it’s what we should do
how many of you basic question here have
ever seen bullying happen okay like all
of us pretty much and then the second
one I’m actually I’m gonna include
myself in it you could just raise your
hand as well how many of you have ever
been bullied at any point in your life
okay I see a lot of hands going up it’s
kind of hard to see but I see a lot of
people are raising their hands and the
reason I asked that question is well a
lot of times when I go on TV or when I
go on the radio oftentimes the first
question I’m asked or one of the
questions I’m asked is why was I bullied
and what’s funny is after even after I
was signed or after the song went viral
I still debated and internally wondered
the answer to that question and I never
really knew it but the aha moment for me
that kind of turning point where I
realized the reason that I was bullied
the way I was for all those years
verbally cyber bullied emotionally
physically and just by being excluded I
have finally discovered all the reasons
for it at this one experience of mine at
a concert of mine it was a show actually
at the Madison Square Garden theater and
I’ll never forget it because it was
about two years ago now and there were a
lot of there are a lot of fans that came
to like this meet-and-greet area to take
pictures and I remember my security
guard was like okay we got to keep
moving but this one girl came up to me
and shared the story of how she was
called ugly and it became my favorite
example because I looked at her and she
wasn’t she was absolutely stunning she
had blonde hair she was tall she anyone
in their right mind would look at her
and be like why would you call her ugly
um but the crazy part is she really
seemed bothered by it so I couldn’t
didn’t they were rushing everyone I
didn’t have much time to talk but I said
messaged me on Instagram because I
actually you know go through those
messages so at 3 a.m. I’m like looking
through the phone and I see the message
from her and it turns out that she’s a
model with like several different
agencies she’s been in magazines she’s
been on billboards and I’m looking at
this whole situation thinking why would
she have been bullied and that’s when it
hit me that’s when it hit me the reason
that she was bullied is the same reason
that any of you who’ve been bullied who
raised your hands were bullied as well
it’s the same reason that I was bullied
and the reason is there is none bullying
is not something that happens because we
did anything wrong but for some reason
it’s where our head goes
if somebody says you’re not smart enough
if you’re not good enough we start to
think automatically well what did I do
wrong
and then you wonder maybe if I was
different maybe if I fit in maybe if
there was something about me that was
like the others I wouldn’t have been
bullied but the truth is if you have red
hair they would have picked on your hair
if it was a different color it doesn’t
matter it’s the things that make you
different are not the reason that
bullying happens the reason is because
they have things that they need to work
on and it’s breaks my heart to know that
there are people who have amazing gifts
in the world fans of mine millions of
people out there who wonder what’s wrong
with them when in fact the things that
make you different are the things that
make you special in it’s a very
important thing to realize that the
height the way you talk the way you’re
different the things that set you apart
these are all things that will make you
successful later on in life the next
great idea is not gonna come from
someone who’s fitting in it’s not gonna
come from the person who doesn’t ever
try to stand out it’s gonna come from
the person that may have felt like an
outcast or it’s gonna come from the
person for the very reasons that may
have made you different or may have made
you bullied or weird in the first place
it’s really important to know that the
things that make you different are the
things that make you unique and being
weird is not always a bad thing where
there’s a negative connotation for that
word but I’ve learned that all the
things that I was bullied for ended up
actually being things that were good for
example my height in that situation was
a good thing but regardless of what it
is whether you’re good at math whether
you’re called to nerdy no matter what it
is that sets you apart and makes you a
different person if you’re lucky enough
to be different don’t ever change
because those are the things that will
make you unique now as we all know
middle schools not the easiest time in
the world to make friends in fact I’m
always asked about the time my nose was
broken when I was bullied or the cyber
bullying I experienced and all these
things are absolutely tragic when it
happens to anyone but what really was
the hardest moment in my life was the
was the time that I was excluded in
middle school and the people that were
once what I considered sisters ended up
becoming the ones that were doing the
bullying that made me feel like I should
do whatever I could to fit in with them
that it made me feel that the weirdness
or the things that they said were wrong
with me were the reason that I was
getting cast aside and I didn’t learn
what
true friend was until the first year of
high school when my best friend Airy
who’s still my best friend to this day
not only was okay she not only didn’t
bully me for the things that made me
different
she didn’t only accept them but she
embraced them and she inspired the song
just the thing
which I don’t know if you’ve heard it on
the radio or even before I was on the
radio teennick or anything like that it
was actually about that friend not
necessarily a boyfriend but someone in
your life that I don’t know if they know
you’re a little weird but they love you
anyway for it that’s what it’s about and
that’s the song that really what I
wanted to convey is to let you know that
if you’re lucky enough to be different
not to ever change and if you know the
song you can sing along hey yeah yeah
[Music]
little OCD and time to tal and always
say just the wrong thing I talk too fast
forget to breathe get tripped up in my
energy on at a touching thing too much
off hand I’m in the clouds and I’ll
probably never land and I don’t fit in
with the in-crowd
but I fit with you and I don’t fit in
but I like out cuz you’re a little weird
too and that’s just the thing I like
about you yeah just the thing I like
about you I once had a world of supposed
friends but everyone knows that
fair-weather away he sends and those who
stayed a better days rarely come along
our way they make me smile and I just
gotta say I don’t fit it in with the
in-crowd
but I’d fit with you and I don’t
in but I like out cuz your little weird
too and that’s just the thing I like
about you without you I can hardly see
the happiness around me the company you
made I wouldn’t trade it for a million
bucks it’s true you light a spark
without you I’m in the dark and I’ll
never be able to find the light again
when you’re strange it’s hard to find
someone to stay till the end and I don’t
fit in with the in-crowd but I fit with
you and I don’t fit in but in and like
out cuz you’re a little weird too and
you always make me smile
I’ve been down for a while and I’ll show
you every day that my love won’t go away
and you lift me off the ground whenever
you’re around you know you’re strange
but I’m the same way too and that’s just
the thing I like about you just the
thing I like about you thank you guys so
much so thank you so I have actually
never really talked about bullying or
anything like that even after my first
song celebrity went viral I was modeling
because of the height weight while being
bullied for it ironically which goes to
show you how you should never let any
differences make you afraid or ashamed
which is why it breaks my heart to think
that there are girls and guys out there
who are young women and young men who
are being told that the thing that makes
them unique is awful and then they
actually believe it so it’s so important
for me to let everyone know the best way
I can that don’t ever change if you’re
lucky enough to be different which is
why after my first song you know when I
was signed I met my manager right
through modeling and he said well why
don’t you you know now that you have
millions of what millions of people
watching why don’t you put out a message
I had never talked about bullying I had
never opened up to my mom to teachers to
anyone because I thought that the kids
who were bullying me were right like I
thought that everything they said was
true I was one of those people and it’s
my biggest fear to know that there are
other people out there thinking that
which is why I decided I’m just gonna
say my story in the room of 15 different
music executives who were strangers at
the time I started to share it and my
manager is like you have to write a song
about that so I went from not telling
anyone to telling millions and the
reason that this TED talk is called you
are not alone is because I received
hundreds of thousands of messages from
people all over the world saying they
felt alone as well and it taught me how
much my story had in common with them
it’s an illusion bullying is an illusion
to be told that you’re not good enough
in a fishbowl as a metaphor with a bunch
of other people and you don’t see
outside of it and you’re being told one
thing it’s very easy to think you’re the
only one and you’re this outcast but the
truth of the matter is it happens to the
best and brightest and you are not alone
I never knew I would get you know you
may feel alone you may be alone at that
time but I never knew at that time that
I would find if as my best friend Airy
or that I would get these hundreds of
thousands of messages and that millions
of other people were going through it so
it’s really I’m actually speaking at the
United Nations on February 4th on behalf
of Margo Lazaro about this whole
empowerment movement and my manager
inspired me to speak up on the story
which is what I encourage all of you to
do if you ever see bullying happen if it
happens to a friend it happens to
yourself and that’s what the song
stronger is about it really is about
embracing the things you know that make
you different and also knowing that you
may go through a hard time you may go
through anxiety it might be depression
it might be something that not even just
bullying but problems at home especially
in the age of high school or middle
school and you may think you’re so far
down the rabbit hole that there’s no way
out but the solution is a lot easier
than you think it is
and the cool thing about recovery and
getting better and building yourself
esteem from bullying or anything that
may have shot you down is once you
survive and you will because I’ve seen
it I’ve seen hundreds of thousands of
people survive I’ve also seen and I also
know that when you survive you will be
stronger than you were but if it had
never happened
to begin with so this song is called
stronger and if you know it you can sing
along and it’s about the fact that when
we are together nothing will break us
you’re so strong on your own you’ve
weathered every storm you made it this
far with no one by your side you say you
don’t need one and I know you’ll be fine
but let me be your hero like your MA
hein I will be your bridge over thumb
water and you will be the light to guide
me home with your strength I know that
I’ll go farther than I ever could on my
on nothing nothing nothing can break us
nothing nothing nothing can touch us nah
there’s nothing stronger than love
[Music]
nothing nothing nothing is stronger than
us I shine brighter I’m a fighter when
I’m with you I can do anything and I’m a
dreamer you’re a believer and together
we can do anything and I will be your
bridge on birth on water he will be the
light to guide me home with your
then I ever come on my own
nothing nothing nothing can break us
down a hound
nothing nothing nothing can touch us ha
ha ha
nothing nothing nothing is stronger well
an earthquake could shake this land up
so strong that she couldn’t stand up
well it’s not enough to be stronger than
and this whole world will never face of
me
even when life gets crazy no matter how
nothing is stronger nothing is stronger
than love nothing is stronger nothing is
stronger than in the Hertz
it’s stronger nothing is stronger than
long nothing is stronger nothing is
stronger than love and nothing can break
us down nothing nothing nothing can to
just not how there’s nothing stronger
nothing nothing nothing is stronger her
her nothing nothing nothing can break us
down
nothing nothing nothing can touch us now
there’s nothing stronger than all
oh nothing nothing nothing is stronger
then us thank you guys so much I know my
my record label put together thank you
so much
my label put together like a video from
concerts I think two of them were
schools and actually that brings me to
my last little surprise here which is
which actually think wasn’t supposed to
be a surprise but I’m not gonna keep any
surprises
my label had gifts and things for the
students and for everyone we can take
selfies in the foyer at the lunch break
and I’m so excited to see the rest of
the stalkers and I can’t wait to meet
you guys after thank you so much and
thank you laguna blanca and ted [Applause]