woman came up to me and stopped me
before I entered the store she said I’m
sorry to invade you but I felt that I
needed to tell you this there is
something big happening in your life
right now but you’re not appreciating it
because you’re holding on to something
from the past not your average grocery
store parking lot encounter this woman
didn’t know who I was where I came from
or what I was currently going through
but this woman was right I was holding
on to the past a year before this
occurrence I was a senior at the
University of Florida and I was living
on top of the world I was getting ready
to graduate living with my three best
friends in this great apartment and I
was falling in love for the first time
and my blog that I started while in
college was growing rapidly but for some
reason I thought all of this was too
good to be true I remember this moment
when I looked at myself in my mirror and
I said my life is too perfect something
is going to go wrong unknowingly at the
time this thought was a product of my
past believing that because my past was
never this perfect my present and future
can never be after this moment things in
my life became unperfect a number of
circumstances occurred in my personal
life just one week after this time I
spent looking at myself in the mirror my
family found a suicide letter that my
little sister ro of her plans to commit
suicide my dad lost his business and my
boyfriend was dealing with issues of his
own that turned into intense emotional
abuse these circumstances sent me on a
downward spiral towards complete and
utter darkness I spent four months
living in this darkness until New Year’s
pulled around when I said that this was
going to be a fresh start but saying it
and truly believing it are two
Saturday January 26 2013 my life changed
forever the week leading up to this day
I was having flu-like symptoms
high fever chills my mom was coming to
visit me for the weekend to celebrate a
milestone that I hit with my blog when
thousand likes on Facebook gotta
celebrate the small ones right I was
still pretty sick the morning before the
celebration so my mom took me into the
walking clinic where they gave me an IV
of fluids and antibiotics sent me on my
way with the parting words have fun at
your party I went home and took a shower
before guests were supposed to arrive
and when I got out of shower I laid on
my bed and I was beginning not to be
able to breathe that well my mom comes
in the room and she takes one look at me
and sees my heart beating rapidly out of
my neck she said Alexa we’re canceling
the party I’m taking you to the
emergency room when I arrived at the
emergency room my blood pressure was
dropping rapidly so they immediately
took me to the back and began giving me
an IV of fluids and monitoring me it
started with one doctor then five
doctors then all of a sudden there were
20 doctors surrounding me they put a
mask on my face to help me breathe and I
felt like I couldn’t breathe with this
mask on my face but when I tried pulling
it off and realized I couldn’t breathe
with it off that’s when the real fear
set in the doctors pulled my mom out of
the room and said we have to induce your
daughter into a medical coma her body is
going into septic shock call your family
she has 24 hours to live I spent six
days in a coma and a total of 10 days
is in the intensive care unit they gave
me a 1% chance of living when I woke up
from the coma I had a mask on my face a
tube down my throat and I was hooked up
to nine different bags of antibiotics I
couldn’t move
breathe or speak on my own all I had was
my mind and in these moments a recurring
question popped into my head did I live
and it wasn’t a question if I lived
through this horrible tragedy but rather
asking did I live my life when I had the
opportunity to live my life and the
answer was no I was allowing my past
circumstances to define my life and I
during my time in the ICU I pictured my
mind to be this pure healthy pink and
the rest of my body was black and
rotting away and I would use this image
to push down this healthy pink color to
the rest of my body to try and heal it I
would push with every ounce of energy I
had left until I was discharged from the
hospital you see what you choose to
believe is what you can conceive
you must believe that your life is
filled with endless opportunities only
disguised as impossible situations six
months after my near-death experience I
was faced with another wonderful
opportunity I was living in New York
City as a college graduate I was working
to fulfill my dreams when I became sick
again and all of a sudden all of my
dreams and hopes were just taken from me
unbeknownst I was living with a
compromised immune system and had to be
rushed to have an emergency colonoscopy
where they found a
another deadly bacteria growing in my
body and then diagnosed me with
ulcerative colitis this is when I began
living with post-traumatic stress
disorder
I was so afraid that I was going to end
up in the ICU again so afraid that I
would get that sick again because that
is what I knew still to this day if
something is not right in my body the
fear sets in but through the past four
years I have learned one key lesson that
has changed my perspective on my life
and as we know our perception is what
creates our reality and that is that you
only have two things that you have
control over your decisions and your
reactions I don’t have control over this
autoimmune disease I can’t control the
bacteria that almost took my life but I
can control the decisions I make for
myself and the way I react to what life
throws my way you see this is the
opportunity the opportunity to see
things and not for what they are but
rather for what they can be for
three-and-a-half years I was deciding
that my past would define my future I
was believing that due to this illness I
will never be able to go hiking again or
live in a different country or enjoy the
pleasures of food I’ll never be able to
do the things I used to love and know so
well because this was now my reality I
am sick today and I will be sick for all
of my days as there is no cure for my
autoimmune disease I lived like this in
complete isolation for three and a half
years until one day I was fed up I was
fed up waiting for something to change
ladies and gentlemen you must not wait
for your life to change you must change
your own life understand that your past
is part of you making you up to be the
beautiful unique individual you are but
it does not define you or define what
you can do everything in your life is
helping you become the person you are
today and will help you become the
person you are supposed to be I live
with this autoimmune disease every
single day I live with my past demons
and tragedy and heartbreak just as all
of you do every day I wake up not
knowing if today is going to be a great
day or a day where I have to cancel all
of my plans because I don’t feel well I
live with anxiety and fear and yes I
still suffer from PTSD and I don’t know
if any of this will ever disappear but
what I do know for sure is that this
will not stop me from accomplishing what
I want to accomplish in my life it will
not stop me from seeing the opportunity
through the tragedy it will not stop me
from waking up with the first thought
that this is going to be a great day
even if all of my past days weren’t too
great for 1460 days I was waiting
waiting for what everyone told me the
light at the end of the tunnel but today
I am no longer waiting for that light at
the end of the tunnel because what I’ve
come to learn is that the light was
within us all along
thank you
[Applause] [Music]