most embarrassing story that happened
about ten years ago now as a disclaimer
I didn’t tell the Queens you TEDx team
that I’d be sharing the story so I do
apologize if I caused any harm so when I
was fifteen I pooped in a urinal and
before you kicked me off the stage and
before your mind races to the why and
the how and ask for your patience
because underneath the seemingly crude
act lies the edge so so bear with me
so 15 year old Evan was a good student
athlete social interactive in the
classroom so I was well-liked by my
peers and my teachers but I tended to
push the envelope now like most good
decisions this one starts in an
unsupervised testosterone-fueled hockey
locker room for context our our high
school my high school we didn’t have our
own arena we had to rent ice from the
city of Verdun and I practice on this
day I had Verdun I obviously had to go
to the bathroom but the toilets were
clogged so I turned to my teammates and
one of them had the brilliant suggestion
that I go in the urinal now his sound
advice of it’s all the same paired with
the excitement that filled the room from
his suggestion was enough for me to once
again push the envelope so I did it we
all had a laugh and then we moved on the
next day my affleck director called me
into his office and he said Evan in my
20 years as a faculty member here at
Selwyn house school not once has ever
done staff ever raise issue with a
Selwyn House student
but yesterday one of your teammates had
the audacity to defecate in the urinal
like most of you I’m sure I’ve never
heard the word defecate so I wasn’t sure
what he was talking about but I figured
I was the guilty party and he said Evan
as the captain of the hockey team I need
you to figure out who did this so I sat
there just riddled with guilt I said yes
sir
I got up from my chair each leg feeling
like a wave about a thousand pounds
walked towards the door took a beat
turned around and said sir it was me he
set me back down and as he tore an
absolute strip out of me all I could
think about was my dad’s gonna kill me
see my father’s a true disciplinarian so
I was far more concerned with anything
he would do than any action the school
would take and the next thing I remember
sitting outside of my Headmaster’s
office as a disciplinary committee met
inside and my father arrived to join
them and just walked right by me not
even acknowledging my presence and
that’s when I knew it was bad after the
meeting my father and I got into the car
to drive home still hadn’t said a word
until about halfway through the car ride
we hit a red light turns to me and says
Evan what you have done today is
disgrace the Sequeira name all you have
in this world is your name and you can
never forget that see up until that
point I had only thought of my name is
something that filled the top right-hand
corner of an exam paper but in that
moment my father made me realize that my
name holds weight and so I tell you this
not to make light of an embarrassing
situation but instead of focus on my
father’s words and to recognize the
power in identity to contextualize this
let me relate it to a problem that I
think most university students go
through I know I did and how asking
yourself one question will both help you
navigate this problem and ultimately
recognize the power in identity
so four years ago when I was in your
seat I had no idea what I wanted to do
after school when I was a business
student so the natural progression was
to take a job and start your career but
by no means that I feel qualified to
make what felt like such a massive
decision you know a career so I went and
I got advice from from young alumni and
friends who I trusted but what they
enjoyed most about their jobs and and
how they chose their roles and the
overwhelming advice that I got was havin
I enjoy being challenged go do something
that’s challenging that’s what I thought
about it I took the advice at face value
given I had no experience and figure I’m
gonna go after something that’s
challenging now at the same time as a
business student the most revered jobs
were those high-paying roles and banking
and consulting despite none of us
knowing what a banker or consultant does
but see much like grades in our academic
career a salary is a quantifiable metric
to benchmark yourself against your peers
and I fell into that that narrow-minded
thought and figured you know I want to
be ranked highly amongst my peers and so
that in tandem with the desire to go get
a challenge is how I ended up on the
trading floor and the training floor was
no doubt challenging you know it’s a
fast-paced high-impact high-stakes
environment and we’re early on I was
making multi-million dollar currency
trades I was selling financial
derivative product and and I was making
great money every day was an
exhilarating challenge up until the
point it no longer was so I started
losing that vigor and excitement that I
had now became less present in my role
and honestly I noticed I was hitting the
snooze button a lot more in the mornings
at first I was I was betrayed by the
advice that I’ve been given you know I
went after that challenging job and I
got that high paying salary but here I
was and something was missing and as I
looked around and notice that a lot of
my peers were feeling the same way data
showed that seven out of ten employees
under the age of 30 feel unsatisfied in
their role what’s missing so I thought
about it you see if I gave you a Rubik’s
Cube right and I asked you to solve that
Rubik’s Cube that would be challenging
but unless I tied the very success of
you solving that rubik’s cube to
something that was true to you something
that aligned with your identity you
would soon lose interest in that
challenge there needs to be a deeper
connection to the challenge and so I
decided to reframe this blinded quest to
be challenged as something more poignant
I asked myself what do I want to be
challenged for and Victor Frankel’s a
man’s search for meaning he examines his
own experience as a Holocaust survivor
and he used the power of his identity to
get through one of the most horrific
experiences in human history he accepted
his given circumstance that living in a
concentration camp would be an immensely
sufferable experience but that in order
to survive he will need to find meaning
in that suffering now for him that
meaning was the love he had for his wife
and the hope of one day reconnecting
with her
and in a similar context of our career
we need to accept our given circumstance
that anything we do will be challenging
but to use the power of our identity to
understand what we want to be challenged
for as I asked myself this question I
realized that the answers were far
different than the inputs I had used to
go after that job on the trading floor
and so this is how I ended up leaving to
join capitalize for kids where our
mission is to solve some of the toughest
challenges in children’s brain and
mental health after meeting with the
cofounders and having a few
conversations around what we were
looking to accomplish I realized that
this was what I wanted to be challenged
for you know a chance to bring my skills
to an organization where I can build and
grow something that would have a
meaningful impact on an illness that
we’ve all been touched by you know an
impact that would last far beyond our
time and extend far beyond any one
individuals reach and so that’s why I
joined capitalized four kids from the
trading floor and now it’s not to say
that you know everyone in banking or
consulting should quit their jobs and go
work at a non-profit no you know I’m
grateful for the time that I spent on
the floor for the skills that I learned
and for the relationships that I built
but by asking yourself this question by
understanding what you want to be
challenged for you begin to feel
empowered by your identity and what you
want to be challenged for is is
transient it’s not a stationary target
so you know what I want to be challenged
for at 24 maybe join capitalised for
kids is different than from what it is
today
and will likely change again in 1224
months down the road and it’s not to say
that every time it changes you need to
make a drastic career move but it’s
simply a way for you to better
understand yourself and to feel
empowered by your identity it’s
difficult right it’s a hard thing to do
I believe it we live in a noisy world
full of information
a world where opinion is often
mistreated as fact a world where we are
distracted by everything that we’re
missing out on
and a world where and a stranger’s
perfectly captured moment will set our
standard for self-worth but in this
information age where you know we’re
inundated with everyone else’s thoughts
opinions and lifestyles it is now more
important than ever that we are
intentional about understanding who we
are and what we want because if we don’t
if we do not take the initiative to ask
ourselves the right questions our
identities will wind up being shaped and
chosen for us and to lose oneself in
this context might be the most hopeless
feeling of all now I started this this
talk with a story that involved my
father so it’s only fair that I ended
with one involving my mother so my mom
is a nurse and she has been since she
was 18 and she’s one of those people
who’s doing exactly what she’s supposed
to be doing you know in in my unbiased
opinion she’s the greatest nurse on the
planet but more objectively she’s one of
those people whose jobs is just so
congruent with who she is as a person
and I saw this firsthand I I used to
volunteer at the elderly care facility
where she would work and I saw the level
of care she provided she’s also present
in her role so loving and kind the same
qualities that make her such an
exceptional mother are what make her
such an outstanding nurse and now
despite nursing being her calling there
are days where obviously the her job is
challenging and she’s human so there are
days where she probably doesn’t want to
go to work and so when I was
disconnecting from my role at the bank I
asked her how she handled this and she
said Evan going to the doctor when
you’re sick is an incredibly vulnerable
experience yeah I thought about it if
you’re if you’re weak and sick and you
don’t know what to expect from the
doctor yeah you’re probably scared if
you WebMD your symptoms beforehand
you’re probably terrified and and she
said Evan all I want to do is make this
vulnerable experience less scary less
threatening and provide comfort in the
pain through warm
human connection she said yes my job is
challenging but providing a positive
experience through warm human connection
is exactly what I want to be challenged
for and so I say this to recognize that
what you want to be challenged for can
be as extensive as eradicating poverty
or transitioning the globe away from
fossil fuels or as simple as providing a
positive experience through human
connection now as a collective we should
not judge one another for what it is we
want to be challenged by all right we
shouldn’t send encourage each other to
pursue this journey of self-discovery
and ultimately recognize the power in
our identity so on that note I leave you
with one question what do you want to be challenged for thank you