and Kevin Hines ordered a bus as he got
out of that bus he sat in the last seat
in one of the little rows feeling fairly
certain about what he was about to do
however as he sent their mixed emotions
soon said in who is Kevin he was the son
of Patrick and Deborah Hines and his
words he was a champion wrestler and
played football when he was in school
now to be a champion suggests several
admirable qualities persistence
consistency mental toughness but on this
day this young man could not bring
himself to get off that bus before he
reached his final destination and he
could not ask others for help he sat
there in his seat
with tears streaming down his face which
in that just one person would notice his
distress and asked him if he was okay
but Kevin was met with silence indeed he
likely felt like this picture appears
empty alone he walked off that bus
believing that nobody cared about him
later attempted suicide so whose fault
is it that this happened after all as a
Kevin’s he attempted suicide no one
forced him to do it or is it the fault
of those in that bus who said nothing
and whose silence may have validated two
potentially deadly beliefs that kevin
was holding his bike and nobody cared
that he needed to die you may be
surprised to learn that based on what we
know or think we know about why people
die by suicide we don’t have enough
evidence to say definitively who is at
fault for each suicide attempt but
regardless when we find ourselves
falling along a continuum ranging from
the attempter being responsible to
perhaps those in the immediate
environment regardless I ask each of you
to move away from thinking about
responsibility and instead see the
opportunity in front of us we face many
choices as we go through each day of our
lives does it matter to you to
intentionally impact someone else’s life
for good or at all that bus ride was one
opportunity it was the door that stood
out but in Kevin’s case no one
approached him or tried to open it was a
missed opportunity but why should we
open that door of opportunity
well because the desire to die can be
shrouded in ambivalence as kevin stated
in a presentation at Fresno State
University he said I didn’t want to die
I believed I had to but our opportunity
is is we get to give evidence to those
thinking of any in their life that they
don’t need to the ambivalent person may
feel like they are metaphorically
pulling to live while life seems to pull
them ever closer to the reality that
they must die we have the opportunity to
step up to those who are struggling to
grab hold of their metaphorical rope and
together pull tools they asked you to do
that as if your life was a lie because
the clock is ticking it’s estimated in
the United States we lose someone to
suicide every 12 minutes but another way
that’s 125 excuse me 123 people per day
that’s the equivalent of 15 people
sitting in first class and the main
cabin being completely full on the Delta
Airlines Boeing 737 jet and that jet
crashing every single day with no
survivors one of those individuals could
be someone you care about or someone you
would have cared about in the future but
some of you may still be reluctant to
reach out to those who are struggling
this boat here is a historical view or
belief about suicide many religions have
moved away from believing this but there
are still people our society who think
this is true as suicide is the ultimate
rejection of God out of society I hope
that you’ll think about how your culture
and beliefs impacts whether you will
approach or ignore people around you
indeed it’s no surprise that those and
their most cherished circles think that
suicide is wrong or sin or perhaps see
it as a result of his efficiency that we
may as well the attitudes which we hold
toward human behaviors and the
assumptions that we make about those who
engage in those behaviors can impact
whether we see an opportunity to help
those in front of us or distance
ourselves from them because we only are
paying attention to what we disagree
with
this distancing has occurred even among
family members a woman named Brenda lost
her nephew to suicide several years ago
she was very close to this young man and
loved him dearly however when she heard
about the news of his death she was
furious she asked herself what right did
he have to do this to Brenda
suicide was something foreign it
conflicted with her values she thought
it was selfish and blatantly wrong this
led her to feel distant from her nephew
and why wouldn’t she this is a young man
was she admired and she believed that
this was a suicide would never be
something in his future it could lead
her to question everything she thought
she knew about him maybe even question
whether she knew him as well as she
thought she did but her attitude changed
thanks thanks to some events in her life
a Jewish rabbi explained that burial
rites for her nephew would not be denied
because he wasn’t in his right mind at
the time he took his life this along
with Brenda’s experiences working for a
local suicide prevention coalition led
her to question those negative beliefs
the labels that she attached turned
Neffe suicide she began to ask herself
consumed side really be selfish it was
the result of a disease or illness and
as her negative attitudes changed so did
her attitudes toward her nephew those
bonds of closeness came back because she
remembered the young man who lived and
stopped focusing on the way that he died
this is an opportunity for us as well
when we meet those who are in distress
and struggling
what are the negative labels that we
sometimes attach to those of our risk
for suicide here’s a few this is what we
risked when we attach these labels to
people we essentially take a normal
human being and we taped him and
discount them we demote them to a status
of inferiority they’re not like us
they’re different they’re one of them
see with Brenda it’s likely that the
suicide of her nephew tainted how she
viewed him in the beginning but seeing
suicide as a result with mental illness
gave it a context that she could
understand however this may backfires
for some of us if we also attach these
labels to those diagnosed with a mental
illness if we believe that mental
illness is a sign of a defective
character or biology or perhaps a sinful
or evil disposition then likely we’ll
just cement our views of those that risk
for suicide as being undesirable in
human event we increase the opportunity
to help others when we observe or
identify things that we can or we
observe review things about them or
learn things about that we can identify
with it could be as simple as
identifying a common interest there may
be someone in this room that has a good
taste and ties right there could be
other things other ways we could do it
it’s identify maybe a favorite band the
favorites sport actually this is
something that we can identify just by
paying attention to what people in front
of us are wearing it’s that simple
but why do we need to connect why do we
need to worry about turning to them and
to and us and all this why is it
important well consider this there will
be a time in your life if it hasn’t
happened already when you will face
level of adversity it’s too overwhelming
for you to tackle on your own and in
that moment how would you like to be
approached like Kevin Hines once there’s
silence or you’d like someone to step up
and offer a helping hand
and give you the support that you need
that hope
this is one man who’s done that this is
mr. Kevin Briggs he was a former Highway
Patrol officer in state of California
also known as the guardian of the Golden
Gate Bridge there was a young man who
was standing on the edge of a bridge
about to jump in his words he said he
was overwhelmed with everything he felt
like he failed his family and he
couldn’t go on he felt ashamed
mr. Briggs responded and this young man
lives today thanks to this intervention
but what did mr. Briggs do that made him
change his mind
well according to an NPR story core
interview between these two men the
young man said it was the compassion and
mr. Briggs voice that made only
difference that allowed them to connect
and build trust but there was something
else mr. Briggs did too he also gave him
his time his attention he spent up to 90
minutes with this young man focusing
entirely on him and thanks to his
compassion and understanding and not
giving up on him this young man is now
living the life he thought you never
could this is the opportunity in front
of us this is exciting things that could
happen to those who feel like they have
nothing to live for it can be a daunting
task to reach out to strangers
especially when they’re thinking of
ending their life but you don’t need to
focus on saving a life
Kevin Briggs showed us what we need to
do just create a conversation because
it’s the conversation that can save
lives it’s the compassion that can save
lives
remember what Kevin Hines said said I
wish that just somebody would come and
ask me if I was okay it can be that
simple for us is asking a simple
question when we know somebody’s in
distress this is something that is not
beyond any of us but you may still feel
reluctant it may still question whether
you can do this well the least you can
do is let people know you care and offer
a helpful resource the National Suicide
since these counselors talk to her
people everyday are thinking too many of
their life I’m sure they can give you
some ideas and tips if you’re unsure
what to say to do it’s a resource that
we all could access each of us has the
opportunity to show those who feel alone
that they are not and by helping them
pull through their life we increase the
odds of setting off a chain of events
like that positive outcomes for all
involved our person in distress
like Kevin Briggs we may inspire a
desire to live when death seems
all-consuming for those of us reaching
out you may learn like Brenda did that
human behaviors have a context that
those who seem alien to us actually are
quite familiar through this experience
we can move away from seat distrusting
or despising others who seem different
which behavior seem incomprehensible
seeking to understand them instead
ladies and gentlemen this is the epitome
of how we turn an outsider of them into
one of us this is our opportunity why
not today why not them thank you
you [Applause]