[Applause]
doing have difficult conversations for
living every day I talk about diversity
and inclusion which are topics that are
difficult for some bias microaggressions
bystander intervention sexual assault
relationship violence these are things
that can be tough so friends it’s time
that I have you I want to give you the
heads up that almost everything that I
say might be triggering for something
and so if you need to step out of the
room it’s okay
trigger warnings are important so that
you know that the information you’re
about to take game could be something
that is triggering to you and so there
are resources available right here
should you need them so what’s the issue
college-age women 18 to 24 years old
whether in college or not are
experiencing sexual assault an elevated
rate young main are also experiencing
these assaults and the more that we see
that people are going through this the
more we realize that it’s a
long-standing epidemic that has to come
to me what do we do about it here on
campus well what we do is we Jam as much
information as we can into New Student
Orientation
we taught to new students as soon as
they get here including our transfer
students and we have discussions with
them about some pre heavy topics such as
alcohol and drugs hazing bystander
intervention sexual violence and I mean
as we talk to them it’s painful to watch
as their heads hit the desk because
they’re falling asleep from how much
we’re trying to tell them in one day
sometimes – but one of the things that
we really stress is this topic of
consent and so we bring them on campus
and we’re trying to talk some about
consent and we go into this in great
detail even though there may only be a
few bullets here we talk to them about
consent being something that’s obtained
through mutually mutually understandable
words interactions the consent should be
present from beginning
but the initiator of sexual contact is
the one who’s responsible for gaining
consent we talk to them about the fact
that consent should be voluntary it
shouldn’t be course it shouldn’t be
forced it’s something that I’m amazed I
have to say to people hey you shouldn’t
have sex with people when they’re asleep
or passed out when they’re experiencing
medical emergency and yet I have to have
these conversations all too often and
not only do we have to have these
conversations but we have to have an a
system in place to hold people
accountable when these things happen and
so we use different videos and many
things to try to stress this point of
consent so if we do all of this you
might be wondering well then what’s the
issue so I want to share with you one of
the situations that I worked in pretty
early in my career they forever changed
the way that I do my work it was opening
weekend and the young woman went out
with went out with her friends they went
to a party and they all had a lot to
drink that night and later on the
friends told me that she had had quite a
bit and they could tell early on that
she was ill from the alcohol while they
were at the party they met a high-school
student he was on campus visiting and he
decided to hang out with him for the
night as the evening went on they
decided they needs to go back to the
residence hall so they went back to the
hall and what they did was went to her
room and said she needs to sleep off
this alcohol and so they all decided to
go to another room in the residence hall
but the high school student stayed
behind as the friends left they all
worried about the fact that he was
staying in the room they pondered over
what to do but none of them knew what to
do and so they didn’t do anything
the next morning someone came to the
room and they found her in the room
covered in blood she had been raped and
she was unconscious the entire time this
happened there were a lot of things that
bothered me about this
so many things that were concerning as I
worked through it the first was of
course being sure that she has the
resources that she needed reassuring her
that this was not her fault after that I
started working with over a dozen
bystanders who could have done something
that night to intervene they didn’t know
how this is actually what drove my
passion for training on bystander
intervention but what I remember most is
what she said to me when I met with her
she looked me in my eyes and she said I
remember everything that she told me at
orientation about consent and I thought
that if I did not give someone consent
that they should not feel that they
could have sex with me and while what
she said should have been true it was
not and it made me realize that there
were two things that I was not telling
students that I really need it too one
is that just because we do education on
consent doesn’t mean that everybody will
understand it but sometimes we make them
think that if people understand consent
the sexual assaults won’t happen and
this is false the second thing is that
sometimes people hurt people
intentionally and for that reason
consent education alone is not enough so
what should we be doing in the scenario
that I just gave you there were two
things that were going on right one was
that they were out and they were having
a good time and she thought that she
understood and been but the X Factor
there was that the high school student
had not been exposed to this level of
education that she and other college in
university students had so what would
happen if we taught them sooner I’d have
conversations about consent because if
you don’t talk about consent and don’t
help people understand that sex without
consent
and we really don’t have a chance to
ship the culture so one thing I can tell
you is that students aren’t starting to
have sex when they get here it’s just
not the truth
maybe not all students are having sex
before they come to college maybe not
even the journey but enough that when we
start to have the conversations with him
here we’re trying to change some pretty
bad habits they’ve already formed around
talking to your partner about consent
studies have shown that students have
started to have sex as early as the age
of 15 the 62% of boys who were surveyed
had had sex by the time they were 18
70% of girls studies have also shown
that 89% of people really agree that
comprehensive sex education is important
though consent is not a part of that
education for the most part and only 35
percent of you were still listening to
me right now
I was just checking so what do we need
to do well the idea is what would happen
if student affairs professionals such as
myself will partner up with our local
teachers in the community and go into
the schools to start to teach high
school students about these things how
could this partnership work well we
would develop the curriculum right and
so the high school teachers would need
to take care of permission slips they
would need to take care of the time
place in mana to give us the space to
come into the school to start to have
these discussions well we could come in
with example of ways that we can talk to
students about consent something
age-appropriate for eleventh or twelfth
graders we could also offer the
assessment we could be sure that we’re
talking to them and doing research on
are they learning and is it later on
impacting college and university
campuses we could also partner to train
the teachers on these discussions so
that the partnership could aim if
anybody desires for that
so let me give you an example of what
that can look like most of you are
familiar with ride-sharing apps
what you’re familiar with how you use
the ride-sharing app so something we can
do in the classroom is go in and talk
about a rideshare hat and how this is
similar to consent so with the app you
go in and one person initiates contact
they’ve set a destination and then the
driver agrees for the time they’re going
to share together to get them to that
destination if you have a good driver
when they arrive they’re gonna ask is
this where you’re going is this where
I’m taking you can have a discussion
about that a really good driver might
even say to you is there a certain way
that you want me to get you to your
destination or is it okay for me to take
you the way that I know how while you’re
on this ride if you decide that you’re
just not filling your driver you have
the right to say hey can you pull over
and let me out that driver might confirm
that you want to stop the ride but
they’re gonna stop and it’s okay the
ride ends there and that’s the end of it
so you fall asleep or you pass out in
the vehicle that driver is gonna ask you
are you okay they’re not gonna just keep
driving through the destination that you
agree to earlier they’re gonna say are
you alright and if you don’t answer if
you say that you’re not okay they’re not
going to just keep going they’re gonna
stop and get you help
that’s how something like this could
work the reason is something like this
can be good with youth is because we
know that they don’t always talk
face-to-face sometimes their
communication starts over an app or
through text and so an example like this
could show them they even if it was
initiated through a text message or
through some form of social media that
it’s okay to still have these
discussions when they get face-to-face
additionally like this situation the
driver is a stranger and sometimes we
know that people don’t always know the
person that they’re hooking up
very well and so this also demonstrates
that even if you’re starting this
discussion with someone who’s a stranger
it’s okay to talk about the way that you
want to get to your destination so there
are a lot of things that we do to talk
about consent on college and university
campuses but this is just one that I
came up with to show something that
would be age-appropriate for college and
high school students the issue is that
when they get here to campus we’re
really trying to get them to unload and
that can be challenging we have to start
to have people talk about consent early
understand why consent is important
understand how to obtain consent and
strive for that at that high school
student had more of those skills then
the scenario told you earlier may not
have happened so as the saying goes live
we may but die we must so while I’m
alive I live to make life better for
someone else if there’s anything that we
can do to make this world a safer place
I think it’s worth pursuing thank you [Applause]
doing have difficult conversations for
living every day I talk about diversity
and inclusion which are topics that are
difficult for some bias microaggressions
bystander intervention sexual assault
relationship violence these are things
that can be tough so friends it’s time
that I have you I want to give you the
heads up that almost everything that I
say might be triggering for something
and so if you need to step out of the
room it’s okay
trigger warnings are important so that
you know that the information you’re
about to take game could be something
that is triggering to you and so there
are resources available right here
should you need them so what’s the issue
college-age women 18 to 24 years old
whether in college or not are
experiencing sexual assault an elevated
rate young main are also experiencing
these assaults and the more that we see
that people are going through this the
more we realize that it’s a
long-standing epidemic that has to come
to me what do we do about it here on
campus well what we do is we Jam as much
information as we can into New Student
Orientation
we taught to new students as soon as
they get here including our transfer
students and we have discussions with
them about some pre heavy topics such as
alcohol and drugs hazing bystander
intervention sexual violence and I mean
as we talk to them it’s painful to watch
as their heads hit the desk because
they’re falling asleep from how much
we’re trying to tell them in one day
sometimes – but one of the things that
we really stress is this topic of
consent and so we bring them on campus
and we’re trying to talk some about
consent and we go into this in great
detail even though there may only be a
few bullets here we talk to them about
consent being something that’s obtained
through mutually mutually understandable
words interactions the consent should be
present from beginning
but the initiator of sexual contact is
the one who’s responsible for gaining
consent we talk to them about the fact
that consent should be voluntary it
shouldn’t be course it shouldn’t be
forced it’s something that I’m amazed I
have to say to people hey you shouldn’t
have sex with people when they’re asleep
or passed out when they’re experiencing
medical emergency and yet I have to have
these conversations all too often and
not only do we have to have these
conversations but we have to have an a
system in place to hold people
accountable when these things happen and
so we use different videos and many
things to try to stress this point of
consent so if we do all of this you
might be wondering well then what’s the
issue so I want to share with you one of
the situations that I worked in pretty
early in my career they forever changed
the way that I do my work it was opening
weekend and the young woman went out
with went out with her friends they went
to a party and they all had a lot to
drink that night and later on the
friends told me that she had had quite a
bit and they could tell early on that
she was ill from the alcohol while they
were at the party they met a high-school
student he was on campus visiting and he
decided to hang out with him for the
night as the evening went on they
decided they needs to go back to the
residence hall so they went back to the
hall and what they did was went to her
room and said she needs to sleep off
this alcohol and so they all decided to
go to another room in the residence hall
but the high school student stayed
behind as the friends left they all
worried about the fact that he was
staying in the room they pondered over
what to do but none of them knew what to
do and so they didn’t do anything
the next morning someone came to the
room and they found her in the room
covered in blood she had been raped and
she was unconscious the entire time this
happened there were a lot of things that
bothered me about this
so many things that were concerning as I
worked through it the first was of
course being sure that she has the
resources that she needed reassuring her
that this was not her fault after that I
started working with over a dozen
bystanders who could have done something
that night to intervene they didn’t know
how this is actually what drove my
passion for training on bystander
intervention but what I remember most is
what she said to me when I met with her
she looked me in my eyes and she said I
remember everything that she told me at
orientation about consent and I thought
that if I did not give someone consent
that they should not feel that they
could have sex with me and while what
she said should have been true it was
not and it made me realize that there
were two things that I was not telling
students that I really need it too one
is that just because we do education on
consent doesn’t mean that everybody will
understand it but sometimes we make them
think that if people understand consent
the sexual assaults won’t happen and
this is false the second thing is that
sometimes people hurt people
intentionally and for that reason
consent education alone is not enough so
what should we be doing in the scenario
that I just gave you there were two
things that were going on right one was
that they were out and they were having
a good time and she thought that she
understood and been but the X Factor
there was that the high school student
had not been exposed to this level of
education that she and other college in
university students had so what would
happen if we taught them sooner I’d have
conversations about consent because if
you don’t talk about consent and don’t
help people understand that sex without
consent
and we really don’t have a chance to
ship the culture so one thing I can tell
you is that students aren’t starting to
have sex when they get here it’s just
not the truth
maybe not all students are having sex
before they come to college maybe not
even the journey but enough that when we
start to have the conversations with him
here we’re trying to change some pretty
bad habits they’ve already formed around
talking to your partner about consent
studies have shown that students have
started to have sex as early as the age
of 15 the 62% of boys who were surveyed
had had sex by the time they were 18
70% of girls studies have also shown
that 89% of people really agree that
comprehensive sex education is important
though consent is not a part of that
education for the most part and only 35
percent of you were still listening to
me right now
I was just checking so what do we need
to do well the idea is what would happen
if student affairs professionals such as
myself will partner up with our local
teachers in the community and go into
the schools to start to teach high
school students about these things how
could this partnership work well we
would develop the curriculum right and
so the high school teachers would need
to take care of permission slips they
would need to take care of the time
place in mana to give us the space to
come into the school to start to have
these discussions well we could come in
with example of ways that we can talk to
students about consent something
age-appropriate for eleventh or twelfth
graders we could also offer the
assessment we could be sure that we’re
talking to them and doing research on
are they learning and is it later on
impacting college and university
campuses we could also partner to train
the teachers on these discussions so
that the partnership could aim if
anybody desires for that
so let me give you an example of what
that can look like most of you are
familiar with ride-sharing apps
what you’re familiar with how you use
the ride-sharing app so something we can
do in the classroom is go in and talk
about a rideshare hat and how this is
similar to consent so with the app you
go in and one person initiates contact
they’ve set a destination and then the
driver agrees for the time they’re going
to share together to get them to that
destination if you have a good driver
when they arrive they’re gonna ask is
this where you’re going is this where
I’m taking you can have a discussion
about that a really good driver might
even say to you is there a certain way
that you want me to get you to your
destination or is it okay for me to take
you the way that I know how while you’re
on this ride if you decide that you’re
just not filling your driver you have
the right to say hey can you pull over
and let me out that driver might confirm
that you want to stop the ride but
they’re gonna stop and it’s okay the
ride ends there and that’s the end of it
so you fall asleep or you pass out in
the vehicle that driver is gonna ask you
are you okay they’re not gonna just keep
driving through the destination that you
agree to earlier they’re gonna say are
you alright and if you don’t answer if
you say that you’re not okay they’re not
going to just keep going they’re gonna
stop and get you help
that’s how something like this could
work the reason is something like this
can be good with youth is because we
know that they don’t always talk
face-to-face sometimes their
communication starts over an app or
through text and so an example like this
could show them they even if it was
initiated through a text message or
through some form of social media that
it’s okay to still have these
discussions when they get face-to-face
additionally like this situation the
driver is a stranger and sometimes we
know that people don’t always know the
person that they’re hooking up
very well and so this also demonstrates
that even if you’re starting this
discussion with someone who’s a stranger
it’s okay to talk about the way that you
want to get to your destination so there
are a lot of things that we do to talk
about consent on college and university
campuses but this is just one that I
came up with to show something that
would be age-appropriate for college and
high school students the issue is that
when they get here to campus we’re
really trying to get them to unload and
that can be challenging we have to start
to have people talk about consent early
understand why consent is important
understand how to obtain consent and
strive for that at that high school
student had more of those skills then
the scenario told you earlier may not
have happened so as the saying goes live
we may but die we must so while I’m
alive I live to make life better for
someone else if there’s anything that we
can do to make this world a safer place
I think it’s worth pursuing thank you [Applause]
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