what is one thing that defines who you
are something that is part of your
identity is it perhaps your smile your
teeth even your hair your eyes something
about you that’s been highlighted
throughout your life usually by other
people now what if you suddenly lost
that who would you be then part of what
defines me is being the stereotypical
blond blue-eyed swede it’s part of my
identity it’s my normal I’m pretty
enough blonde enough and Swedish enough
by cultural and societal standards or
rather I was until this happened I’m
gonna put her right there she’s still
part of me four and a half years in 2014
I lost all of my hair including my this
and eyebrows to the autoimmune condition
alopecia which basically means that I
have a super strong but super confused
immune system that treats my hair as if
it’s not a part of me so as long as I’m
here less my immune system is hard at
work thinking it’s doing a great job and
in the space of six months I went from
having a full head of hair that was so
much of my identity right there two bald
patches to overall thinning of my hair
and to eventually take in control where
I could by shaving off whatever hair I
had left and that was one of the most
emotionally painful experiences of my
life and I remember sitting there with
clippers against my head which that
alone was the straw
dangerous thing because I would never
ever ever let scissors or Clippers in
the air my hair and I was sitting there
and as I was separating my hair from my
scalp and a few times I dared look at
myself in the mirror I actually felt
like I was disfiguring myself which
might sound like an exaggeration but I
wasn’t just losing my hair I was losing
something that I had identified with my
entire life my hair made me feel girly
as a girl feminine as a woman pretty
worthy special but I later realized that
I didn’t feel that way because I just
felt that way I’d been taught to feel
that way and my teacher was history
culture media and advertising so with
all these beliefs about who I was based
on the length and color of my hair of
course it was only the natural that I
would suffer when I started loosing it
because if long hair meant feminine and
beautiful then balding meant sick and
ugly
so I isolated myself and I started
worrying about things like I moved to
Los Angeles to be an actor I’m going to
have to quit that dream now because who
in Hollywood will hire a bald woman this
is not represented anywhere unless
you’re sick maybe an alien I was
worrying about my future children who
would surely get bullied at school
because their mother was not
normal-looking and what about that
$3,000 wig I would have to my cats
really find it and ruin it like these
were actual thoughts was having and
somewhere in between my suffering and
worrying about a future that hadn’t even
pain was inevitable suffering optional
pain is a natural part of being human
suffering is the story we tell ourselves
about the pain and my suffering looked
like being in isolation thoughts of I’m
ugly no one understands what I’m going
through it shouldn’t be this way so it
was just really strange that I just got
that because I was listing something
that I couldn’t change I couldn’t change
the fact that I had whatever hair I had
and I had tried but I could change how I
thought and how I felt about it so in
that moment I embraced the pain I
allowed my to cry and be sad and feel
the pain and I didn’t make myself wrong
for that and I also gave up suffering I
gave up the resistance that life should
look any other way than it did and that
gave me access to peace and freedom and
when I tried on a wig for the first time
I did not expect to feel joy or
excitement because I did not walk into
the wig store that way and then I found
this and even though the pictures blurry
you can just tell that there is joy
present there because in that moment
when that hair got on I instantly got my
hair back now the only difference was
that it wasn’t growing out of my head
and I could remove it as I started
getting I got this really awesome idea
that life was going to be full of
exciting possibilities like I could just
step back into my old normal being the
blonde blue-eyed swede and then just
take it off and become this really
gee cool ball chick as an actress who
would not want to hire me like this is
my superpower surely if that which
defines you suddenly disappeared who
would you be then I grappled with that
question a week or so after my head
shaved because every time I looked in
the mirror or just caught my reflection
in a window I jumped I wasn’t used to
seeing that person in the mirror so
there was a disconnect there because
over here with me when I wasn’t looking
at myself I had the same thoughts and
feelings and emotions nothing was
different it was only when I looked at
myself from the outside observing myself
and at that moment I truly got that I’m
not my hair I was never my hair and if
I’m not my hair then I’m not my body
either I have it it’s my home it’s my
vehicle for life a whole lifetime of
judgments and labels and views of who I
should be and what I should look like
just dissipated and I was free because I
didn’t have to be defined by anything it
had nothing to do with who I was and I
know we may have inherited certain views
of what beauty perfect and normal is
supposed to look like but the truth is
that you get to decide what that is so
for me bald went for a second ugly too
edgy and unique alopecia went from
disease to superpower and a blessing I
chose to redefine what those words meant
to me and that took me from living my
considering that I was thinking about
hiding my baldness I’m really glad I
didn’t because now I can look like this
in a matter of minutes
and I don’t even have to explain my
fully free to express Who I am because
I’m not hiding any of it your
vulnerabilities are strengths and I was
held captive by an idea that I needed to
look a certain way and be a certain way
in order to be beautiful and simply just
good enough and I would like for you to
consider that you already are and always
have been completely normal beautiful
and perfect and perhaps it’s time for
you to redefine your view of who you are
thank you [Applause]
are something that is part of your
identity is it perhaps your smile your
teeth even your hair your eyes something
about you that’s been highlighted
throughout your life usually by other
people now what if you suddenly lost
that who would you be then part of what
defines me is being the stereotypical
blond blue-eyed swede it’s part of my
identity it’s my normal I’m pretty
enough blonde enough and Swedish enough
by cultural and societal standards or
rather I was until this happened I’m
gonna put her right there she’s still
part of me four and a half years in 2014
I lost all of my hair including my this
and eyebrows to the autoimmune condition
alopecia which basically means that I
have a super strong but super confused
immune system that treats my hair as if
it’s not a part of me so as long as I’m
here less my immune system is hard at
work thinking it’s doing a great job and
in the space of six months I went from
having a full head of hair that was so
much of my identity right there two bald
patches to overall thinning of my hair
and to eventually take in control where
I could by shaving off whatever hair I
had left and that was one of the most
emotionally painful experiences of my
life and I remember sitting there with
clippers against my head which that
alone was the straw
dangerous thing because I would never
ever ever let scissors or Clippers in
the air my hair and I was sitting there
and as I was separating my hair from my
scalp and a few times I dared look at
myself in the mirror I actually felt
like I was disfiguring myself which
might sound like an exaggeration but I
wasn’t just losing my hair I was losing
something that I had identified with my
entire life my hair made me feel girly
as a girl feminine as a woman pretty
worthy special but I later realized that
I didn’t feel that way because I just
felt that way I’d been taught to feel
that way and my teacher was history
culture media and advertising so with
all these beliefs about who I was based
on the length and color of my hair of
course it was only the natural that I
would suffer when I started loosing it
because if long hair meant feminine and
beautiful then balding meant sick and
ugly
so I isolated myself and I started
worrying about things like I moved to
Los Angeles to be an actor I’m going to
have to quit that dream now because who
in Hollywood will hire a bald woman this
is not represented anywhere unless
you’re sick maybe an alien I was
worrying about my future children who
would surely get bullied at school
because their mother was not
normal-looking and what about that
$3,000 wig I would have to my cats
really find it and ruin it like these
were actual thoughts was having and
somewhere in between my suffering and
worrying about a future that hadn’t even
pain was inevitable suffering optional
pain is a natural part of being human
suffering is the story we tell ourselves
about the pain and my suffering looked
like being in isolation thoughts of I’m
ugly no one understands what I’m going
through it shouldn’t be this way so it
was just really strange that I just got
that because I was listing something
that I couldn’t change I couldn’t change
the fact that I had whatever hair I had
and I had tried but I could change how I
thought and how I felt about it so in
that moment I embraced the pain I
allowed my to cry and be sad and feel
the pain and I didn’t make myself wrong
for that and I also gave up suffering I
gave up the resistance that life should
look any other way than it did and that
gave me access to peace and freedom and
when I tried on a wig for the first time
I did not expect to feel joy or
excitement because I did not walk into
the wig store that way and then I found
this and even though the pictures blurry
you can just tell that there is joy
present there because in that moment
when that hair got on I instantly got my
hair back now the only difference was
that it wasn’t growing out of my head
and I could remove it as I started
getting I got this really awesome idea
that life was going to be full of
exciting possibilities like I could just
step back into my old normal being the
blonde blue-eyed swede and then just
take it off and become this really
gee cool ball chick as an actress who
would not want to hire me like this is
my superpower surely if that which
defines you suddenly disappeared who
would you be then I grappled with that
question a week or so after my head
shaved because every time I looked in
the mirror or just caught my reflection
in a window I jumped I wasn’t used to
seeing that person in the mirror so
there was a disconnect there because
over here with me when I wasn’t looking
at myself I had the same thoughts and
feelings and emotions nothing was
different it was only when I looked at
myself from the outside observing myself
and at that moment I truly got that I’m
not my hair I was never my hair and if
I’m not my hair then I’m not my body
either I have it it’s my home it’s my
vehicle for life a whole lifetime of
judgments and labels and views of who I
should be and what I should look like
just dissipated and I was free because I
didn’t have to be defined by anything it
had nothing to do with who I was and I
know we may have inherited certain views
of what beauty perfect and normal is
supposed to look like but the truth is
that you get to decide what that is so
for me bald went for a second ugly too
edgy and unique alopecia went from
disease to superpower and a blessing I
chose to redefine what those words meant
to me and that took me from living my
considering that I was thinking about
hiding my baldness I’m really glad I
didn’t because now I can look like this
in a matter of minutes
and I don’t even have to explain my
fully free to express Who I am because
I’m not hiding any of it your
vulnerabilities are strengths and I was
held captive by an idea that I needed to
look a certain way and be a certain way
in order to be beautiful and simply just
good enough and I would like for you to
consider that you already are and always
have been completely normal beautiful
and perfect and perhaps it’s time for
you to redefine your view of who you are
thank you [Applause]
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