[Music]
hi so since I’ve got so many of you I’m
gonna talk to you about my favorite
subject it’s me okay so really what you
see is what you get okay
I’m white I’m a woman I’m local okay she
couldn’t tell I passed first rate a pass
for non-disabled a pass for neurotypical
I’m educated
I’ve got secure immigration status and
I’m employed and actually what I want to
talk to you about is my job because you
know I am really passionate about my job
I teach sex education sex and
relationships education for people with
a wide range of disabilities teaching
sex education is not like teaching maths
okay although there’s a time in a place
for that too it gives me a chance to
engage with some really big stuff the
stuff that it’s about who we are it’s
right at the core of who we are as
people I heard a great term for it
recently and it’s the idea of being a
sexual citizen being visible right so
what that means is a sexual citizen is
that I know my sexual health rights and
responsibilities do you know yours let
me tell you about them they’re the
things that you probably don’t even
think about because they’re so close to
who we who we are as people that we
don’t really tend to articulate them
okay so let’s see am I allowed to have
sex yeah good job I’m allowed to have a
relationship yes I am am I allowed to
say yes yes I am I’m allowed to say no
well yeah I’m allowed to say no to I’m
allowed to talk about my sexual wants
and my desires and my orientation and my
gender I’m allowed to talk about all
those things I’m allowed to inhabit a
space and be visible within it
and you know I’m allowed actually to
expect to be supported in all of those
things I’m visible I’m here I’m here I’m
a sexual citizen that also means that
I’ve got responsibilities so what are my
sexual health responsibilities well they
are to do no harm
okay to respect my partner to abide by
the law pretty straightforward yeah okay
so all these things other thing is that
I hold dear to my heart
they’re the things that I would go down
fighting for and I teach about them
specifically with people who have
disabilities these days and the reason
for that is that a few years ago I was
out doing what they call a drop-down day
at school I’ve done if you’re local if
you’ve got kids who are at local schools
but you know and they take them all off
the the timetable and then they have the
external person come in to talk about
you know all sorts of things all day
that’s me right all it used to be and me
anyway these days I’m based at Queen
Alexandra College in Birmingham which is
a specialist college for young people
with complex needs but then I was going
there being the sex lady so I just done
six identical talks about how not to get
pregnant when you leave it was for year
eleven okay and they were very focused
on this don’t get pregnant so I went out
with my clinic in a box and I did the
talk I did the talk I did the talk I did
the talk I did the talk I did the talk
one more time and then at the end of the
day I’m packing everything up and
there’s a knock on the door and I
thought it was the staff coming to shoo
me out you know like they do and he
wasn’t it was girl in a wheelchair and
she goes oh oh can I come in I want to
ask some questions I’m like yeah coming
and what you really mean and she goes oh
you’re 11
so why weren’t you in any other classes
I asked her and she said because they
said I didn’t need to come in okay Park
that one fast forward to September 2017
and I’m in Ireland I’m at a conference
about sexual consent and learning
disabilities which is incidentally where
I heard the most extraordinary talk
about a sexual citizenship
but we’ll come back to that in a minute
the first talk of the day was by a woman
called Maria now Maria is extraordinary
she’s 47 she has Down syndrome she’s
been with her boyfriend longer than I’ve
been with mine and she stands up and she
gives his talk and the talk is called my
sister can get married why can’t I get
married hmm I’ll tell you what she can’t
get married she can’t get married
because she has to prove that she can
consent okay now how how do you consent
if you have not been given the
information to be able to make that
decision
think about it how do you consent if
you’ve not been given the information to
make those choices for yourselves let’s
rewind to being wheeled out of the room
shall we like my student that not to be
named school we’ve got a problem we’ve
got a serious problem now one of the
things that I often say about my job is
that what I do is I’m giving people it
sounds marvelous I’m giving them the
words to express their experiences to
talk about you know where they are to
make them invisible
and you know that sounds pretty good
except we just rewind to the start if
you wanted to put a poster for non
diversity up I’d be on it look at me
stoned in here white straight
non-disabled apparently no problems with
engaging with any of you so although I’m
a safe pair of hands because I really
care about it actually should I be the
only person doing this how much
responsibility is that what if I was not
as careful about it as I actually am
it’s a problem so in order to curb that
problem was that recently training some
staffer especially school in Birmingham
and I was talking we were talking about
putting a sexual relationship curriculum
in you know and we’ve gone through how
it’s so important everybody’s right on
boards I really want to do this and then
one teaching assistant young lady puts
her hand up and she says Jill Jill I
completely agree with what you’re saying
but I don’t think I can do this I don’t
think I can say the words I don’t think
I can make this work I’m gonna get it
wrong I don’t think I’m the right person
to do this and you know what
maybe she’s not maybe she’s not the
right person to do but this is this is
where everything kind of comes back to
everybody really you don’t have to do
the work but you are responsible for
making a culture where that work can
take place my sexual health rights and
responsibilities are your sexual health
rights and responsibilities we all have
exactly the same all of us right
doesn’t matter what you know what your
ability is what your background is
we all have exactly the same sexual
health rights and responsibilities to be
valid to be part of the sexual
citizenship to be part of the collective
to engage in a consent focused society
so what I need people to do is to take
that away and think about it when we
think about Maria why is it that she has
to prove herself before she can get
married why should she have to and how
is she supposed to if those
conversations aren’t taking place if
we’re not all engaging them together if
we’re not all taking part in taking
responsibility for this thing that we
hold so dear to ourselves this consent
based culture where we are all equal I
have something to say though I just want
to leave with you the problem that we’ve
had before here’s what we’ve done we
have left disabled people outside the
room we’ve left them outside the room
solved the problem solve the problem
that’s cool but I have to tell you I’m
looking all these people there’s a lot
of you I refuse to believe that there
are no disabled people here I refuse I
refuse to believe that there are no
neuro-diverse people in here I refuse
what you must understand is there is
nobody outside the room we are in the
room we are all in the room together so
we need to be taking responsibility as a
collective because if we don’t the very
best will leave people out do you want
to be part of that I don’t but at the
very worst we fail everybody in the room
including ourselves thank you
[Applause]
hi so since I’ve got so many of you I’m
gonna talk to you about my favorite
subject it’s me okay so really what you
see is what you get okay
I’m white I’m a woman I’m local okay she
couldn’t tell I passed first rate a pass
for non-disabled a pass for neurotypical
I’m educated
I’ve got secure immigration status and
I’m employed and actually what I want to
talk to you about is my job because you
know I am really passionate about my job
I teach sex education sex and
relationships education for people with
a wide range of disabilities teaching
sex education is not like teaching maths
okay although there’s a time in a place
for that too it gives me a chance to
engage with some really big stuff the
stuff that it’s about who we are it’s
right at the core of who we are as
people I heard a great term for it
recently and it’s the idea of being a
sexual citizen being visible right so
what that means is a sexual citizen is
that I know my sexual health rights and
responsibilities do you know yours let
me tell you about them they’re the
things that you probably don’t even
think about because they’re so close to
who we who we are as people that we
don’t really tend to articulate them
okay so let’s see am I allowed to have
sex yeah good job I’m allowed to have a
relationship yes I am am I allowed to
say yes yes I am I’m allowed to say no
well yeah I’m allowed to say no to I’m
allowed to talk about my sexual wants
and my desires and my orientation and my
gender I’m allowed to talk about all
those things I’m allowed to inhabit a
space and be visible within it
and you know I’m allowed actually to
expect to be supported in all of those
things I’m visible I’m here I’m here I’m
a sexual citizen that also means that
I’ve got responsibilities so what are my
sexual health responsibilities well they
are to do no harm
okay to respect my partner to abide by
the law pretty straightforward yeah okay
so all these things other thing is that
I hold dear to my heart
they’re the things that I would go down
fighting for and I teach about them
specifically with people who have
disabilities these days and the reason
for that is that a few years ago I was
out doing what they call a drop-down day
at school I’ve done if you’re local if
you’ve got kids who are at local schools
but you know and they take them all off
the the timetable and then they have the
external person come in to talk about
you know all sorts of things all day
that’s me right all it used to be and me
anyway these days I’m based at Queen
Alexandra College in Birmingham which is
a specialist college for young people
with complex needs but then I was going
there being the sex lady so I just done
six identical talks about how not to get
pregnant when you leave it was for year
eleven okay and they were very focused
on this don’t get pregnant so I went out
with my clinic in a box and I did the
talk I did the talk I did the talk I did
the talk I did the talk I did the talk
one more time and then at the end of the
day I’m packing everything up and
there’s a knock on the door and I
thought it was the staff coming to shoo
me out you know like they do and he
wasn’t it was girl in a wheelchair and
she goes oh oh can I come in I want to
ask some questions I’m like yeah coming
and what you really mean and she goes oh
you’re 11
so why weren’t you in any other classes
I asked her and she said because they
said I didn’t need to come in okay Park
that one fast forward to September 2017
and I’m in Ireland I’m at a conference
about sexual consent and learning
disabilities which is incidentally where
I heard the most extraordinary talk
about a sexual citizenship
but we’ll come back to that in a minute
the first talk of the day was by a woman
called Maria now Maria is extraordinary
she’s 47 she has Down syndrome she’s
been with her boyfriend longer than I’ve
been with mine and she stands up and she
gives his talk and the talk is called my
sister can get married why can’t I get
married hmm I’ll tell you what she can’t
get married she can’t get married
because she has to prove that she can
consent okay now how how do you consent
if you have not been given the
information to be able to make that
decision
think about it how do you consent if
you’ve not been given the information to
make those choices for yourselves let’s
rewind to being wheeled out of the room
shall we like my student that not to be
named school we’ve got a problem we’ve
got a serious problem now one of the
things that I often say about my job is
that what I do is I’m giving people it
sounds marvelous I’m giving them the
words to express their experiences to
talk about you know where they are to
make them invisible
and you know that sounds pretty good
except we just rewind to the start if
you wanted to put a poster for non
diversity up I’d be on it look at me
stoned in here white straight
non-disabled apparently no problems with
engaging with any of you so although I’m
a safe pair of hands because I really
care about it actually should I be the
only person doing this how much
responsibility is that what if I was not
as careful about it as I actually am
it’s a problem so in order to curb that
problem was that recently training some
staffer especially school in Birmingham
and I was talking we were talking about
putting a sexual relationship curriculum
in you know and we’ve gone through how
it’s so important everybody’s right on
boards I really want to do this and then
one teaching assistant young lady puts
her hand up and she says Jill Jill I
completely agree with what you’re saying
but I don’t think I can do this I don’t
think I can say the words I don’t think
I can make this work I’m gonna get it
wrong I don’t think I’m the right person
to do this and you know what
maybe she’s not maybe she’s not the
right person to do but this is this is
where everything kind of comes back to
everybody really you don’t have to do
the work but you are responsible for
making a culture where that work can
take place my sexual health rights and
responsibilities are your sexual health
rights and responsibilities we all have
exactly the same all of us right
doesn’t matter what you know what your
ability is what your background is
we all have exactly the same sexual
health rights and responsibilities to be
valid to be part of the sexual
citizenship to be part of the collective
to engage in a consent focused society
so what I need people to do is to take
that away and think about it when we
think about Maria why is it that she has
to prove herself before she can get
married why should she have to and how
is she supposed to if those
conversations aren’t taking place if
we’re not all engaging them together if
we’re not all taking part in taking
responsibility for this thing that we
hold so dear to ourselves this consent
based culture where we are all equal I
have something to say though I just want
to leave with you the problem that we’ve
had before here’s what we’ve done we
have left disabled people outside the
room we’ve left them outside the room
solved the problem solve the problem
that’s cool but I have to tell you I’m
looking all these people there’s a lot
of you I refuse to believe that there
are no disabled people here I refuse I
refuse to believe that there are no
neuro-diverse people in here I refuse
what you must understand is there is
nobody outside the room we are in the
room we are all in the room together so
we need to be taking responsibility as a
collective because if we don’t the very
best will leave people out do you want
to be part of that I don’t but at the
very worst we fail everybody in the room
including ourselves thank you
[Applause]
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