
it looks like she’s wiping her ass you
know this bit is essential Karlin
because of the questions it asks about
morality and the system everyone will
have guns everyone will have drugs and
no one will be in charge just like now
but at least we’ll have a balanced
budget number eight dumb Americans it
plays more as a rant than as a comedy
routine but this Carlin bit was way
ahead of the curve this country is full
of nitwits and assholes you haven’t
noticed that well my goodness
as a forefather of Jon Stewart and
Stephen Colbert types Carlin brought
politics and comedy together to give us
a clearer perspective only he did it
with a venomous anti-establishment view
that’s what the owners count on the fact
that Americans will probably remain
willfully ignorant of the big red white
and blue dick that’s being jammed up
their assholes everyday
long story short the system is broken
corporations are evil and the American
Dream is well he’ll tell you called the
American dream because you have to be
asleep to believe it
number seven the planet is fine this was
one of Carlin’s personal favorites and
it’s just as relevant now as it was then
Carlin attacks self-righteous
environmentalists for their arrogance
over the save the planet game the planet
is fine the people are fucked the people
are fucked bleak yes one yep brutal
uh-huh
but that was Carlin in his later years
how about the people in Kilauea Hawaii
who build their homes right next to an
active volcano and then wonder why they
have lava in the living world kind of
wonder if he wanted to see humanity fall
flat on its collective face planet will
shake us off like a bad case of please a
surface nuisance number six things you
never see hear or wanna hear like we’ve
mentioned Carlin was a fan of words and
theoretical situations there’s a lot of
things you never see and you don’t know
you don’t see him because you don’t see
him you got to see something for us to
know you never saw it then you see it
and say hey I never saw that too late
you just saw it the fast-talking
mind-bending wordsmith invents a
succession of bizarre hypotheticals
strung together by his increasingly
gravelly voice well Jim there’s no
reason why you shouldn’t live another 20
to 30 years however you will be bleeding
constantly from both eyes only the
things you never see hear or wanna hear
were a little more innocent than those
listed in State Prison Franz well sort
of as soon as I put this hot poker in my
ass I’m going to chop my dick off
sometimes all it takes is a funny turn
of phrase and a good dose of profanity
to bust a gut I’m the first person in
the world to put those words together in
that particular
number five Carlin on death and Ageing
recorded just months before his death
the album it’s bad for you features
several bits that deal with ageing and
death she not have been doing going
through my address book and crossing out
the dead people you do that that’s a lot
of fun isn’t it and of course the
ridiculous things people say when
confronted with these facts of life you
know I lost my father ah he’ll turn up
particularly poignant because of its
timing satirical as always and sharp
tongued as ever
Carlin goes for logic over emotion
questions false sympathy and reiterates
his intolerance for bullshit if someone
did somehow survive death in a non
physical form I personally think he’d be
far too busy with other celestial
activities than to be standing around
paradise smiling down number four
Carlin on religion and God depending on
your point of view this bit could be
incredibly abrasive or incredibly
relevant but you can be sure Carlin did
not care to do any of these ten things
he has a special place full of fire and
smoke and burning and torture and
anguish when he will send you to live
and suffer and burn and choke and scream
and cry forever and ever till the end of
time but he loves you he knew that
nothing in smart comedy was out of
bounds his Catholic upbringing inspired
a hostile view of religion but also
helped him understand the topic enough
to pick it apart with surgical precision
suppose your prayers aren’t answered
what do you say well it’s God’s will
thy will be done fine but if it’s God’s
will he’s gonna do what he wants to
anyway
why the fuck bother praying in the first
place hey he almost makes praying to Joe
Pesci makes sense how can you beat that
two reasons first of all I think he’s a
good actor okay to me that dudes second
he looks like a guy who can get things
done Joe
fuck away number three a place for my
stuff carlins stand up focused on many
profound topics but it can’t all be
religion politics and death everybody’s
got to have a little place for they’ll
stuff that’s all life is about that’s
the meaning of life trying to find a
place to keep your stuff with spot-on
observational humor like this Harlan
wins everyone back and blows their minds
and we mean everyone who can’t relate to
the idea of stuff having stuff keeping
stuff getting more stuff it’s all your
house is it’s a place to keep your stuff
while you go out and get more stuff
great writing and even greater delivery
help this bit give new meaning to the
phrase it’s funny cuz it’s true
sometimes you got to move sometimes you
got a move you got to get a bigger house
why too much stuff number two baseball
and football baseball is played on a
diamond in a park the baseball park
football is played on a gridiron in a
stadium War Memorial Stadium while many
praised his political comedy Carlin was
at his best when focusing on lighter
Universal commentaries on everyday
things perhaps one of the greatest
examples of his grip on language and pop
culture is this famous sports themed
routine which he tweaked throughout his
career baseball has no time limit we
don’t know how long it’s gonna last we
might have extra innings football is
rigidly timed and it will end even if we
have to go to sudden death why do you
keep coming back to it it’s a classic
funny accurate biting articulate and a
little mean its Carlin to a teen
football you get a penalty in baseball
you make an error oops
number one seven words you can never say
on television it was the early 70s and
Carlin was emerging from his mainstream
shell as a counterculture icon all I
could think of was shit piss fuck cunt
cocksucker motherfucker and tits man
this breakout bit built Carlin’s name
and got him arrested while the updated
filthy words took things to the Supreme
Court there are words that you can say
no problem typography no one has ever
gone to jail for screen
topography but there are some words that
you can go to jail for indecent but not
obscene this became his signature
routine because it dissected language
skewered the status quo and had lots of
cursing nobody even tells you when
you’re a kid what the words are that
you’re supposed to avoid you have to say
them to find out which ones they are
shit fuck that’s true we’re still
looking for the job we’re swearing dis
applauded poontang
do you agree with our list say that’s
fairly decent which is your favorite
George Carlin routine for more top 10s
be sure to subscribe to watchmojo.com
life is not that complicated you get up
you go to work eat three meals you take
one good shit you go back to bed what’s
the fucking mystery
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