they raised you and now it’s their turn
to be taken care of hi I’m Rebecca
Brayton and welcome to watchmojo.com and
today we’re speaking with the two
authors of our turn to parents to learn
more about elderly parent care at what
point should you begin to consider
caregiving for your elderly parents
really at the beginning stages and then
their active senior years sit down and
start having a conversation with them
you can even mention perhaps things that
have happened to friends or other family
members where they’re in a situation
where all of a sudden they’re in a
medical crisis and they don’t know what
plans their parents have in place or
what their wishes are so having that
conversation early is really a key thing
I think that most of us don’t recognize
that we’re caregiving very early on in
my situation my 76 year old mom was
living with me and Barbara’s family her
dad three years ago was diagnosed with
early Alzheimer’s and through our
conversations I realized that I was in
no way prepared for what was going to be
for my mom down the road are there any
warning signs for which we should be on
the lookout one of the things we talked
about in the book there’s some food
which can be like a neutral topic for
talking with your parents about it but
it involves a lot of things it involves
still going grocery shopping for the
food making sure they have food in the
house making sure that they’re preparing
it and they’re cooking it properly and
they’re storing it properly so having
those small observations at the
beginning can really help know that you
know noticing when things are gonna
become more critical how do you go about
changing the dynamic from child to
caregiver our turn to parent doesn’t
mean that your parents suddenly become
children your role is not to step in and
take control you are actually taking on
the characteristics of the best parent
you are their champion you’re helping
them make the best decisions the way you
treat your parents is the way other
people are going to treat them when
you’re involved with the doctors and
social services and other people around
when they see you treating your parents
with respect and dignity they see in
turn how them you would like their
parent your parent to be treated what
impact does taking on the role of
caregiver for one’s parents have on your
own life often we’re in the Sandwich
Generation where we have our spouses and
our children to take care of we often
have careers as well and so it’s trying
to find that balance and having a
communication with your spouse about you
know what the expectation is and
and what your time commitment is gonna
be you mentioned four stages of
caregiving what are they you have the
early stages which is you know the stage
say where my mom was at they’re starting
to meet some small helps then you know
you have when your parents actually mean
more active care where they’re actually
unable to do stuff and then often you
know your parents will move into a
medical crisis stage where now you’re
really proactively involved you’re
involved with the medical system and
social services and then of course the
final stage where you’re dealing with
the fact that your parents have reached
or are reaching that end stage of their
life where you’re going to lose them and
and you’re going to deal with you know
the funerals and in that stage of
dealing with the end of their life what
would you say is the number one reason
people take on the role of caregiver for
their parents all of the caregivers seem
to have come to the conclusion that if
they had to do it all again they would
they may have learned some lessons along
the way and have done some different
things but they would all do it again
out of love for their parents and the
wanting to give back for what their
parents gave to them we don’t even think
of it as a stage of life but really
caregiving for our parents is a journey
that we go on with our parents and if
you recognize that as a journey then you
can have some personal growth through it
as well so it can be a life altering
really journey with them thank you very
much for this advice thank you thanks
for having us
to be taken care of hi I’m Rebecca
Brayton and welcome to watchmojo.com and
today we’re speaking with the two
authors of our turn to parents to learn
more about elderly parent care at what
point should you begin to consider
caregiving for your elderly parents
really at the beginning stages and then
their active senior years sit down and
start having a conversation with them
you can even mention perhaps things that
have happened to friends or other family
members where they’re in a situation
where all of a sudden they’re in a
medical crisis and they don’t know what
plans their parents have in place or
what their wishes are so having that
conversation early is really a key thing
I think that most of us don’t recognize
that we’re caregiving very early on in
my situation my 76 year old mom was
living with me and Barbara’s family her
dad three years ago was diagnosed with
early Alzheimer’s and through our
conversations I realized that I was in
no way prepared for what was going to be
for my mom down the road are there any
warning signs for which we should be on
the lookout one of the things we talked
about in the book there’s some food
which can be like a neutral topic for
talking with your parents about it but
it involves a lot of things it involves
still going grocery shopping for the
food making sure they have food in the
house making sure that they’re preparing
it and they’re cooking it properly and
they’re storing it properly so having
those small observations at the
beginning can really help know that you
know noticing when things are gonna
become more critical how do you go about
changing the dynamic from child to
caregiver our turn to parent doesn’t
mean that your parents suddenly become
children your role is not to step in and
take control you are actually taking on
the characteristics of the best parent
you are their champion you’re helping
them make the best decisions the way you
treat your parents is the way other
people are going to treat them when
you’re involved with the doctors and
social services and other people around
when they see you treating your parents
with respect and dignity they see in
turn how them you would like their
parent your parent to be treated what
impact does taking on the role of
caregiver for one’s parents have on your
own life often we’re in the Sandwich
Generation where we have our spouses and
our children to take care of we often
have careers as well and so it’s trying
to find that balance and having a
communication with your spouse about you
know what the expectation is and
and what your time commitment is gonna
be you mentioned four stages of
caregiving what are they you have the
early stages which is you know the stage
say where my mom was at they’re starting
to meet some small helps then you know
you have when your parents actually mean
more active care where they’re actually
unable to do stuff and then often you
know your parents will move into a
medical crisis stage where now you’re
really proactively involved you’re
involved with the medical system and
social services and then of course the
final stage where you’re dealing with
the fact that your parents have reached
or are reaching that end stage of their
life where you’re going to lose them and
and you’re going to deal with you know
the funerals and in that stage of
dealing with the end of their life what
would you say is the number one reason
people take on the role of caregiver for
their parents all of the caregivers seem
to have come to the conclusion that if
they had to do it all again they would
they may have learned some lessons along
the way and have done some different
things but they would all do it again
out of love for their parents and the
wanting to give back for what their
parents gave to them we don’t even think
of it as a stage of life but really
caregiving for our parents is a journey
that we go on with our parents and if
you recognize that as a journey then you
can have some personal growth through it
as well so it can be a life altering
really journey with them thank you very
much for this advice thank you thanks
for having us
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