purple lips is here when I first heard
those words in 1970 at Lane Junior High
today I want to talk about the voices in
our lives the voices of those that we
listen to that are there to help us the
voices of those who are silenced that we
choose to amplify and the voice within
us that we must listen to when we know
there is no other option I called myself
purple lips in 1970 in junior high
school because of one girl I was born in
1957 with a birthmark that started below
my nose and traveled down my face my
mother Rita told me that in 1957 the
only treatment was dry ice applied
directly to the skin with no anesthesia
she said it took four adults to hold me
down as I screamed in pain and terror as
a six week old baby as they burned my
face now while it took care of most of
the birthmark it left me with scars
under my mouth and purple lips as a
little girl adults would come up to me
and say why are your lips purple and I
would gladly tell them the story but
evidently seventh graders are not
interested in the medical reason why
you’re different they’re just trying to
hold you out and this one girl decided
that calling me names was how she would
hold me out as different in seventh
grade I would go to this class and soon
she had the entire class calling me
names purple lips and worse and each day
I would feel smaller and less confident
and depressed and embarrassed and
ashamed and I wanted to die so I went
home and I told Rita I said um I don’t
want to go to school anymore
and she said Vicki what’s the matter
with you and I said they’re calling me
purple lips and she would give me advice
that was so provocative and so brave
that it would change my life and change
the life of everyone I would ever meet
she said Vicki you are not quitting
school here’s what you’re going to do
you are gonna go to that class and
instead of hiding and running to your
seat you’re gonna stand in front of
everyone and when you have everyone’s
attention you are gonna look that one
girl in the eye and you’re gonna say
purple lips is here and she will begin
to laugh and make fun of you and when
she does you make more fun of yourself
other kids are gonna say mean things to
whatever they say you reflect back their
cruelty with humor about yourself never
make fun of them show them how cruel
they are and it will stop now this was
insane advice for a seventh grader but
you need to know something about Rita
she was my favorite person in the world
she was the finest woman that ever
walked the face of the earth and though
she’s been gone for 20 years her words
and her wisdom are with me today so
against everything within me except the
choice I made to listen to her voice I
walked into that class the next day and
I stood there in front of everyone and
when I had everyone’s attention I looked
at girl in the eye and I said purple
lips is here and the entire class how
old with laughter and someone else said
you are so ugly and I said I’m a monster
and someone else said and you know what
you’re really fat too and I said I’m so
large I cannot believe I can fit in my
chair and some of the kids who had been
laughing started to stop laughing and
then someone said and you know what else
you’re really stupid I’m so dumb
I cannot believe I get to go to school
and then the teacher walked in and I sat
down the next day I walked back into
that class and once more they started I
said purple lips is back and some of the
kids would stop laughing others
continued and they continued with their
insults and as they continued with their
insults I continued with more
self-deprecating humor and their humor
was gone and my humor came up as their
voices became weaker mine became
stronger and then unbelievably it
stopped and I was in a word speechless I
went home and I said to Rita mom I did
what you told me to do and she said what
did I tell you to do I said you told me
to go to school and say purple lips is
here and when they start making fun of
me make more fun of myself and she
looked at me and she said I kid you not
you did that now evidently helicopter
parenting had not been defined in 1970
but what I knew at that moment was that
she could never have done what she told
me to do but her infinite wisdom had
saved my life and turned a weakness into
a strength I do not regret that
experience it taught me never to use
humor to belittle others it gave me a
mission of compassion in my life and it
showed me the voice of another could be
so powerful for me that it could help me
when I could not help myself in that
moment as Rita gave me her voice I found
in April 7th 1994 the Rwandan genocide
against Tutsi began and 1 million people
died in 100 days 1 million voices were
silenced forever
the world turned its back on Rwanda and
none were more devastated than the women
of Rwanda in 2004 I was asked to go to a
meeting for World Vision who was doing
work in Rwanda and I walked into this
room and there was an African woman
there who was talking about her work in
Rwanda with World Vision and I walked up
to her and I said hello my name is Vicki
and she said hello my name is Rita and I
knew I was meeting someone that would
have a huge effect in my life and Rita
and I began to talk about what we
believed and we talked about the need to
see more compassion in the world and she
said you must come to my country and
speak to my people and I said I will
come to your country and in 2005 for the
first time I traveled to the country of
Rwanda and I listened to the stories of
the women of Rwanda and learned they
were not powerless they had just lost
the power to be heard and I knew I could
become their voice because in them I saw
voices that needed to be amplified and I
was capable of doing it the women of
Rwanda suffered deeply at the genocide
hiv-positive men systematically raped
Tutsi women and thousands of women were
raped not to kill them but to break them
emotionally and spiritually and pregnant
them and leave them with the fact that
they knew that they would give birth to
HIV positive children but the women of
Rwanda did not want to serve
they wanted to thrive for themselves and
their children I came back home and
decided to start a foundation and we
decided to call the foundation each of
fari which means brick we chose a brick
because the brick represents the weight
of a malnourished child that cannot be
comforted a brick is the burden that a
woman carried down a path as she
struggled to find a way to feed her
family and a brick represented the color
of the soil that a woman saw when she
but a brick also represents hope and
while one brick alone can do nothing
together we helped to rebuild the
country of Rwanda brick each affari by
brick each affari by brick each affari
in my 12 visits to Rwanda I met women
who needed a voice and as we hope to
amplify their voices my voice became
stronger the partnerships with these
women allowed us to raise 1.5 million
dollars and we raised the voices of
people who had a message for the world
this partnership will be with me all the
days of my life and the messages and the
wisdom I learned from these women would
soon be my strength as I would soon face
a battle with more veracity strength
humor and faith that I knew I had I
would face a battle where I would be
given one option and it was an option
that could save my life but may take my
in 2014 I found a lump inside my cheek
that did not belong and I went to see a
doctor and he said I had stage 2 oral
cancer and the solution was surgery to
cut it out of my cheek so I had a
surgery on the inside of my cheek and
they also found one above my gum line
and I had two surgeries in October of
2014 and was left pretty beat up and I
talked to my surgeon and I said why did
this happen and he did not have a good
answer but I didn’t ask enough questions
I figuratively lost my voice and then it
went away and I got back to normal and
you know what happens when you face a
crisis you just want to get past it and
you just say oh you know it’s just it’s
over let’s keep moving along and that
worked really well until March of 2014
15 I found a small knot right below my
nose I went in to see my surgeon and he
biopsied it and it came back negative
for cancer but then it began to grow and
a tumor began to grow out of my mouth
which is so attractive as a woman I mean
that’s not such a good look and as it
grew I went to see him again and he said
Vicky we have one solution here’s what
we’re going to do we’re going to cut off
your upper lip like purple lip he said
we’re gonna take your lower lip and flip
it up sew it together your tuck leichter
for six weeks and when we open your
mouth you will have no corners and your
entire mouth will be 30 to 40 percent
smaller to which I gently replied I’m
going to look like a freaking Blowfish
and he said oh well um you’re not really
gonna look the same I said you will not
cut off my lip
and he said well then you will die I
said okay and I walked out I had
retained my voice I was going to do it
my way and the tumour continued to grow
now there’s another voice in my life
that I hold equally dear and it is a
voice of my husband John and he wasn’t
thrilled with my decision and he went
unbeknownst to me and found another
surgeon for me to talk to and because I
believed in his voice as I believed in
the voice of Rita I agreed to go see the
surgeon for him I went to see the
surgeon he looked at my face and he said
Vicki there is one solution and it is to
cut off your lip and I said you don’t
understand I have said I am nothing if
not a voice for the women of Rwanda for
the last ten years you cannot take my
voice and he looked at me and in that
moment he heard me
and he said look I cannot let you die
this way I only have one other option
and if it works it’s going to be brutal
it will be 36 radiation treatments to
your face but because he heard my voice
I heard his voice and I made the choice
to listen to him so in April of 2015
I began radiation this is Stephen Bader
my radiology oncologist and when I
walked in with a sign that said radiant
me he looked at me and laughed he said
you know no one’s ever brought in a sign
like that and I said well evidently what
doesn’t kill me makes me funnier and I
began radiation treatments with a joy
that had nothing to do with the
treatment but that my voice had been
heard the tumor began to recede a little
bit but by day 22
I was so badly burned the nurse in
oncology cried and I said to her doesn’t
everybody get this burned and she said
no
but you know what I wasn’t sick I was
burned every day John would make me
protein shakes and I went to work I
could talk I looked so bad people would
come in and see me and say what happened
I said oh this bike accident
they’d say really I said no cancer I had
a 36 radiation treatments and the cancer
was gone in that in that time I kept my
voice I listened to the voice of another
who heard me and I made a choice and as
I like to say I don’t often get cancer
but when I do I beat it like it owes me
money the cancer is gone I retain my
voice and I stand here in front of you
purple lips and Hall what will you
choose will you choose to listen to the
voice of another who will help you and
give you advice that may feel insane but
you know is right well you choose to
amplify the voice of someone who has
been silenced but has a message for the
world and will you choose to listen to
your own voice when you know the message
within you is greater than the message
others are giving you take it from me
purple lips it is your voice and it is your choice
those words in 1970 at Lane Junior High
today I want to talk about the voices in
our lives the voices of those that we
listen to that are there to help us the
voices of those who are silenced that we
choose to amplify and the voice within
us that we must listen to when we know
there is no other option I called myself
purple lips in 1970 in junior high
school because of one girl I was born in
1957 with a birthmark that started below
my nose and traveled down my face my
mother Rita told me that in 1957 the
only treatment was dry ice applied
directly to the skin with no anesthesia
she said it took four adults to hold me
down as I screamed in pain and terror as
a six week old baby as they burned my
face now while it took care of most of
the birthmark it left me with scars
under my mouth and purple lips as a
little girl adults would come up to me
and say why are your lips purple and I
would gladly tell them the story but
evidently seventh graders are not
interested in the medical reason why
you’re different they’re just trying to
hold you out and this one girl decided
that calling me names was how she would
hold me out as different in seventh
grade I would go to this class and soon
she had the entire class calling me
names purple lips and worse and each day
I would feel smaller and less confident
and depressed and embarrassed and
ashamed and I wanted to die so I went
home and I told Rita I said um I don’t
want to go to school anymore
and she said Vicki what’s the matter
with you and I said they’re calling me
purple lips and she would give me advice
that was so provocative and so brave
that it would change my life and change
the life of everyone I would ever meet
she said Vicki you are not quitting
school here’s what you’re going to do
you are gonna go to that class and
instead of hiding and running to your
seat you’re gonna stand in front of
everyone and when you have everyone’s
attention you are gonna look that one
girl in the eye and you’re gonna say
purple lips is here and she will begin
to laugh and make fun of you and when
she does you make more fun of yourself
other kids are gonna say mean things to
whatever they say you reflect back their
cruelty with humor about yourself never
make fun of them show them how cruel
they are and it will stop now this was
insane advice for a seventh grader but
you need to know something about Rita
she was my favorite person in the world
she was the finest woman that ever
walked the face of the earth and though
she’s been gone for 20 years her words
and her wisdom are with me today so
against everything within me except the
choice I made to listen to her voice I
walked into that class the next day and
I stood there in front of everyone and
when I had everyone’s attention I looked
at girl in the eye and I said purple
lips is here and the entire class how
old with laughter and someone else said
you are so ugly and I said I’m a monster
and someone else said and you know what
you’re really fat too and I said I’m so
large I cannot believe I can fit in my
chair and some of the kids who had been
laughing started to stop laughing and
then someone said and you know what else
you’re really stupid I’m so dumb
I cannot believe I get to go to school
and then the teacher walked in and I sat
down the next day I walked back into
that class and once more they started I
said purple lips is back and some of the
kids would stop laughing others
continued and they continued with their
insults and as they continued with their
insults I continued with more
self-deprecating humor and their humor
was gone and my humor came up as their
voices became weaker mine became
stronger and then unbelievably it
stopped and I was in a word speechless I
went home and I said to Rita mom I did
what you told me to do and she said what
did I tell you to do I said you told me
to go to school and say purple lips is
here and when they start making fun of
me make more fun of myself and she
looked at me and she said I kid you not
you did that now evidently helicopter
parenting had not been defined in 1970
but what I knew at that moment was that
she could never have done what she told
me to do but her infinite wisdom had
saved my life and turned a weakness into
a strength I do not regret that
experience it taught me never to use
humor to belittle others it gave me a
mission of compassion in my life and it
showed me the voice of another could be
so powerful for me that it could help me
when I could not help myself in that
moment as Rita gave me her voice I found
in April 7th 1994 the Rwandan genocide
against Tutsi began and 1 million people
died in 100 days 1 million voices were
silenced forever
the world turned its back on Rwanda and
none were more devastated than the women
of Rwanda in 2004 I was asked to go to a
meeting for World Vision who was doing
work in Rwanda and I walked into this
room and there was an African woman
there who was talking about her work in
Rwanda with World Vision and I walked up
to her and I said hello my name is Vicki
and she said hello my name is Rita and I
knew I was meeting someone that would
have a huge effect in my life and Rita
and I began to talk about what we
believed and we talked about the need to
see more compassion in the world and she
said you must come to my country and
speak to my people and I said I will
come to your country and in 2005 for the
first time I traveled to the country of
Rwanda and I listened to the stories of
the women of Rwanda and learned they
were not powerless they had just lost
the power to be heard and I knew I could
become their voice because in them I saw
voices that needed to be amplified and I
was capable of doing it the women of
Rwanda suffered deeply at the genocide
hiv-positive men systematically raped
Tutsi women and thousands of women were
raped not to kill them but to break them
emotionally and spiritually and pregnant
them and leave them with the fact that
they knew that they would give birth to
HIV positive children but the women of
Rwanda did not want to serve
they wanted to thrive for themselves and
their children I came back home and
decided to start a foundation and we
decided to call the foundation each of
fari which means brick we chose a brick
because the brick represents the weight
of a malnourished child that cannot be
comforted a brick is the burden that a
woman carried down a path as she
struggled to find a way to feed her
family and a brick represented the color
of the soil that a woman saw when she
but a brick also represents hope and
while one brick alone can do nothing
together we helped to rebuild the
country of Rwanda brick each affari by
brick each affari by brick each affari
in my 12 visits to Rwanda I met women
who needed a voice and as we hope to
amplify their voices my voice became
stronger the partnerships with these
women allowed us to raise 1.5 million
dollars and we raised the voices of
people who had a message for the world
this partnership will be with me all the
days of my life and the messages and the
wisdom I learned from these women would
soon be my strength as I would soon face
a battle with more veracity strength
humor and faith that I knew I had I
would face a battle where I would be
given one option and it was an option
that could save my life but may take my
in 2014 I found a lump inside my cheek
that did not belong and I went to see a
doctor and he said I had stage 2 oral
cancer and the solution was surgery to
cut it out of my cheek so I had a
surgery on the inside of my cheek and
they also found one above my gum line
and I had two surgeries in October of
2014 and was left pretty beat up and I
talked to my surgeon and I said why did
this happen and he did not have a good
answer but I didn’t ask enough questions
I figuratively lost my voice and then it
went away and I got back to normal and
you know what happens when you face a
crisis you just want to get past it and
you just say oh you know it’s just it’s
over let’s keep moving along and that
worked really well until March of 2014
15 I found a small knot right below my
nose I went in to see my surgeon and he
biopsied it and it came back negative
for cancer but then it began to grow and
a tumor began to grow out of my mouth
which is so attractive as a woman I mean
that’s not such a good look and as it
grew I went to see him again and he said
Vicky we have one solution here’s what
we’re going to do we’re going to cut off
your upper lip like purple lip he said
we’re gonna take your lower lip and flip
it up sew it together your tuck leichter
for six weeks and when we open your
mouth you will have no corners and your
entire mouth will be 30 to 40 percent
smaller to which I gently replied I’m
going to look like a freaking Blowfish
and he said oh well um you’re not really
gonna look the same I said you will not
cut off my lip
and he said well then you will die I
said okay and I walked out I had
retained my voice I was going to do it
my way and the tumour continued to grow
now there’s another voice in my life
that I hold equally dear and it is a
voice of my husband John and he wasn’t
thrilled with my decision and he went
unbeknownst to me and found another
surgeon for me to talk to and because I
believed in his voice as I believed in
the voice of Rita I agreed to go see the
surgeon for him I went to see the
surgeon he looked at my face and he said
Vicki there is one solution and it is to
cut off your lip and I said you don’t
understand I have said I am nothing if
not a voice for the women of Rwanda for
the last ten years you cannot take my
voice and he looked at me and in that
moment he heard me
and he said look I cannot let you die
this way I only have one other option
and if it works it’s going to be brutal
it will be 36 radiation treatments to
your face but because he heard my voice
I heard his voice and I made the choice
to listen to him so in April of 2015
I began radiation this is Stephen Bader
my radiology oncologist and when I
walked in with a sign that said radiant
me he looked at me and laughed he said
you know no one’s ever brought in a sign
like that and I said well evidently what
doesn’t kill me makes me funnier and I
began radiation treatments with a joy
that had nothing to do with the
treatment but that my voice had been
heard the tumor began to recede a little
bit but by day 22
I was so badly burned the nurse in
oncology cried and I said to her doesn’t
everybody get this burned and she said
no
but you know what I wasn’t sick I was
burned every day John would make me
protein shakes and I went to work I
could talk I looked so bad people would
come in and see me and say what happened
I said oh this bike accident
they’d say really I said no cancer I had
a 36 radiation treatments and the cancer
was gone in that in that time I kept my
voice I listened to the voice of another
who heard me and I made a choice and as
I like to say I don’t often get cancer
but when I do I beat it like it owes me
money the cancer is gone I retain my
voice and I stand here in front of you
purple lips and Hall what will you
choose will you choose to listen to the
voice of another who will help you and
give you advice that may feel insane but
you know is right well you choose to
amplify the voice of someone who has
been silenced but has a message for the
world and will you choose to listen to
your own voice when you know the message
within you is greater than the message
others are giving you take it from me
purple lips it is your voice and it is your choice
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