hi hello do me a favor to your neighbor
to say hello and then to your other
neighbor just say hello alright now that
we’re all acquainted let’s get started
there’s research that says that right
around 7 years old is when we start to
develop long-term memories that is the
memories that we can recall once we’re
adults and look backwards the sustained
memories if you will that sounds about
right because it was right around 70
years old I can remember coming home and
great delight saying to my mother mom
that’s all you talk mom the next time I
go to the barbershop I want to get my
hair cut like Erik Galvin this is Erik
Galvin Erik Galvin is white I am NOT but
Erik Galvan’s hair would blow in the
wind which I thought was just
ridiculously cool and my hair just kind
of stood there it’s funny those things
we take for Greta it looking back right
but there I was making a declaration to
my mom mom I want to get my hair cut
like Eric gal van next time we go to the
barber shop and my mom look at looks at
me as if to say maybe you know you black
right and of course I know that I’m
black I knew that I was black I know
that I am black look I grew up in
Detroit arguably one of the blackest
cities in the country of course another
I’m black I went to public schools my
entire life in Detroit some of the best
public schools mind you of course I know
that I’m black because in those public
schools I was told that I had to be two
times as good as the people in the
suburbs if I were to compete and those
people are the suburbs are people who
didn’t look like me who were not black
of course I know their own plaque I was
reminded this my thinking about the fact
that my brother and I used to swim
competitively that’s well from six years
old to 18 years old he throughout
college and let me tell you ain’t a
whole lot of black people’s women
compared over just keeping it real but I
can remember in those years swimming
competitively feeling the awkward stares
experiencing the passive aggressiveness
overhearing the whispers that were laden
with racial epithets I know that I’m
black see even living in New York City
where I live for six years or so I can
remember more than I like to parking my
car in a public parking garage probably
parking structure and on my way out of
the garage another patron walked by and
give me his keys I know right mistaken
me for a parking attendant I didn’t have
on a uniform I did have a bag too said
hi I’m Marcus but yet because I’m black
he thought that I worked there now look
I got nothing against parking attendants
there to swallow the earth
but I was in a parking attendant in fact
I have the great pleasure the great
honor to work at this prestigious
University as a faculty member that’s
right but I am reminded of my blackness
when I look around the student
population I don’t see very many people
who look like me not only in the
population but among my peers as well as
educators see not only do I work in an
industry where there aren’t a lot of
black people there to remind me just how
black I am I also work in advertising as
an executive no less I work in
advertising where there’s only four
point two percent before point one
percent check that four point one
percent of black people in the entire
industry and I can feel it I could feel
the doubt when I walk into a room for
the first time and I can feel them
questioning my intellect my ability my
pedigree because I’m black and if that’s
not enough trust me there should be
enough I’m reminded of the fact that I’m
black when I consider that never met my
paternal grandfather my father’s father
who was murdered in rural Arkansas in
late 1940s because he too was black
leaving my seven-year-old father and his
twin brother and their siblings
fatherless but this is where things get
paradoxical because wow I’ve experienced
all this time a salient sea of
understanding my blackness when I’ve
been a lug my peers growing up at the
same time simultaneously among my peers
who were also black I was called a white
boy because I swam because I spent
summers going to band camp right
because I love the monkeys just as much
as I love Tribe Called Quest the monkeys
were great or because I excelled in
school I was somehow diminishing my
blackness and to make matters worse to
exacerbate this issue I decided to fall
in love and marry a woman who was not
black and I was accused practically of
betraying my race of unraveling the
thread of the black community did this a
few years ago I shared an article on
Facebook from the New York Times that
chronicled the increase in interracial
marriages in the country I thought was
interesting because I myself was in an
interracial relationship and I shared
this on Facebook I it was met with some
delight some glee from some of my
friends but one friend in particular
friend I had known my entire life at
that time 20-some odd years of close
close friendship she chat this no this
just kidding all right the glorification
of interracial marriages is dangerous
because it romanticizes diversity
marriage is an institution for community
building and it is not a decision based
on love this was my friend of 20-some
odd years who’s supposed to know me so
well and I saw this in horror because a
I didn’t see the world that way but I
immediately thought of my soon-to-be
wife and she was beside herself and
rightfully so because this person who I
cherished dearly didn’t know me at all
and one person replied with two
sentences that thought was super
powerful and I said this new America
old habits and indeed this was an old
habit because I’ve experienced this my
entire life
when I was among white people I was too
black couldn’t be any blacker among my
own people I wasn’t black enough one
poet put it this way too foreign for
home to foreign for here never enough
for both what an isolating and lonely
feeling what a feeling of loneliness now
why does any of this matter it’s a
Friday night why does any of this matter
it’s pretty heavy I tell you I matters
because my experience isn’t unique to me
there are tons of people who felt
isolated alone like a black sheep
because of their race their ethnicity
their ethnicity their gender their
sexuality their religion in fact Harris
did a the Harris Poll did a recent study
that showed that 72% of people in this
country have cited feeling lonely in
this hyper connected world or just a
tweet in a snap away from everybody we
feel alone and yet man by nature is a
social animal as Aristotle will say we
all just want to belong it’s in the
fabric of humanity to want to belong
this reminds me of a trip I took last
year to Hong Kong for the first time
it’s in Hong Kong and there I didn’t
feel any more out of place than I feel
here in the United States in my country
in my home which is both the liberating
feeling and kind of sad but I remembered
this remarkable thing happened I’m
walking through the train station right
so I’m walking through the train station
in the metro and as I’m walking I see a
white American down the way coming the
opposite way of me right we’re
approaching each other and as we
approach each other we lock eyes not
that kind of way but we lock eyes
we lock eyes and then it happened it
happened he gave me the nod though nod
the nod he gave me the nod y’all now for
you guys for some of you guys who may
not know the nod
this is institution of higher learning
but those guys may not know the nod the
nod is an unwritten rule it’s a social
norm among african-american people black
people black men in particular where you
see you I don’t even know you but we are
minorities in this setting I see you
dude you exist you matter and it works
like this it’s very simple we see
someone who was black and you go like
this or do the opposite
what up it works both ways but you can
imagine considering the experience that
black people have had in this country
where our existence let alone our rights
didn’t matter the nod is super man
powerful and Here I am on the other side
of the globe and a white man gives me
the nod as if to say I see you you exist
you matter and here we are more alike
than we are different here you matter
I’ve often heard stories from friends of
mine who are first-generation immigrants
they mean their parents came here
searching for new opportunities for
themselves and their family and they
were the first of their family to be
born here first-generation immigrants
and Americans are born here and they
assimilate they adopt to the culture of
America the shared believes the social
norms the unwritten rules the language
the artifacts that we’ve done and as
much as they adopt to the culture they
still felt different they still felt
like black sheep typically because of
the way they look now on the flip side
if they went to their parents home
country their homeland they felt
different there also because of the way
they talked because of the way they act
too
foreign for home to foreign for here
never enough for both now why is this
matter I’ll tell you why this matters it
matters because that only do we all want
to belong it’s in the very DNA of people
to connect anthropologists would argue
that it was man’s ability to socialize
that allowed us to evolve the species
one great poet said this dearly beloved
we’ve gathered today to get through this
thing called life and it’s true and
because of that everything about us
drives us to connect in fact it’s a part
of the brain called the mirror neuron
system whose job it is to mirror what it
sees right the brain sees something that
says wow that’s pretty cool we should
try that and then you try it right like
Freud would say that thought is just
action and rehearsal you see it and
before long you take on the behavior
that’s why yawning is so contagious you
see someone yawn your brain goes whoa
dude we’ve got to try that
and before long you’re yawning
we’re mirror what we see it’s the same
reason why we’re watching a horror movie
we see this we’re like watch out going
I’ll kill you because your brain is
practicing but it might feel like if you
like Liv Tyler in that situation or my
wife watches The Notebook she just sobs
oh she just balls because in her mind
she’s practicing what it might feel like
to be loved by Ryan Gosling and that’s
totally cool totally cool the movie came
out before we started dating it’s all
good I’m strong in my manhood it’s all
good but here’s the thing
we’ve mirror what we see because
mimicking art people brings us closer
together it allows us to be much more
empathetic strengthening a covalent
bonds between our people because we all
want to belong it’s probably why black
people in particular have the uncanny
ability
to code-switch and that is we can adopt
a way to talk the way to act we with
certain people for instance if I get a
call from a number I don’t recognize I
answer the phone like this hello this is
Marcus
and then I realizes my friend I’m like
what up son what I do
the coat switch because we all want to
belong now why does any of this matter I
tell you why this matters to me
personally because my wife and I are
raising our daughter in a world where
people will label her as mixed as
biracial or maybe even other they’ll
marvel at her curly hair
they’ll bill the struggle with the
ambiguity of her blue eyes their exotic
size her olive skin and they’ll think to
themselves and maybe be even as bold as
to say what are you what are you and the
sad part about this that is very clear
what she is she’s back and she’s white
and she’s Christian and she observes the
Jewish High Holidays right she’s also
very funny and she loves music and a
whole host of other things but because
of those superficial differences people
are gonna see her and she’ll experience
what it’s like to be a black sheep in
ways that are far more salient than me
and that just breaks my heart because
when I think about the world that I want
my daughter to experience as she
navigates her journey in life I would
hope that someone sees her and says I
see you you matter and we are more alike
than we are different
why should this matter to you well I’ll
tell you this should matter to you
because we live in a world more divisive
than ever before
there’s the haves and have-nots there is
the Liberals and the Conservatives
Republicans and Democrats young and old
and somewhere along the lines we find
ourselves trying to navigate this
spectrum and we all end up feeling like
black sheeps
out of place lonely and I think about
that it makes me wonder imagine a world
where we stop looking each other’s
differences and started looking at the
things that we have in common then we
look at each other and say I see you and
we’re more alike than we are different
imagine that world will we take on
people’s perspectives we allow ourselves
to be super empathic because it’s what
we’re wired to do look I’m not trying to
romanticize diversity instead I’m
promoting the unity of humanity because
that’s the world that I want to live in
and that I think is an idea worth
spreading thank you so much
you
to say hello and then to your other
neighbor just say hello alright now that
we’re all acquainted let’s get started
there’s research that says that right
around 7 years old is when we start to
develop long-term memories that is the
memories that we can recall once we’re
adults and look backwards the sustained
memories if you will that sounds about
right because it was right around 70
years old I can remember coming home and
great delight saying to my mother mom
that’s all you talk mom the next time I
go to the barbershop I want to get my
hair cut like Erik Galvin this is Erik
Galvin Erik Galvin is white I am NOT but
Erik Galvan’s hair would blow in the
wind which I thought was just
ridiculously cool and my hair just kind
of stood there it’s funny those things
we take for Greta it looking back right
but there I was making a declaration to
my mom mom I want to get my hair cut
like Eric gal van next time we go to the
barber shop and my mom look at looks at
me as if to say maybe you know you black
right and of course I know that I’m
black I knew that I was black I know
that I am black look I grew up in
Detroit arguably one of the blackest
cities in the country of course another
I’m black I went to public schools my
entire life in Detroit some of the best
public schools mind you of course I know
that I’m black because in those public
schools I was told that I had to be two
times as good as the people in the
suburbs if I were to compete and those
people are the suburbs are people who
didn’t look like me who were not black
of course I know their own plaque I was
reminded this my thinking about the fact
that my brother and I used to swim
competitively that’s well from six years
old to 18 years old he throughout
college and let me tell you ain’t a
whole lot of black people’s women
compared over just keeping it real but I
can remember in those years swimming
competitively feeling the awkward stares
experiencing the passive aggressiveness
overhearing the whispers that were laden
with racial epithets I know that I’m
black see even living in New York City
where I live for six years or so I can
remember more than I like to parking my
car in a public parking garage probably
parking structure and on my way out of
the garage another patron walked by and
give me his keys I know right mistaken
me for a parking attendant I didn’t have
on a uniform I did have a bag too said
hi I’m Marcus but yet because I’m black
he thought that I worked there now look
I got nothing against parking attendants
there to swallow the earth
but I was in a parking attendant in fact
I have the great pleasure the great
honor to work at this prestigious
University as a faculty member that’s
right but I am reminded of my blackness
when I look around the student
population I don’t see very many people
who look like me not only in the
population but among my peers as well as
educators see not only do I work in an
industry where there aren’t a lot of
black people there to remind me just how
black I am I also work in advertising as
an executive no less I work in
advertising where there’s only four
point two percent before point one
percent check that four point one
percent of black people in the entire
industry and I can feel it I could feel
the doubt when I walk into a room for
the first time and I can feel them
questioning my intellect my ability my
pedigree because I’m black and if that’s
not enough trust me there should be
enough I’m reminded of the fact that I’m
black when I consider that never met my
paternal grandfather my father’s father
who was murdered in rural Arkansas in
late 1940s because he too was black
leaving my seven-year-old father and his
twin brother and their siblings
fatherless but this is where things get
paradoxical because wow I’ve experienced
all this time a salient sea of
understanding my blackness when I’ve
been a lug my peers growing up at the
same time simultaneously among my peers
who were also black I was called a white
boy because I swam because I spent
summers going to band camp right
because I love the monkeys just as much
as I love Tribe Called Quest the monkeys
were great or because I excelled in
school I was somehow diminishing my
blackness and to make matters worse to
exacerbate this issue I decided to fall
in love and marry a woman who was not
black and I was accused practically of
betraying my race of unraveling the
thread of the black community did this a
few years ago I shared an article on
Facebook from the New York Times that
chronicled the increase in interracial
marriages in the country I thought was
interesting because I myself was in an
interracial relationship and I shared
this on Facebook I it was met with some
delight some glee from some of my
friends but one friend in particular
friend I had known my entire life at
that time 20-some odd years of close
close friendship she chat this no this
just kidding all right the glorification
of interracial marriages is dangerous
because it romanticizes diversity
marriage is an institution for community
building and it is not a decision based
on love this was my friend of 20-some
odd years who’s supposed to know me so
well and I saw this in horror because a
I didn’t see the world that way but I
immediately thought of my soon-to-be
wife and she was beside herself and
rightfully so because this person who I
cherished dearly didn’t know me at all
and one person replied with two
sentences that thought was super
powerful and I said this new America
old habits and indeed this was an old
habit because I’ve experienced this my
entire life
when I was among white people I was too
black couldn’t be any blacker among my
own people I wasn’t black enough one
poet put it this way too foreign for
home to foreign for here never enough
for both what an isolating and lonely
feeling what a feeling of loneliness now
why does any of this matter it’s a
Friday night why does any of this matter
it’s pretty heavy I tell you I matters
because my experience isn’t unique to me
there are tons of people who felt
isolated alone like a black sheep
because of their race their ethnicity
their ethnicity their gender their
sexuality their religion in fact Harris
did a the Harris Poll did a recent study
that showed that 72% of people in this
country have cited feeling lonely in
this hyper connected world or just a
tweet in a snap away from everybody we
feel alone and yet man by nature is a
social animal as Aristotle will say we
all just want to belong it’s in the
fabric of humanity to want to belong
this reminds me of a trip I took last
year to Hong Kong for the first time
it’s in Hong Kong and there I didn’t
feel any more out of place than I feel
here in the United States in my country
in my home which is both the liberating
feeling and kind of sad but I remembered
this remarkable thing happened I’m
walking through the train station right
so I’m walking through the train station
in the metro and as I’m walking I see a
white American down the way coming the
opposite way of me right we’re
approaching each other and as we
approach each other we lock eyes not
that kind of way but we lock eyes
we lock eyes and then it happened it
happened he gave me the nod though nod
the nod he gave me the nod y’all now for
you guys for some of you guys who may
not know the nod
this is institution of higher learning
but those guys may not know the nod the
nod is an unwritten rule it’s a social
norm among african-american people black
people black men in particular where you
see you I don’t even know you but we are
minorities in this setting I see you
dude you exist you matter and it works
like this it’s very simple we see
someone who was black and you go like
this or do the opposite
what up it works both ways but you can
imagine considering the experience that
black people have had in this country
where our existence let alone our rights
didn’t matter the nod is super man
powerful and Here I am on the other side
of the globe and a white man gives me
the nod as if to say I see you you exist
you matter and here we are more alike
than we are different here you matter
I’ve often heard stories from friends of
mine who are first-generation immigrants
they mean their parents came here
searching for new opportunities for
themselves and their family and they
were the first of their family to be
born here first-generation immigrants
and Americans are born here and they
assimilate they adopt to the culture of
America the shared believes the social
norms the unwritten rules the language
the artifacts that we’ve done and as
much as they adopt to the culture they
still felt different they still felt
like black sheep typically because of
the way they look now on the flip side
if they went to their parents home
country their homeland they felt
different there also because of the way
they talked because of the way they act
too
foreign for home to foreign for here
never enough for both now why is this
matter I’ll tell you why this matters it
matters because that only do we all want
to belong it’s in the very DNA of people
to connect anthropologists would argue
that it was man’s ability to socialize
that allowed us to evolve the species
one great poet said this dearly beloved
we’ve gathered today to get through this
thing called life and it’s true and
because of that everything about us
drives us to connect in fact it’s a part
of the brain called the mirror neuron
system whose job it is to mirror what it
sees right the brain sees something that
says wow that’s pretty cool we should
try that and then you try it right like
Freud would say that thought is just
action and rehearsal you see it and
before long you take on the behavior
that’s why yawning is so contagious you
see someone yawn your brain goes whoa
dude we’ve got to try that
and before long you’re yawning
we’re mirror what we see it’s the same
reason why we’re watching a horror movie
we see this we’re like watch out going
I’ll kill you because your brain is
practicing but it might feel like if you
like Liv Tyler in that situation or my
wife watches The Notebook she just sobs
oh she just balls because in her mind
she’s practicing what it might feel like
to be loved by Ryan Gosling and that’s
totally cool totally cool the movie came
out before we started dating it’s all
good I’m strong in my manhood it’s all
good but here’s the thing
we’ve mirror what we see because
mimicking art people brings us closer
together it allows us to be much more
empathetic strengthening a covalent
bonds between our people because we all
want to belong it’s probably why black
people in particular have the uncanny
ability
to code-switch and that is we can adopt
a way to talk the way to act we with
certain people for instance if I get a
call from a number I don’t recognize I
answer the phone like this hello this is
Marcus
and then I realizes my friend I’m like
what up son what I do
the coat switch because we all want to
belong now why does any of this matter I
tell you why this matters to me
personally because my wife and I are
raising our daughter in a world where
people will label her as mixed as
biracial or maybe even other they’ll
marvel at her curly hair
they’ll bill the struggle with the
ambiguity of her blue eyes their exotic
size her olive skin and they’ll think to
themselves and maybe be even as bold as
to say what are you what are you and the
sad part about this that is very clear
what she is she’s back and she’s white
and she’s Christian and she observes the
Jewish High Holidays right she’s also
very funny and she loves music and a
whole host of other things but because
of those superficial differences people
are gonna see her and she’ll experience
what it’s like to be a black sheep in
ways that are far more salient than me
and that just breaks my heart because
when I think about the world that I want
my daughter to experience as she
navigates her journey in life I would
hope that someone sees her and says I
see you you matter and we are more alike
than we are different
why should this matter to you well I’ll
tell you this should matter to you
because we live in a world more divisive
than ever before
there’s the haves and have-nots there is
the Liberals and the Conservatives
Republicans and Democrats young and old
and somewhere along the lines we find
ourselves trying to navigate this
spectrum and we all end up feeling like
black sheeps
out of place lonely and I think about
that it makes me wonder imagine a world
where we stop looking each other’s
differences and started looking at the
things that we have in common then we
look at each other and say I see you and
we’re more alike than we are different
imagine that world will we take on
people’s perspectives we allow ourselves
to be super empathic because it’s what
we’re wired to do look I’m not trying to
romanticize diversity instead I’m
promoting the unity of humanity because
that’s the world that I want to live in
and that I think is an idea worth
spreading thank you so much
you
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