9 screaming pounds swaddled in polyester
seeing everything all at once
mom nurse dad nurse sister as far as I
could see
they revolved around me in the
hospital’s universe the room was a solar
system and I oh I was the Sun and on the
first day of school we learned our ABCs
but all we practiced was a letter I I am
special
I am the best I am important but by the
last day of school the other 25 letters
who are nowhere to be found
confidence became competition success
became selfishness independence meant
isolation they told me it’s your life do
what you want you live for yourself and
it was a tempting truth but it wasn’t my
truth I was 5
my world was pink and very sparkly when
I grew up I was going to be a princess
so mom gave me my first pair of heels
and a hammer because if I wanted to wear
glass slippers I must first learn to
break down a glass ceiling so I held the
hammer in one hand and she took the
stars from the sky and put them in my
other hand so I could learn to sparkle
like them see my name among them soar
beyond them I was 13 an expert at
awkward conversations I tripped over
everything
a loud mix of glasses braces in a
classic pair of orthopedic dress shoes
but when I did trip and everyone laughed
I didn’t hear their laughter I heard my
grandfather saying that a dictionary was
better than any pair of shoes but if I
had a chance to attend school I must
learn as if life depended on it because
life could take away your shoes your
clothes everything you had but nobody
could take away your education I’m 19
apparently an adult I can sign forms I
can drive if I can vote adults is
defined by what you can do but my dad
had lived out another definition we’re
being an adult is sacrifice it is
failing with dignity and starting over
with tenacity
it is impossible decisions it is leaving
your heart in a thousand places and
never allowing yourself to look back
for him adult is defined by what you
cannot do because you aren’t a child
anymore when I was a child
culture looked at me and saw a burden a
girl society looked at me and saw an
immigrant a person of color then my
parents looked at me and they saw the
future and they stopped at nothing until
it was all I could see – my sister was 3
when mom came home and found her trying
to scrub off her skin her classmates
looked at her and said brown means
you’re a dirty so mom turned off the tap
took away the soap and told her that
there was nothing to scrub anymore
that brown means you are beautiful that
every shade is made beautiful by the
person wearing it she said Abby you
might look different but stop
apologizing for it and show them
difference does not mean you are less
you might fail but pick yourself up
because your fight is not yet over you
might stand alone but stand firm because
even on unfamiliar ground you can build
yourself a home so when they tell me you
live for yourself I will say no I live
for my parents
so I’m worthy of their sacrifice for my
sister who inspires me for the next five
to thirteen to nineteen year old so they
can build their life just like I could
this is my truth to the five year old
girl you are the first in your family to
start school you are going to be prime
minister and they say University
isn’t for someone like you I live to put
your education back into your hands and
nobody will take that away from you
because any university would be lucky to
have someone like you someone passionate
someone intelligent someone resilient to
the thirteen-year-old boy when your
thoughts become demons and you can’t
fight them anymore and you tell a friend
they say it’s all in your head
I live to affirm what you are fighting
against to remind you of your value to
bring you people who are on your team
who will fight with you to the
nineteen-year-old there is so much you
want to do there is so much they tell
you you will never do because of how you
look or who you love or what you believe
you knock at the door of opportunity and
it is locked on the inside I live to
open that door because there’s a place
for you because there is nothing wrong
with you we have all been five and
thirteen and maybe 19 don’t be ashamed
of where you have been or what you have
done or who you have left behind think
of where you will go and what you will
do and who you will do it for that is
your truth because they will tell you
it’s your life do what you want you live
but today I ask you who do you live for
please don’t let anyone answer that question for you