I once came across graffiti that read
when was the last time you did something
for the first time and it really got me
thinking when was the last time I tried
something new something that threw me
out of my comfort zone that made me so
uncomfortable that I had to think twice
before doing it and how did I feel about
that now as a child I was extremely
emotional
I was very expressive about it I could
not keep it in so if I was happy you’d
find me jumping around the room laughing
making jokes having fun with everybody
but if I was upset you would find me
crying and wailing at the top of my
lungs and yeah I was extremely
expressive about it and I could not keep
it in point being that I was I would
feel intensely but I would never know
why and it still happens sometimes
last week I teared up at a video of baby
elephants for no apparent reason and I
was never ashamed of that now let me
tell you a story it’s 2015 I’m in my
boarding school it’s my 17th birthday
I’m sitting in front of my dorm room and
this happens I know what you’re thinking
this is not an act of teenage rebellion
I went bald for cause with 17 other
people and we donated our hair to a
Cancer Center in Lebanon it was a huge
decision because I had always been told
that I have beautiful hair and I had to
think twice before giving it all up it
took me two years to grow my hair out
again and of course even though that was
a big decision what was even larger was
the effect of it because everybody had
something to say about it I cannot
describe what it was like because being
told my whole life that I have beautiful
long hair giving it all up was
huge and I remember going to bed on the
4th of March one day before my birthday
one day before I shaved all my hair off
and thinking that my life was going to
change completely the next day it didn’t
I was to me I just felt surprisingly
lighter so I remember sitting there as
my friends shaved my head off and I
remember feeling my heart racing and
being so present and so aware of
everything and I started thinking and I
said suddenly realized that oh my god
what am I going to look like and as
ridiculous as it sounds I had not
thought about that before it took me a
while to get used to the side of myself
without any hair in the mirror it took
me a while to stop questioning whether
when I’m on my way to class and people
tell me Venetia you look absolutely
gorgeous whether they’re being serious
or genuine or just friendly and
encouraging and I’m not going to lie I
was embarrassed I had never seen myself
without my hair and where I used to feel
my long black silky hair I had a tiny
year of bald head now two weeks after I
shaved my hair off my friends and I took
a trip to Kerala which is a state in
South India now four out of five of us
were bald and three of us were girls and
I had never been made to feel so
conscious of my appearance because
wherever I went people would stare at us
in sympathy some would offer us free
milkshakes at restaurants which was
create but some people who would look at
us in disgust and some would come and
ask us what happened to us and most of
this assumed that we were victims or
month after that I went home now at this
point my hair was already a short crop
it had started growing out and my family
was going to see me for the first time
I shaved my head off and my grandmother
had seen me in photos she knew what I
had done but she was going to see me for
the first seven-person so when she saw
me approaching her from a distance and I
hugged her and we met each other after
the longest time she took a long look at
my face and she said Venetia
okay low-key over on whoa
Phoenicia I thought you were your
brother and when I met my friends and
they told me that I had put on weight I
realized that I did indeed look a lot
like my brother my mom and I we decided
to buy dresses and scarves and whatever
we could to make me look more feminine I
obliged and I started wearing one every
day now there were moments when I looked
at myself in the mirror and I thought
have I actually made a difference or am
I being selfish for even feeling
embarrassed because I did this for a
cause I did it for a reason I did it so
that a child would not have to go
through what I’m going through and had
the option of covering it up because my
hair would grow back but there’s
probably wouldn’t and eventually I found
myself trying to cover it all up because
I was so tired of people’s reactions to
what I had done that it actually made me
embarrassed instead of focusing on why I
did what I did
people just focused on how I looked now
I’m a person who thinks a lot about her
past now some might say that I’m not
living in the moment but I think it’s
reflecting and I think it’s very
important I often took myself back to
the night before the event before before
I shaved my hair off I remember taking a
shower that night and as I washed my
hair I remember thinking wow I might not
feel water through my hair for a very
long time now
but right after the event I jumped back
into the shower and as I told my shower
on and felt cold water on my head for
the first time it tickled a lot but it
was the most fantastic feeling in the
world
and when I think of that I realized that
okay maybe it doesn’t matter what I did
because I did something that scared me
to the core I did something that made me
uncomfortable I did something and I give
a part of myself away for what I
believed in so I may not have made it
yet but I’m definitely proud of where I
am today so this event marked a very
very important transition for me because
as a teenager I always denied my
emotions and as a child I never even
knew how I was feeling but here I was
embarrassed I was nervous I was excited
I was above everything else
unapologetically proud of what I had
done and well these emotions were
intense I lived through each and every
one of them so while emotional
intelligence is having control over your
emotions I realized that for me knowing
how I felt was very very important I
started asking myself how do you feel
about this before everything that I did
and answering that question knowing how
I felt talking to myself I realized that
I was digging deeper I found a sort of
comfort in my emotions I found comfort
in my decision that I had not had before
and there’s also this story that I
really want to share with you I remember
this very clearly I was six years old
and my mom and I decided that I’m going
to take part in a costume contest at
school I had terrible stage fright it
was awful
but my mom and I worked really hard on
this costume she did my makeup she wrote
my lines for two weeks before the
costume contest we practiced every
single day after school I remember this
very clearly and right before ever
on stage I broke down I couldn’t do it
and she was very very very disappointed
in me but I’m here today in front of
hundreds of people and this is by far
but I know how I feel I am nervous
I am excited my heart is racing I’m
talking about something that I care very
very deeply for and I have never spoken
about this so openly before but I’m here and I know how I feel so it’s all good
when was the last time you did something
for the first time and it really got me
thinking when was the last time I tried
something new something that threw me
out of my comfort zone that made me so
uncomfortable that I had to think twice
before doing it and how did I feel about
that now as a child I was extremely
emotional
I was very expressive about it I could
not keep it in so if I was happy you’d
find me jumping around the room laughing
making jokes having fun with everybody
but if I was upset you would find me
crying and wailing at the top of my
lungs and yeah I was extremely
expressive about it and I could not keep
it in point being that I was I would
feel intensely but I would never know
why and it still happens sometimes
last week I teared up at a video of baby
elephants for no apparent reason and I
was never ashamed of that now let me
tell you a story it’s 2015 I’m in my
boarding school it’s my 17th birthday
I’m sitting in front of my dorm room and
this happens I know what you’re thinking
this is not an act of teenage rebellion
I went bald for cause with 17 other
people and we donated our hair to a
Cancer Center in Lebanon it was a huge
decision because I had always been told
that I have beautiful hair and I had to
think twice before giving it all up it
took me two years to grow my hair out
again and of course even though that was
a big decision what was even larger was
the effect of it because everybody had
something to say about it I cannot
describe what it was like because being
told my whole life that I have beautiful
long hair giving it all up was
huge and I remember going to bed on the
4th of March one day before my birthday
one day before I shaved all my hair off
and thinking that my life was going to
change completely the next day it didn’t
I was to me I just felt surprisingly
lighter so I remember sitting there as
my friends shaved my head off and I
remember feeling my heart racing and
being so present and so aware of
everything and I started thinking and I
said suddenly realized that oh my god
what am I going to look like and as
ridiculous as it sounds I had not
thought about that before it took me a
while to get used to the side of myself
without any hair in the mirror it took
me a while to stop questioning whether
when I’m on my way to class and people
tell me Venetia you look absolutely
gorgeous whether they’re being serious
or genuine or just friendly and
encouraging and I’m not going to lie I
was embarrassed I had never seen myself
without my hair and where I used to feel
my long black silky hair I had a tiny
year of bald head now two weeks after I
shaved my hair off my friends and I took
a trip to Kerala which is a state in
South India now four out of five of us
were bald and three of us were girls and
I had never been made to feel so
conscious of my appearance because
wherever I went people would stare at us
in sympathy some would offer us free
milkshakes at restaurants which was
create but some people who would look at
us in disgust and some would come and
ask us what happened to us and most of
this assumed that we were victims or
month after that I went home now at this
point my hair was already a short crop
it had started growing out and my family
was going to see me for the first time
I shaved my head off and my grandmother
had seen me in photos she knew what I
had done but she was going to see me for
the first seven-person so when she saw
me approaching her from a distance and I
hugged her and we met each other after
the longest time she took a long look at
my face and she said Venetia
okay low-key over on whoa
Phoenicia I thought you were your
brother and when I met my friends and
they told me that I had put on weight I
realized that I did indeed look a lot
like my brother my mom and I we decided
to buy dresses and scarves and whatever
we could to make me look more feminine I
obliged and I started wearing one every
day now there were moments when I looked
at myself in the mirror and I thought
have I actually made a difference or am
I being selfish for even feeling
embarrassed because I did this for a
cause I did it for a reason I did it so
that a child would not have to go
through what I’m going through and had
the option of covering it up because my
hair would grow back but there’s
probably wouldn’t and eventually I found
myself trying to cover it all up because
I was so tired of people’s reactions to
what I had done that it actually made me
embarrassed instead of focusing on why I
did what I did
people just focused on how I looked now
I’m a person who thinks a lot about her
past now some might say that I’m not
living in the moment but I think it’s
reflecting and I think it’s very
important I often took myself back to
the night before the event before before
I shaved my hair off I remember taking a
shower that night and as I washed my
hair I remember thinking wow I might not
feel water through my hair for a very
long time now
but right after the event I jumped back
into the shower and as I told my shower
on and felt cold water on my head for
the first time it tickled a lot but it
was the most fantastic feeling in the
world
and when I think of that I realized that
okay maybe it doesn’t matter what I did
because I did something that scared me
to the core I did something that made me
uncomfortable I did something and I give
a part of myself away for what I
believed in so I may not have made it
yet but I’m definitely proud of where I
am today so this event marked a very
very important transition for me because
as a teenager I always denied my
emotions and as a child I never even
knew how I was feeling but here I was
embarrassed I was nervous I was excited
I was above everything else
unapologetically proud of what I had
done and well these emotions were
intense I lived through each and every
one of them so while emotional
intelligence is having control over your
emotions I realized that for me knowing
how I felt was very very important I
started asking myself how do you feel
about this before everything that I did
and answering that question knowing how
I felt talking to myself I realized that
I was digging deeper I found a sort of
comfort in my emotions I found comfort
in my decision that I had not had before
and there’s also this story that I
really want to share with you I remember
this very clearly I was six years old
and my mom and I decided that I’m going
to take part in a costume contest at
school I had terrible stage fright it
was awful
but my mom and I worked really hard on
this costume she did my makeup she wrote
my lines for two weeks before the
costume contest we practiced every
single day after school I remember this
very clearly and right before ever
on stage I broke down I couldn’t do it
and she was very very very disappointed
in me but I’m here today in front of
hundreds of people and this is by far
but I know how I feel I am nervous
I am excited my heart is racing I’m
talking about something that I care very
very deeply for and I have never spoken
about this so openly before but I’m here and I know how I feel so it’s all good
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