thank you it’s so great to be here
recently I was doing some spring
cleaning and I came across an old list
from 2013 apparently I need to clean up
my drawers more often but on this list
was some of my goals and one of them was
to do a TED talk
so how wonderful that these years later
Here I am there was also a beach house
in Hawaii on that list too so you never
know but I wasn’t sure why I wanted to
be a public speaker because it petrified
me one day my son said to me Mom why do
you want to be a public speaker if it’s
so scary to you it was a good question
and after giving it some thought I said
well I guess it’s because my message is
more powerful than my fear it was a
great realization and inspiration for me
to be here so when I is replaced with we
even illness can become wellness now
that will become more clear as I go on
but I just wanted to plant that seed
relationships human connections they’re
what we need to not only survive but to
thrive and I find we’ve lost sight of
that a little with today’s lifestyle
personal disconnection is at an all-time
high and I’m sure you’ve all seen
something like this before yes mm-hmm
I mean really if there was life on other
planets and they were looking down on
here at Earth these days I’m sure they
were think many of us were non-vocal
uncommunicative entities with devices
growing from her hand well maybe not but
you get my point I actually find this
picture a little hard to look at it
makes me a little uncomfortable maybe
because
I’m not a millennial I’m a Generation X
whatever that means but whether were
Millennials or baby boomers some of our
greatest life influences have come from
personal human connections sharing and
learning from our stories our victories
or defeats they’re impactful and they’re
memorable
there’s social club here at the army
base in Chilliwack where veterans go to
meet and I find it interesting because
some of them who were at once enemies
now sit and share their stories together
working with the United Way I had the
opportunity to go there a few times and
guess what never once did I see any of
them with a cell phone in their hand
not once we need to get back to more
sharing and interacting like that and
the wonderful thing is it’s never too
late once we become aware there’s what I
call controlled change where we make a
specific decision for example when I our
family goes to my mother-in-law’s for
dinner now there’s a basket at the
entrance where we all put our cell
phones where they go and then pick them
up when we leave it’s a great idea and I
love it oh sure there was many moons and
groans in the beginning even from me but
we got over it
and we have a much better visit now then
there’s what I call uncontrolled change
when our lives can change in an instant
without warning but be a great catalyst
for personal growth and human
connections imagine it’s a nice sunny
day well it’s kind of hard to imagine
that these days but anyways you’re
standing on the sidewalk having a lovely
conversation with an old friend you’re
laughing you’re chatting and the next
minute you’re on the ground and you’re
dying that’s what happened to my grandma
when she was a young mom raising her
three children a speeding driver lost
control
his car and ran her over she wasn’t
expected to live because her right leg
was crushed and the doctors couldn’t
stop the bleeding but miraculously there
was a blood clot but her right leg had
to be amputated so in that split-second
her whole entire life completely changed
but what she did with it was remarkable
she lived on to help all those in our
community who would lose a limb taking
them to the best prosthetic places and
telling them that they were gonna be
okay through her example showing them
that life can still be happy and
fulfilling even missing a part of their
body and she was one of the happiest
people I ever knew I had the pleasure of
spending a lot of weekends growing up on
her farm and in the mornings being drawn
into the kitchen with the homemade smell
of breakfast cooking there would be
grandma and she would always say to me
every time oh good morning Kimmy it’s
another beautiful day and often I
remember thinking it’s raining out
what’s so great about it
it wasn’t until many years later I got
what she meant she meant it was another
day that we could eat breakfast with the
ones we love share our experiences or
stories and try to do well by others
when tragedy struck my own life I wasn’t
so sure I could follow in her example
life had been so easy for me I had the
most wonderful parents was the greatest
upbringing who filled my life with
unconditional love and support and in my
adulthood I was lucky enough to meet and
marry my very kind and handsome husband
we bought a cute little house and we’re
growing our family and had our first
baby girl Jessie it was quite wonderful
and then came May 29th 1998 and just
like that
everything changed I was about three
weeks away from my due date with her
second baby when terrible abdominal pain
sent me into emergency
within minutes of laying on the hospital
bed I felt a huge gush of fluid and I
thought oh oh
my waters just broke but that wasn’t the
case the next thing I know I was wheeled
into the or for emergency surgery my
placenta had detached and I was losing a
lot of blood when I became conscious I
was told that I had delivered a baby boy
but the look on the nurses face held me
back from articulating any joy and her
next words would explain why I’m sorry
Kim but your baby’s very sick he has a
critical heart defect and a team of
specialists from Children’s Hospital are
coming to pick him up so Avery was
whisked away before I even got a chance
to hold him and for two days I laid in
my hospital bed wondering if I’d ever
get to see him again and what followed
was pretty much months of devastation
Avery would go through multiple heart
surgeries renal failures coal blues and
much more and in the midst of his
valiant battle to survive my dad and
mentor suddenly dies one day at home
from a heart attack and then after that
our beautiful little Jesse received an
autism diagnosis so this perfect little
life of mine was very quickly unraveling
I felt like a tornado had lifted me up
and landed me on another planet I’m the
biggest wimp I’m not equipped to deal
with this but somehow a morsel of
strength wiggled its way in and all the
love and support I’ve had and all the
life lessons I’ve learned rose to the
surface to help me when I needed it most
thankfully gratefully after many months
we were able to bring Avery home with
his heart all patched up he was in
pretty rough shape but with years of
therapies and treatments he’s now a
healthy young man who just graduated
from high school last year with honors
even me
even even winning the Nelson Mandela
hardest-working student award here we
are with our stylish graduate who picked
out his own suit by the way
did a very good job and there’s our
happy little Jessie who’s doing very
well to her illuminating smile is
positively contagious her favorite
things to do are volunteering to seniors
especially delivering meals on wheels
except for she never wants to leave
because if you’re over 80 she’ll want to
be your best friend it hasn’t been easy
to get to this point we had to work damn
hard but what I thought was the worst
thing that could have happened back in
1998 ended up being one of the best
Avery and Jesse are true blessings
who’ve taught me humility and acceptance
and the desire to show people how life
can be wonderful even if it doesn’t go
as we expected or planned people used to
say things to be like oh you poor thing
you’ve been through so much hardship
already in your life they didn’t get it
I was feeling so blessed but they were
feeling sorry for me but that’s okay
because it inspired me to know that I
had a message and to use my experience
transforming it into a purpose to help
others so I wondered what makes somebody
want to give up on life lose faith fall
into depression versus rising up finding
gratitude purpose in their adversities
well of course there are many factors
but certainly a very important one is
personal human connections having
mentors examples like my grandma we’re
all gonna go through tough times event
circumstances that could cripple us but
love and support can save us I find
however we’re slowly becoming a little
more isolated so much of our
communicating is done online now and
although we might have 500 or more
friends on Facebook
many of us are lonely or too plugged in
were too self-absorbed and I think one
of the longest studies in history would
agree Harvard University’s study on
human development otherwise known as a
happiness study be gay
seventy-nine years ago tracking 724 men
from all various backgrounds still
following the over 50 surviving men and
their families today and after
interpreting tens of thousands of pages
of material the outcome has been simple
and clear it’s good relationships that
keep us living happier and longer more
so than anything else it’s our social
connections with friends and family that
keeps us living longer and healthier of
course technology is making life easier
for us in many ways we can pay our bills
online and that frees up more time for
candy crush but already are we really
getting ahead here it’s just you know
technology can be a great thing the
Internet is a great resource but it can
also be very ambiguous and misleading of
which I learned a very good lesson about
last month when I cut the bottom of my
foot moving my treadmill long story but
anyways I developed a very bad infection
very painful and challenging to get rid
of I was on all kinds of antibiotics but
having adverse reactions and upon
googling infections and antibiotics big
mistake and some of you probably know
why because you’ve done this before I
pretty much had diagnosed my foot is
dead and gone from bacterial
flesh-eating disease
as you can see that’s not the case
thankfully and I’ll leave all the
diagnosing up to my doctor from now on
but on the other hand there’s a dear
friend of mine who was reunited with her
long-lost love after nearly 20 years
through Facebook that was a few years
ago and they’re still making up for lost
time but with balance and awareness we
all can live happily adjusted lives with
strong relationships in this crazy
virtual world at the end of the day I
always like to do a little rerun and ask
how I thought today went is there
anything I could have done differently
did I smile much or did I make anyone
else smile when we smile at someone it
coaxes them to smile back
and actually releases feel-good
chemicals in her brain that helps us
look more attractive and increases our
chances of living longer what are the
reasons we like to be around baby so
much it’s because they smile up to 400
times a day versus the happy adult who
smiles 50 times in the average being
only 20 or less we need to smile more
and why not it’s good for us
so let’s practice our smiles right now
let me see let me see those smiles come
on awesome now look how much better
looking you already are every morning
when I wake up the first thing you see
across the room is a beautiful painting
of colorful butterflies that my daughter
painted and every morning it makes me
smile it’s a great way to start the day
so in closing I hope I’ve helped create
a little more awareness on the vitality
of human connections opening up to share
our stories because they can be the best
influences and maybe try to pay a little
more attention to each other and less to
our devices because after all I’m sure
your most impactful life experiences
weren’t created online and humanity
can’t exist without love and compassion
fulfilment isn’t about objects or things
true fulfillment is about our
relationships and we must always
remember that no matter how wrapped up
our world gets in technology and
innovation it will always be the power
of the human connections that will
sustain us so when I is replaced with we
even illness can become wellness thank
you
[Applause] you