[Music]
I wonder what you first think when you
see me perhaps it’s something about my
curls people often mention them or what
a dapper little man in my experience one
of the first things people do is assume
I’m a boy or aren’t sure whether I’m a
girl or a boy we do this to everyone we
assume what gender someone is based on
how they look and if we can’t tell we
get confused I say we because I do it
too it’s ingrained our first decision
and mostly unconscious but why
well I’m Audrey and if we’re talking
biology I’m female but I feel that it’s
more complex than that
for an entry point let’s look at my
style as you can probably see I have a
unique style but I wasn’t born wearing
suits bowties and flamingo socks my
style had to evolve and it will keep
evolving and I think it gives some
insight into my changing experience of
gender here’s a photo of me before I
started school wearing a Star Wars top a
skirt and sneakers demonstrating to the
world that I’m a girl
it’s the skirt right we all know that
sign so at this age I was just a girl
who didn’t really care too much about
what I want it was functional and varied
this all took a different turn when I
hit the age of five and started school I
remember one of my first days at school
and I was in the girls toilets when two
girls I knew came near me and said look
there’s a boy in here I looked over my
shoulder but there was no one there so I
asked them where I realized they meant
me I was really shocked as I’d only ever
really been around people who knew and
understood me
I felt upset and alienated eventually
this misrecognition started happening in
public bathrooms as well with adults
assuming my gender often I would get
things like why are you in here or wrong
bathroom this eventually led to me being
hesitant and tentative about even going
to the bathroom in public mostly people
didn’t actually say anything at all they
just stared at me this felt and feels
worse
at school this happened increasingly
often but while many people in that
situation might have started dressing
more typically female in dresses with
long hair or bows I became more and more
masculine presenting wearing what we
considered to be boys clothes because in
them I felt most authentically myself I
was pretty adamant about just wearing
male things what that meant to me was no
pink or even purple or any form of dress
skirt or even glitter and frills I
didn’t think of myself as a boy but
anything that was identified as female
felt uncomfortable to me I adopted the
label of tomboy which meant a girl that
wore boys clothes and played with boys
toys to me this avoided conflict tomboy
is a common right even considered a
stage as though will grow out of it my
parents never fought my insistence on
avoiding dresses they allowed me to
choose what I wore because they believed
had no bearing on who I was I started
wearing shirts and bow ties to any
slightly formal event here’s a photo of
me at 6:00 wearing a bowtie are made out
of paper because dad was wearing his
fabric one as for my experience in
bathrooms I tried to avoid the problem
by waiting until people left before I
went in because otherwise I’d feel
trapped until about the age of nine when
someone mistook me for a boy I would
reply confidently that I’m a girl but
eventually it stopped feeling right
instead of gaining confidence the more
it happened I lost it girl didn’t feel
right but boy didn’t feel correct either
so what did I want I’m not sure I really
knew at the time my friends started
getting more and more into sports but I
was never sporty I was a bookworm if I
were a boy people would probably have
said I was a sensitive one they don’t
tend to use that term as much for girls
because it’s what’s expected so I
started hanging out with a group of
girls this didn’t really alter my style
more my attitude to the word
tomboy which I grew to dislike I started
to realize I could still be a girl and
we’re typically male things
in my mind I was still a girl because I
didn’t feel like a boy at the age of
eight I traveled with my parents and the
cast of our film 52 Tuesdays to the
Berlin International Film Festival 52
Tuesdays was partly about a mum
transitioning from female to male
I imagine some of you are thinking oh no
Audra just got this gender confusion
from her parents filmmaking but this
gender questioning happened before they
started considering it and they say I’ve
taught them as much about this as
they’ve taught me anyway
in Berlin I met Bart Bart Ward rapey
black materials high-heeled boots nail
polish and eyeliner but he wasn’t
dressed as a woman this demonstrated to
me that I could be flamboyant and
androgynous with my style that my love
of bowties didn’t need to exclude
anything traditionally female that year
when the film won the crystal bear Youth
jury award I took to the red carpet in
eyeliner and nail polish here’s a photo
of me that night note the bow tie I
started to think of gender as something
more dynamic gender was not your
genitals or even what you wore or acted
like and maybe it wasn’t fixed I’m going
to take a second to pose a question to
you why does it matter to you whether I
am a boy or a girl and if you think it
doesn’t I’m gonna really ask you to stop
and think have you ever come across
someone whose gender you just can’t
place have you wanted to know even if
you don’t care either way have you
wanted to know what they are for those
of you who say no I’m totally
comfortable not knowing I don’t need he
or she when talking about them I just
treat them as a human without any gender
identify it well that’s impressive it’s
hard to do just try and talk about
someone for a minute without using
gendered terms it’s really difficult
this is Audrey Audrey is a young person
who doesn’t identify as any gender
Audrey writes stories and they love
writing Audrey loves writing not the
stories love writing oops it’s hard for
all of us we want to know because of our
language and also in my experience it’s
because we treat men boys differently to
women and girls and we want to know how
to treat them
sometimes I’m glad that people mistake
me for a boy because I get to have real
conversations with people they ask me
about my future and we talk about what I
want to do often when they find out I’m
not a boy they don’t know how to treat
me my friends who show more outward
signs of being girls often get called
things like sweetheart or darling or
love people comment on how pretty they
are recently when I traveled overseas I
noticed a trend of gender neutral or all
gender public bathrooms which makes me
feel so relieved having that choice
makes me love going to the pasture in
public and I love that I don’t have to
tell anyone what genitalia I own here’s
a photo of me in my Sparkle pants as I
call them they really added flare to my
style and they also really confuse some
people about whether I am a boy or even
possibly make them uncomfortable because
I seem like a very flamboyant or even
girly boy though I don’t think this is
always easy I’m so happy with the
choices I made when I was younger to
wear what made me feel good and that I
felt expressed me because I think I
would be a much unhappy a kid otherwise
I still get called a boy in public
situations but in terms of bathrooms I
try to go to the all gender or unisex
ones or if I can’t I go to the disabled
toilets although I do still use the
girls lose in school and sometimes in
public using the girls toilets I never
feel good and I still have a tendency to
go with someone else although I’m not
labeled as a particular gender when I go
to the disabled toilets I don’t feel
great still because it just reminds me
that there are mostly no toilets for
people like me who don’t identify within
the gender binary and that toilets are
just another way we categorize people my
style has evolved drastically since the
Star Wars t-shirts and skirts of my
early childhood and I think it has a lot
to say about how I now appreciate and
consider gender I’ve realized that for
me gender is a spectrum what my gender
expression and identity is is entirely
about me and not about how other people
perceive me I don’t know how we deal
with that in a world so desperate to
by gender I’m gonna leave you with that
same question why does it matter to you
whether I am a boy or a girl or that I
am in the wrong bathroom does it really
matter to you which bathroom I use
because it does matter to me would it
hurt you not to know someone’s gender
because despite how uncomfortable it
might make you feel you assuming my
gender makes me feel uncomfortable
everyday all I’m asking is for you to
just sit with that little bit of
uncomfortable to make someone else feel
better because it does matter to me it
matters to me when I walk down the hall
with my friends and you say hey girls
but it doesn’t mean that I want you to
make amends I don’t hold my brothers but
every time you say that it smudges my
happy thoughts into undefinable world’s
it matters to me when you say I’m a
handsome lad because while you may be
complimenting it makes me question my
inner vision of myself so strangers sit
uncomfortably while I tell you how my
gender ranges from day to day sometimes
neutral sometimes fluid sometimes gentle
sometimes fierce it doesn’t make me a
boy but it doesn’t mean that I’m
realigning and I don’t want to be
redefining what it means to be a girl
because I’m not a girl so it does matter
to me
[Applause]
I wonder what you first think when you
see me perhaps it’s something about my
curls people often mention them or what
a dapper little man in my experience one
of the first things people do is assume
I’m a boy or aren’t sure whether I’m a
girl or a boy we do this to everyone we
assume what gender someone is based on
how they look and if we can’t tell we
get confused I say we because I do it
too it’s ingrained our first decision
and mostly unconscious but why
well I’m Audrey and if we’re talking
biology I’m female but I feel that it’s
more complex than that
for an entry point let’s look at my
style as you can probably see I have a
unique style but I wasn’t born wearing
suits bowties and flamingo socks my
style had to evolve and it will keep
evolving and I think it gives some
insight into my changing experience of
gender here’s a photo of me before I
started school wearing a Star Wars top a
skirt and sneakers demonstrating to the
world that I’m a girl
it’s the skirt right we all know that
sign so at this age I was just a girl
who didn’t really care too much about
what I want it was functional and varied
this all took a different turn when I
hit the age of five and started school I
remember one of my first days at school
and I was in the girls toilets when two
girls I knew came near me and said look
there’s a boy in here I looked over my
shoulder but there was no one there so I
asked them where I realized they meant
me I was really shocked as I’d only ever
really been around people who knew and
understood me
I felt upset and alienated eventually
this misrecognition started happening in
public bathrooms as well with adults
assuming my gender often I would get
things like why are you in here or wrong
bathroom this eventually led to me being
hesitant and tentative about even going
to the bathroom in public mostly people
didn’t actually say anything at all they
just stared at me this felt and feels
worse
at school this happened increasingly
often but while many people in that
situation might have started dressing
more typically female in dresses with
long hair or bows I became more and more
masculine presenting wearing what we
considered to be boys clothes because in
them I felt most authentically myself I
was pretty adamant about just wearing
male things what that meant to me was no
pink or even purple or any form of dress
skirt or even glitter and frills I
didn’t think of myself as a boy but
anything that was identified as female
felt uncomfortable to me I adopted the
label of tomboy which meant a girl that
wore boys clothes and played with boys
toys to me this avoided conflict tomboy
is a common right even considered a
stage as though will grow out of it my
parents never fought my insistence on
avoiding dresses they allowed me to
choose what I wore because they believed
had no bearing on who I was I started
wearing shirts and bow ties to any
slightly formal event here’s a photo of
me at 6:00 wearing a bowtie are made out
of paper because dad was wearing his
fabric one as for my experience in
bathrooms I tried to avoid the problem
by waiting until people left before I
went in because otherwise I’d feel
trapped until about the age of nine when
someone mistook me for a boy I would
reply confidently that I’m a girl but
eventually it stopped feeling right
instead of gaining confidence the more
it happened I lost it girl didn’t feel
right but boy didn’t feel correct either
so what did I want I’m not sure I really
knew at the time my friends started
getting more and more into sports but I
was never sporty I was a bookworm if I
were a boy people would probably have
said I was a sensitive one they don’t
tend to use that term as much for girls
because it’s what’s expected so I
started hanging out with a group of
girls this didn’t really alter my style
more my attitude to the word
tomboy which I grew to dislike I started
to realize I could still be a girl and
we’re typically male things
in my mind I was still a girl because I
didn’t feel like a boy at the age of
eight I traveled with my parents and the
cast of our film 52 Tuesdays to the
Berlin International Film Festival 52
Tuesdays was partly about a mum
transitioning from female to male
I imagine some of you are thinking oh no
Audra just got this gender confusion
from her parents filmmaking but this
gender questioning happened before they
started considering it and they say I’ve
taught them as much about this as
they’ve taught me anyway
in Berlin I met Bart Bart Ward rapey
black materials high-heeled boots nail
polish and eyeliner but he wasn’t
dressed as a woman this demonstrated to
me that I could be flamboyant and
androgynous with my style that my love
of bowties didn’t need to exclude
anything traditionally female that year
when the film won the crystal bear Youth
jury award I took to the red carpet in
eyeliner and nail polish here’s a photo
of me that night note the bow tie I
started to think of gender as something
more dynamic gender was not your
genitals or even what you wore or acted
like and maybe it wasn’t fixed I’m going
to take a second to pose a question to
you why does it matter to you whether I
am a boy or a girl and if you think it
doesn’t I’m gonna really ask you to stop
and think have you ever come across
someone whose gender you just can’t
place have you wanted to know even if
you don’t care either way have you
wanted to know what they are for those
of you who say no I’m totally
comfortable not knowing I don’t need he
or she when talking about them I just
treat them as a human without any gender
identify it well that’s impressive it’s
hard to do just try and talk about
someone for a minute without using
gendered terms it’s really difficult
this is Audrey Audrey is a young person
who doesn’t identify as any gender
Audrey writes stories and they love
writing Audrey loves writing not the
stories love writing oops it’s hard for
all of us we want to know because of our
language and also in my experience it’s
because we treat men boys differently to
women and girls and we want to know how
to treat them
sometimes I’m glad that people mistake
me for a boy because I get to have real
conversations with people they ask me
about my future and we talk about what I
want to do often when they find out I’m
not a boy they don’t know how to treat
me my friends who show more outward
signs of being girls often get called
things like sweetheart or darling or
love people comment on how pretty they
are recently when I traveled overseas I
noticed a trend of gender neutral or all
gender public bathrooms which makes me
feel so relieved having that choice
makes me love going to the pasture in
public and I love that I don’t have to
tell anyone what genitalia I own here’s
a photo of me in my Sparkle pants as I
call them they really added flare to my
style and they also really confuse some
people about whether I am a boy or even
possibly make them uncomfortable because
I seem like a very flamboyant or even
girly boy though I don’t think this is
always easy I’m so happy with the
choices I made when I was younger to
wear what made me feel good and that I
felt expressed me because I think I
would be a much unhappy a kid otherwise
I still get called a boy in public
situations but in terms of bathrooms I
try to go to the all gender or unisex
ones or if I can’t I go to the disabled
toilets although I do still use the
girls lose in school and sometimes in
public using the girls toilets I never
feel good and I still have a tendency to
go with someone else although I’m not
labeled as a particular gender when I go
to the disabled toilets I don’t feel
great still because it just reminds me
that there are mostly no toilets for
people like me who don’t identify within
the gender binary and that toilets are
just another way we categorize people my
style has evolved drastically since the
Star Wars t-shirts and skirts of my
early childhood and I think it has a lot
to say about how I now appreciate and
consider gender I’ve realized that for
me gender is a spectrum what my gender
expression and identity is is entirely
about me and not about how other people
perceive me I don’t know how we deal
with that in a world so desperate to
by gender I’m gonna leave you with that
same question why does it matter to you
whether I am a boy or a girl or that I
am in the wrong bathroom does it really
matter to you which bathroom I use
because it does matter to me would it
hurt you not to know someone’s gender
because despite how uncomfortable it
might make you feel you assuming my
gender makes me feel uncomfortable
everyday all I’m asking is for you to
just sit with that little bit of
uncomfortable to make someone else feel
better because it does matter to me it
matters to me when I walk down the hall
with my friends and you say hey girls
but it doesn’t mean that I want you to
make amends I don’t hold my brothers but
every time you say that it smudges my
happy thoughts into undefinable world’s
it matters to me when you say I’m a
handsome lad because while you may be
complimenting it makes me question my
inner vision of myself so strangers sit
uncomfortably while I tell you how my
gender ranges from day to day sometimes
neutral sometimes fluid sometimes gentle
sometimes fierce it doesn’t make me a
boy but it doesn’t mean that I’m
realigning and I don’t want to be
redefining what it means to be a girl
because I’m not a girl so it does matter
to me
[Applause]
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