I am an imitable I am an original
Ehrenburg passionately sees these word
for the musical Hamilton I’m sitting
there passively in front of you today
and I wouldn’t have been able to do that
even 5 or 6 years ago
see I shouldn’t be here like not just
airing on stage speaking in front of you
but at all I was 13 the first time
depression led to thoughts of suicide I
was 17 when I was engaged for the first
time for self-harm and I was 18 with the
word bipolar got fixed to a medical
chart which forever changed the way I’ve
received myself and the way others
perceive me I was 19 when I quit I was
done forget it whatever then this Who I
am that this is my identity I have
nothing else to rely on
I am my bowler I am nothing else I quit
I was done I was worthless it was over
the next seven years of my life were
spent in and out of psychiatric ward for
self-harm suicidal thoughts delusions I
thought I could fly
yeah the can’t that’s that’s true story
I gave up when I was 19 and then
something happened
one spring of my dad kept writing me out
of bed this french toast and then would
get me to go into the fall onto the Barb
and help those men soon we’ve gathered
from pasture the pasture to pasture to
pasture and I found a glimmer of hope
and the great appeals that spring I
don’t know how it happened but it did I
got a job making pizza have a gas
station which is a real classy job by
the way I decided to go to the zoo and
study sociology I applied to Mizzou I
got into the zoo I need to call him yeah
little did I know I was on the brink
enough the next chapter of my life the
future was staring me in the face that I
had no clue
see I was 19 when I gave up yes I was
also 19 the first time I found myself
laying in that mission I was holding her
in my arms because I loved her and I
knew at that moment that I was going to
hell and I was unforgivable and I came
to Columbia I took a sociology class
mara for the first time in my life LGBTQ
people were talked about without a
negative and like maybe it was okay to
be gay I was 23 when I asked my
sociology professor to get coffee and we
went to the Panera on the south side of
town as I said for the first time I
think I made no response I have yeah I
wasn’t so good at being in the closet
even when I was so far away I knew I had
but I came out and I started coming out
and I told my friends I told my family I
told my church I lost friends I lost
family I lost my church that’s difficult
to say the least and so now I’m standing
here on stage in front of you telling my
story and I am back because I don’t
completely know how I got from the super
depressed kid to where I am today
standing on stage is telling my story
doing activism educating people about
the LGBTQ minute community and helping
others no more because ignorance is more
prevalent than bigotry I can identify
three things that I know helped me get
to where I am today and so that’s what
I’m going to share with you I’m not
going to say that the solution or the
end-all be-all but for me they got me
from there to here as I want you to know
these because maybe they can have an
impact on your life number one I’ve
learned to love myself like really love
myself after me love looks more like
acceptance because now at the age of 32
I could look in the mirror and see this
queer face looking back at me and say I
love you you are awesome it’s taken me
that long to get to this place that’s so
it tells you to learn to love yourself
even when you feel like nobody else sees
you for who you are even the wind
perhaps your pronouns are useful even if
your brain is not used correctly you are
seen and you are important and you
matter just the way you are no matter
how anybody else perceives you you are
seen you matter number two that fish
were Finding Nemo Dory she was right
just keep swimming I don’t write it fish
is dropping truth bombs whatever but you
don’t want to change my
so we’re gonna roll with it I didn’t get
her where I was to where I am today 17
233 of a long time and it happened my
teaching skills stupid little baby steps
seven in the moment two teeth
inconsequential like whatever one day I
said to myself I’m not gonna hurt myself
today
I built another day another challenge
and I kept going and kept building and
kept going and kept going and one day I
didn’t hurt myself one week I did
paradise of one month three months six
months of a year eight years it has been
eight years since I last hurt myself
that’s because I took these stupid
little baby steps I got from there to
here because I made the choice to go to
therapy I made the choice to take my
medicine and I still made the choice to
take my medicine I still make a choice
to go to therapy I still make the choice
to make the decisions that keep me
healthy and happy number three by your
brain like I don’t know about you but
I’d like to tell me all sorts of lies
about how worthless I am there are days
when I wake up that vibrated like good
morning you worthless piece of crap I
hate you you’re terrible why are you
trying why are you doing this work
nobody cares nobody’s listening whatever
stop it just laying that that’s all
you’re good at by those thoughts we all
have them challenge them for real what I
do my dream that comes up with these
thoughts and I say okay great you’re
thinking these things again that’s cool
and then I make a list literally write
it down make a listing here are the
reasons those lies are not true oh yeah
I’m worthless whatever you don’t work
I’m doing is having an impact I have
letters from
say man you know I never thought I’d be
where I am today but you gave me hope I
work with these teenagers at drizzle and
then you know what I have kids who are
now sophomores in college coming back to
see me at Starbucks when I am working
and calling me their date dad and they
keep going because they saw my lights
and they saw me and married with a kid
living my dreams it’s like your brain
because your brain may be full of lies
which you can come back that you could
come up against your brain you know I
would think their hand wasn’t broke his
way out well I decided I’m going to make
my way out I’m gonna use my brain decide
my brain every time those thoughts come
up I’m going to challenge them and
challenge them is what I had done so I
stand here today in front of you and say
I am inimitable
I am an original I am NOT throwing away
my shot as towards boxing business
Alexander Hamilton do not throw away
your shots thank you
[Applause] [Music]
Ehrenburg passionately sees these word
for the musical Hamilton I’m sitting
there passively in front of you today
and I wouldn’t have been able to do that
even 5 or 6 years ago
see I shouldn’t be here like not just
airing on stage speaking in front of you
but at all I was 13 the first time
depression led to thoughts of suicide I
was 17 when I was engaged for the first
time for self-harm and I was 18 with the
word bipolar got fixed to a medical
chart which forever changed the way I’ve
received myself and the way others
perceive me I was 19 when I quit I was
done forget it whatever then this Who I
am that this is my identity I have
nothing else to rely on
I am my bowler I am nothing else I quit
I was done I was worthless it was over
the next seven years of my life were
spent in and out of psychiatric ward for
self-harm suicidal thoughts delusions I
thought I could fly
yeah the can’t that’s that’s true story
I gave up when I was 19 and then
something happened
one spring of my dad kept writing me out
of bed this french toast and then would
get me to go into the fall onto the Barb
and help those men soon we’ve gathered
from pasture the pasture to pasture to
pasture and I found a glimmer of hope
and the great appeals that spring I
don’t know how it happened but it did I
got a job making pizza have a gas
station which is a real classy job by
the way I decided to go to the zoo and
study sociology I applied to Mizzou I
got into the zoo I need to call him yeah
little did I know I was on the brink
enough the next chapter of my life the
future was staring me in the face that I
had no clue
see I was 19 when I gave up yes I was
also 19 the first time I found myself
laying in that mission I was holding her
in my arms because I loved her and I
knew at that moment that I was going to
hell and I was unforgivable and I came
to Columbia I took a sociology class
mara for the first time in my life LGBTQ
people were talked about without a
negative and like maybe it was okay to
be gay I was 23 when I asked my
sociology professor to get coffee and we
went to the Panera on the south side of
town as I said for the first time I
think I made no response I have yeah I
wasn’t so good at being in the closet
even when I was so far away I knew I had
but I came out and I started coming out
and I told my friends I told my family I
told my church I lost friends I lost
family I lost my church that’s difficult
to say the least and so now I’m standing
here on stage in front of you telling my
story and I am back because I don’t
completely know how I got from the super
depressed kid to where I am today
standing on stage is telling my story
doing activism educating people about
the LGBTQ minute community and helping
others no more because ignorance is more
prevalent than bigotry I can identify
three things that I know helped me get
to where I am today and so that’s what
I’m going to share with you I’m not
going to say that the solution or the
end-all be-all but for me they got me
from there to here as I want you to know
these because maybe they can have an
impact on your life number one I’ve
learned to love myself like really love
myself after me love looks more like
acceptance because now at the age of 32
I could look in the mirror and see this
queer face looking back at me and say I
love you you are awesome it’s taken me
that long to get to this place that’s so
it tells you to learn to love yourself
even when you feel like nobody else sees
you for who you are even the wind
perhaps your pronouns are useful even if
your brain is not used correctly you are
seen and you are important and you
matter just the way you are no matter
how anybody else perceives you you are
seen you matter number two that fish
were Finding Nemo Dory she was right
just keep swimming I don’t write it fish
is dropping truth bombs whatever but you
don’t want to change my
so we’re gonna roll with it I didn’t get
her where I was to where I am today 17
233 of a long time and it happened my
teaching skills stupid little baby steps
seven in the moment two teeth
inconsequential like whatever one day I
said to myself I’m not gonna hurt myself
today
I built another day another challenge
and I kept going and kept building and
kept going and kept going and one day I
didn’t hurt myself one week I did
paradise of one month three months six
months of a year eight years it has been
eight years since I last hurt myself
that’s because I took these stupid
little baby steps I got from there to
here because I made the choice to go to
therapy I made the choice to take my
medicine and I still made the choice to
take my medicine I still make a choice
to go to therapy I still make the choice
to make the decisions that keep me
healthy and happy number three by your
brain like I don’t know about you but
I’d like to tell me all sorts of lies
about how worthless I am there are days
when I wake up that vibrated like good
morning you worthless piece of crap I
hate you you’re terrible why are you
trying why are you doing this work
nobody cares nobody’s listening whatever
stop it just laying that that’s all
you’re good at by those thoughts we all
have them challenge them for real what I
do my dream that comes up with these
thoughts and I say okay great you’re
thinking these things again that’s cool
and then I make a list literally write
it down make a listing here are the
reasons those lies are not true oh yeah
I’m worthless whatever you don’t work
I’m doing is having an impact I have
letters from
say man you know I never thought I’d be
where I am today but you gave me hope I
work with these teenagers at drizzle and
then you know what I have kids who are
now sophomores in college coming back to
see me at Starbucks when I am working
and calling me their date dad and they
keep going because they saw my lights
and they saw me and married with a kid
living my dreams it’s like your brain
because your brain may be full of lies
which you can come back that you could
come up against your brain you know I
would think their hand wasn’t broke his
way out well I decided I’m going to make
my way out I’m gonna use my brain decide
my brain every time those thoughts come
up I’m going to challenge them and
challenge them is what I had done so I
stand here today in front of you and say
I am inimitable
I am an original I am NOT throwing away
my shot as towards boxing business
Alexander Hamilton do not throw away
your shots thank you
[Applause] [Music]
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