there’s a revolution happening in this
country and anyone can join the
revolution gained strength every time a
woman runs for office takes to the
streets in protest or bravely says me
too and the revolution gained strength
every time a woman takes up a little
more space than she did the day before
and when the men who know her say I
stand in solidarity with you I’ve been
thinking about what I could do to
contribute to this revolution for a
while now and then it occurred to me
that the tools of this revolution aren’t
violence of course they’re not guns
they’re not bombs the tools of this
revolution are women telling their
truths saying their opinions and
demanding change through their words the
most powerful tool in this revolution is
communication and that’s what I do I go
throughout the country and I teach
people how to match the excellence of
their content with equally excellent
communication and presentation skills so
today I am going to contribute to the
revolution in two ways
number one I’m going to share my
favorite revolutionary communication
tools there are four of them and number
two I’m going to talk about the part
that the men can play in all of this so
let’s start revolutionary tool number
one silence
silence is the most powerful feared and
versatile of all of the tools it can
save you when you’re stuck you can just
stop talking and people will think
you’re quite thoughtful when actually
you are regrouping it can also augment a
point either positive or negative women
often have a harder time with silence
than men because we tend to be
interrupted more so we developed
something I called offensive speech
patterns which in this case means we
pepper our speech with filler words and
sounds like ah or um but you know in
order to fill space and avert silence
it’s a pretty good short-term plan but
in the long term it’s a pretty
disempowered speech pattern if you want
to see just how powerful silence can be
I am going to demonstrate you didn’t
know you’re gonna be in a TEDx did you
what is your name
I Beck is that right okay so I can walk
up to I back and I can say I Beck I need
to tell you something you’re fired and
that is unpleasant for i back because
nobody likes to be fired or i can walk
up to i Beck and I can say I Beck I need
to tell you something you’re fired
that’s worse for I back and the reason
why that is so much worse for I Beck is
that I’m basically telling him with my
silence and the accompanying body
language that I am so powerful that he
has to sit there and wait for me to tell
him something very unpleasant now
the thing that people confuse about
silence is they think there’s a right
and a wrong place to pause absolutely
not
you can pause anywhere so I Beck sorry
but I can walk up to a high back and I
can say I back I need to tell you
something and I can go through that
whole sentence and no matter where I
pause I will have a powerful impact in
this case mildly unpleasant but powerful
now if I were to walk up to I back and
say I Beck I
need to tell you something it’s likely
he may interrupt me and he may try to
convince me not to fire him so women
historically we have been silenced our
voices have been silenced so if you
choose to use silence own it one on one
maintain direct eye contact and whatever
you do keep your body relaxed and still
and never ever look down number 2
cadence cadence is simply how quickly or
slowly you speak it always drives me a
little bit crazy when my public speaking
clients come to me and they say hey I
went to this talk and they told us to
vary our cadence go from fast to slow or
slow to fast that is awesome advice for
half the room and that is the men yay
very good that’s great but for the women
it’s not so great because we tend to
have elevated speech patterns so if we
are told to go from slow to fast we tend
to go from faster faster and speaking
very quickly as a very disempowered
speech pattern women should be told to
go from neutral to slow the reason why
women tend to speak a little more
quickly than men is because in every
conversation there is a socially
acceptable amount of time to bat an idea
around my male clients report they can
say their opinion and generally be heard
I believe this thing my female clients
report that they need to say their
opinion and provide corroborating
evidence and examples to be equally
heard I believe this thing here’s why I
believe this thing these are that so
they have to fit around the women the
audience are going mm-hmm so they have
to fit more verbiage in the same amount
of space to be heard thus elevated
speech patterns but speaking slowly is
powerful there’s a very big difference
between saying I BEC I need to tell you
something you’re fired
and I Becca need to tell you something
you’re fired obviously the second time
again he may try to convince
me not to fire him women if you’re new
to slowing down my advice is this try it
when you’re introducing a new idea you
may find you still have to offer some
more evidence but you may find that your
words carry a lot more weight simply
because you slowed down your delivery
number three pitch
I love pitch pitch is fascinating
because it can completely change the
meaning of a sentence when I do my
public speaking seminars I have the
participants walk up to the front of the
room and say hello my name is and today
I’ll be talking about and this is how it
usually goes the male clients walk up
and they say hello my name is Joe Smith
and today I’ll be talking about the
women no matter where they are in the
country tend to do it this way
particularly the younger women they walk
up and they say hello my name is Jane
Smith and today I’ll be talking about
this is called up talk up talk is simply
raising your pitch at the end of a
sentence or an idea in order to dilute
your opinion what it does is it changes
your statements and turns them into
questions so by diluting your opinion
it’s less threatening and therefore you
get less of certain kinds of pushback
but I believe that your name is your
power and the fact that so many women
find it difficult to even state their
names with Authority shows just how much
pushback we can get for stating anything
with confidence but we have the right to
state our names with power and we have
the right for our questions to be
questions and our statements to be
statements be deliberate about the
message that your pitch is sending be
mindful of the story that it’s telling
finally emotional stamping emotional
stamping is something that I just call
most I’ll stamp it because you’re
basically just stamping an emotion onto
a word the way in which I get a baseline
on my private clients is I say tell me
how you’d ask for a raise
and this is usually how it goes the male
clients say I deserve raise here’s why
deserve a raise these are things I’ve
done to deserve this raise the women
clients tend to use the same words but
their delivery can be radically
different the women clients say I
deserve a raise and here’s why I deserve
a raise and these are the things I’ve
done to deserve this raise their words
are saying one thing but their emotional
life is saying I don’t deserve this
raise I’m sorry to be asking for this
raise I’m embarrassed I apologize
women when you go into a high-stakes
situation practice not just your words
but the feeling you want to stamp on
those words and then practice practice
in front of the mirror practice in front
of your friends practice practice
practice but go in with a global
communication plan stick with it
stand your communication ground I want
to end this section by talking a bit
about my dear friend Leo who is
transgender and Leo went from being a
woman to being a man and I asked Leo
what’s the one thing that just totally
blew your mind when you transitioned and
his answer I then got from several other
transgender people who went from a woman
to a man and his answer came to him like
that he said oh that’s easy people
listen to what I say now and I don’t
interrupt me when I’m in a meeting with
all women I have to be so careful the
moment I start talking they all stop
talking I had no idea the level of power
and privilege that I did not have until
I got it which brings me to the next
section which is for the men because the
reason why Leo speaks differently is
because of the way in which she’s
treated by people so I want to start
with the most common definition of
feminism in the dictionary and that is
the belief that both women and men
should have equal rights and
opportunities so they’re snapping
backstage
so men if you believe that women and men
should have equal rights and
opportunities congratulations you are
feminist so welcome so welcome feminist
men so feminist men now that you know
you’re feminists what can you do to help
women and men claim space equally well
let’s go back to those defense of speech
patterns and revisit them and tackle
defensive speech patterns number one
silence
help women reduce their rate of filler
words and sounds by reducing your rate
of interrupting women number two cadence
when a woman says her opinion give it
the same weight as a man so she no
longer has to fit more verbiage into the
same space to be really heard finally
pitch an emotional stamping when a woman
states her opinion strongly listen to
her and respect the fact that like you
she can state her opinion with
confidence passion and authority finally
talk to the men that you know help them
understand that will all benefit when
all genders claim space equally help
them imagine a world where the
innovative thoughts ideas and expertise
of everyone is truly heard I am really
happy to be sharing this with you today
learning these tools changed my life and
it wasn’t easy for me I was born to a
woman who by all accounts was an
exceptional and loving mother but I lost
her very quickly to mental illness she
became paranoid schizophrenic
my mother never accepted that my father
had full custody of me so she took me
illegally from him three times the first
time we went from New York to Texas and
the second two times we went from New
York to California my most vivid memory
of that time was sitting in the front of
one of those big trucks while my mother
was raped by the driver in the sleeping
the little girl who was in that truck
learned very quickly on those trips how
important it was to stay silent to make
yourself small to go unnoticed and that
message was reinforced for me as I grew
up over and over again sometimes by
total strangers by certain people in my
life and by my own me to experiences I
developed a mantra for myself stay small
be invisible don’t take up too much
space and you’ll be safe but being
invisible isn’t safe it’s dangerous it
diminishes you you lose a small piece of
your soul every time you give up your
power it takes a long time to find those
pieces and to reclaim them but you can
do it I did I was afraid but I came to
the conclusion that courage isn’t the
absence of fear true courage is being
absolutely terrified
and doing what you need to do anyway so
I did it slowly ever so slowly I did it
and it changed my life in ways I could
never have imagined I claimed space I
did it and now I help other people do it
and women you can do it too you can
communicate with power you can claim
space and I hope that you do because
there is a revolution happening in this
country and anyone can join so for our
daughters our sons and for ourselves
I’ll end with this my name is Eliza van
Cort and on behalf of all of my fellow
revolutionaries we’re waiting for you thank you
country and anyone can join the
revolution gained strength every time a
woman runs for office takes to the
streets in protest or bravely says me
too and the revolution gained strength
every time a woman takes up a little
more space than she did the day before
and when the men who know her say I
stand in solidarity with you I’ve been
thinking about what I could do to
contribute to this revolution for a
while now and then it occurred to me
that the tools of this revolution aren’t
violence of course they’re not guns
they’re not bombs the tools of this
revolution are women telling their
truths saying their opinions and
demanding change through their words the
most powerful tool in this revolution is
communication and that’s what I do I go
throughout the country and I teach
people how to match the excellence of
their content with equally excellent
communication and presentation skills so
today I am going to contribute to the
revolution in two ways
number one I’m going to share my
favorite revolutionary communication
tools there are four of them and number
two I’m going to talk about the part
that the men can play in all of this so
let’s start revolutionary tool number
one silence
silence is the most powerful feared and
versatile of all of the tools it can
save you when you’re stuck you can just
stop talking and people will think
you’re quite thoughtful when actually
you are regrouping it can also augment a
point either positive or negative women
often have a harder time with silence
than men because we tend to be
interrupted more so we developed
something I called offensive speech
patterns which in this case means we
pepper our speech with filler words and
sounds like ah or um but you know in
order to fill space and avert silence
it’s a pretty good short-term plan but
in the long term it’s a pretty
disempowered speech pattern if you want
to see just how powerful silence can be
I am going to demonstrate you didn’t
know you’re gonna be in a TEDx did you
what is your name
I Beck is that right okay so I can walk
up to I back and I can say I Beck I need
to tell you something you’re fired and
that is unpleasant for i back because
nobody likes to be fired or i can walk
up to i Beck and I can say I Beck I need
to tell you something you’re fired
that’s worse for I back and the reason
why that is so much worse for I Beck is
that I’m basically telling him with my
silence and the accompanying body
language that I am so powerful that he
has to sit there and wait for me to tell
him something very unpleasant now
the thing that people confuse about
silence is they think there’s a right
and a wrong place to pause absolutely
not
you can pause anywhere so I Beck sorry
but I can walk up to a high back and I
can say I back I need to tell you
something and I can go through that
whole sentence and no matter where I
pause I will have a powerful impact in
this case mildly unpleasant but powerful
now if I were to walk up to I back and
say I Beck I
need to tell you something it’s likely
he may interrupt me and he may try to
convince me not to fire him so women
historically we have been silenced our
voices have been silenced so if you
choose to use silence own it one on one
maintain direct eye contact and whatever
you do keep your body relaxed and still
and never ever look down number 2
cadence cadence is simply how quickly or
slowly you speak it always drives me a
little bit crazy when my public speaking
clients come to me and they say hey I
went to this talk and they told us to
vary our cadence go from fast to slow or
slow to fast that is awesome advice for
half the room and that is the men yay
very good that’s great but for the women
it’s not so great because we tend to
have elevated speech patterns so if we
are told to go from slow to fast we tend
to go from faster faster and speaking
very quickly as a very disempowered
speech pattern women should be told to
go from neutral to slow the reason why
women tend to speak a little more
quickly than men is because in every
conversation there is a socially
acceptable amount of time to bat an idea
around my male clients report they can
say their opinion and generally be heard
I believe this thing my female clients
report that they need to say their
opinion and provide corroborating
evidence and examples to be equally
heard I believe this thing here’s why I
believe this thing these are that so
they have to fit around the women the
audience are going mm-hmm so they have
to fit more verbiage in the same amount
of space to be heard thus elevated
speech patterns but speaking slowly is
powerful there’s a very big difference
between saying I BEC I need to tell you
something you’re fired
and I Becca need to tell you something
you’re fired obviously the second time
again he may try to convince
me not to fire him women if you’re new
to slowing down my advice is this try it
when you’re introducing a new idea you
may find you still have to offer some
more evidence but you may find that your
words carry a lot more weight simply
because you slowed down your delivery
number three pitch
I love pitch pitch is fascinating
because it can completely change the
meaning of a sentence when I do my
public speaking seminars I have the
participants walk up to the front of the
room and say hello my name is and today
I’ll be talking about and this is how it
usually goes the male clients walk up
and they say hello my name is Joe Smith
and today I’ll be talking about the
women no matter where they are in the
country tend to do it this way
particularly the younger women they walk
up and they say hello my name is Jane
Smith and today I’ll be talking about
this is called up talk up talk is simply
raising your pitch at the end of a
sentence or an idea in order to dilute
your opinion what it does is it changes
your statements and turns them into
questions so by diluting your opinion
it’s less threatening and therefore you
get less of certain kinds of pushback
but I believe that your name is your
power and the fact that so many women
find it difficult to even state their
names with Authority shows just how much
pushback we can get for stating anything
with confidence but we have the right to
state our names with power and we have
the right for our questions to be
questions and our statements to be
statements be deliberate about the
message that your pitch is sending be
mindful of the story that it’s telling
finally emotional stamping emotional
stamping is something that I just call
most I’ll stamp it because you’re
basically just stamping an emotion onto
a word the way in which I get a baseline
on my private clients is I say tell me
how you’d ask for a raise
and this is usually how it goes the male
clients say I deserve raise here’s why
deserve a raise these are things I’ve
done to deserve this raise the women
clients tend to use the same words but
their delivery can be radically
different the women clients say I
deserve a raise and here’s why I deserve
a raise and these are the things I’ve
done to deserve this raise their words
are saying one thing but their emotional
life is saying I don’t deserve this
raise I’m sorry to be asking for this
raise I’m embarrassed I apologize
women when you go into a high-stakes
situation practice not just your words
but the feeling you want to stamp on
those words and then practice practice
in front of the mirror practice in front
of your friends practice practice
practice but go in with a global
communication plan stick with it
stand your communication ground I want
to end this section by talking a bit
about my dear friend Leo who is
transgender and Leo went from being a
woman to being a man and I asked Leo
what’s the one thing that just totally
blew your mind when you transitioned and
his answer I then got from several other
transgender people who went from a woman
to a man and his answer came to him like
that he said oh that’s easy people
listen to what I say now and I don’t
interrupt me when I’m in a meeting with
all women I have to be so careful the
moment I start talking they all stop
talking I had no idea the level of power
and privilege that I did not have until
I got it which brings me to the next
section which is for the men because the
reason why Leo speaks differently is
because of the way in which she’s
treated by people so I want to start
with the most common definition of
feminism in the dictionary and that is
the belief that both women and men
should have equal rights and
opportunities so they’re snapping
backstage
so men if you believe that women and men
should have equal rights and
opportunities congratulations you are
feminist so welcome so welcome feminist
men so feminist men now that you know
you’re feminists what can you do to help
women and men claim space equally well
let’s go back to those defense of speech
patterns and revisit them and tackle
defensive speech patterns number one
silence
help women reduce their rate of filler
words and sounds by reducing your rate
of interrupting women number two cadence
when a woman says her opinion give it
the same weight as a man so she no
longer has to fit more verbiage into the
same space to be really heard finally
pitch an emotional stamping when a woman
states her opinion strongly listen to
her and respect the fact that like you
she can state her opinion with
confidence passion and authority finally
talk to the men that you know help them
understand that will all benefit when
all genders claim space equally help
them imagine a world where the
innovative thoughts ideas and expertise
of everyone is truly heard I am really
happy to be sharing this with you today
learning these tools changed my life and
it wasn’t easy for me I was born to a
woman who by all accounts was an
exceptional and loving mother but I lost
her very quickly to mental illness she
became paranoid schizophrenic
my mother never accepted that my father
had full custody of me so she took me
illegally from him three times the first
time we went from New York to Texas and
the second two times we went from New
York to California my most vivid memory
of that time was sitting in the front of
one of those big trucks while my mother
was raped by the driver in the sleeping
the little girl who was in that truck
learned very quickly on those trips how
important it was to stay silent to make
yourself small to go unnoticed and that
message was reinforced for me as I grew
up over and over again sometimes by
total strangers by certain people in my
life and by my own me to experiences I
developed a mantra for myself stay small
be invisible don’t take up too much
space and you’ll be safe but being
invisible isn’t safe it’s dangerous it
diminishes you you lose a small piece of
your soul every time you give up your
power it takes a long time to find those
pieces and to reclaim them but you can
do it I did I was afraid but I came to
the conclusion that courage isn’t the
absence of fear true courage is being
absolutely terrified
and doing what you need to do anyway so
I did it slowly ever so slowly I did it
and it changed my life in ways I could
never have imagined I claimed space I
did it and now I help other people do it
and women you can do it too you can
communicate with power you can claim
space and I hope that you do because
there is a revolution happening in this
country and anyone can join so for our
daughters our sons and for ourselves
I’ll end with this my name is Eliza van
Cort and on behalf of all of my fellow
revolutionaries we’re waiting for you thank you
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