thank you I’m going to speak today about
the synergistic relationship between and
among parents and children it’s obvious
we all know that parents teach children
that’s our job is to teach children our
job is really to put ourselves out a job
by creating independent children but
there’s also a critical piece of what
children teach parents first I want to
talk about what parents teach children
honesty right how often do children hear
as they should and honestly the best
policy
it certainly is we teach that you try to
learn it we teach that nothing else
matters if you make a mistake all the
mistake be honest about it and move on
you try and raise responsible children
who will eventually become independent
so we literally put ourselves out of a
job the responsibility starts early
right we try to teach your children when
they’re young to zip up their own jacket
and be independent that way they get
older we try to have them take
responsibility for going to teachers for
extra help if we’re successful those
little successes early with our children
then lead to larger success which builds
confidence more confidence children half
the board they’re going to take
responsibility of the independence we
try to teach empathy and compassion we
all know the internal IQ which is kind
of book smart and and school smarts but
EQ which is emotional quotient actually
has been shown to lead to more success
in life in careers in job satisfaction
than IQ and EQ is your your ability to
be empathetic to read other people to
anticipate reaction so we teach empathy
and compassion or chill
we’re successful as thoughtful parents
an attitude of gratitude is important we
were in another school where where there
was a whole emphasis on on kind of
catching people doing things right the
group of middle schoolers who had little
mr. potato heads and they were real
potatoes but they would fit with a
little potato head ears and mouth and
everything and if they caught you in a
random act of kindness they would
express their gratitude and in some
moment where there were a lot of people
around you get handed a mr. Potato Head
they became this very big thing in a
school well what it really did was make
everybody make everybody appreciative
and we do want to be appreciative of
little things we want to be appreciative
the large we also want to take joy so
without a tune of gratitude we try to
teach his parents generosity as well
right we want to teach children if we
were all fortunate so many ways and we
knew things those who aren’t as
fortunate
listening to Mohammed talk about his
life experience his family’s experience
made me a little less concerned about
that hangnail I woke up with this
morning that was thinking over my life
so the generosity is something important
forgiveness forgiveness we want to teach
children that people do make mistakes
people will harm us deliberately or
inadvertently but to hold on to a grudge
or anger it bitters us and does nothing
to heal the relationship so we teach
children to forgive we want to teach
children to persevere to be resilient
right there’s a great book from when we
were raising our own children it was
called blessing the blessing of the skin
page and if you get the title you
probably don’t even need to read the
whole book but it was about how we we
don’t protect our children by protecting
our children we protect our children by
by teaching them that they will fall
they’ll stumble they’ll literally and
figuratively skip their knee and they’ll
pick themselves up and alert
their future is is in their hands their
destinies in their hands we want to
teach our children humility right
willing to be modest
nobody likes somebody who brags a lot
that we like someone who who shows off
as a sore winner
we teach our children humility and we
teach our children love and our family
when the kids were younger and didn’t
have much money they’re just out of
college they still don’t have much money
but we would do coupon books we still do
coupon books and coupon books it would
be for your birthday or for Christmas
parent you might get a book and it would
be I’ll clean my room without being
asked I’ll make you coffee in bed I’ll
make dinner
I’ll cut the lawn these are very
valuable what I still cherish because it
has no expiration date because my
daughter gave me one endless snuggles
right whenever I want to snug like
without my coupon it’s laminated so it
will never wear out we teach we want our
children to learn all these qualities
and as as as we’ve been raising our own
children and as the headmaster at
country school I watch other parents
raise their children
it seems to me somewhere in that list is
what we’re all trying to accomplish you
prepared for the TED talk I thought very
little about kind of my parents only
because I don’t know why I don’t talk
much about my parents but my parents
both extraordinary people they both left
the earth below they’re very much in my
mind and in the minds of my two brothers
and sister the TED talk about the
synergistic relationship parents of
children got me thinking about my
parents and I actually have terrific
memories and stories for both parents
but there was a rare time of about four
or five years after my parents were
divorced and I was actually living with
my father while I was going through
my mother had gone back to Ohio and
taken my younger brother and sister and
my older brother is in college already
so I had this time with my father and in
1977 I was a sophomore in high school
and he wrote a book called the complete
book of Ronnie that absolutely exploded
it was very much the right book at the
right time and and I got to live that
experience with them we would run
together we traveled with his speeches
together go to Road races together he
had to be working on research with him
we’d write her books together he had a
he had a wedding calendar that we
produced together so we had a
synergistic relationship it’s
interesting but it was only as I have my
own children that I realized and I
couldn’t go to all the speakers do
things I was in high school having to
pursue my studies but I went to a lot
and it was only when I had my own
children and I was serving as an
admissions director and a boarding
school traveling all over did I realize
how much nicer must been for my father
to have me or one of my siblings out on
the trips with them because he’d be
bringing a part of home me out on the
road with them but you get that
experience the adults in the audience
mother you get that experience when you
start having their own children of what
it costs to him like for those who don’t
know in 1977 when the complete with the
running came out people were starting to
take more responsibility for their own
lives before that you’d kind of beat
your body up with alcohol or cigarettes
or something and then when it broke down
you drop it on the doctor’s doorstep and
the doctor would fix you up and what was
going on starting to kind of Jack
LaLanne is people beginning take more
responsibility for their own health
stress management diet that sort of
thing and my father happened to write
this book at exactly the right time he’d
written other books puzzle books
modestly successful books but then had
the idea of a book on running and in
again
77 it exploded and to this day it’s
still Random House’s best-selling
non-fiction book ever it sold over a
million copies throughout the world and
he travelled to give speeches to
Australia to New Zealand to England
France all over it and at one point I
had a list of all the states to the
United States he visited it’s
extraordinary number and I got to go to
many of those with them so I could talk
about mother I could talk about my
father but I want to talk about my
father in this very extraordinary time
in 1978 the book was doing so well that
my father was listed in People magazine
as one of the most intriguing people of
1978 now pretty impressive
President Jimmy Carter and Brooke
Shields right but he was also there with
miss bacon for second magnen his father
my grandfather had had left what state
of Washington never went to college had
a high school education but was
extraordinary reader and had taken a bus
ride out to make his way in New York
City because that’s what you’re doing if
you were a writer this was during the
Depression and my grandfather actually
ended up at any time magazine again with
valid if you didn’t laugh it wasn’t
gonna be working my grandfather while he
was trying to get the name of writing
circles added the second X to the name
because he said came an editor because
he said a person ought to be a noun not
a verb so
but our daughter Adams in the audience
actually I have many relatives who are
verbs and we don’t have big family
reunions but we did be dividing it to
the verbs divided into the nouns so
anyway my father came by his writing
naturally but it was very very hard work
the book was so successful that people
came out of the woodwork to to try to
get my father to sponsor their their
products to be a spokesperson hoping in
pre-sales one guy named Roy fields
reached out pretty early after this
successful book and and was marketing
something called bee pollen which exists
today but it was it was known then as
the Forgotten wonderfully in Roy fields
all up my father and was pitching him on
on the pollen as a stimulant to make you
if you can train army to get strong you
get more muscular you breathe easier and
you run faster and my father said it’s
really not my thing in my field said no
problem at all said you 500 tablets
it was HEPA 500 Texas and we got a V
pollen and my father and I started
taking amendments better the Complete
Book of running actually ended up ending
someone’s career which is quite sad but
a little funny
my father had these three puzzle books
they’d give done my honestly well and
when he had the idea for running book
because it seemed like writing before
they take it off you went to Doubleday
would publish the three books and
proposed this and what my father was
trying to look at nothing to advance on
his book so he can take a whole year off
of commuting from Greenwich into
Manhattan an hour each way and stay at
home and just write it and went proposes
to double day and double date turned him
down so he got an agent and shopped
around and Random House and picked it up
but double date turned it down the poor
guy who turned it down and it up lose
his job because wonderful exploded
Doubleday realized what they had missed
out on but when they turned it down
they not only turned
they said nobody wants to read a book on
running it’s like reading a book about
breathing everyone else how to do it
already
so it’s famous we have that letter
someone else for the same place and I
don’t not only then like reading a book
on how to breathe it’s like reading a
book on how to fall down everyone knows
how to do it and at one point someone
approached my father about seeing the
success of running
how about write a book on jump rope and
my father thought about for a while he
didn’t think you could possibly come up
with like 250 pages on jumping rope but
maybe someone will someday be one of the
one of the things that happened in 1979
is People magazine came out to our house
and they want to cover this this author
that had written this blockbuster for so
they came with two writers camera crew
set up and they’re interviewing all day
my father all day they’ve taken photos
of the house and where he did is write
in all there’s a long day my younger
brother he maybe it was bit 16 I was 18
oh yeah my younger brother comes walking
through the house at one point on his
way to the refrigerator where he spent a
lot of his time and then Rogers there
the writer one of the writers said to
Steve would you like to run and Steve
said knowledge
jogging boring it’s like the interview
stopped because People magazine ooh they
had like the title and sure it up and
became the major title on to Khalid oh I
think John is boring
that’s funny in our family at one point
by the way break water books is up here
as my reminder but it’s it’s also up
here because my wife bought break water
books and I wanted to put it up here to
promote her books but this is also my
reminder because at one point New York
Times had said that Jim Fixx is complete
book running is running off the shelves
so fast you can even watch it looks get
sold as quickly as they get me stock so
we had to be in New York for some of
them
and we went over to the Barnes & Noble
on Fifth Avenue and and surreptitiously
stood back to kind of watch there’s a
whole staff that complete book and run
heats and we didn’t want to be too
obvious in case he won’t recognize that
so we stood there and watch from there
for about 45 minutes one guy came by
picked up the book put it down and
walked away they were not flying off the
shelves anyway and then at one point we
were down for the 1978 Mardi Gras
marathon and it’s extraordinary race for
two reasons one is pit that year there
was a police strike and the marathon is
a terrific 26 mile run and it goes
through the French port and you see all
new orleans well this year they’re
happening a police strike so they could
run and close off all the streets so
instead that marathon is 26 miles across
the lake pontchartrain causeway and if
you’ve ever driven a place Pontchartrain
Causeway and I even now run like
Pontchartrain Causeway
it’s 26 miles straight across and on
concrete and you can run a concrete you
walk on concrete but you don’t want to
run 26 miles straight across weird about
mile 20 in the marathon had my father
gone down and given a speech the night
before it spaghetti something all that
so people knew what he looked like and
we’re going by a 20-mile mark and we’re
passing a guy in obviously horrible
discomfort and I assume he finished the
race but he was not looking good but he
looks up and recognized the father he
says fix I wouldn’t be out here what
one of the really great things that
happen it’s my father and I
we’re the same size shoot ten and a half
and two companies were throwing
everything they could at my father he
didn’t take sponsorship from a clothing
company a few company because what do
you want to do is remain impartial so he
didn’t take money but he sure took
equipment so he could try and see what
he’s like so it was only recently that I
actually ran out of my hosts supply
issue he has so many they lasted like
thirty years I have adidas cross-country
skis I have all these used clothing I
look back now I thought that one of the
companies that truth what human response
was a cigarette company Marlboro
cigarettes came offering a whole lot of
money and obviously my father was not
comfortable being a spokesperson for
cigarettes footbath company wanted him
to sponsor arch supports treadmills
jewelry stop watches this extraordinary
thing came out and I was living that
with them and it was fun to have these
conversations
he treated me as an adult as we decided
how to what to pursue and what not to
pursue what to try out and experiment
with one of the companies that came
forward in a toilet paper company I
think I was funny what about the does
about the goosey laughs one of the
companies came forward was a toilet
paper company and it’s a novelty company
they actually offered my father a lot of
money to excerpt copies of the running
book on toilet paper but he turned it
down and he said there was something
about the symbolism that bother
and for the students who don’t get that
what bothered him was the idea that it’s
worth would that be flushed down the
toilet we kind of wish we had would be
kind of fun to have whatever he never
did but it was a really extraordinary
time I told stories about my father
during that time I couldn’t told stories
about my my mother tedxtalks really got
me thinking about what do we try to
teach our children and what do you
deliberately teach your children what
are your children notice about you but
there’s another side too and that is
that is where our children teach us and
and if we’re good receptive thoughtful
parents we’re going to be paying
attention to the other side of this
energy relationship and what can we
learn from our children so I have a few
a few items to offer one is every day’s
a fresh start if you see children the
end of school day – totally liberated
fully liberated you see them in June
it’s like an endless summer coming up
and what I’m challenging the students in
the audience to do is help your parents
remember that every day is a new day and
a fresh day the day to tackle something
new did not carry much forward that
maybe didn’t go well today before I was
watching the students at the paint table
the drawing table they’re so imaginative
right students love to paint
they love to build sandcastles and then
totally immersed in that and time would
just fly by when was the last time
students in the audience that your
parents did art if they are artists or
they drilled right or they built
sandcastle I asked the students to help
their parents remember that creative
pursuits are fun and they’re good for
you kids dance they say
they’re there totally liberated his life
hasn’t beat them down right what what
could we as adults learn about being
courageous and trying new things and
singing and dancing from our children I
challenge the adults to think about that
think about that be courageous
dr. Samuel Johnson great English writer
Skouras saying how much happiness is
gained and how much misery escaped my
frequent and violent agitation and body
write my frequent violent agitation body
kids are naturally active they run they
play the recess is the best time of day
for them and they move around and it’s
not exercise to them it’s just fun it’s
exploration what I challenge that the
children in the audience do is have you
invite your parents to climb a tree with
you invited to swing on us that swings
with you
right don’t take a walk in the woods
kids make friends so easily right they
make friends on a soccer team they make
friends the beach they’ll talk about
their new friend they’ve played with but
they really didn’t know before they may
never see again but that’s their new
friend it’s really terrific but I’d say
the children is introduced your parents
to your friends parents right yeah
stretch stretch parents understanding
parents sometimes what we want to do is
have a dividual relationships not group
relationships but that takes a little
effort to go one-on-one in one city
money these items are all these items
I’d say we’re not our teacher our
children aren’t teaching this to us new
what they’re really doing is relearning
this for us right because we all do this
growing up about friendships and
adventures so relearning kids that break
the leg right they know everyone their
class and assign their caste
they have a scar they want to show you
their scar because it’s it’s not a scar
of defeat of the scar survival right we
as adults aren’t necessarily
so good thinking of scars as survival we
worry about making ourselves vulnerable
we worry about someone pitying us or
thinking were weak kids can teach us
that it’s okay to show your scars and a
lot of challenges the children say to
their parents you know whatever you do
I’m still proud of you mom I’m still
proud of you dad remember that right
turn that around your parents ask them
what they’re afraid of if they’re afraid
of anything or ask them what they worry
about let your parents show you their
scars or make them show you their stars
try new things
our family out of tradition I think of
it all the time at Chatfield Hollow and
Killingworth and surf club here in
Madison and we go on adventure walks and
events to watch it just winds like we
don’t know what we’re going to find we
don’t know what we’re going to see but
we just go out and we walk and then we
decide the kids decide where we’re going
to go and we look at things we try to
notice things but we go out deliberately
to try new things into having pictures –
children do that they’ll ski down a slum
of the Lita’s friends don’t try a sport
we don’t always do that as well as
adults but I think as we watch our
children we can do it and our children
can help us do it noticing the little
things when our daughter was younger she
could spot birds nests in any tree far
away up closer to passing the birds as
my wife and I thought it may be in a
previous life she’d been bird and also
this one’s a little gross and again it’s
in the audience but which when she was
younger we’d be driving down the highway
she was fascinated with roadkill what
was that it should train her neck to try
to see what that was we’d have to slow
down our son we spent a lot of time here
mad
we’re not our son was fascinated by the
sandpipers on a beach and how fast it
legs are right just stay away from the
water think those little things adults
were getting back to it because we’re
learning mindfulness and we’re learning
to grab a moment and be tranquil kind of
it and at peace but children do it and
we knew it we just need to relearn it so
the synergy of the in the parent-child
relationship is it is important d H
Lawrence a great writer would talk about
the rainbow and he said what two people
come together they create something
better than either them could create on
their own the relationship right and
he’d like it to a rainbow in fact one of
his novels is the rainbow but this theme
ran through much was right you have you
know two people can come together and
create something bigger than either
could create on their own and our
children do that to us we certainly do
it deliberately for sure but if children
do it to us if we’re open to it two more
things but two more things that children
can help remind their parents of and
I’ll close with this one is that it’s
okay to hang things for dinner right and
to there’s always time for ice cream thank you so much
the synergistic relationship between and
among parents and children it’s obvious
we all know that parents teach children
that’s our job is to teach children our
job is really to put ourselves out a job
by creating independent children but
there’s also a critical piece of what
children teach parents first I want to
talk about what parents teach children
honesty right how often do children hear
as they should and honestly the best
policy
it certainly is we teach that you try to
learn it we teach that nothing else
matters if you make a mistake all the
mistake be honest about it and move on
you try and raise responsible children
who will eventually become independent
so we literally put ourselves out of a
job the responsibility starts early
right we try to teach your children when
they’re young to zip up their own jacket
and be independent that way they get
older we try to have them take
responsibility for going to teachers for
extra help if we’re successful those
little successes early with our children
then lead to larger success which builds
confidence more confidence children half
the board they’re going to take
responsibility of the independence we
try to teach empathy and compassion we
all know the internal IQ which is kind
of book smart and and school smarts but
EQ which is emotional quotient actually
has been shown to lead to more success
in life in careers in job satisfaction
than IQ and EQ is your your ability to
be empathetic to read other people to
anticipate reaction so we teach empathy
and compassion or chill
we’re successful as thoughtful parents
an attitude of gratitude is important we
were in another school where where there
was a whole emphasis on on kind of
catching people doing things right the
group of middle schoolers who had little
mr. potato heads and they were real
potatoes but they would fit with a
little potato head ears and mouth and
everything and if they caught you in a
random act of kindness they would
express their gratitude and in some
moment where there were a lot of people
around you get handed a mr. Potato Head
they became this very big thing in a
school well what it really did was make
everybody make everybody appreciative
and we do want to be appreciative of
little things we want to be appreciative
the large we also want to take joy so
without a tune of gratitude we try to
teach his parents generosity as well
right we want to teach children if we
were all fortunate so many ways and we
knew things those who aren’t as
fortunate
listening to Mohammed talk about his
life experience his family’s experience
made me a little less concerned about
that hangnail I woke up with this
morning that was thinking over my life
so the generosity is something important
forgiveness forgiveness we want to teach
children that people do make mistakes
people will harm us deliberately or
inadvertently but to hold on to a grudge
or anger it bitters us and does nothing
to heal the relationship so we teach
children to forgive we want to teach
children to persevere to be resilient
right there’s a great book from when we
were raising our own children it was
called blessing the blessing of the skin
page and if you get the title you
probably don’t even need to read the
whole book but it was about how we we
don’t protect our children by protecting
our children we protect our children by
by teaching them that they will fall
they’ll stumble they’ll literally and
figuratively skip their knee and they’ll
pick themselves up and alert
their future is is in their hands their
destinies in their hands we want to
teach our children humility right
willing to be modest
nobody likes somebody who brags a lot
that we like someone who who shows off
as a sore winner
we teach our children humility and we
teach our children love and our family
when the kids were younger and didn’t
have much money they’re just out of
college they still don’t have much money
but we would do coupon books we still do
coupon books and coupon books it would
be for your birthday or for Christmas
parent you might get a book and it would
be I’ll clean my room without being
asked I’ll make you coffee in bed I’ll
make dinner
I’ll cut the lawn these are very
valuable what I still cherish because it
has no expiration date because my
daughter gave me one endless snuggles
right whenever I want to snug like
without my coupon it’s laminated so it
will never wear out we teach we want our
children to learn all these qualities
and as as as we’ve been raising our own
children and as the headmaster at
country school I watch other parents
raise their children
it seems to me somewhere in that list is
what we’re all trying to accomplish you
prepared for the TED talk I thought very
little about kind of my parents only
because I don’t know why I don’t talk
much about my parents but my parents
both extraordinary people they both left
the earth below they’re very much in my
mind and in the minds of my two brothers
and sister the TED talk about the
synergistic relationship parents of
children got me thinking about my
parents and I actually have terrific
memories and stories for both parents
but there was a rare time of about four
or five years after my parents were
divorced and I was actually living with
my father while I was going through
my mother had gone back to Ohio and
taken my younger brother and sister and
my older brother is in college already
so I had this time with my father and in
1977 I was a sophomore in high school
and he wrote a book called the complete
book of Ronnie that absolutely exploded
it was very much the right book at the
right time and and I got to live that
experience with them we would run
together we traveled with his speeches
together go to Road races together he
had to be working on research with him
we’d write her books together he had a
he had a wedding calendar that we
produced together so we had a
synergistic relationship it’s
interesting but it was only as I have my
own children that I realized and I
couldn’t go to all the speakers do
things I was in high school having to
pursue my studies but I went to a lot
and it was only when I had my own
children and I was serving as an
admissions director and a boarding
school traveling all over did I realize
how much nicer must been for my father
to have me or one of my siblings out on
the trips with them because he’d be
bringing a part of home me out on the
road with them but you get that
experience the adults in the audience
mother you get that experience when you
start having their own children of what
it costs to him like for those who don’t
know in 1977 when the complete with the
running came out people were starting to
take more responsibility for their own
lives before that you’d kind of beat
your body up with alcohol or cigarettes
or something and then when it broke down
you drop it on the doctor’s doorstep and
the doctor would fix you up and what was
going on starting to kind of Jack
LaLanne is people beginning take more
responsibility for their own health
stress management diet that sort of
thing and my father happened to write
this book at exactly the right time he’d
written other books puzzle books
modestly successful books but then had
the idea of a book on running and in
again
77 it exploded and to this day it’s
still Random House’s best-selling
non-fiction book ever it sold over a
million copies throughout the world and
he travelled to give speeches to
Australia to New Zealand to England
France all over it and at one point I
had a list of all the states to the
United States he visited it’s
extraordinary number and I got to go to
many of those with them so I could talk
about mother I could talk about my
father but I want to talk about my
father in this very extraordinary time
in 1978 the book was doing so well that
my father was listed in People magazine
as one of the most intriguing people of
1978 now pretty impressive
President Jimmy Carter and Brooke
Shields right but he was also there with
miss bacon for second magnen his father
my grandfather had had left what state
of Washington never went to college had
a high school education but was
extraordinary reader and had taken a bus
ride out to make his way in New York
City because that’s what you’re doing if
you were a writer this was during the
Depression and my grandfather actually
ended up at any time magazine again with
valid if you didn’t laugh it wasn’t
gonna be working my grandfather while he
was trying to get the name of writing
circles added the second X to the name
because he said came an editor because
he said a person ought to be a noun not
a verb so
but our daughter Adams in the audience
actually I have many relatives who are
verbs and we don’t have big family
reunions but we did be dividing it to
the verbs divided into the nouns so
anyway my father came by his writing
naturally but it was very very hard work
the book was so successful that people
came out of the woodwork to to try to
get my father to sponsor their their
products to be a spokesperson hoping in
pre-sales one guy named Roy fields
reached out pretty early after this
successful book and and was marketing
something called bee pollen which exists
today but it was it was known then as
the Forgotten wonderfully in Roy fields
all up my father and was pitching him on
on the pollen as a stimulant to make you
if you can train army to get strong you
get more muscular you breathe easier and
you run faster and my father said it’s
really not my thing in my field said no
problem at all said you 500 tablets
it was HEPA 500 Texas and we got a V
pollen and my father and I started
taking amendments better the Complete
Book of running actually ended up ending
someone’s career which is quite sad but
a little funny
my father had these three puzzle books
they’d give done my honestly well and
when he had the idea for running book
because it seemed like writing before
they take it off you went to Doubleday
would publish the three books and
proposed this and what my father was
trying to look at nothing to advance on
his book so he can take a whole year off
of commuting from Greenwich into
Manhattan an hour each way and stay at
home and just write it and went proposes
to double day and double date turned him
down so he got an agent and shopped
around and Random House and picked it up
but double date turned it down the poor
guy who turned it down and it up lose
his job because wonderful exploded
Doubleday realized what they had missed
out on but when they turned it down
they not only turned
they said nobody wants to read a book on
running it’s like reading a book about
breathing everyone else how to do it
already
so it’s famous we have that letter
someone else for the same place and I
don’t not only then like reading a book
on how to breathe it’s like reading a
book on how to fall down everyone knows
how to do it and at one point someone
approached my father about seeing the
success of running
how about write a book on jump rope and
my father thought about for a while he
didn’t think you could possibly come up
with like 250 pages on jumping rope but
maybe someone will someday be one of the
one of the things that happened in 1979
is People magazine came out to our house
and they want to cover this this author
that had written this blockbuster for so
they came with two writers camera crew
set up and they’re interviewing all day
my father all day they’ve taken photos
of the house and where he did is write
in all there’s a long day my younger
brother he maybe it was bit 16 I was 18
oh yeah my younger brother comes walking
through the house at one point on his
way to the refrigerator where he spent a
lot of his time and then Rogers there
the writer one of the writers said to
Steve would you like to run and Steve
said knowledge
jogging boring it’s like the interview
stopped because People magazine ooh they
had like the title and sure it up and
became the major title on to Khalid oh I
think John is boring
that’s funny in our family at one point
by the way break water books is up here
as my reminder but it’s it’s also up
here because my wife bought break water
books and I wanted to put it up here to
promote her books but this is also my
reminder because at one point New York
Times had said that Jim Fixx is complete
book running is running off the shelves
so fast you can even watch it looks get
sold as quickly as they get me stock so
we had to be in New York for some of
them
and we went over to the Barnes & Noble
on Fifth Avenue and and surreptitiously
stood back to kind of watch there’s a
whole staff that complete book and run
heats and we didn’t want to be too
obvious in case he won’t recognize that
so we stood there and watch from there
for about 45 minutes one guy came by
picked up the book put it down and
walked away they were not flying off the
shelves anyway and then at one point we
were down for the 1978 Mardi Gras
marathon and it’s extraordinary race for
two reasons one is pit that year there
was a police strike and the marathon is
a terrific 26 mile run and it goes
through the French port and you see all
new orleans well this year they’re
happening a police strike so they could
run and close off all the streets so
instead that marathon is 26 miles across
the lake pontchartrain causeway and if
you’ve ever driven a place Pontchartrain
Causeway and I even now run like
Pontchartrain Causeway
it’s 26 miles straight across and on
concrete and you can run a concrete you
walk on concrete but you don’t want to
run 26 miles straight across weird about
mile 20 in the marathon had my father
gone down and given a speech the night
before it spaghetti something all that
so people knew what he looked like and
we’re going by a 20-mile mark and we’re
passing a guy in obviously horrible
discomfort and I assume he finished the
race but he was not looking good but he
looks up and recognized the father he
says fix I wouldn’t be out here what
one of the really great things that
happen it’s my father and I
we’re the same size shoot ten and a half
and two companies were throwing
everything they could at my father he
didn’t take sponsorship from a clothing
company a few company because what do
you want to do is remain impartial so he
didn’t take money but he sure took
equipment so he could try and see what
he’s like so it was only recently that I
actually ran out of my hosts supply
issue he has so many they lasted like
thirty years I have adidas cross-country
skis I have all these used clothing I
look back now I thought that one of the
companies that truth what human response
was a cigarette company Marlboro
cigarettes came offering a whole lot of
money and obviously my father was not
comfortable being a spokesperson for
cigarettes footbath company wanted him
to sponsor arch supports treadmills
jewelry stop watches this extraordinary
thing came out and I was living that
with them and it was fun to have these
conversations
he treated me as an adult as we decided
how to what to pursue and what not to
pursue what to try out and experiment
with one of the companies that came
forward in a toilet paper company I
think I was funny what about the does
about the goosey laughs one of the
companies came forward was a toilet
paper company and it’s a novelty company
they actually offered my father a lot of
money to excerpt copies of the running
book on toilet paper but he turned it
down and he said there was something
about the symbolism that bother
and for the students who don’t get that
what bothered him was the idea that it’s
worth would that be flushed down the
toilet we kind of wish we had would be
kind of fun to have whatever he never
did but it was a really extraordinary
time I told stories about my father
during that time I couldn’t told stories
about my my mother tedxtalks really got
me thinking about what do we try to
teach our children and what do you
deliberately teach your children what
are your children notice about you but
there’s another side too and that is
that is where our children teach us and
and if we’re good receptive thoughtful
parents we’re going to be paying
attention to the other side of this
energy relationship and what can we
learn from our children so I have a few
a few items to offer one is every day’s
a fresh start if you see children the
end of school day – totally liberated
fully liberated you see them in June
it’s like an endless summer coming up
and what I’m challenging the students in
the audience to do is help your parents
remember that every day is a new day and
a fresh day the day to tackle something
new did not carry much forward that
maybe didn’t go well today before I was
watching the students at the paint table
the drawing table they’re so imaginative
right students love to paint
they love to build sandcastles and then
totally immersed in that and time would
just fly by when was the last time
students in the audience that your
parents did art if they are artists or
they drilled right or they built
sandcastle I asked the students to help
their parents remember that creative
pursuits are fun and they’re good for
you kids dance they say
they’re there totally liberated his life
hasn’t beat them down right what what
could we as adults learn about being
courageous and trying new things and
singing and dancing from our children I
challenge the adults to think about that
think about that be courageous
dr. Samuel Johnson great English writer
Skouras saying how much happiness is
gained and how much misery escaped my
frequent and violent agitation and body
write my frequent violent agitation body
kids are naturally active they run they
play the recess is the best time of day
for them and they move around and it’s
not exercise to them it’s just fun it’s
exploration what I challenge that the
children in the audience do is have you
invite your parents to climb a tree with
you invited to swing on us that swings
with you
right don’t take a walk in the woods
kids make friends so easily right they
make friends on a soccer team they make
friends the beach they’ll talk about
their new friend they’ve played with but
they really didn’t know before they may
never see again but that’s their new
friend it’s really terrific but I’d say
the children is introduced your parents
to your friends parents right yeah
stretch stretch parents understanding
parents sometimes what we want to do is
have a dividual relationships not group
relationships but that takes a little
effort to go one-on-one in one city
money these items are all these items
I’d say we’re not our teacher our
children aren’t teaching this to us new
what they’re really doing is relearning
this for us right because we all do this
growing up about friendships and
adventures so relearning kids that break
the leg right they know everyone their
class and assign their caste
they have a scar they want to show you
their scar because it’s it’s not a scar
of defeat of the scar survival right we
as adults aren’t necessarily
so good thinking of scars as survival we
worry about making ourselves vulnerable
we worry about someone pitying us or
thinking were weak kids can teach us
that it’s okay to show your scars and a
lot of challenges the children say to
their parents you know whatever you do
I’m still proud of you mom I’m still
proud of you dad remember that right
turn that around your parents ask them
what they’re afraid of if they’re afraid
of anything or ask them what they worry
about let your parents show you their
scars or make them show you their stars
try new things
our family out of tradition I think of
it all the time at Chatfield Hollow and
Killingworth and surf club here in
Madison and we go on adventure walks and
events to watch it just winds like we
don’t know what we’re going to find we
don’t know what we’re going to see but
we just go out and we walk and then we
decide the kids decide where we’re going
to go and we look at things we try to
notice things but we go out deliberately
to try new things into having pictures –
children do that they’ll ski down a slum
of the Lita’s friends don’t try a sport
we don’t always do that as well as
adults but I think as we watch our
children we can do it and our children
can help us do it noticing the little
things when our daughter was younger she
could spot birds nests in any tree far
away up closer to passing the birds as
my wife and I thought it may be in a
previous life she’d been bird and also
this one’s a little gross and again it’s
in the audience but which when she was
younger we’d be driving down the highway
she was fascinated with roadkill what
was that it should train her neck to try
to see what that was we’d have to slow
down our son we spent a lot of time here
mad
we’re not our son was fascinated by the
sandpipers on a beach and how fast it
legs are right just stay away from the
water think those little things adults
were getting back to it because we’re
learning mindfulness and we’re learning
to grab a moment and be tranquil kind of
it and at peace but children do it and
we knew it we just need to relearn it so
the synergy of the in the parent-child
relationship is it is important d H
Lawrence a great writer would talk about
the rainbow and he said what two people
come together they create something
better than either them could create on
their own the relationship right and
he’d like it to a rainbow in fact one of
his novels is the rainbow but this theme
ran through much was right you have you
know two people can come together and
create something bigger than either
could create on their own and our
children do that to us we certainly do
it deliberately for sure but if children
do it to us if we’re open to it two more
things but two more things that children
can help remind their parents of and
I’ll close with this one is that it’s
okay to hang things for dinner right and
to there’s always time for ice cream thank you so much
Please follow and like us: