[Music]
we all grew up being pretty small when
you’re small you look up to your mom or
your dad or both let’s call it
admiration and then you grow up you
totally disagree with these same parents
let’s call this rebellion and then you
leave your home you’re on your own feet
studies first money first party first
sex first apartment let’s call this time
adventure and then you’re very good at
something you win prizes acknowledgments
kudos let’s call this time career I’m
finally their lead reporter for
celebrities at Vanity Fair Germany I was
flying to LA Berlin can Moscow Paris I
kind of lost track where I was but I was
living the life success adventure Fame
and then there was the night of that big
birthday the one with the four and I
told myself I was really cool with it I
know and really I was supposed to feel
amazing my career was going strong I was
able to wear a glittering dress I once
bought in Argentina years ago I was able
to pay for a big schnitzel dinner for my
10 best friends
at the most fancy restaurant in the city
I was in the middle celebrated like the
world’s hottest another princess that
the problem was though I didn’t feel
anything that night I was numb like
watching a down movie but wait I’m
supposed to feel amazing
there was only one obvious explanation I
must have taken that entire flu medicine
Americans will know this and that must
be what I felt numb but the day after I
still had nothing I started looking at
all these amazing presents and lovely
cards from all the great people on the
table the night before but still nothing
my heart stayed silent no reaction okay
maybe it wasn’t the flu medicine there
was only one other logical explanation
left I’m just an ungrateful bitch so I
did what every emotionally stable and
grownup woman would do i binge watched a
TV show since I had a soft spot for
California my bench mode of choice was
Californication Californication is about
a man in his 40s driving down the
Californian highways in a really bad
Porsche running through Los Angeles with
absolutely no plan I had to admit I was
suddenly heavily attracted by the life
of David Duchovny a.k Hank Moody and I
fancied this weird aimlessness the empty
flirts and the silly things but let me
tell you that man in that Porsche was
not in a good shape he was stuck in his
midlife crisis and then it hit me that
man was me the expression midlife crisis
first described by Elliot jack in 1965
wasn’t a strange thing to me I knew what
it meant already as a child when I was
six years old my dad married our 18 year
old cleaning
and people told me this is what midlife
I learned that the male midlife crisis
contains fantasy of breaking out and
leaving your old life behind for the
female version there were just two
narratives the cold business bitch or
the crazy cat lady so I rather felt like
a man so and I did what every
emotionally stable grownup woman would
do she escapes and runs away I escaped
to LA this is what I needed to do that
would fix my numbness as you might
imagine I was pretty much the only
thought only one that thought that was a
really clever idea everyone told me I
was nuts and you’re too poor you’re too
old you’re too European you’re too
intellectual you’re not superficial
enough to go to California and end your
career looks so promising but then a
couple of weeks later the magazine I
worked for was folding and I thought
that’s my sign from the universe
I have to go while I was selling my IKEA
furniture online an old friend came by
and told me do you really want to leave
I mean what about a man a child a
beautiful home yes what about them where
was my good looking super nice super
rich super supportive husband and my
pretty little intelligent child and
where was the book I had written the
super bestseller I was actually already
supposed to have delivered I didn’t want
to deal with all these questions so I
was ready to stop comparing myself to
other women and I just said goodbye to
Berlin so a couple of weeks later I
boarded that plane to LA I felt really
good and I also felt scared to death but
at least I felt something and it smelled
like adventure the first three months I
hardly talked to anyone in LA not a
surprise because I didn’t know anyone in
LA I drove down Pacific Coast Highway
many times and looked at the ocean at
night I started an affair with a married
man I did everything that my Hank Moody
story would demand and I also did
everything to stay alone something
seemed different though something felt
like I lived in a strange dream too
bright
too real it wasn’t the California Dream
I wish back at the night at that Berlin
fancy restaurant I would have known
about au curve
I was just entering the U curve
describes what we know as midlife crisis
just more human more reasonable and less
scary and it doesn’t make any difference
between men or women Jonathan how just
wrote a book called the happiness curve
about this but it were the scientists
Blanche flower Oswald and Graham that
began investigating the U curve in the
1990s today they can’t keep up with more
but you enter your curve in your 40s and
you leave it around 50 by the way even
apes are heavily affected by the U curve
all wrong witness in their 40s are not
in a good shape but back to my life
before the entry in the U curve when I
actually did not know a thing about it
I still had my job as a Hollywood
Reporter and at least that kept the
story a little bit running still I felt
that kind of emptiness all around me I
did all these interviews where I asked
my so what’s your favorite character of
the movie
question or what’s your favorite color
question or where do you like to live
question
but then I started asked I started to
ask questions I asked myself so I asked
this person Michael Douglas why do you
I did really surprisingly he did not
know the answer he just told me after 75
nothing is embarrassing anymore
okay Michael thanks for that and then
that one afternoon of course I
interviewed Hank Moody my fantasy that I
had when I entered EU Cerf became true
but it felt as wrong as my flu medicine
over those experienced by Katniss
tonight Hank Moody and his Porsche at
doc Vela Beach wow that was supposed to
be amazing again but something hit me
very hard all I had was a fantasy that
had just come to life and as we all know
once fantasies come to life we know
they’re just fantasies the truth was
again I didn’t have anything no man no
child no dog which is important in LA to
survive I drove home on the freeway and
started my regular death math how much
time would I still have to live how much
time would I still have to do all these
things if I had known about the you
curve back then I would have known I was
just hitting the lower you very hard but
sunny-side up like always in LA when you
think nothing will save you anymore Yoga
comes along
I started to do yoga classes every day I
went to the class was breathing deep
bending over and namaste like this no
tomorrow after two weeks I felt all my
just because of my new life on the mat
and by the way everything bloomed
suddenly I met a really attractive man
in my class and I was just wearing my
oldest Nike pants that day and he still
liked me
we went on dates and four weeks later we
went to a kundalini yoga camp in New
Mexico after four weeks kind of short I
even got a new yoga guru called Russell
Brandt I felt a life and I felt I had
finally arrived because yoga would just
tell me what to do and Russell Russell
said in my class every day telling us
that even his real big celebrity
problems like heavy narcissism and
addiction to everything you can imagine
were soft through Kundalini Yoga
we waited every day until the paparazzi
had taken Russell’s picture and just
then the class started this should have
make me a little bit suspicious but then
I did not think about it so I had all
the answers no right but then I was
still hanging pretty much in the bottom
of that you curve and again everything
exploded my shiny new boyfriend was just
getting out of a divorce
and he had chosen me as his rebound girl
what’s a rebound girl
the one with no commitment since she’s
the first after a very long marriage
that’s what my American girlfriend’s
told me and asked me if I was crazy to
stay in that relationship and even my
future stepkids decided I was not mom
ready even my yoga piece fell apart when
Russell had blown up a yoga community
with the sacred remainings of his
narcissistic celebrity ego so I did not
make it as a mom a wife or a real
spiritual pro
but for the first time I felt really
relieved when I could admit all these
things because the you curve is not a
downward hockey stick it’s a curve and
as our scientist Blanche flower Oswald
and Graham say that when you pass button
the you button you’re getting out of
jail your sense of adventure is actually
coming back the one you had when you
were 20 and 30 just much stronger just
but the person I used to be doesn’t
exist anymore she’s like an old story of
a past narrative it’s like that ghost is
gone I still do yoga but I don’t look
for all the answers on a rubber mat
anymore so and so far there is no
narrative how the female midlife crisis
could look like but as a writer I can
tell you about the power of a blank page
and I’m about to write the first words
and with me there are hundreds of
million of other women writing their
story about their lives that story will
be beyond a frustrated person smoking in
an old Porsche driving down highways
looking for nothing death story won’t be
about a crazy cat lady or a business
pitch that is lonely at home or at work
or whatever it will be much better than
that let’s call it life’s second half
luxury it’s not about money
comfort of fame the foundation of the
life second half luxury is all the
experience of the first half plus the
freedom of writing your own story
traveling your own Road and leaving the
you curve at one point with feet so
let’s disrupt middle-age thank you
[Applause] [Music]
we all grew up being pretty small when
you’re small you look up to your mom or
your dad or both let’s call it
admiration and then you grow up you
totally disagree with these same parents
let’s call this rebellion and then you
leave your home you’re on your own feet
studies first money first party first
sex first apartment let’s call this time
adventure and then you’re very good at
something you win prizes acknowledgments
kudos let’s call this time career I’m
finally their lead reporter for
celebrities at Vanity Fair Germany I was
flying to LA Berlin can Moscow Paris I
kind of lost track where I was but I was
living the life success adventure Fame
and then there was the night of that big
birthday the one with the four and I
told myself I was really cool with it I
know and really I was supposed to feel
amazing my career was going strong I was
able to wear a glittering dress I once
bought in Argentina years ago I was able
to pay for a big schnitzel dinner for my
10 best friends
at the most fancy restaurant in the city
I was in the middle celebrated like the
world’s hottest another princess that
the problem was though I didn’t feel
anything that night I was numb like
watching a down movie but wait I’m
supposed to feel amazing
there was only one obvious explanation I
must have taken that entire flu medicine
Americans will know this and that must
be what I felt numb but the day after I
still had nothing I started looking at
all these amazing presents and lovely
cards from all the great people on the
table the night before but still nothing
my heart stayed silent no reaction okay
maybe it wasn’t the flu medicine there
was only one other logical explanation
left I’m just an ungrateful bitch so I
did what every emotionally stable and
grownup woman would do i binge watched a
TV show since I had a soft spot for
California my bench mode of choice was
Californication Californication is about
a man in his 40s driving down the
Californian highways in a really bad
Porsche running through Los Angeles with
absolutely no plan I had to admit I was
suddenly heavily attracted by the life
of David Duchovny a.k Hank Moody and I
fancied this weird aimlessness the empty
flirts and the silly things but let me
tell you that man in that Porsche was
not in a good shape he was stuck in his
midlife crisis and then it hit me that
man was me the expression midlife crisis
first described by Elliot jack in 1965
wasn’t a strange thing to me I knew what
it meant already as a child when I was
six years old my dad married our 18 year
old cleaning
and people told me this is what midlife
I learned that the male midlife crisis
contains fantasy of breaking out and
leaving your old life behind for the
female version there were just two
narratives the cold business bitch or
the crazy cat lady so I rather felt like
a man so and I did what every
emotionally stable grownup woman would
do she escapes and runs away I escaped
to LA this is what I needed to do that
would fix my numbness as you might
imagine I was pretty much the only
thought only one that thought that was a
really clever idea everyone told me I
was nuts and you’re too poor you’re too
old you’re too European you’re too
intellectual you’re not superficial
enough to go to California and end your
career looks so promising but then a
couple of weeks later the magazine I
worked for was folding and I thought
that’s my sign from the universe
I have to go while I was selling my IKEA
furniture online an old friend came by
and told me do you really want to leave
I mean what about a man a child a
beautiful home yes what about them where
was my good looking super nice super
rich super supportive husband and my
pretty little intelligent child and
where was the book I had written the
super bestseller I was actually already
supposed to have delivered I didn’t want
to deal with all these questions so I
was ready to stop comparing myself to
other women and I just said goodbye to
Berlin so a couple of weeks later I
boarded that plane to LA I felt really
good and I also felt scared to death but
at least I felt something and it smelled
like adventure the first three months I
hardly talked to anyone in LA not a
surprise because I didn’t know anyone in
LA I drove down Pacific Coast Highway
many times and looked at the ocean at
night I started an affair with a married
man I did everything that my Hank Moody
story would demand and I also did
everything to stay alone something
seemed different though something felt
like I lived in a strange dream too
bright
too real it wasn’t the California Dream
I wish back at the night at that Berlin
fancy restaurant I would have known
about au curve
I was just entering the U curve
describes what we know as midlife crisis
just more human more reasonable and less
scary and it doesn’t make any difference
between men or women Jonathan how just
wrote a book called the happiness curve
about this but it were the scientists
Blanche flower Oswald and Graham that
began investigating the U curve in the
1990s today they can’t keep up with more
but you enter your curve in your 40s and
you leave it around 50 by the way even
apes are heavily affected by the U curve
all wrong witness in their 40s are not
in a good shape but back to my life
before the entry in the U curve when I
actually did not know a thing about it
I still had my job as a Hollywood
Reporter and at least that kept the
story a little bit running still I felt
that kind of emptiness all around me I
did all these interviews where I asked
my so what’s your favorite character of
the movie
question or what’s your favorite color
question or where do you like to live
question
but then I started asked I started to
ask questions I asked myself so I asked
this person Michael Douglas why do you
I did really surprisingly he did not
know the answer he just told me after 75
nothing is embarrassing anymore
okay Michael thanks for that and then
that one afternoon of course I
interviewed Hank Moody my fantasy that I
had when I entered EU Cerf became true
but it felt as wrong as my flu medicine
over those experienced by Katniss
tonight Hank Moody and his Porsche at
doc Vela Beach wow that was supposed to
be amazing again but something hit me
very hard all I had was a fantasy that
had just come to life and as we all know
once fantasies come to life we know
they’re just fantasies the truth was
again I didn’t have anything no man no
child no dog which is important in LA to
survive I drove home on the freeway and
started my regular death math how much
time would I still have to live how much
time would I still have to do all these
things if I had known about the you
curve back then I would have known I was
just hitting the lower you very hard but
sunny-side up like always in LA when you
think nothing will save you anymore Yoga
comes along
I started to do yoga classes every day I
went to the class was breathing deep
bending over and namaste like this no
tomorrow after two weeks I felt all my
just because of my new life on the mat
and by the way everything bloomed
suddenly I met a really attractive man
in my class and I was just wearing my
oldest Nike pants that day and he still
liked me
we went on dates and four weeks later we
went to a kundalini yoga camp in New
Mexico after four weeks kind of short I
even got a new yoga guru called Russell
Brandt I felt a life and I felt I had
finally arrived because yoga would just
tell me what to do and Russell Russell
said in my class every day telling us
that even his real big celebrity
problems like heavy narcissism and
addiction to everything you can imagine
were soft through Kundalini Yoga
we waited every day until the paparazzi
had taken Russell’s picture and just
then the class started this should have
make me a little bit suspicious but then
I did not think about it so I had all
the answers no right but then I was
still hanging pretty much in the bottom
of that you curve and again everything
exploded my shiny new boyfriend was just
getting out of a divorce
and he had chosen me as his rebound girl
what’s a rebound girl
the one with no commitment since she’s
the first after a very long marriage
that’s what my American girlfriend’s
told me and asked me if I was crazy to
stay in that relationship and even my
future stepkids decided I was not mom
ready even my yoga piece fell apart when
Russell had blown up a yoga community
with the sacred remainings of his
narcissistic celebrity ego so I did not
make it as a mom a wife or a real
spiritual pro
but for the first time I felt really
relieved when I could admit all these
things because the you curve is not a
downward hockey stick it’s a curve and
as our scientist Blanche flower Oswald
and Graham say that when you pass button
the you button you’re getting out of
jail your sense of adventure is actually
coming back the one you had when you
were 20 and 30 just much stronger just
but the person I used to be doesn’t
exist anymore she’s like an old story of
a past narrative it’s like that ghost is
gone I still do yoga but I don’t look
for all the answers on a rubber mat
anymore so and so far there is no
narrative how the female midlife crisis
could look like but as a writer I can
tell you about the power of a blank page
and I’m about to write the first words
and with me there are hundreds of
million of other women writing their
story about their lives that story will
be beyond a frustrated person smoking in
an old Porsche driving down highways
looking for nothing death story won’t be
about a crazy cat lady or a business
pitch that is lonely at home or at work
or whatever it will be much better than
that let’s call it life’s second half
luxury it’s not about money
comfort of fame the foundation of the
life second half luxury is all the
experience of the first half plus the
freedom of writing your own story
traveling your own Road and leaving the
you curve at one point with feet so
let’s disrupt middle-age thank you
[Applause] [Music]
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