tell me what is it you plan to do with
your one wild and precious life this is
a line from a poem by world-renowned
American poet Mary Oliver speaking of
poetry and writing my husband once asked
me if I were forced to choose between
him and writing which one would I choose
before I got the chance to answer him
he told me he already knew what I was
going to say so of course I didn’t
disappoint him I told him I would choose
writing over him and that’s when he
asked for a divorce and that was the end
of that I’m just kidding what actually
happened was that he looked at me and he
smiled and nodded at my expected answer
and the point is is that he understood
that writing was something that I could
not live without that it was so a part
of who I am and who I was that not
writing would be like I was consciously
choosing to go against my nature he also
understood and he told me this that I
was lucky to have found my calling most
people didn’t or don’t and they end up
in situations or places where for the
most part they had little to do with it
wasn’t always the case though what I
mean to say is that it wasn’t always the
case that I knew that I wanted to become
a writer it was not a realistic option
while I was growing up you see other
people did that other people published
poetry and books other people wrote
plays and acted in them and composed
music and albums and fashion labels and
art other people created things
platforms initiatives spaces I was
merely a passive recipient or a mediator
of sorts I was able to discover this
passion this calling so to speak as an
adult only in the past decade and a half
thanks to a series of experiences along
the way experiences that had iris
I would not be the person I am today
experiences which I allowed to take me
by the hand and lead me in the darkest
of fog into another kind of future or
three what I had originally planned for
my one wild and precious life was to
become a high school English teacher
thanks to my undergrad degree in English
literature as well as my teaching
diploma for that exact purpose this was
my life plan I thought at the time a
path my parents thought was good for me
as a woman in general and as an Arab
woman in particular my mother a biology
teacher herself thought that
schoolteachers had the best vacation
opportunities you see they took off
during the school holidays and they had
the whole summer to themselves to spend
with their families as wives and mothers
Thank You King patriarchy for the fixed
and preconceived roles for each gender
with a whole set of expectations in
other words limitations but not to get
too detailed I did teach as a high
school English teacher for a while in
Lebanon but then life took me to other
countries and other places and the key
thing is in retrospect is that I did not
resist
for instance life took me to the United
States where I lived in Iowa City for a
while and I still kind of held on to the
belief that I would teach English at
American schools nevermind the irony
that one of my friends joked and said
wait you mean you an Arab are gonna go
and teach English to people whose first
language is English yeah but it did not
quite work out the way I had in mind
because I soon found out that there was
a whole set of rules and regulations and
coursework that I needed to consider in
order to be certified as a teacher in
the state in which I lived and this was
because I was foreign educated so during
the time that I was supposedly seeking
to be certified as a teacher I worked in
various other fields jobs that I never
considered with my degree but I did them
anyway
for instance I folded clothes as a sales
associate and I practice my smile even
and especially with despicable customers
thanks to that job I try not to be that
despicable customer myself I also had my
bag investigated as a sales associate at
the end of my shift
each time I checked out at the end of my
shift this was standard protocol I was
told and I shouldn’t have taken it
personally but I did I couldn’t help it
I couldn’t help feeling hurt and
offended by the so called standard
protocol I folded bras and underwear at
a famous American lingerie outlet that
lasted about two days before I said
thanks but no thanks I also worked as a
bookseller at a famous American
bookstore and I loved every minute of
that being surrounded by people and
books and people who loved books and
reading as much as I knew that I did for
some reason no one investigated my bag
at the end of that shift because really
who would steal a book it’s not The
Consumerist capital of the world
but all the while I wrote long emails
back home to family and friends long
intricate carefully constructed emails
about my life in that Midwestern setting
I wrote about my longing for my homeland
and I wrote about my perception of the
world around me as a woman as a
foreigner and as a post 9/11 immigrant
in the United States and with time
people my friends and my family and
friends of friends who might never met
who had somehow received my emails began
began to write back to me and tell me
how much they enjoyed my stories and
that they were looking forward to more
it became obvious that something was
happening people other than my mother
actually wanted to read my crap it also
became obvious how much time and energy
I was investing in composing these
stories and I began to realize that
really I wanted nothing more but to
spend the rest of my time doing just
that to write this was a scary thought
because this was not part of the
original plan of becoming a high school
teacher so I took that scary thought and
I went with it and I applied for a
Master of Fine Arts degree in creative
writing at one of the top schools in the
city when I asked about the application
process I told I was told that I needed
to be published first that’s when it
struck me me published as an I do the
work and someone likes it enough to make
it public on beautifully bound sheets of
paper to me it felt impossible but I
kept at it I kept at the writing and
some time later and various jobs and
years later I reapplied for an MFA in
creative writing and I got accepted into
the University of Missouri st. Louis
that’s when a whole new world opened up
around me my being the only Arab in the
English department was irrelevant I was
surrounded by people who loved and
appreciated words and language and
writing as much as I did
and it was a natural expectation to
produce work that had the potential of
being published during that time I also
got introduced to poetry journals and
magazines and poetry and literary
readings where people would stand up in
front of an audience and they would
share their art they would share their
work and no one in the room thought this
was a complete waste of everyone’s time
I felt at home not only was it not a
complete waste of everyone’s time
but people including myself felt
something their words mattered words
could change people perceptions life
paths it was a powerful tool I knew how
much it had changed me as a lover of
books and readings but I never thought
that one day I would possibly become a
producer or a creator of books and
reading myself with time I began sending
my work out to be published in various
literary magazines and I got a zillion
rejection letters before I even got a
glimpse of publication so during my time
in the u.s. I was not only a potential
thief
remember the sales associate protocol I
was also someone whose voice would
easily be dismissed or muffled
intentionally or not intentionally and I
don’t mean my literal voice I mean my
voice of being you see not many people
whom I met at work or at school really
knew where Lebanon was on the map and
very few people seemed to care where I
was really from and then later on when I
got naturalized as an American citizen I
was actually told on more than one
occasion to no longer say that I was
Lebanese I was expected to become fully
American it did not sit well with me now
maybe I’m a difficult person but I felt
boxed in and trivialized into a an
identity so immediately without warning
or clarification
so I decided to take my voice back even
in the smallest of ways so for instance
during my master’s program by writing
did not include characters whose names
are Jack and Jennifer and Donald
definitely not Donald
they included common Arabic names like
Laila and Selma and Ziad they included
flavors from my kitchen
the weather and Beirut street names and
jargon from my ancestors in or in other
words they included things that I cared
about politically and socially and
intimately and ironically the more I did
this the more I felt like I belonged and
st. Louis began to feel like a second
home to me during my newly discovered
life in the u.s. I felt that something
was missing I felt that something
related to my identity as an Arab
Anglophone writer was dismissed most of
the magazines and journals that I had
become familiar with and had published
in were produced by older white men or
whites men in general or white women or
people of color but who were mostly
produced in the West nothing that
represented me as an Arab Anglophone
writer was produced in the Arab region
by an Arab person so one morning over
coffee and a cigarette I decided you
know what why don’t I do this myself why
don’t I start something that I feel
would fill a gap in the Anglophone
literary narrative this idea was born a
while before I actually made it happen
as is the natural case with a lot of
ideas that we come up with fear has a
lot to do with that delay
but finally when I moved back closer to
the region I finally made it happen
thanks to several things thanks to
technology and thanks to WordPress and a
little bit of perseverance and common
sense and a whole lot of negative
opinions which I chose to ignore I found
it
sukoon magazine an Arab seemed a
literary magazine that publishes art and
literature in English and I can’t tell
you how grateful I am for all the
positive feedback that I got since then
from writers and from readers for
starting this platform for filling up a
much needed gap for shedding light on
marginalized voices in a scarred and
underrepresented region the reward for
this is priceless I also want to say
that when I began participating in the
poetry and literary events back in st.
Louis I began to have people talk to me
about my work which represented all that
I knew from my life from my home from my
angst from a distance or my Wars and
these people would come up and talk to
me and tell me how much it kind of made
them think about their world maybe their
privileges maybe their distance they’re
somewhat partial lends to new things to
unexpected things happen to me while I
was in Dubai as well
after sukoon I published a I got my
nonfiction collection published by a by
a publisher and my poetry manuscript was
also picked up by another publisher and
turned into a poetry chapbook
whole books my words out there in the
universe I felt nauseous
and incredible all at once in a nutshell
I just want to say that basically I
moved from my plan of becoming a high
school teacher to my discovery of
becoming a poet a creative writer a
creative copywriter an editor of a
literary magazine and an organizer of
literary events as well as a university
instructor I have learned so much from
each and every step of the way from each
and every turn of events that came my
way I don’t think we realize how
important it is to always keep our minds
and eyes open to what might come our way
unexpectedly we won’t know what we’re
truly capable of or what we truly care
about if we don’t allow ourselves to let
go of rigid belief systems about
ourselves first belief systems which we
inherit with or without our permission
even this teaching opportunity here at
Finney State University which I love and
appreciate came unplanned coincidentally
around the same time that I was moving
back to Lebanon after being away for so
many years when the opportunity came up
I went with it and I honor this path
trusting that only positive things will
come out of it so I urge you I urge us
to stop staring at our phones all day as
we tend to do these days
to stop hiding behind our technology but
instead create our own progress I urge
you to go out there and do things and
make mistakes and get angry and get over
yourself and move forward discover who
you are and if you don’t like that
person it’s fine explore something else
there’s a whole world out there up for
the taking and finally if I were to take
the obnoxious Liberty for the purpose of
this talk of modifying Mary Oliver’s
perfect line tell me what is it you plan
to do with your one wild and perfect
life I would say instead tell me what is
it you plan to undo unfold discover
explore with your one wild and precious
life thank you
[Applause]
your one wild and precious life this is
a line from a poem by world-renowned
American poet Mary Oliver speaking of
poetry and writing my husband once asked
me if I were forced to choose between
him and writing which one would I choose
before I got the chance to answer him
he told me he already knew what I was
going to say so of course I didn’t
disappoint him I told him I would choose
writing over him and that’s when he
asked for a divorce and that was the end
of that I’m just kidding what actually
happened was that he looked at me and he
smiled and nodded at my expected answer
and the point is is that he understood
that writing was something that I could
not live without that it was so a part
of who I am and who I was that not
writing would be like I was consciously
choosing to go against my nature he also
understood and he told me this that I
was lucky to have found my calling most
people didn’t or don’t and they end up
in situations or places where for the
most part they had little to do with it
wasn’t always the case though what I
mean to say is that it wasn’t always the
case that I knew that I wanted to become
a writer it was not a realistic option
while I was growing up you see other
people did that other people published
poetry and books other people wrote
plays and acted in them and composed
music and albums and fashion labels and
art other people created things
platforms initiatives spaces I was
merely a passive recipient or a mediator
of sorts I was able to discover this
passion this calling so to speak as an
adult only in the past decade and a half
thanks to a series of experiences along
the way experiences that had iris
I would not be the person I am today
experiences which I allowed to take me
by the hand and lead me in the darkest
of fog into another kind of future or
three what I had originally planned for
my one wild and precious life was to
become a high school English teacher
thanks to my undergrad degree in English
literature as well as my teaching
diploma for that exact purpose this was
my life plan I thought at the time a
path my parents thought was good for me
as a woman in general and as an Arab
woman in particular my mother a biology
teacher herself thought that
schoolteachers had the best vacation
opportunities you see they took off
during the school holidays and they had
the whole summer to themselves to spend
with their families as wives and mothers
Thank You King patriarchy for the fixed
and preconceived roles for each gender
with a whole set of expectations in
other words limitations but not to get
too detailed I did teach as a high
school English teacher for a while in
Lebanon but then life took me to other
countries and other places and the key
thing is in retrospect is that I did not
resist
for instance life took me to the United
States where I lived in Iowa City for a
while and I still kind of held on to the
belief that I would teach English at
American schools nevermind the irony
that one of my friends joked and said
wait you mean you an Arab are gonna go
and teach English to people whose first
language is English yeah but it did not
quite work out the way I had in mind
because I soon found out that there was
a whole set of rules and regulations and
coursework that I needed to consider in
order to be certified as a teacher in
the state in which I lived and this was
because I was foreign educated so during
the time that I was supposedly seeking
to be certified as a teacher I worked in
various other fields jobs that I never
considered with my degree but I did them
anyway
for instance I folded clothes as a sales
associate and I practice my smile even
and especially with despicable customers
thanks to that job I try not to be that
despicable customer myself I also had my
bag investigated as a sales associate at
the end of my shift
each time I checked out at the end of my
shift this was standard protocol I was
told and I shouldn’t have taken it
personally but I did I couldn’t help it
I couldn’t help feeling hurt and
offended by the so called standard
protocol I folded bras and underwear at
a famous American lingerie outlet that
lasted about two days before I said
thanks but no thanks I also worked as a
bookseller at a famous American
bookstore and I loved every minute of
that being surrounded by people and
books and people who loved books and
reading as much as I knew that I did for
some reason no one investigated my bag
at the end of that shift because really
who would steal a book it’s not The
Consumerist capital of the world
but all the while I wrote long emails
back home to family and friends long
intricate carefully constructed emails
about my life in that Midwestern setting
I wrote about my longing for my homeland
and I wrote about my perception of the
world around me as a woman as a
foreigner and as a post 9/11 immigrant
in the United States and with time
people my friends and my family and
friends of friends who might never met
who had somehow received my emails began
began to write back to me and tell me
how much they enjoyed my stories and
that they were looking forward to more
it became obvious that something was
happening people other than my mother
actually wanted to read my crap it also
became obvious how much time and energy
I was investing in composing these
stories and I began to realize that
really I wanted nothing more but to
spend the rest of my time doing just
that to write this was a scary thought
because this was not part of the
original plan of becoming a high school
teacher so I took that scary thought and
I went with it and I applied for a
Master of Fine Arts degree in creative
writing at one of the top schools in the
city when I asked about the application
process I told I was told that I needed
to be published first that’s when it
struck me me published as an I do the
work and someone likes it enough to make
it public on beautifully bound sheets of
paper to me it felt impossible but I
kept at it I kept at the writing and
some time later and various jobs and
years later I reapplied for an MFA in
creative writing and I got accepted into
the University of Missouri st. Louis
that’s when a whole new world opened up
around me my being the only Arab in the
English department was irrelevant I was
surrounded by people who loved and
appreciated words and language and
writing as much as I did
and it was a natural expectation to
produce work that had the potential of
being published during that time I also
got introduced to poetry journals and
magazines and poetry and literary
readings where people would stand up in
front of an audience and they would
share their art they would share their
work and no one in the room thought this
was a complete waste of everyone’s time
I felt at home not only was it not a
complete waste of everyone’s time
but people including myself felt
something their words mattered words
could change people perceptions life
paths it was a powerful tool I knew how
much it had changed me as a lover of
books and readings but I never thought
that one day I would possibly become a
producer or a creator of books and
reading myself with time I began sending
my work out to be published in various
literary magazines and I got a zillion
rejection letters before I even got a
glimpse of publication so during my time
in the u.s. I was not only a potential
thief
remember the sales associate protocol I
was also someone whose voice would
easily be dismissed or muffled
intentionally or not intentionally and I
don’t mean my literal voice I mean my
voice of being you see not many people
whom I met at work or at school really
knew where Lebanon was on the map and
very few people seemed to care where I
was really from and then later on when I
got naturalized as an American citizen I
was actually told on more than one
occasion to no longer say that I was
Lebanese I was expected to become fully
American it did not sit well with me now
maybe I’m a difficult person but I felt
boxed in and trivialized into a an
identity so immediately without warning
or clarification
so I decided to take my voice back even
in the smallest of ways so for instance
during my master’s program by writing
did not include characters whose names
are Jack and Jennifer and Donald
definitely not Donald
they included common Arabic names like
Laila and Selma and Ziad they included
flavors from my kitchen
the weather and Beirut street names and
jargon from my ancestors in or in other
words they included things that I cared
about politically and socially and
intimately and ironically the more I did
this the more I felt like I belonged and
st. Louis began to feel like a second
home to me during my newly discovered
life in the u.s. I felt that something
was missing I felt that something
related to my identity as an Arab
Anglophone writer was dismissed most of
the magazines and journals that I had
become familiar with and had published
in were produced by older white men or
whites men in general or white women or
people of color but who were mostly
produced in the West nothing that
represented me as an Arab Anglophone
writer was produced in the Arab region
by an Arab person so one morning over
coffee and a cigarette I decided you
know what why don’t I do this myself why
don’t I start something that I feel
would fill a gap in the Anglophone
literary narrative this idea was born a
while before I actually made it happen
as is the natural case with a lot of
ideas that we come up with fear has a
lot to do with that delay
but finally when I moved back closer to
the region I finally made it happen
thanks to several things thanks to
technology and thanks to WordPress and a
little bit of perseverance and common
sense and a whole lot of negative
opinions which I chose to ignore I found
it
sukoon magazine an Arab seemed a
literary magazine that publishes art and
literature in English and I can’t tell
you how grateful I am for all the
positive feedback that I got since then
from writers and from readers for
starting this platform for filling up a
much needed gap for shedding light on
marginalized voices in a scarred and
underrepresented region the reward for
this is priceless I also want to say
that when I began participating in the
poetry and literary events back in st.
Louis I began to have people talk to me
about my work which represented all that
I knew from my life from my home from my
angst from a distance or my Wars and
these people would come up and talk to
me and tell me how much it kind of made
them think about their world maybe their
privileges maybe their distance they’re
somewhat partial lends to new things to
unexpected things happen to me while I
was in Dubai as well
after sukoon I published a I got my
nonfiction collection published by a by
a publisher and my poetry manuscript was
also picked up by another publisher and
turned into a poetry chapbook
whole books my words out there in the
universe I felt nauseous
and incredible all at once in a nutshell
I just want to say that basically I
moved from my plan of becoming a high
school teacher to my discovery of
becoming a poet a creative writer a
creative copywriter an editor of a
literary magazine and an organizer of
literary events as well as a university
instructor I have learned so much from
each and every step of the way from each
and every turn of events that came my
way I don’t think we realize how
important it is to always keep our minds
and eyes open to what might come our way
unexpectedly we won’t know what we’re
truly capable of or what we truly care
about if we don’t allow ourselves to let
go of rigid belief systems about
ourselves first belief systems which we
inherit with or without our permission
even this teaching opportunity here at
Finney State University which I love and
appreciate came unplanned coincidentally
around the same time that I was moving
back to Lebanon after being away for so
many years when the opportunity came up
I went with it and I honor this path
trusting that only positive things will
come out of it so I urge you I urge us
to stop staring at our phones all day as
we tend to do these days
to stop hiding behind our technology but
instead create our own progress I urge
you to go out there and do things and
make mistakes and get angry and get over
yourself and move forward discover who
you are and if you don’t like that
person it’s fine explore something else
there’s a whole world out there up for
the taking and finally if I were to take
the obnoxious Liberty for the purpose of
this talk of modifying Mary Oliver’s
perfect line tell me what is it you plan
to do with your one wild and perfect
life I would say instead tell me what is
it you plan to undo unfold discover
explore with your one wild and precious
life thank you
[Applause]
Please follow and like us: