[Music]
20 years ago my life took on a wholly
unexpected direction I was sat watching
television with my then four-year-old
son and he said he needed to tell me
something and I said fine yeah what is
it and he turned to me and he said mummy
God’s made a mistake and I should have
been a girl I was terrified but also it
explained so many things so many things
but a bit like monopoly I jumped
straight from fear straight into denial
and told Jack that it was fine to be a
boy and like girly things but that
didn’t make him a girl and he looked at
me and he dropped his eyes and he didn’t
say anything else that day anyway so
what I want to do is I want to walk you
through the process that has filled the
last twenty four years of both my life
and my child’s life and hopefully
explain our journey so from Jack to
Jackie so how did this eight pound baby
boy and by the way she hates this
picture she said it makes her look like
a member of the Village People turn into
this twenty four-year-old young woman
she likes this pictures she says it
makes her look hot well Jack was my
first child I thought I knew what to
expect but really I started to notice
that as soon as he got mobile and could
express himself he was gravitating
towards things that you would see as
stereotypically female but I wasn’t
bothered that didn’t you know that
didn’t faze me at all as far as I was
concerned children should be allowed to
play with whatever they want to play
with even if it doesn’t fit the norm and
the child minders when I went back to
work
Jack’s favorite outfits were the tutu
and the snow-white costume and again
that was fine but not for Dad so
Jackie’s dad struggled and he blamed me
his thoughts were that because I allowed
the Polly Pocket and the my little pony
that I was facilitating and encouraging
and I disagreed and it caused tensions
what I had come to the conclusion with
over sort of the sort of years up until
she was about two was that I had a very
sensitive quite a feminine little boy
who was probably gay but Jack’s dad did
not approve of our child’s effeminate
behavior and it creates such tensions
that we ended up in couples counseling
we went to couples counseling and what
they said to us as parents that we had
to agree no matter what it was that we
agreed upon we had to agree at that
point Tim decided that I must agree with
him
apparently and all the girl toys all
girly toys as such were taken away and
put away and Jack was made aware that
this was not appropriate and a suddenly
confident happy little boy became quite
quiet withdrawn very clingy and tearful
I didn’t like it and I didn’t think it
was right and really for me the point at
which I really put my foot down was
about a few weeks later I think and my
mum phoned me and said what’s going on
with Jack and I said what do you mean
she said well I phoned a couple of days
ago to ask what Jack wanted for
Christmas and he took the phone out of
the room and said can you buy me Barbie
Rapunzel
but can you please hide err because if
mummy and daddy find her they’re going
to take it away and I realized that I
was shaming my child and their toy
Joyce’s and the toy embargo stopped but
I went to my GP because I was lost and I
did not know what to do and she raised
her eyebrows and she went oh that’s
interesting which wasn’t really very
helpful because I was hoping for some
day
rection and then she wasn’t the first
and she certainly wouldn’t be the last
person to tell me that it was a phase
he’s quite a long one by now wouldn’t
you say and that she would grow out of
it but she didn’t and what happened was
she kept reiterating I’m a girl I’m a
girl I’m really a girl six years old she
asked me when she could have the
operation to make her a girl and it was
really hard for me as a parent to watch
the devastation when I told her that she
had to wait until she was a grown-up
before that could happen but what I
identified for me is that I had to do
something and I couldn’t keep ignoring
this and pretending it wasn’t happening
and so I did some internet searches and
I put in my son wants to be a girl and
it came up with a number of different
sites but I think about 10th on the
listing was a site called mermaids so I
clicked on that and there was a phone
number and I made really quite a pivotal
call for me and I spoke to Lynn who was
a founder member of mermaids the charity
I think I cried through the entire
conversation because it was such a
relief to finally talk to somebody who
understood what I was going through and
could point to similes regarding their
children and my child it gave me hope at
seven years old Jackie was referred to
the Tavistock which is the NHS clique
that supports children and young people
with gender dysphoria and received a
diagnosis of gender dysphoria
oh really not a big surprise Anna eight
years old
unfortunately her dad and I separated
but what this did for me was gave me
much more freedom to be able to give
Jacquie expression the Tavistock said
that allowing her girl clothes in the
house was was helpful and said that she
needed to remain in male persona outside
of the home and that was fine and I
remember our first shopping trip for
girl clothes and we went into the store
and I said okay so over there there’s a
girl clothes you can go and
get a couple of things anything you like
and the look on her face was
indescribable she was so happy and she
went pelting off and she came back about
two minutes later and she had two
dresses she couldn’t decide and she was
holding him up and she was just beaming
and she was just like which one do you
like this one best or this one best and
during a twirl and I just thought to
myself oh my goodness is somebody
watching me now thinking this mother
with this little boy with dresses what
is she doing and then I look back at my
child in front of me and I looked at her
face and I thought do you know something
I can’t care about what strangers think
the most important person to me is right
there in front of me right now at 10
years old we went on holiday so we had
three weeks where Jackie lived as Jackie
Gill pronouns Gill names girl clothes
for the entire time and what that really
pointed out to me was how much lighter
how much happier how much more cheerful
my kid was just like literally from
getting up to go into bed and it was at
that point I decided that actually
forcing my child to live as a boy in
school was the wrong thing because I was
sending her that message that somehow
wanting and needing to be a girl and
express herself as a girl was shameful
that it was something to be hidden
secret so the last year of primary
school was her absolute best year of
school ever so she grew her hair she
willed the girls school uniform and
school said that they noticed an
entirely different child from the one
from this previous year and the kids
were amazing I remember the head teacher
saying to me that she overheard a
conversation between two of the little
girls and one girl said to the other why
why is Jack growing his hair and wearing
girl plays and the other girl went oh
didn’t you know he’s got a girl brain in
a boy body and the other little girl
went ah okay
and that was it unfortunately some of
the parents weren’t quite so open-minded
and we had to get the police involved
when we had a mother when she was
collecting her own child who was about
the same age as Jackie leaning out of
the window of her car and shouting abuse
at my ten year old daughter walking home
from school by this time Tim had come
around he had seen more and more that
this wasn’t something that was a choice
this was just a part of who our daughter
was and he was now supporting and
frankly she wraps him around her little
finger but we were now preparing for
secondary school and the Tavistock were
fully on board and helping but from the
minute she walked in the door she was
annihilated absolutely annihilated and
within two weeks she took her first
overdose I spent the next three years on
suicide watch and I look back and I
don’t know how I got through that but I
don’t know how she did either to add to
all of this puberty so at 12 years old
she started going through a male puberty
and it was horrific she began cutting
herself and we were absolutely desperate
and faced with an NHS at that time it’s
different now who wouldn’t prescribe any
medication to pause puberty no matter
how badly a child reacted to those
stages I went back into research mode
and I found a doctor in America who was
working with children with gender
dysphoria and who would prescribe
totally reversible blocking medication
that pauses puberty I’ve taken away
puberty resumes but it gives children
like my daughter the time and space to
live and be without their bodies
changing I know he looks like Indiana
Jones but he really is a proper proper
doctor
he’s dr. Norman Spack and he works at
the Children’s Hospital in Boston and he
is a world-renowned expert and he saved
my daughter’s life I have
no doubt about that whatsoever in the
midst of all of their school was up and
down eventually we found her a school
where she went to school eight miles
away from home and nobody knew her as
anything other than Jackie and that sort
of settled down but the effect on her
education on her life was profound she
had had seven overdoses in three years
all related to transphobic abuse and
attacks and one of her best friends was
the hate crimes coordinator for West
lead so in that gives you a bit of an
indication of what she went through
but at 16 my daughter underwent gender
reassignment surgery and now the next
bit I’m gonna let her talk to you I was
born in the body of a boy but I had the
mind or the brain of a girl I think I
was 5 years old when I said to my mother
like God’s made a mistake I shouldn’t
this doesn’t mean I’m wrong I think I
was like 7 nice to started growing my
hair and I started to wear the girls
uniforms my school itself they were
really really good about it
really helpful and so were a lot of the
students if anything it like I found
some parents were not as accepting I was
walking out of the school gate to go
home and throw a good two three weeks
consecutively she would like hang out of
her car window and like shout abuse at
me this mother I could feel like hate
and then I got into high school which
was an I per the story of me spread like
wildfire my first day like the first day
in school into my high school
I was in my my form group and some kid
who I’d never met opened the door to my
four room and he was just like I is that
freak in here it’s a freak I got spat on
and I got beat up and it really does
hurt to think back at how cool people
could be I found it quite empowering
that I’ve gotten through it and then I
got asked to Miss England and I was like
god I must be actually attractive oh my
god like gave me a real boost that I
just need it it’s part of my story that
it isn’t my whole story cuz as I say
like I’m a sister singer actress model
all kinds of things before I am a trans
person I hate that like why do I need a
label why can’t I just be a woman
everyone has the right to live their
life how they want to and be who they
want to be so why does it make it why is
it different for me I’m proud of
everything I’ve gone through and I
wouldn’t I wouldn’t change it now it’s
part of my makeup it’s in my DNA I am a
girl and I always have been I can’t
watch that I have to look down it still
affects me I’m now CEO of mermaid so I’m
running the charity that I contacted so
many years ago this gives a little bit
of an indication of the demand and how
it’s rising and what we are facing in
terms of young people coming forward and
the good thing is that parents are now
listening as well but you can see the
difference Society maybe is becoming
more accepting at the 10th time children
and young people across the country are
still being treated like Jackie was this
is from a 2017 Stonewall survey 51% of
trans children are bullied one in ten
received death threats 84% self-harm
compared to 10% of the population and
45% of them attempt suicide at least
once being transgender is not a mental
health illness
society’s prejudice discrimination
hatred
leads to anxiety and depression now this
is her now and you can see she’s maybe a
little bit the diva as well don’t know
where she gets that from what mine is
she’s happy and isn’t that all that
matters
thank you very much
[Applause]
20 years ago my life took on a wholly
unexpected direction I was sat watching
television with my then four-year-old
son and he said he needed to tell me
something and I said fine yeah what is
it and he turned to me and he said mummy
God’s made a mistake and I should have
been a girl I was terrified but also it
explained so many things so many things
but a bit like monopoly I jumped
straight from fear straight into denial
and told Jack that it was fine to be a
boy and like girly things but that
didn’t make him a girl and he looked at
me and he dropped his eyes and he didn’t
say anything else that day anyway so
what I want to do is I want to walk you
through the process that has filled the
last twenty four years of both my life
and my child’s life and hopefully
explain our journey so from Jack to
Jackie so how did this eight pound baby
boy and by the way she hates this
picture she said it makes her look like
a member of the Village People turn into
this twenty four-year-old young woman
she likes this pictures she says it
makes her look hot well Jack was my
first child I thought I knew what to
expect but really I started to notice
that as soon as he got mobile and could
express himself he was gravitating
towards things that you would see as
stereotypically female but I wasn’t
bothered that didn’t you know that
didn’t faze me at all as far as I was
concerned children should be allowed to
play with whatever they want to play
with even if it doesn’t fit the norm and
the child minders when I went back to
work
Jack’s favorite outfits were the tutu
and the snow-white costume and again
that was fine but not for Dad so
Jackie’s dad struggled and he blamed me
his thoughts were that because I allowed
the Polly Pocket and the my little pony
that I was facilitating and encouraging
and I disagreed and it caused tensions
what I had come to the conclusion with
over sort of the sort of years up until
she was about two was that I had a very
sensitive quite a feminine little boy
who was probably gay but Jack’s dad did
not approve of our child’s effeminate
behavior and it creates such tensions
that we ended up in couples counseling
we went to couples counseling and what
they said to us as parents that we had
to agree no matter what it was that we
agreed upon we had to agree at that
point Tim decided that I must agree with
him
apparently and all the girl toys all
girly toys as such were taken away and
put away and Jack was made aware that
this was not appropriate and a suddenly
confident happy little boy became quite
quiet withdrawn very clingy and tearful
I didn’t like it and I didn’t think it
was right and really for me the point at
which I really put my foot down was
about a few weeks later I think and my
mum phoned me and said what’s going on
with Jack and I said what do you mean
she said well I phoned a couple of days
ago to ask what Jack wanted for
Christmas and he took the phone out of
the room and said can you buy me Barbie
Rapunzel
but can you please hide err because if
mummy and daddy find her they’re going
to take it away and I realized that I
was shaming my child and their toy
Joyce’s and the toy embargo stopped but
I went to my GP because I was lost and I
did not know what to do and she raised
her eyebrows and she went oh that’s
interesting which wasn’t really very
helpful because I was hoping for some
day
rection and then she wasn’t the first
and she certainly wouldn’t be the last
person to tell me that it was a phase
he’s quite a long one by now wouldn’t
you say and that she would grow out of
it but she didn’t and what happened was
she kept reiterating I’m a girl I’m a
girl I’m really a girl six years old she
asked me when she could have the
operation to make her a girl and it was
really hard for me as a parent to watch
the devastation when I told her that she
had to wait until she was a grown-up
before that could happen but what I
identified for me is that I had to do
something and I couldn’t keep ignoring
this and pretending it wasn’t happening
and so I did some internet searches and
I put in my son wants to be a girl and
it came up with a number of different
sites but I think about 10th on the
listing was a site called mermaids so I
clicked on that and there was a phone
number and I made really quite a pivotal
call for me and I spoke to Lynn who was
a founder member of mermaids the charity
I think I cried through the entire
conversation because it was such a
relief to finally talk to somebody who
understood what I was going through and
could point to similes regarding their
children and my child it gave me hope at
seven years old Jackie was referred to
the Tavistock which is the NHS clique
that supports children and young people
with gender dysphoria and received a
diagnosis of gender dysphoria
oh really not a big surprise Anna eight
years old
unfortunately her dad and I separated
but what this did for me was gave me
much more freedom to be able to give
Jacquie expression the Tavistock said
that allowing her girl clothes in the
house was was helpful and said that she
needed to remain in male persona outside
of the home and that was fine and I
remember our first shopping trip for
girl clothes and we went into the store
and I said okay so over there there’s a
girl clothes you can go and
get a couple of things anything you like
and the look on her face was
indescribable she was so happy and she
went pelting off and she came back about
two minutes later and she had two
dresses she couldn’t decide and she was
holding him up and she was just beaming
and she was just like which one do you
like this one best or this one best and
during a twirl and I just thought to
myself oh my goodness is somebody
watching me now thinking this mother
with this little boy with dresses what
is she doing and then I look back at my
child in front of me and I looked at her
face and I thought do you know something
I can’t care about what strangers think
the most important person to me is right
there in front of me right now at 10
years old we went on holiday so we had
three weeks where Jackie lived as Jackie
Gill pronouns Gill names girl clothes
for the entire time and what that really
pointed out to me was how much lighter
how much happier how much more cheerful
my kid was just like literally from
getting up to go into bed and it was at
that point I decided that actually
forcing my child to live as a boy in
school was the wrong thing because I was
sending her that message that somehow
wanting and needing to be a girl and
express herself as a girl was shameful
that it was something to be hidden
secret so the last year of primary
school was her absolute best year of
school ever so she grew her hair she
willed the girls school uniform and
school said that they noticed an
entirely different child from the one
from this previous year and the kids
were amazing I remember the head teacher
saying to me that she overheard a
conversation between two of the little
girls and one girl said to the other why
why is Jack growing his hair and wearing
girl plays and the other girl went oh
didn’t you know he’s got a girl brain in
a boy body and the other little girl
went ah okay
and that was it unfortunately some of
the parents weren’t quite so open-minded
and we had to get the police involved
when we had a mother when she was
collecting her own child who was about
the same age as Jackie leaning out of
the window of her car and shouting abuse
at my ten year old daughter walking home
from school by this time Tim had come
around he had seen more and more that
this wasn’t something that was a choice
this was just a part of who our daughter
was and he was now supporting and
frankly she wraps him around her little
finger but we were now preparing for
secondary school and the Tavistock were
fully on board and helping but from the
minute she walked in the door she was
annihilated absolutely annihilated and
within two weeks she took her first
overdose I spent the next three years on
suicide watch and I look back and I
don’t know how I got through that but I
don’t know how she did either to add to
all of this puberty so at 12 years old
she started going through a male puberty
and it was horrific she began cutting
herself and we were absolutely desperate
and faced with an NHS at that time it’s
different now who wouldn’t prescribe any
medication to pause puberty no matter
how badly a child reacted to those
stages I went back into research mode
and I found a doctor in America who was
working with children with gender
dysphoria and who would prescribe
totally reversible blocking medication
that pauses puberty I’ve taken away
puberty resumes but it gives children
like my daughter the time and space to
live and be without their bodies
changing I know he looks like Indiana
Jones but he really is a proper proper
doctor
he’s dr. Norman Spack and he works at
the Children’s Hospital in Boston and he
is a world-renowned expert and he saved
my daughter’s life I have
no doubt about that whatsoever in the
midst of all of their school was up and
down eventually we found her a school
where she went to school eight miles
away from home and nobody knew her as
anything other than Jackie and that sort
of settled down but the effect on her
education on her life was profound she
had had seven overdoses in three years
all related to transphobic abuse and
attacks and one of her best friends was
the hate crimes coordinator for West
lead so in that gives you a bit of an
indication of what she went through
but at 16 my daughter underwent gender
reassignment surgery and now the next
bit I’m gonna let her talk to you I was
born in the body of a boy but I had the
mind or the brain of a girl I think I
was 5 years old when I said to my mother
like God’s made a mistake I shouldn’t
this doesn’t mean I’m wrong I think I
was like 7 nice to started growing my
hair and I started to wear the girls
uniforms my school itself they were
really really good about it
really helpful and so were a lot of the
students if anything it like I found
some parents were not as accepting I was
walking out of the school gate to go
home and throw a good two three weeks
consecutively she would like hang out of
her car window and like shout abuse at
me this mother I could feel like hate
and then I got into high school which
was an I per the story of me spread like
wildfire my first day like the first day
in school into my high school
I was in my my form group and some kid
who I’d never met opened the door to my
four room and he was just like I is that
freak in here it’s a freak I got spat on
and I got beat up and it really does
hurt to think back at how cool people
could be I found it quite empowering
that I’ve gotten through it and then I
got asked to Miss England and I was like
god I must be actually attractive oh my
god like gave me a real boost that I
just need it it’s part of my story that
it isn’t my whole story cuz as I say
like I’m a sister singer actress model
all kinds of things before I am a trans
person I hate that like why do I need a
label why can’t I just be a woman
everyone has the right to live their
life how they want to and be who they
want to be so why does it make it why is
it different for me I’m proud of
everything I’ve gone through and I
wouldn’t I wouldn’t change it now it’s
part of my makeup it’s in my DNA I am a
girl and I always have been I can’t
watch that I have to look down it still
affects me I’m now CEO of mermaid so I’m
running the charity that I contacted so
many years ago this gives a little bit
of an indication of the demand and how
it’s rising and what we are facing in
terms of young people coming forward and
the good thing is that parents are now
listening as well but you can see the
difference Society maybe is becoming
more accepting at the 10th time children
and young people across the country are
still being treated like Jackie was this
is from a 2017 Stonewall survey 51% of
trans children are bullied one in ten
received death threats 84% self-harm
compared to 10% of the population and
45% of them attempt suicide at least
once being transgender is not a mental
health illness
society’s prejudice discrimination
hatred
leads to anxiety and depression now this
is her now and you can see she’s maybe a
little bit the diva as well don’t know
where she gets that from what mine is
she’s happy and isn’t that all that
matters
thank you very much
[Applause]
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