[Music]
[Applause]
eleven years ago I gave birth to my
first child and a few years later my
second turns out I’m not terribly good
at giving birth and particularly after
the first occasion there was a very sick
mum and a very sick baby now after the
birth I was offered all forms of
counselling and support to deal with my
trauma but my husband who had witnessed
everything while I floated around
oblivious in a sea of morphine was
offered nothing at all now I need to say
at this point otherwise I will be in
trouble that my husband didn’t expect
any support thinking the mother and the
baby were the most important thing but a
year later when I returned to work as a
researcher in Oxford I became very angry
angry that my husband the co-parent of
my child was still visibly distressed by
the experience of his first daughter’s
birth so I decided to do what any
academic would do and I turn to the
literature to see what my fellow
academics had to say about the
experience of fathers and the answer was
very little yes there was an extensive
literature on the negative effect that
absent fathers can have on their
children obviously this is critical and
really important but on the larger group
of stick around dads the ones who find
the road sock coach the football team
and chase way the bedtime monsters the
literature was silent we simply knew
absolutely nothing about them why is
this why when 80% of men will become a
father do we know so little about their
experience well the thing is 10 years
ago when I started it was felt the
fathers had no input into their
children’s lives they had no input into
that development and certainly didn’t
form those strong attachments that a
mother in a child’s have and because
dads didn’t go through the physiological
experience of giving birth their
parenting wasn’t instinctive they had to
learn to parent but this wasn’t very
important because the thing
their job was limited to going to work
earning the money and instilling a bit
of discipline when they got home so our
time as academics was better spent
focusing on mums is the environment in
which a child would develop that’s just
weren’t particularly important dads are
dispensable now you see the thing is I’m
an evolutionary anthropologist and I
find that conclusion rather hard to take
because you see human fathers are rare
we’re one of only 5% of mammals who has
investing fathers and the only ape now
for evolution to invest it in the
changes necessary for the involved
father changes in anatomy psychology
physiology behavior they must have some
input into their children’s survival
they must have a role in their
development so I decided that was going
to become my job to investigate what
happens to a man physiologically
anatomically behaviorally
psychologically when he becomes a father
how in the absence of the experience of
birth does he form the deep attachments
that we know he does to his children and
what is his role in his child’s life his
family’s life and our society and 10
years later with a growing group of
colleagues we now know this that when a
man becomes a father for the first time
his testosterone drops and it never
returns to pre birth level now at this
point I can see lots of anxious men’s
faces
let me tell you that there is a massive
benefit to this first of all the lower
your testosterone the more sensitive the
father you are able to meet your child’s
every need secondly okay you do get a
job in testosterone but that is matched
by increase in impact of the dopamine
and oxytocin that are released when you
interact with your child I mean those
interactions are immensely euphoric ly
rewarding and that you build a tight
bond based on oxytocin we know that if a
man lives with his pregnant partner then
their oxytocin levels come into
synchrony a phenomenon known as bio
behavioral synchrony and we think this
is important in bonding that couple as
tightly as they possibly could so as
they can meet the challenges of
parenthood as a team and we’ve always
known footwell at least 10 years a
mother’s che brain changes when she
becomes a mum but we now know that
exactly the same happens to a father we
think increases in the white and gray
matter in two key areas of the brain
highlighted in orange on this slide at
the core of the brain which you the
increase in the limbic care of the brain
where your emotion fit so a father can
nurture and show affectionate care to
his child as well as detect the risk
that is important for him to see if that
child’s to survive but then in the
neocortex of the brain your menu folded
outer area of your brain where your
conscious mind sets we see a massive
increase in abling that father to plan
ahead to problem-solve
to take decisions so that he can be all
he can be to his child we also know that
father’s build profound attachments with
their children but they are critically
different to the attachment between a
mother and a child in the first instance
they are based on interaction
see fathers don’t get the head starter
of birth where you get floods of beater
endorphin and dopamine oxytocin so they
have to build that bonds based upon the
interaction they have with their child
this can mean that their bond is delayed
compared to the mother but don’t panic
it does come and at around the six-month
mark the most wonderful interaction
develops rough and tumble
play we can all picture the scene of a
father flinging his child around the
room era paying them up towards the
ceiling tickling them tell us sick with
laughter that’s fun dad but fun dad has
a role because those wonderful
boisterous exhilarating physical
sometimes a little bit painful
interactions produce a flood of beta
endorphin and oxytocin and dopamine to
both people who are involved in that
play so the child and his or her fail to
build the most deep bond and this form
of interaction is particularly important
in our time short world here in the West
because with fathers out of the home a
lot of the time they need to make quick
efforts to build that bond with their
child to get to know their child and for
their child to get to know them and they
do this by this time efficient very
quick form of behavior secondly
evolution hates redundancy so critically
they attach between father and child and
mother and child is different there’s no
point evolving to people to do exactly
the same role and we see these
differences even in the center of the
brain in the first instance the
attachment between the mother and the
child is inward-looking exclusive based
on affection and care the dad attachment
is also obviously capable of being
affectionate and caring but on top of
this is an extra bit his job is to
challenge to be the secure base in which
the child goes out into the world to
investigate what is going on his role is
to teach the skills behavioural
linguistic cognitive that will enable
that child to deal with life’s
challenges assess its risks and leap
over those hurdles to deal with failure
but also with success we live in the
most complex social technological world
and dad’s job is to turn the child’s
face to that world and go here is the
world and I am going to teach you how to
be successful in it and in that world
where we have a crisis in teenage mental
health and we’re running our social
relationships at greater and greater
distance due to social media we need dad
more than ever before to help us
navigate this complex world
you see evolution leaves nothing to
chance and it has prepared dad to father
to parent and dads are not just about
the genes I’m an anthropologist my job
is to study fatherhood around the world
and whilst we privileged the biological
father here in the West if I look around
the world generally dad is the person
who steps up and does the job
you see dads are wonderfully flexible
beings because they’re not bound by the
biology of pregnancy and childbirth and
breastfeeding they are able to change
their behavior more quickly to respond
to changes in the environment and that’s
what Dad can be a stepdad and a doctor
dad yes the biological dad whether he
lives with his children or not but he
can be an uncle a grandfather a friend
some children have whole teams of
fathers dad is there to make sure that
child survives why is this important why
do we need to know of this will you see
fund number one dad isn’t who we think
he is yes some fathers are absent but
that’s not the whole story
that’s not the whole spectrum of
fathering behavior we tend to put mum on
a pedestal quite rightly but dad is left
on the floor labeled is either absent or
in habit I think we need to balance that
negative story with the positive and get
a full reality of what fathering it’s
today secondly dads are more involved in
their children’s lives today than ever
before
now there are some practical and
societal reasons for this we have
reductions in health care which means
mum is often dispatched from the
hospital on the day she’s given birth
many of us don’t Lee live near the
extended families who in the past would
have helped us and now with the economy
as it is many of us are dual earner
households which means both parents both
have to earn and two parents to make
life work so quite often dad is there
literally catching the baby but also in
the ten years that I’ve been researching
for this I’ve seen a change in how
important they feel there are in their
children’s lives by knowing what we know
now about fathers they are empowered to
be involved they know they are important
and that they are meant
but the problem is you see is that
society isn’t quite ready for this for
your father hood and many fathers come
up against quite considerable societal
and cultural barriers in being involved
with their children and this starts no
sooner than when their partner is
pregnant my interviews with fathers are
littered with stories about being
excluded or alienated during pregnancy
birth and afterwards of being shut out
of midwives appointment of being ignored
even though they are sitting in the room
and this isn’t just in the UK across the
world from Sweden to Australia South
Africa to Canada we have the same
stories about alienation and while many
governments talk about their
family-friendly policies I’m afraid a
lot of it is lip service because you see
we’re not ready as a culture to accept
fathers being involved with their
families to take paternity leave for
example many fathers struggle in their
work environment to be granted this
right and some of them suffer penalties
from taking it and the fact that I’m
afraid it’s not properly financed means
that it’s only actually available to the
very wealthy because you see the thing
we know is that if you provide men with
paternity care that is ring-fenced and
that is properly financed men take it up
with enthusiasm in Finland 90% of men
take their full nine weeks of
ring-fenced finance paternity leave in
Quebec in the first year in which
ring-fenced financed paternity leave was
available the uptake was 250 percent
higher than the year before and it
continues to build
you see fathers want to be involved and
they want to care we just have to give
them the tools to do it and the other
thing to say is it’s not just good for
the father if we empower men to take
paternity leave then we increase
domestic equality in the home where
domestic chores and childcare are shared
equally we know in the mothering tax
that’s placed on mothers careers because
they’re able to go back to work earlier
safely the knowledge that their partner
is caring for their child
and we start to close that all-important
gender pay gap that we’ve heard so much
about because women’s a carry less
penalty on their pay and we know that
these effects cross generations in
countries where they’ve had ring-fenced
finance paternity leave this has crossed
generations because sons see their
fathers in the home in the domestic
setting sharing the care of their
children and that is their model for
going forward so we can cause a cultural
change so I think we need to change the
conversation about fathers I hope by
listening to me today understanding just
some of the science that we know behind
fathers now that you will want to change
the conversations you have because you
see fathers are meant they are biology
biologically primed to father to parent
and in a world where no one can raise a
human child on their own it’s important
that we have their input into our
children’s development yes some fathers
are absent and inept but so are some
mothers and we have to make sure we have
the full conversation about them it is
very true when we say it takes a whole
village to raise a child but let’s just
remember that right at the center of
that village is dad thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
eleven years ago I gave birth to my
first child and a few years later my
second turns out I’m not terribly good
at giving birth and particularly after
the first occasion there was a very sick
mum and a very sick baby now after the
birth I was offered all forms of
counselling and support to deal with my
trauma but my husband who had witnessed
everything while I floated around
oblivious in a sea of morphine was
offered nothing at all now I need to say
at this point otherwise I will be in
trouble that my husband didn’t expect
any support thinking the mother and the
baby were the most important thing but a
year later when I returned to work as a
researcher in Oxford I became very angry
angry that my husband the co-parent of
my child was still visibly distressed by
the experience of his first daughter’s
birth so I decided to do what any
academic would do and I turn to the
literature to see what my fellow
academics had to say about the
experience of fathers and the answer was
very little yes there was an extensive
literature on the negative effect that
absent fathers can have on their
children obviously this is critical and
really important but on the larger group
of stick around dads the ones who find
the road sock coach the football team
and chase way the bedtime monsters the
literature was silent we simply knew
absolutely nothing about them why is
this why when 80% of men will become a
father do we know so little about their
experience well the thing is 10 years
ago when I started it was felt the
fathers had no input into their
children’s lives they had no input into
that development and certainly didn’t
form those strong attachments that a
mother in a child’s have and because
dads didn’t go through the physiological
experience of giving birth their
parenting wasn’t instinctive they had to
learn to parent but this wasn’t very
important because the thing
their job was limited to going to work
earning the money and instilling a bit
of discipline when they got home so our
time as academics was better spent
focusing on mums is the environment in
which a child would develop that’s just
weren’t particularly important dads are
dispensable now you see the thing is I’m
an evolutionary anthropologist and I
find that conclusion rather hard to take
because you see human fathers are rare
we’re one of only 5% of mammals who has
investing fathers and the only ape now
for evolution to invest it in the
changes necessary for the involved
father changes in anatomy psychology
physiology behavior they must have some
input into their children’s survival
they must have a role in their
development so I decided that was going
to become my job to investigate what
happens to a man physiologically
anatomically behaviorally
psychologically when he becomes a father
how in the absence of the experience of
birth does he form the deep attachments
that we know he does to his children and
what is his role in his child’s life his
family’s life and our society and 10
years later with a growing group of
colleagues we now know this that when a
man becomes a father for the first time
his testosterone drops and it never
returns to pre birth level now at this
point I can see lots of anxious men’s
faces
let me tell you that there is a massive
benefit to this first of all the lower
your testosterone the more sensitive the
father you are able to meet your child’s
every need secondly okay you do get a
job in testosterone but that is matched
by increase in impact of the dopamine
and oxytocin that are released when you
interact with your child I mean those
interactions are immensely euphoric ly
rewarding and that you build a tight
bond based on oxytocin we know that if a
man lives with his pregnant partner then
their oxytocin levels come into
synchrony a phenomenon known as bio
behavioral synchrony and we think this
is important in bonding that couple as
tightly as they possibly could so as
they can meet the challenges of
parenthood as a team and we’ve always
known footwell at least 10 years a
mother’s che brain changes when she
becomes a mum but we now know that
exactly the same happens to a father we
think increases in the white and gray
matter in two key areas of the brain
highlighted in orange on this slide at
the core of the brain which you the
increase in the limbic care of the brain
where your emotion fit so a father can
nurture and show affectionate care to
his child as well as detect the risk
that is important for him to see if that
child’s to survive but then in the
neocortex of the brain your menu folded
outer area of your brain where your
conscious mind sets we see a massive
increase in abling that father to plan
ahead to problem-solve
to take decisions so that he can be all
he can be to his child we also know that
father’s build profound attachments with
their children but they are critically
different to the attachment between a
mother and a child in the first instance
they are based on interaction
see fathers don’t get the head starter
of birth where you get floods of beater
endorphin and dopamine oxytocin so they
have to build that bonds based upon the
interaction they have with their child
this can mean that their bond is delayed
compared to the mother but don’t panic
it does come and at around the six-month
mark the most wonderful interaction
develops rough and tumble
play we can all picture the scene of a
father flinging his child around the
room era paying them up towards the
ceiling tickling them tell us sick with
laughter that’s fun dad but fun dad has
a role because those wonderful
boisterous exhilarating physical
sometimes a little bit painful
interactions produce a flood of beta
endorphin and oxytocin and dopamine to
both people who are involved in that
play so the child and his or her fail to
build the most deep bond and this form
of interaction is particularly important
in our time short world here in the West
because with fathers out of the home a
lot of the time they need to make quick
efforts to build that bond with their
child to get to know their child and for
their child to get to know them and they
do this by this time efficient very
quick form of behavior secondly
evolution hates redundancy so critically
they attach between father and child and
mother and child is different there’s no
point evolving to people to do exactly
the same role and we see these
differences even in the center of the
brain in the first instance the
attachment between the mother and the
child is inward-looking exclusive based
on affection and care the dad attachment
is also obviously capable of being
affectionate and caring but on top of
this is an extra bit his job is to
challenge to be the secure base in which
the child goes out into the world to
investigate what is going on his role is
to teach the skills behavioural
linguistic cognitive that will enable
that child to deal with life’s
challenges assess its risks and leap
over those hurdles to deal with failure
but also with success we live in the
most complex social technological world
and dad’s job is to turn the child’s
face to that world and go here is the
world and I am going to teach you how to
be successful in it and in that world
where we have a crisis in teenage mental
health and we’re running our social
relationships at greater and greater
distance due to social media we need dad
more than ever before to help us
navigate this complex world
you see evolution leaves nothing to
chance and it has prepared dad to father
to parent and dads are not just about
the genes I’m an anthropologist my job
is to study fatherhood around the world
and whilst we privileged the biological
father here in the West if I look around
the world generally dad is the person
who steps up and does the job
you see dads are wonderfully flexible
beings because they’re not bound by the
biology of pregnancy and childbirth and
breastfeeding they are able to change
their behavior more quickly to respond
to changes in the environment and that’s
what Dad can be a stepdad and a doctor
dad yes the biological dad whether he
lives with his children or not but he
can be an uncle a grandfather a friend
some children have whole teams of
fathers dad is there to make sure that
child survives why is this important why
do we need to know of this will you see
fund number one dad isn’t who we think
he is yes some fathers are absent but
that’s not the whole story
that’s not the whole spectrum of
fathering behavior we tend to put mum on
a pedestal quite rightly but dad is left
on the floor labeled is either absent or
in habit I think we need to balance that
negative story with the positive and get
a full reality of what fathering it’s
today secondly dads are more involved in
their children’s lives today than ever
before
now there are some practical and
societal reasons for this we have
reductions in health care which means
mum is often dispatched from the
hospital on the day she’s given birth
many of us don’t Lee live near the
extended families who in the past would
have helped us and now with the economy
as it is many of us are dual earner
households which means both parents both
have to earn and two parents to make
life work so quite often dad is there
literally catching the baby but also in
the ten years that I’ve been researching
for this I’ve seen a change in how
important they feel there are in their
children’s lives by knowing what we know
now about fathers they are empowered to
be involved they know they are important
and that they are meant
but the problem is you see is that
society isn’t quite ready for this for
your father hood and many fathers come
up against quite considerable societal
and cultural barriers in being involved
with their children and this starts no
sooner than when their partner is
pregnant my interviews with fathers are
littered with stories about being
excluded or alienated during pregnancy
birth and afterwards of being shut out
of midwives appointment of being ignored
even though they are sitting in the room
and this isn’t just in the UK across the
world from Sweden to Australia South
Africa to Canada we have the same
stories about alienation and while many
governments talk about their
family-friendly policies I’m afraid a
lot of it is lip service because you see
we’re not ready as a culture to accept
fathers being involved with their
families to take paternity leave for
example many fathers struggle in their
work environment to be granted this
right and some of them suffer penalties
from taking it and the fact that I’m
afraid it’s not properly financed means
that it’s only actually available to the
very wealthy because you see the thing
we know is that if you provide men with
paternity care that is ring-fenced and
that is properly financed men take it up
with enthusiasm in Finland 90% of men
take their full nine weeks of
ring-fenced finance paternity leave in
Quebec in the first year in which
ring-fenced financed paternity leave was
available the uptake was 250 percent
higher than the year before and it
continues to build
you see fathers want to be involved and
they want to care we just have to give
them the tools to do it and the other
thing to say is it’s not just good for
the father if we empower men to take
paternity leave then we increase
domestic equality in the home where
domestic chores and childcare are shared
equally we know in the mothering tax
that’s placed on mothers careers because
they’re able to go back to work earlier
safely the knowledge that their partner
is caring for their child
and we start to close that all-important
gender pay gap that we’ve heard so much
about because women’s a carry less
penalty on their pay and we know that
these effects cross generations in
countries where they’ve had ring-fenced
finance paternity leave this has crossed
generations because sons see their
fathers in the home in the domestic
setting sharing the care of their
children and that is their model for
going forward so we can cause a cultural
change so I think we need to change the
conversation about fathers I hope by
listening to me today understanding just
some of the science that we know behind
fathers now that you will want to change
the conversations you have because you
see fathers are meant they are biology
biologically primed to father to parent
and in a world where no one can raise a
human child on their own it’s important
that we have their input into our
children’s development yes some fathers
are absent and inept but so are some
mothers and we have to make sure we have
the full conversation about them it is
very true when we say it takes a whole
village to raise a child but let’s just
remember that right at the center of
that village is dad thank you [Applause]
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