I want to kill myself I kill myself I’d
be awesome at it a shotgun to the dick
some things are funny no matter what
decade it is welcome to watchmojo.com
and today we’re counting down our picks
for the top 10 funniest movie quotes of
all time you boot Thompson what’s the
charge
possession of a concealed weapon
disturbing the peace disturbing the
peace I got thrown out of a window
what’s the charge again push out of the
movie ha ha jaywalking for this list
we’re looking at the most quotable and
hilarious lines and movies from the
1970s to the mid 2010 s what you find
use gringo man the Mumford & Sons
concert issue number 10 the judgment
Billy Madison
if peeing your pants is cool consider me
Miles Davis although we came close to
awarding this spot to a certain pants
peeing line we simply could not deny one
of the funniest insults of all time a
place on this list made by football
rules subsequent to giving a passionate
powerful speech that results in
resounding applause Billy Madison is
brought back down to reality by the
principal’s judgment mr. Madison what
you just said is one of the most
insanely idiotic things I have ever
heard he doesn’t just tell Billy that
his answer is wrong he flat-out condemns
Billy’s words in the most mortifying
long-winded and side-splitting least
rate-based way possible at no point in
your rambling incoherent response were
you even close to anything that could be
considered a rational thought it may be
harsh but in light of Sandler’s more
recent films the criticism is
well-earned everyone in this room is now
Dumber for having listened to it I award
you no points and may God have mercy on
your soul number 9 I get older they stay
the same age dazed and confused you got
a joint
no none on me man it’d be a lot cooler
if he did up until the Meccano sauce
this line was easily Matthew
McConaughey’s greatest contribution to
the art of cinema in Dazed and Confused
mcconaughey plays David Wooderson a
twenty-something who still hangs out
with high school teenagers he’s got to
keep living man Li VI in although he may
be getting on in years
Wooderson is eternally young at heart
well just overlook the fact that his
shallow lifestyle is likely to land him
in jail one day in this scene the
laid-back hippie shares his philosophy
on high school girls that’s what I love
about these high school girls man I get
older they stay the same a head this
thing aside from hahaha all you can say
to that is all right all right all right
oh right all right all right number
eight a different kind of Iron Chef
super bad she wants to fuck me she wants
my dick in her around her mouth super
bad is another laugh-a-minute comedy
where the one-liners fly by so fast that
you need to watch it multiple times just
to catch them all
I am McLovin no you’re not no one’s
McLovin McLovin ‘he’s never existed cuz
that’s a made-up dump and fairy tale
named you fuck one particular quote
that’s etched into the halls of comic
quote ability however is Seth’s game
plan to become a sex God in time for
college she’s gonna be at the party and
she’s gonna be drunk and she likes me at
least a little enough to get with me
while the rent is a riot on a writing
level it’s the way Jonah Hill puts
emphasis on the word vaj that elevates
the line into a comedic league of its
own time College rolls around I’ll be
like the Iron Chef a pound advised
number seven totally redeem yourself
Dumb and Dumber
it takes truly ingenious filmmakers to
conceive dialogue that’s so stupid and
get so smart at the same time and the
Farrelly Brothers nail it Dumb and
Dumber is a model example dishing out
one big laugh after another hey I guess
they’re right
senior citizens although slow and
dangerous behind the wheel can still
serve a purpose
while Lloyds inadvertently insulting
comment towards senior citizens is one
of his Dumber moments he proves himself
even dumber when he trades the shaggin
wagon for a dinky moped where did you
find that some kid back in town traded
the van for it straight up then just
when it looks like Harry is going to
prove himself slightly more intelligence
than his companion he delivers the
film’s absolute best line just what I
think you couldn’t possibly be any
Dumber you go and do something like this
and totally redeem yourself hey number 6
welcome to the 21st century Buck Rogers
this is the end I was raised in the
house of women
I highly doubt they taught you you close
your eyes come wherever you want it
brings together an assortment of this
generations funniest people so how could
this is the end be anything short of a
laugh riot as Earth’s remaining
population slowly loses their patience
minds and humanity I mean you can all
worked up over important that they
revert from being Neanderthals that jerk
off to internet porn to Neanderthals
that jerk off to magazines Danny
McBride’s inability to keep it in his
pants and James Franco’s discovery of
his houseguests in essence prompts this
priceless line who has goddamn porno
mags anymore welcome to the 21st century
Buck Rogers you designed a house iPads
in the walls here you’re jerking your
dick like a goddamn pilgrim well it’s
better than what would have happened if
Emma Watson it’s stuck around
Hermione just stole all of our shit
little bitty-ass 20yo jacked us then jay
suggested that we all rape her and now
she
I didn’t I was just I out number five
rude words Team America world police yes
scary yes remember when your mom said
you shouldn’t curse cuz it’s rude and
not funny she lied and it takes a pussy
to show them what Matt Stone and Trey
Parker have been proving her wrong for
decades as the two have a gift for
making brilliant political commentary in
the most childish and disgusting ways
but sometimes pussies get so full of
shit that they become assholes
themselves nowhere is that better
represented than in the climax of Team
America world police because pussies are
only an inch and a half away from
assholes delivering a passionate speech
Geary speaks a truth that every nation
can understand
I don’t know much in this crazy crazy
world well what can you say to that
except god Bless America but I do know
that if you don’t let us this asshole we
are gonna have our dicks and our pussies
all covered in shit hello number four
your mother was a hamster Monty Python
and the Holy Grail I know it was
tempting to recognize a certain line
from Life of Brian here is a very
naughty boy
now go away but we simply had to give
this spot to the taunting French guard
from Monty Python and the Holy Grail you
are English type sit well what are you
then I’m French what do you think I have
these outrageous accent you silly King
we’ve heard some bizarre insults in our
time but only the comedic geniuses of
Monty Python would ever think to compare
someone’s mother to a hamster and insult
their fathers elderberry stench I taught
in your dinner direction your mother was
a hamster and your father’s mate of
elderberry it’s hard to explain just why
this line makes people die with laughter
every time but we can’t help but
constantly quote it is there someone
else up there we could talk to no now go
away or I shall taunt you a second time
you get the motor you keep your money
and I’ll get your baby number three
bigger titties than you do Austin Powers
The Spy Who shagged me know what my baby
back baby back baby back baby back baby
back ribs I want my baby back baby back
they did that baby they nearly
everything that emanates out of this fat
bastard
is a riot he is just too many quotable
lines to count I’m dead sexy look at my
sexy body oh yeah his defining moment
however has to be in this classic scene
from The Spy Who shagged me as he lets
out why he’s so unhappy on the outside
and the inside course I’m no happy look
at me I’m a big fat slob although we’re
supposed to feel sorry for him about his
ample bosom multiple Chin’s
and a do a Johnson all we can do is bust
a gut at his misery I’ve got bigger
titties than you did I’ve got more
Chin’s than a Chinese phone pic I’ve not
seen my willy in two years we’re just
long enough to declare legally teeth and
what could be funnier than a wholesome
down-home good old-fashioned fart good
sorry
I farted number two bit inside the
building Zoolander
without much further ado I give you the
Derek Zoolander Center for kids who
can’t read good the funniest line of the
2000s comes from one of comedies most
ingenious minds and dumbest characters
what is this upon the unveiling of a
model for the Derek Zoolander Center for
kids who can’t read good and want to
learn to do other stuff good to our
title character is not impressed a
second perhaps mistaking the small-scale
model for the real deal the fashion
model throws a hissy fit that could only
come from the world’s most boneheaded
diva how can we be expected to teach
children to learn how to read if they
can’t even fit inside the building for
Derek’s vision to come to fruition the
center needs to be at least three times
bigger clearly Zoolander is all hair gel
and no brain I don’t want to hear your
excuses the center has to be at least
three times bigger than this before we
unveil our top pick for funniest movie
quote of all time
here are some honorable mentions you’ve
got to remember that these are just
simple farmers these are people of the
land the common clay of the new West you
know don’t knock masturbation it’s sex
with someone I love
you know and like you grab a woman’s
breasts and it’s you you feel it and it
feels like a bag of sand
author we really must be going thank you
for a memorable afternoon usually one
must go to a bowling alley to meet a
woman of your stature
pardon my french but Cameron is so tight
that if you stuck a lump of coal up his
ass in two weeks you have a diamond I’m
not he’s not not with him all right
I’m glad he’s single because I’m gonna
climb that like a tree number one don’t
call me Shirley airplane and you’re a
member of this crew can you face some
unpleasant facts no touching down on
runway number one is another priceless
eighties line from Leslie Nielsen
captain how soon can you land I can’t
tell you can tell me I’m a doctor up
until then known as a dramatic actor
Nielsen’s future as a comedic legend was
set in stone with these immortal words
can you fly this plane and land it
surely you can’t be serious
I am serious and don’t call me Shirley
while the line itself will put a smile
on anyone’s face it’s the stone-faced
way Nielsen says it with such solemn
gravitas that causes the laugh ohmmeter
to skyrocket off the charts but this
plane has four engines it’s an entirely
different kind of flying altogether it’s
an entirely different kind of fly
because it’s delivered just as straight
as it would have been in a true disaster
movie Nielsen’s line is all the more
funny are the passengers do I want to
save you mr. Stryker we’re running out
of time surely there must be something
you can do I’m doing everything I can I
stop calling me Shirley do you agree
with our list 60% of the time it works
every time
what do you think is the funniest movie
quote of all time you know your and more
dire need of a blow job than any white
man in history for more entertaining top
10s published every day be sure to
subscribe to watchmojo.com
everybody knows you never go full retard
be awesome at it a shotgun to the dick
some things are funny no matter what
decade it is welcome to watchmojo.com
and today we’re counting down our picks
for the top 10 funniest movie quotes of
all time you boot Thompson what’s the
charge
possession of a concealed weapon
disturbing the peace disturbing the
peace I got thrown out of a window
what’s the charge again push out of the
movie ha ha jaywalking for this list
we’re looking at the most quotable and
hilarious lines and movies from the
1970s to the mid 2010 s what you find
use gringo man the Mumford & Sons
concert issue number 10 the judgment
Billy Madison
if peeing your pants is cool consider me
Miles Davis although we came close to
awarding this spot to a certain pants
peeing line we simply could not deny one
of the funniest insults of all time a
place on this list made by football
rules subsequent to giving a passionate
powerful speech that results in
resounding applause Billy Madison is
brought back down to reality by the
principal’s judgment mr. Madison what
you just said is one of the most
insanely idiotic things I have ever
heard he doesn’t just tell Billy that
his answer is wrong he flat-out condemns
Billy’s words in the most mortifying
long-winded and side-splitting least
rate-based way possible at no point in
your rambling incoherent response were
you even close to anything that could be
considered a rational thought it may be
harsh but in light of Sandler’s more
recent films the criticism is
well-earned everyone in this room is now
Dumber for having listened to it I award
you no points and may God have mercy on
your soul number 9 I get older they stay
the same age dazed and confused you got
a joint
no none on me man it’d be a lot cooler
if he did up until the Meccano sauce
this line was easily Matthew
McConaughey’s greatest contribution to
the art of cinema in Dazed and Confused
mcconaughey plays David Wooderson a
twenty-something who still hangs out
with high school teenagers he’s got to
keep living man Li VI in although he may
be getting on in years
Wooderson is eternally young at heart
well just overlook the fact that his
shallow lifestyle is likely to land him
in jail one day in this scene the
laid-back hippie shares his philosophy
on high school girls that’s what I love
about these high school girls man I get
older they stay the same a head this
thing aside from hahaha all you can say
to that is all right all right all right
oh right all right all right number
eight a different kind of Iron Chef
super bad she wants to fuck me she wants
my dick in her around her mouth super
bad is another laugh-a-minute comedy
where the one-liners fly by so fast that
you need to watch it multiple times just
to catch them all
I am McLovin no you’re not no one’s
McLovin McLovin ‘he’s never existed cuz
that’s a made-up dump and fairy tale
named you fuck one particular quote
that’s etched into the halls of comic
quote ability however is Seth’s game
plan to become a sex God in time for
college she’s gonna be at the party and
she’s gonna be drunk and she likes me at
least a little enough to get with me
while the rent is a riot on a writing
level it’s the way Jonah Hill puts
emphasis on the word vaj that elevates
the line into a comedic league of its
own time College rolls around I’ll be
like the Iron Chef a pound advised
number seven totally redeem yourself
Dumb and Dumber
it takes truly ingenious filmmakers to
conceive dialogue that’s so stupid and
get so smart at the same time and the
Farrelly Brothers nail it Dumb and
Dumber is a model example dishing out
one big laugh after another hey I guess
they’re right
senior citizens although slow and
dangerous behind the wheel can still
serve a purpose
while Lloyds inadvertently insulting
comment towards senior citizens is one
of his Dumber moments he proves himself
even dumber when he trades the shaggin
wagon for a dinky moped where did you
find that some kid back in town traded
the van for it straight up then just
when it looks like Harry is going to
prove himself slightly more intelligence
than his companion he delivers the
film’s absolute best line just what I
think you couldn’t possibly be any
Dumber you go and do something like this
and totally redeem yourself hey number 6
welcome to the 21st century Buck Rogers
this is the end I was raised in the
house of women
I highly doubt they taught you you close
your eyes come wherever you want it
brings together an assortment of this
generations funniest people so how could
this is the end be anything short of a
laugh riot as Earth’s remaining
population slowly loses their patience
minds and humanity I mean you can all
worked up over important that they
revert from being Neanderthals that jerk
off to internet porn to Neanderthals
that jerk off to magazines Danny
McBride’s inability to keep it in his
pants and James Franco’s discovery of
his houseguests in essence prompts this
priceless line who has goddamn porno
mags anymore welcome to the 21st century
Buck Rogers you designed a house iPads
in the walls here you’re jerking your
dick like a goddamn pilgrim well it’s
better than what would have happened if
Emma Watson it’s stuck around
Hermione just stole all of our shit
little bitty-ass 20yo jacked us then jay
suggested that we all rape her and now
she
I didn’t I was just I out number five
rude words Team America world police yes
scary yes remember when your mom said
you shouldn’t curse cuz it’s rude and
not funny she lied and it takes a pussy
to show them what Matt Stone and Trey
Parker have been proving her wrong for
decades as the two have a gift for
making brilliant political commentary in
the most childish and disgusting ways
but sometimes pussies get so full of
shit that they become assholes
themselves nowhere is that better
represented than in the climax of Team
America world police because pussies are
only an inch and a half away from
assholes delivering a passionate speech
Geary speaks a truth that every nation
can understand
I don’t know much in this crazy crazy
world well what can you say to that
except god Bless America but I do know
that if you don’t let us this asshole we
are gonna have our dicks and our pussies
all covered in shit hello number four
your mother was a hamster Monty Python
and the Holy Grail I know it was
tempting to recognize a certain line
from Life of Brian here is a very
naughty boy
now go away but we simply had to give
this spot to the taunting French guard
from Monty Python and the Holy Grail you
are English type sit well what are you
then I’m French what do you think I have
these outrageous accent you silly King
we’ve heard some bizarre insults in our
time but only the comedic geniuses of
Monty Python would ever think to compare
someone’s mother to a hamster and insult
their fathers elderberry stench I taught
in your dinner direction your mother was
a hamster and your father’s mate of
elderberry it’s hard to explain just why
this line makes people die with laughter
every time but we can’t help but
constantly quote it is there someone
else up there we could talk to no now go
away or I shall taunt you a second time
you get the motor you keep your money
and I’ll get your baby number three
bigger titties than you do Austin Powers
The Spy Who shagged me know what my baby
back baby back baby back baby back baby
back ribs I want my baby back baby back
they did that baby they nearly
everything that emanates out of this fat
bastard
is a riot he is just too many quotable
lines to count I’m dead sexy look at my
sexy body oh yeah his defining moment
however has to be in this classic scene
from The Spy Who shagged me as he lets
out why he’s so unhappy on the outside
and the inside course I’m no happy look
at me I’m a big fat slob although we’re
supposed to feel sorry for him about his
ample bosom multiple Chin’s
and a do a Johnson all we can do is bust
a gut at his misery I’ve got bigger
titties than you did I’ve got more
Chin’s than a Chinese phone pic I’ve not
seen my willy in two years we’re just
long enough to declare legally teeth and
what could be funnier than a wholesome
down-home good old-fashioned fart good
sorry
I farted number two bit inside the
building Zoolander
without much further ado I give you the
Derek Zoolander Center for kids who
can’t read good the funniest line of the
2000s comes from one of comedies most
ingenious minds and dumbest characters
what is this upon the unveiling of a
model for the Derek Zoolander Center for
kids who can’t read good and want to
learn to do other stuff good to our
title character is not impressed a
second perhaps mistaking the small-scale
model for the real deal the fashion
model throws a hissy fit that could only
come from the world’s most boneheaded
diva how can we be expected to teach
children to learn how to read if they
can’t even fit inside the building for
Derek’s vision to come to fruition the
center needs to be at least three times
bigger clearly Zoolander is all hair gel
and no brain I don’t want to hear your
excuses the center has to be at least
three times bigger than this before we
unveil our top pick for funniest movie
quote of all time
here are some honorable mentions you’ve
got to remember that these are just
simple farmers these are people of the
land the common clay of the new West you
know don’t knock masturbation it’s sex
with someone I love
you know and like you grab a woman’s
breasts and it’s you you feel it and it
feels like a bag of sand
author we really must be going thank you
for a memorable afternoon usually one
must go to a bowling alley to meet a
woman of your stature
pardon my french but Cameron is so tight
that if you stuck a lump of coal up his
ass in two weeks you have a diamond I’m
not he’s not not with him all right
I’m glad he’s single because I’m gonna
climb that like a tree number one don’t
call me Shirley airplane and you’re a
member of this crew can you face some
unpleasant facts no touching down on
runway number one is another priceless
eighties line from Leslie Nielsen
captain how soon can you land I can’t
tell you can tell me I’m a doctor up
until then known as a dramatic actor
Nielsen’s future as a comedic legend was
set in stone with these immortal words
can you fly this plane and land it
surely you can’t be serious
I am serious and don’t call me Shirley
while the line itself will put a smile
on anyone’s face it’s the stone-faced
way Nielsen says it with such solemn
gravitas that causes the laugh ohmmeter
to skyrocket off the charts but this
plane has four engines it’s an entirely
different kind of flying altogether it’s
an entirely different kind of fly
because it’s delivered just as straight
as it would have been in a true disaster
movie Nielsen’s line is all the more
funny are the passengers do I want to
save you mr. Stryker we’re running out
of time surely there must be something
you can do I’m doing everything I can I
stop calling me Shirley do you agree
with our list 60% of the time it works
every time
what do you think is the funniest movie
quote of all time you know your and more
dire need of a blow job than any white
man in history for more entertaining top
10s published every day be sure to
subscribe to watchmojo.com
everybody knows you never go full retard
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