I wanted to start by saying that a
guiding principle from my life is that I
truly want to make the world more
comfortable for everyone and I know what
it’s like to be uncomfortable when I was
11 years old and realized that there was
something not quite right with me in the
eyes of other people that I was
attracted to other boys and particularly
attracted to a man to dr. Kildare
Richard Chamberlain for those of you who
are more towards my age it was really
scary and I lived the next years of my
life until I was into my 20s really
being frightened scared in a panic I
didn’t get good grades in school I
barely got through college it took its
toll on me it was really scarring and
and it wasn’t necessarily the kids in
the schoolyard that bullied me it was
just knowing that I was a sinner and
broken in the eyes of God at least
that’s what I thought so I know what
it’s like to be uncomfortable and I’ve
made a big part of my life making
people’s lives comfortable whether it’s
buying our furniture and I take it very
seriously Bob and I take it really
seriously to make comfortable furniture
and the other big part of my life is to
end the kind of bullying that has such
an enormous effect on innocent vol knurl
kids and as I’ve been on that journey
I’ve realized it’s the bullying is far
greater than what just happens to LGBT
kids although so serious you know the
definition of bully has changed over the
years they used to have a positive
connotation they have a nice new
cafeteria at the college well bully for
the kids here they’ve got a nice good
cafeteria it used to be a positive word
and it’s evolved and changed over time
today when you ask people about a bully
they often think right away about the
schoolyard bully or the or the
neighborhood bully but what I want to do
today is explore the evolution of this
term and maybe today we can redefine it
a little bit and finesse it and make it
so that bullying in all the parts of our
society end but I want to ask this
question first how many in this audience
have been bullied at some point of your
life that’s an easy question how many of
you have bullied somebody else several
years ago I had an extraordinary
coincidence I grew up about 600 miles
from here in Trenton New Jersey ughing
New Jersey and a gal who I went to
elementary junior high and high school
with she moved down here about the same
time that I did and she contacted me
because actually I was speaking at the
school when I came out with my book
youth in crisis and we had this when I
knew her in school I mean she was like
the straight-a student she was the goody
two-shoes she kind of dressed pretty but
plain she wasn’t one of the hip kids if
you will so I was part of that more hip
Bunch and troublesome Bunch and always
an mischief of some kind so when she
contacted me to get together with her I
was a little reluctant because I didn’t
know that much about her really and then
when I did a little bit of research I
found out that she was married to a
Southern Baptist minister so that was
like a red flag and I thought what am I
really going to have in common and what
does she really want to talk to me about
but being a little bit of an adventurer
I went and met with her and we sat at
the Starbucks and she told me that she
admired the work that I was doing that
she loved the advocacy work that I was
doing he started telling me about
friends of hers and tell me about how
she divorced her husband and how she’s
has a very different attitude than what
her church brought her up to believe and
it was great and then she looked at me
and said I even get the clamp thinking
about this she said you know when we
were in school
bullied me and gosh I chill just went
through me I mean I think of myself as a
good person I want to be a good person I
don’t want to hurt people and she then
started to tell me about how we were
young how I would tease her and bully
her and it really was a time that just
it went through me and I said I have to
be much more conscious of what I do how
I act towards people whether it’s
employees and my company or people that
I meet on the outside whatever it is but
it made me think that so many of us have
bullied other people and don’t know
about it there’s the over bullying of
the schoolyard bully and there’s the
covert bullying that many of us might do
Webster defines bullying a bully as a
blustering browbeating person especially
one who is officially cruel insulting or
threatening to others who are weaker
smaller or in some way vulnerable let’s
talk about poor people in our society
would you believe in America the
greatest country in the world as so many
say has 40 million people living in
poverty and 15 million of those kids 15
million of that is kids think about what
poverty is like you’re hungry you don’t
have enough food yes there are people
without enough food and yet there are
legislators who want to cut food stamp
programs because a few people might take
advantage of it or they might want to
cut the school lunch program because a
few kids might take advantage of it and
by the way these people that want to cut
these things because they’re so pious
that people are taking advantage of
something
it’s like Congress and Senate doesn’t
take advantage of anything and an abuse
of privilege they might have gosh but I
think about people who are hungry I mean
my god if I don’t eat a meal when I have
to eat a meal and I will tell you about
Bob Williams if he doesn’t eat a meal
when he leaves but everybody in the
company knows always feed Bob because it
makes you cranky it’s really hard to
concentrate when you’re hungry when I
was a kid and I was bad I remember my
parents they would punish me by sending
me to my room without dinner
and it was like torture I heard a
professor from UNC Chapel Hill speak a
few weeks ago I’m privileged to be on
governor Cooper’s Business Council and
this professor spoke about how the
poverty in in our state and in our
country and he told the story about how
he went to a school and he asked all the
kids what they had for dinner the night
before because he wanted to know who
Aidan who didn’t and this one little
girl said it wasn’t my turn to eat can
you imagine that in this country in this
country where people say it is the
greatest country in the world and we
have kids that goat that don’t have a
meal at night because it’s not their
turn
shame on these people how do you lift
yourself out of poverty education you
have to you have to get some education
to get a better job I think the
statistic is if a person does not have a
third or fourth grade education they are
70% more likely to end up incarcerated
that’s stupid talk about uneducated
that’s uneducated on the part of people
that would allow anybody not to have a
third or fourth grade education we can
keep so many people out of jail just by
that nature but by the way for-profit
prisons what are the dumbest ideas ever
so
so you know when I hear legislators talk
about tax reform in my mind the word
reform means to improve something but to
have tax reform where you’re cutting
education and cutting food programs for
poor people
that’s not tax reform where you’re
giving tax credits to wealthy people and
the belief that they are going to spend
more money and that’ll generate more
jobs and income in the in society well
that’s been proven wrong that’s not even
that’s not even a question anymore it’s
been proven so wrong so why would we
continue doing that and my contention is
that the legislators who do this to poor
people that perpetuate poverty they are
bullies
and we should call them out for what
they are they are using their powerful
position to denigrate and keep down
other people and we should call them out
for it I pay taxes because I want to be
part of society and I want a better
society I want more people to be
educated I want more people to be fed
and be productive I want more people to
buy more furniture and you only get it
with people that get into the middle
class and get to the upper class we
shouldn’t have a poverty class in this
the greatest country in the world I
would also contend that the people that
initiate and perpetuate this kind of
legislation I would contend that they
perpetuate systemic racism and for
anybody who believes that there is not
systemic racism in this country I would
ask you to think again do some research
this is not just an idle claim by
somebody who kneels down at a football
game this is a really serious part of
our society I admire people who kneel
and pray for a better country where we
take better care of our people and
eliminate the kind of systemic racism
that we have I had dinner just this past
week with a friend in New York 30 about
a 35 year old guy
african-american and in the course of
dinner I said unprepared for this I said
them Marc do you think there’s systemic
racism in this country do you face it he
almost spit out his food laughing he
look at he said are you kidding me
and I said no this is a serious question
he said you have to be kidding yes there
absolutely is and it really made me
understand even that much deeper than I
already understood that I don’t know the
systemic racism that exists in this
country because I don’t walk in his
shoes
I’m not profiled like he told me about
when he whether it’s being stopped by it
in a small town as he’s driving across
country with his husband or if he’s at
the airport in my opinion these people
in boys and they’re cruel make no
mistake about it keeping a kid hungry is
cruel kids wordsmith a University of
Cambridge publication defines bully is
someone who harasses and frightens
others and you know I left this in about
what how they use it in a sentence
because virtually every dictionary
talked about bullies in school bullies
in the in the neighborhood a great deal
of the talk of bullying does surround
LGBT kids you hear about it all the time
and all this – and a lot of the
statistics come in and it’s about LGBT
kids and how they’re treated there’s not
that much of the other research so let’s
talk about some alarming numbers 28% of
US students in grades 6 through 12 have
experienced bullying 15% of high school
students were electronically bullied in
the past year you know if those numbers
were 2% would you agree with me that
that would be terrible but one quarter
of kids have experienced bullying and
15% were cyber bullied I think 0% is the
number 55% of LGBT kids have experienced
cyber bullying not 15% 55%
you know I wonder who breeds the bullies
how does a kid grow up and become a
bully what kind of home did they grow up
with what kind of education do they have
what church did they go to that would
enable them to become a bully
30% of young people admit to bullying
others and 41% witness bullying once a
week or more 70% of young people and
school staff admit they have seen and
witnessed bullying in their schools you
know we see all of this and it’s always
about schools those terrible teachers
you know those teachers that don’t care
and all of that it’s it’s more of this
systemic keeping down of Education in
this country if I hear one more
politician talk about teachers in a
negative way forget the fact that my
mother was a teacher and I know how hard
she worked as a teacher but I think it’s
so ridiculous and it’s bullying but you
know all this statistics about bullying
at school really makes me think and
reminds me that bullying is a disease
and I want to talk for a minute about
the covert bullying what makes an
eleven-year-old kid come home after
being bullied at school for being gay
and walk in the closet and hang himself
what makes the thirteen-year-old kid
that I met with several years ago who’s
now I believe a senior in high school
who had tried to take his life twice not
once twice 13 years old innocent
precious kid as I sat across from him at
Starbucks again I said why would you try
to take your life and he looked at me
and said because I’m a sinner because
I’m broken and I like my so please don’t
ever say that again don’t ever think
that again where did you hear that in my
daddy’s church
I said for every Minister that tells you
that I will find you 10 that will tell
you it’s not and that’s one of the big
things that I really want to get across
today for New Year’s last year I made a
resolution and it was that every
opportunity I get to talk about and
educate people about the incredible harm
that comes from this toxic teaching that
homosexuality is a sin I’m gonna take
advantage of that opportunity I’m here
today I’ve done it with the school board
in Alexander County the County
Commissioners in Alexander County asked
me to come and talk about business and
what growth plans we had and they also
heard my my discussion about that’s not
a sin and and my birthday wish is that
it won’t be a sin anymore I really
believe that if we don’t talk about
these things nobody will ever know it
bullying is a disease that has permeated
so much of our society whether it’s poor
people gay kids whatever it is it it’s
such an impact on mental health on
physical health on crime it leads to
death so the thing I want to ask you all
to do is to consider and I always ask
people to sit so today I want to ask you
to take a stand and to take a pledge the
Tyler Clemente foundation was started by
his parents after he drove after he was
cyber bullied in a second week at
Rutgers University drove to the George
Washington Bridge and jumped off and
took his life it didn’t destroy his
family but it didn’t help them it really
created chaos and these beautiful
wonderful people’s lives and they’ve
taken the pain that they’ve gone through
and they’ve moved it forward to really
say to put out the most beautiful pledge
that you can see for all kinds of people
to stop take to stop bullying and I
would ask
you to take that pledge just simply you
can Google upstander pledge and ask
yourself and everything that you do if
you are being complicit with these
politicians that bully and other people
that believe whether it’s in your family
at your church at your synagogue
wherever it is in life let’s end
bullying thank you
[Applause]
guiding principle from my life is that I
truly want to make the world more
comfortable for everyone and I know what
it’s like to be uncomfortable when I was
11 years old and realized that there was
something not quite right with me in the
eyes of other people that I was
attracted to other boys and particularly
attracted to a man to dr. Kildare
Richard Chamberlain for those of you who
are more towards my age it was really
scary and I lived the next years of my
life until I was into my 20s really
being frightened scared in a panic I
didn’t get good grades in school I
barely got through college it took its
toll on me it was really scarring and
and it wasn’t necessarily the kids in
the schoolyard that bullied me it was
just knowing that I was a sinner and
broken in the eyes of God at least
that’s what I thought so I know what
it’s like to be uncomfortable and I’ve
made a big part of my life making
people’s lives comfortable whether it’s
buying our furniture and I take it very
seriously Bob and I take it really
seriously to make comfortable furniture
and the other big part of my life is to
end the kind of bullying that has such
an enormous effect on innocent vol knurl
kids and as I’ve been on that journey
I’ve realized it’s the bullying is far
greater than what just happens to LGBT
kids although so serious you know the
definition of bully has changed over the
years they used to have a positive
connotation they have a nice new
cafeteria at the college well bully for
the kids here they’ve got a nice good
cafeteria it used to be a positive word
and it’s evolved and changed over time
today when you ask people about a bully
they often think right away about the
schoolyard bully or the or the
neighborhood bully but what I want to do
today is explore the evolution of this
term and maybe today we can redefine it
a little bit and finesse it and make it
so that bullying in all the parts of our
society end but I want to ask this
question first how many in this audience
have been bullied at some point of your
life that’s an easy question how many of
you have bullied somebody else several
years ago I had an extraordinary
coincidence I grew up about 600 miles
from here in Trenton New Jersey ughing
New Jersey and a gal who I went to
elementary junior high and high school
with she moved down here about the same
time that I did and she contacted me
because actually I was speaking at the
school when I came out with my book
youth in crisis and we had this when I
knew her in school I mean she was like
the straight-a student she was the goody
two-shoes she kind of dressed pretty but
plain she wasn’t one of the hip kids if
you will so I was part of that more hip
Bunch and troublesome Bunch and always
an mischief of some kind so when she
contacted me to get together with her I
was a little reluctant because I didn’t
know that much about her really and then
when I did a little bit of research I
found out that she was married to a
Southern Baptist minister so that was
like a red flag and I thought what am I
really going to have in common and what
does she really want to talk to me about
but being a little bit of an adventurer
I went and met with her and we sat at
the Starbucks and she told me that she
admired the work that I was doing that
she loved the advocacy work that I was
doing he started telling me about
friends of hers and tell me about how
she divorced her husband and how she’s
has a very different attitude than what
her church brought her up to believe and
it was great and then she looked at me
and said I even get the clamp thinking
about this she said you know when we
were in school
bullied me and gosh I chill just went
through me I mean I think of myself as a
good person I want to be a good person I
don’t want to hurt people and she then
started to tell me about how we were
young how I would tease her and bully
her and it really was a time that just
it went through me and I said I have to
be much more conscious of what I do how
I act towards people whether it’s
employees and my company or people that
I meet on the outside whatever it is but
it made me think that so many of us have
bullied other people and don’t know
about it there’s the over bullying of
the schoolyard bully and there’s the
covert bullying that many of us might do
Webster defines bullying a bully as a
blustering browbeating person especially
one who is officially cruel insulting or
threatening to others who are weaker
smaller or in some way vulnerable let’s
talk about poor people in our society
would you believe in America the
greatest country in the world as so many
say has 40 million people living in
poverty and 15 million of those kids 15
million of that is kids think about what
poverty is like you’re hungry you don’t
have enough food yes there are people
without enough food and yet there are
legislators who want to cut food stamp
programs because a few people might take
advantage of it or they might want to
cut the school lunch program because a
few kids might take advantage of it and
by the way these people that want to cut
these things because they’re so pious
that people are taking advantage of
something
it’s like Congress and Senate doesn’t
take advantage of anything and an abuse
of privilege they might have gosh but I
think about people who are hungry I mean
my god if I don’t eat a meal when I have
to eat a meal and I will tell you about
Bob Williams if he doesn’t eat a meal
when he leaves but everybody in the
company knows always feed Bob because it
makes you cranky it’s really hard to
concentrate when you’re hungry when I
was a kid and I was bad I remember my
parents they would punish me by sending
me to my room without dinner
and it was like torture I heard a
professor from UNC Chapel Hill speak a
few weeks ago I’m privileged to be on
governor Cooper’s Business Council and
this professor spoke about how the
poverty in in our state and in our
country and he told the story about how
he went to a school and he asked all the
kids what they had for dinner the night
before because he wanted to know who
Aidan who didn’t and this one little
girl said it wasn’t my turn to eat can
you imagine that in this country in this
country where people say it is the
greatest country in the world and we
have kids that goat that don’t have a
meal at night because it’s not their
turn
shame on these people how do you lift
yourself out of poverty education you
have to you have to get some education
to get a better job I think the
statistic is if a person does not have a
third or fourth grade education they are
70% more likely to end up incarcerated
that’s stupid talk about uneducated
that’s uneducated on the part of people
that would allow anybody not to have a
third or fourth grade education we can
keep so many people out of jail just by
that nature but by the way for-profit
prisons what are the dumbest ideas ever
so
so you know when I hear legislators talk
about tax reform in my mind the word
reform means to improve something but to
have tax reform where you’re cutting
education and cutting food programs for
poor people
that’s not tax reform where you’re
giving tax credits to wealthy people and
the belief that they are going to spend
more money and that’ll generate more
jobs and income in the in society well
that’s been proven wrong that’s not even
that’s not even a question anymore it’s
been proven so wrong so why would we
continue doing that and my contention is
that the legislators who do this to poor
people that perpetuate poverty they are
bullies
and we should call them out for what
they are they are using their powerful
position to denigrate and keep down
other people and we should call them out
for it I pay taxes because I want to be
part of society and I want a better
society I want more people to be
educated I want more people to be fed
and be productive I want more people to
buy more furniture and you only get it
with people that get into the middle
class and get to the upper class we
shouldn’t have a poverty class in this
the greatest country in the world I
would also contend that the people that
initiate and perpetuate this kind of
legislation I would contend that they
perpetuate systemic racism and for
anybody who believes that there is not
systemic racism in this country I would
ask you to think again do some research
this is not just an idle claim by
somebody who kneels down at a football
game this is a really serious part of
our society I admire people who kneel
and pray for a better country where we
take better care of our people and
eliminate the kind of systemic racism
that we have I had dinner just this past
week with a friend in New York 30 about
a 35 year old guy
african-american and in the course of
dinner I said unprepared for this I said
them Marc do you think there’s systemic
racism in this country do you face it he
almost spit out his food laughing he
look at he said are you kidding me
and I said no this is a serious question
he said you have to be kidding yes there
absolutely is and it really made me
understand even that much deeper than I
already understood that I don’t know the
systemic racism that exists in this
country because I don’t walk in his
shoes
I’m not profiled like he told me about
when he whether it’s being stopped by it
in a small town as he’s driving across
country with his husband or if he’s at
the airport in my opinion these people
in boys and they’re cruel make no
mistake about it keeping a kid hungry is
cruel kids wordsmith a University of
Cambridge publication defines bully is
someone who harasses and frightens
others and you know I left this in about
what how they use it in a sentence
because virtually every dictionary
talked about bullies in school bullies
in the in the neighborhood a great deal
of the talk of bullying does surround
LGBT kids you hear about it all the time
and all this – and a lot of the
statistics come in and it’s about LGBT
kids and how they’re treated there’s not
that much of the other research so let’s
talk about some alarming numbers 28% of
US students in grades 6 through 12 have
experienced bullying 15% of high school
students were electronically bullied in
the past year you know if those numbers
were 2% would you agree with me that
that would be terrible but one quarter
of kids have experienced bullying and
15% were cyber bullied I think 0% is the
number 55% of LGBT kids have experienced
cyber bullying not 15% 55%
you know I wonder who breeds the bullies
how does a kid grow up and become a
bully what kind of home did they grow up
with what kind of education do they have
what church did they go to that would
enable them to become a bully
30% of young people admit to bullying
others and 41% witness bullying once a
week or more 70% of young people and
school staff admit they have seen and
witnessed bullying in their schools you
know we see all of this and it’s always
about schools those terrible teachers
you know those teachers that don’t care
and all of that it’s it’s more of this
systemic keeping down of Education in
this country if I hear one more
politician talk about teachers in a
negative way forget the fact that my
mother was a teacher and I know how hard
she worked as a teacher but I think it’s
so ridiculous and it’s bullying but you
know all this statistics about bullying
at school really makes me think and
reminds me that bullying is a disease
and I want to talk for a minute about
the covert bullying what makes an
eleven-year-old kid come home after
being bullied at school for being gay
and walk in the closet and hang himself
what makes the thirteen-year-old kid
that I met with several years ago who’s
now I believe a senior in high school
who had tried to take his life twice not
once twice 13 years old innocent
precious kid as I sat across from him at
Starbucks again I said why would you try
to take your life and he looked at me
and said because I’m a sinner because
I’m broken and I like my so please don’t
ever say that again don’t ever think
that again where did you hear that in my
daddy’s church
I said for every Minister that tells you
that I will find you 10 that will tell
you it’s not and that’s one of the big
things that I really want to get across
today for New Year’s last year I made a
resolution and it was that every
opportunity I get to talk about and
educate people about the incredible harm
that comes from this toxic teaching that
homosexuality is a sin I’m gonna take
advantage of that opportunity I’m here
today I’ve done it with the school board
in Alexander County the County
Commissioners in Alexander County asked
me to come and talk about business and
what growth plans we had and they also
heard my my discussion about that’s not
a sin and and my birthday wish is that
it won’t be a sin anymore I really
believe that if we don’t talk about
these things nobody will ever know it
bullying is a disease that has permeated
so much of our society whether it’s poor
people gay kids whatever it is it it’s
such an impact on mental health on
physical health on crime it leads to
death so the thing I want to ask you all
to do is to consider and I always ask
people to sit so today I want to ask you
to take a stand and to take a pledge the
Tyler Clemente foundation was started by
his parents after he drove after he was
cyber bullied in a second week at
Rutgers University drove to the George
Washington Bridge and jumped off and
took his life it didn’t destroy his
family but it didn’t help them it really
created chaos and these beautiful
wonderful people’s lives and they’ve
taken the pain that they’ve gone through
and they’ve moved it forward to really
say to put out the most beautiful pledge
that you can see for all kinds of people
to stop take to stop bullying and I
would ask
you to take that pledge just simply you
can Google upstander pledge and ask
yourself and everything that you do if
you are being complicit with these
politicians that bully and other people
that believe whether it’s in your family
at your church at your synagogue
wherever it is in life let’s end
bullying thank you
[Applause]
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