so the question that I want us to kind
of think about tonight is what happened
to you the reason why that question is
so important is because usually when we
see children adolescents or even adults
that may be displaying some kind of
behavior that we might see or Dean
inappropriate or negative the question
that we usually ask is what’s wrong with
you right so I want us to be able to
consider asking the question what
happened to you because when you ask the
question what’s wrong with you
they’re places blame on that very person
for things that are happening to them
that they may not even have control over
so we understand that adverse childhood
experiences and trauma affects our
ability to learn so I want to be able to
kind of discuss and explore what trauma
and childhood adverse experiences really
do to children that that have suffered
trauma and I want to share a little bit
of my personal story so I was born to
teenage parents my mom and my dad were
16 years old I was born in the city of
Hartford in a neighborhood that had his
share fair of community violence
substance use and poverty but what was
more traumatizing was not what was going
on in my neighborhood what was going on
inside my home you see my dad was
struggling with emotional mental health
and substance use issues as well and he
would come home every night and
physically mentally psychologically
abuse my mom so growing up in that
environment day after day night after
night was pretty traumatic and then came
one Sunday September 13th that day
my mom packed me my my three-year-old
brother and my one-year-old sister have
asked a custom every Sunday we would go
to church but before going to church we
had to go to Grandma’s house to eat
right so she packed us in the car we
were running late she says we don’t have
time we got to get upstairs to Grandma’s
house and we want you to you know eat so
that we can get to church on time so we
get to Grandma’s house we arrive in
front of this four-story brick building
and on Park Street in the City of
Hartford and she takes my three-year-old
brother and my one-year-old sister and
they go upstairs and I slip around the
back I wanted to spend time playing with
the neighborhood kids I didn’t get a lot
of opportunities to do that so the
reason I didn’t get a lot of
opportunities to do that was due to my
violent father we most of the times my
mom had to pack me and my siblings and
run to domestic violence shelters to
keep us safe from him so I took the
opportunity when we got to Grandma’s
house to go out in the back and play and
where I’m having a good time and then
all of a sudden I hear this scream the
scream that I’m kind of used to hearing
but this one was a little bit more
terrifying so I run to the around the
building and come to the front of the
building and on the in front of the
building
my brother has suffered a fatal accident
understanding that trauma and childhood
adverse experiences affect our ability
to learn how is a child that experiences
adversity in trauma can be able to sit
in a classroom and learn from their
teachers teachers are phenomenal I work
with teachers every single day they
probably have one of the most important
jobs on this on this planet but children
that have faced adverse
and trauma are gonna struggle to learn
not that they can’t learn they’re just
gonna struggle to learn so after that
experience I’m struggling with shame
guilt because I’m thinking that the
passing of my brother was my fault
I took full responsibility for that a
six-year-old child now I mean I’m
sitting in classes and there’s two types
of students that I want you to be aware
of right there’s students that that that
can experience trauma in two different
perspectives one are externalize errs
and one are in internalize the external
izing kids we all know we all see them
right there the ones acting now they’re
the ones that are being sent to the
office for all types of negative
behaviors in the classrooms those are
the easy ones to point out but you see I
was an intern eliezer so I was in the
classroom struggling with my adversity
struggling with my trauma struggling
with my emotional distress but I didn’t
cause any problems in the classroom to
the teacher so I went unnoticed but my
my grades were average to below average
struggling through adversity and trauma
now here comes junior year of high
school junior year of high school
everyone’s beginning to talk and plan
what they’re gonna do after they
graduate I want to go to college I said
so I make an appointment to meet with my
school guidance counselor go to meet
with her sit down with her she looks at
my transcripts she looks at me she looks
at my transcripts she looks at me again
and that she says these these words that
also marked my life she says no well
you’re not college material so with that
being said there goes my hopes and
dreams of trying to better myself better
my family’s condition and try to do
you know a little bit better for myself
so I pick up my bag put it on and I’m
walking down the hallway and the next
voice that I hear changed my life mr.
Amato Cruz my high school principal I’m
walking down the hallway and he and the
next voice that again that I hear is his
voice and he says son I look up he says
what happened to you there was it wasn’t
a question that that that I was
expecting because usually the the
question that we always hear is what’s
wrong with you why can’t you shake that
off that happened so many years ago why
are you still struggling with it but he
asked the key question what happened to
you so I look up and I share with him
the conversation that I had with my
school counselor and he says I’ll make
I’ll make a commitment to you right now
he says if you want to go to college
then I want you to make a commitment
with me so he tells me every morning I
want you to check in with me so that we
can see how your day is going so that I
can ask you questions about how you’re
doing in class and we can do a plan for
the next two years so that we can get
you to college if that’s what you want
so mr. Cruz was that first person to
make a difference in my life
by asking what happened to you and by
making a commitment to establish a
relationship of mentorship with me how
powerful was that
so mr. Cruz couldn’t be here today he
lives next door to my uncle so I seen
him from time to time he couldn’t make
it here today for some medical reasons
but I want to say thank you mr. Cruz for
then he connects me for the next two
years we’re working together and he
connects me with a college prep program
career beginnings and in that program I
begin to get ready for college and go on
on college tours and and begin the
process of filling out applications one
of the first college tours that I went
on was right here CCSU and immediately
when I got on campus I could see myself
walking the campus being a student and I
was really really inspired and I wanted
to come to see CSU my mentor for through
career beginnings introduced me to this
when I met him I you know he greeted me
with a firm handshake you know and his
beautiful smile and encouraging words
welcoming and welcoming me to campus
made me feel right at home so he tells
me this phrase that I still live by he
says you want to go to you want to come
to see CSU and I’m like yeah I want to
come to see CSU he says how serious are
you about your education I’m very
serious he says because 99% won’t do you
have to be 100% committed to your
education and to your studies so I want
you to understand that that’s how
serious you should take your education
mr. Jones
continued to mentor me and and I was
lucky enough to be accepted into the
Equal Opportunity program that works
with students that are might struggle
with regular admissions to get into a
college or university so mr. Jones thank
so now I graduate from high school
I’m not CCSU I’m excited and it’s the
summer that changed my life that’s the
phrase for the EOP program and it
literally changed my life because not
only was I on campus and beginning to
live my dream but now I also met my wife
at yo P right amazing so thank you mr.
Jones for introducing me to my wife so
na ma CCSU I’m so excited like I said
but there are some adversities and
childhood traumas that I’m still
struggling with and I’m still trying to
figure out how to manage them because of
my violent father he wasn’t you know
after my brother’s death he no longer
was in my home so I grew up without a
father and growing up without without a
father you understand you have read that
is it has a share of difficulties so
next I want to introduce you to Bishop
dr. Jeremiah Torres who also mentored me
and made a difference in my life and the
endure and by making a difference in my
life I’m talking about
he married my wife and I he was there
when my son was born he you know
congratulated me when I graduated from
from college but he taught me how to be
a man of integrity
he taught me what it was to be a father
and what it was to be a husband
I was scared I didn’t know how to be any
of those things so his mentorship of me
allowed me to begin to understand what
it what it was to be a good father a
good husband and a good man
and he also inspired me to come back to
Central and get my master’s degree in
marriage and family therapy and even
inspired me and encouraged me to get my
doctorate in clinical psychology and he
even attended my dissertation defense
so Bishop Torres thank you for making a
so dr. Bruce Perry from the child trauma
Academy child psychiatrist and senior
fellow at the child trauma Academy talks
about this very important concept that I
want us to really grasp today he talks
about kids that struggle with adversity
and trauma are going to struggle to
learn unless we meet these basic three
things that he calls the 3 R’s we have
to connect kids with services so that
they can have the ability to regulate
their emotional dysregulation kids that
are dysregulated emotionally are not
going to be able to establish positive
relationships or even have the ability
to thrive academically so we have to
connect kids to be able to have a good
self-regulation connect them with
positive relationships with caregivers
with parents and with mentors and then
they’ll be able to have the ability to
make good decisions in their life yes I
am a kid from Harford there may be other
kids similar to me but there may be kids
that have even more traumatic
experiences than I’ve had so what I want
to share with you today is also what at
the Anna Grace project we’ve strongly
believed that it is through love
community and connection that children
can really thrive and it really saves
lives so what happened to you that is
the question that I want us to be able
to answer and and ask of each other
today when we’re working with or have an
opportunity to mentor a kid that has
struggled through adversity and trauma
if you can be a difference in a child’s
life be that person that can be a
difference in the child’s life thank you [Applause]
of think about tonight is what happened
to you the reason why that question is
so important is because usually when we
see children adolescents or even adults
that may be displaying some kind of
behavior that we might see or Dean
inappropriate or negative the question
that we usually ask is what’s wrong with
you right so I want us to be able to
consider asking the question what
happened to you because when you ask the
question what’s wrong with you
they’re places blame on that very person
for things that are happening to them
that they may not even have control over
so we understand that adverse childhood
experiences and trauma affects our
ability to learn so I want to be able to
kind of discuss and explore what trauma
and childhood adverse experiences really
do to children that that have suffered
trauma and I want to share a little bit
of my personal story so I was born to
teenage parents my mom and my dad were
16 years old I was born in the city of
Hartford in a neighborhood that had his
share fair of community violence
substance use and poverty but what was
more traumatizing was not what was going
on in my neighborhood what was going on
inside my home you see my dad was
struggling with emotional mental health
and substance use issues as well and he
would come home every night and
physically mentally psychologically
abuse my mom so growing up in that
environment day after day night after
night was pretty traumatic and then came
one Sunday September 13th that day
my mom packed me my my three-year-old
brother and my one-year-old sister have
asked a custom every Sunday we would go
to church but before going to church we
had to go to Grandma’s house to eat
right so she packed us in the car we
were running late she says we don’t have
time we got to get upstairs to Grandma’s
house and we want you to you know eat so
that we can get to church on time so we
get to Grandma’s house we arrive in
front of this four-story brick building
and on Park Street in the City of
Hartford and she takes my three-year-old
brother and my one-year-old sister and
they go upstairs and I slip around the
back I wanted to spend time playing with
the neighborhood kids I didn’t get a lot
of opportunities to do that so the
reason I didn’t get a lot of
opportunities to do that was due to my
violent father we most of the times my
mom had to pack me and my siblings and
run to domestic violence shelters to
keep us safe from him so I took the
opportunity when we got to Grandma’s
house to go out in the back and play and
where I’m having a good time and then
all of a sudden I hear this scream the
scream that I’m kind of used to hearing
but this one was a little bit more
terrifying so I run to the around the
building and come to the front of the
building and on the in front of the
building
my brother has suffered a fatal accident
understanding that trauma and childhood
adverse experiences affect our ability
to learn how is a child that experiences
adversity in trauma can be able to sit
in a classroom and learn from their
teachers teachers are phenomenal I work
with teachers every single day they
probably have one of the most important
jobs on this on this planet but children
that have faced adverse
and trauma are gonna struggle to learn
not that they can’t learn they’re just
gonna struggle to learn so after that
experience I’m struggling with shame
guilt because I’m thinking that the
passing of my brother was my fault
I took full responsibility for that a
six-year-old child now I mean I’m
sitting in classes and there’s two types
of students that I want you to be aware
of right there’s students that that that
can experience trauma in two different
perspectives one are externalize errs
and one are in internalize the external
izing kids we all know we all see them
right there the ones acting now they’re
the ones that are being sent to the
office for all types of negative
behaviors in the classrooms those are
the easy ones to point out but you see I
was an intern eliezer so I was in the
classroom struggling with my adversity
struggling with my trauma struggling
with my emotional distress but I didn’t
cause any problems in the classroom to
the teacher so I went unnoticed but my
my grades were average to below average
struggling through adversity and trauma
now here comes junior year of high
school junior year of high school
everyone’s beginning to talk and plan
what they’re gonna do after they
graduate I want to go to college I said
so I make an appointment to meet with my
school guidance counselor go to meet
with her sit down with her she looks at
my transcripts she looks at me she looks
at my transcripts she looks at me again
and that she says these these words that
also marked my life she says no well
you’re not college material so with that
being said there goes my hopes and
dreams of trying to better myself better
my family’s condition and try to do
you know a little bit better for myself
so I pick up my bag put it on and I’m
walking down the hallway and the next
voice that I hear changed my life mr.
Amato Cruz my high school principal I’m
walking down the hallway and he and the
next voice that again that I hear is his
voice and he says son I look up he says
what happened to you there was it wasn’t
a question that that that I was
expecting because usually the the
question that we always hear is what’s
wrong with you why can’t you shake that
off that happened so many years ago why
are you still struggling with it but he
asked the key question what happened to
you so I look up and I share with him
the conversation that I had with my
school counselor and he says I’ll make
I’ll make a commitment to you right now
he says if you want to go to college
then I want you to make a commitment
with me so he tells me every morning I
want you to check in with me so that we
can see how your day is going so that I
can ask you questions about how you’re
doing in class and we can do a plan for
the next two years so that we can get
you to college if that’s what you want
so mr. Cruz was that first person to
make a difference in my life
by asking what happened to you and by
making a commitment to establish a
relationship of mentorship with me how
powerful was that
so mr. Cruz couldn’t be here today he
lives next door to my uncle so I seen
him from time to time he couldn’t make
it here today for some medical reasons
but I want to say thank you mr. Cruz for
then he connects me for the next two
years we’re working together and he
connects me with a college prep program
career beginnings and in that program I
begin to get ready for college and go on
on college tours and and begin the
process of filling out applications one
of the first college tours that I went
on was right here CCSU and immediately
when I got on campus I could see myself
walking the campus being a student and I
was really really inspired and I wanted
to come to see CSU my mentor for through
career beginnings introduced me to this
when I met him I you know he greeted me
with a firm handshake you know and his
beautiful smile and encouraging words
welcoming and welcoming me to campus
made me feel right at home so he tells
me this phrase that I still live by he
says you want to go to you want to come
to see CSU and I’m like yeah I want to
come to see CSU he says how serious are
you about your education I’m very
serious he says because 99% won’t do you
have to be 100% committed to your
education and to your studies so I want
you to understand that that’s how
serious you should take your education
mr. Jones
continued to mentor me and and I was
lucky enough to be accepted into the
Equal Opportunity program that works
with students that are might struggle
with regular admissions to get into a
college or university so mr. Jones thank
so now I graduate from high school
I’m not CCSU I’m excited and it’s the
summer that changed my life that’s the
phrase for the EOP program and it
literally changed my life because not
only was I on campus and beginning to
live my dream but now I also met my wife
at yo P right amazing so thank you mr.
Jones for introducing me to my wife so
na ma CCSU I’m so excited like I said
but there are some adversities and
childhood traumas that I’m still
struggling with and I’m still trying to
figure out how to manage them because of
my violent father he wasn’t you know
after my brother’s death he no longer
was in my home so I grew up without a
father and growing up without without a
father you understand you have read that
is it has a share of difficulties so
next I want to introduce you to Bishop
dr. Jeremiah Torres who also mentored me
and made a difference in my life and the
endure and by making a difference in my
life I’m talking about
he married my wife and I he was there
when my son was born he you know
congratulated me when I graduated from
from college but he taught me how to be
a man of integrity
he taught me what it was to be a father
and what it was to be a husband
I was scared I didn’t know how to be any
of those things so his mentorship of me
allowed me to begin to understand what
it what it was to be a good father a
good husband and a good man
and he also inspired me to come back to
Central and get my master’s degree in
marriage and family therapy and even
inspired me and encouraged me to get my
doctorate in clinical psychology and he
even attended my dissertation defense
so Bishop Torres thank you for making a
so dr. Bruce Perry from the child trauma
Academy child psychiatrist and senior
fellow at the child trauma Academy talks
about this very important concept that I
want us to really grasp today he talks
about kids that struggle with adversity
and trauma are going to struggle to
learn unless we meet these basic three
things that he calls the 3 R’s we have
to connect kids with services so that
they can have the ability to regulate
their emotional dysregulation kids that
are dysregulated emotionally are not
going to be able to establish positive
relationships or even have the ability
to thrive academically so we have to
connect kids to be able to have a good
self-regulation connect them with
positive relationships with caregivers
with parents and with mentors and then
they’ll be able to have the ability to
make good decisions in their life yes I
am a kid from Harford there may be other
kids similar to me but there may be kids
that have even more traumatic
experiences than I’ve had so what I want
to share with you today is also what at
the Anna Grace project we’ve strongly
believed that it is through love
community and connection that children
can really thrive and it really saves
lives so what happened to you that is
the question that I want us to be able
to answer and and ask of each other
today when we’re working with or have an
opportunity to mentor a kid that has
struggled through adversity and trauma
if you can be a difference in a child’s
life be that person that can be a
difference in the child’s life thank you [Applause]
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