[Music]
I want to play a game but it has to be
our game it has to be our secret that
means that you can’t tell anyone that
we’re playing this game not even your
friends those were the words that he
said to me he first began to touch me
around the age of 8 he would touch me in
places that were meant to be sacred I
trusted him and I thought that what he
was doing was right I thought that
playing a game with my stepfather was
something that all little girls do but
it wasn’t until I grew older after years
and years of us playing this game our
game that I learned I was being molested
I have built a relationship with my
stepfather being that he was present
most of my life my dad was my dad is an
alcoholic and he cheated on my mother
when I was about 8 months old which left
her to raise me and my two sisters alone
my mother was married to my stepfather
for about eight years well at least
that’s when the I stopped counting as a
result most of my life was spent raised
by my molester
it was fencing silence because I have
promised to keep this secret I also
didn’t want to be blamed for what
happened to me
I didn’t want to be judged or labeled as
hyper-sexualized
because as a society we tend to put
labels on things that we don’t fully
understand because in our minds it’s
easier to classify a situation or person
then to have the realization that were
all complex humans and so I shied away
from the idea of people saying that I
wanted it to happen and so I told no one
just like I didn’t tell anyone that I
was gay until my freshman year of
college it took a while for me to accept
it myself because I wanted so so badly
to be straight I would pray every night
for God to fix me to take what I was
feeling away I prayed so much that my
prayers had prayers growing up I felt
obligated to have a boyfriend because
that’s what everyone seemed to question
me about I remember at a very young age
being questioned by my great aunt and
grandmother it was actually their
favorite line what little boy I was
crushing on in class other than my
great-aunt asking how my hammer is
hanging and me still to this day not
having a clue what she was talking about
I would say a random name like Jeffrey
or Adam but in reality my soul was
crying out for me to say the
girl’s name that I would constantly
smile at and she was smile back
and so I went through my adolescent
years seeking love from guys because
that’s what I thought I was supposed to
do I knew that if I were to come out and
say that I would gain that I was gay I
would have either been bullied or called
an abomination or both and so I told no
one we tend to live our lives telling no
one our truths the truths that we’ve
hidden so deep inside of us in hopes
that they go away but still they linger
and they haunt us because our truths are
a part of who we’ve become our truths
have helped to shape our present and
they continue to mold our future but how
did we as a society get away with not
living our truths daily were axed by our
peers colleagues and family the simple
question of how are you doing and
without even thinking we utter the words
I’m well but are you really well 24
hours a day seven days a week
when is it ever okay to be humble enough
to break down and say that life sucks
today we build outer shells that have
allowed us to get away with not being
vulnerable but I would like to think
that being vulnerable is what really
makes us human
but being vulnerable means that you have
to live with yourself you have to live
with your secrets and you have to accept
your mistakes
I’ve lived with my untold truths for
roughly 20 years and these are just now
the truths that I’m willingly open to
share imagine how many untold truths we
carry throughout our lifetime imagine
how these untold truths affect the
generations that come after us if we
shared more of our secrets and
experiences with other people I believe
that we could stop making those same
mistakes over and over and over again as
adults we have to be willing to engage
in conversations that go beneath the
surface the types of conversations that
make you queasy and uncomfortable the
types of conversations that most people
avoid and we have to be willing to have
those conversations with our youth so
that they aren’t taught to live up to
our unrealistic ideals of perfection
shifting the narrative from perfection
to truth because our youth are already
living similar experiences such as mine
and yours and they will continue to do
so with them hidden if we don’t begin to
address the elephant in the room
we have to stop placing the same
band-aid over various levels of trauma
that we all carry through our untold
truths the first step for this paradigm
shift to take place is humility it’s
accepting that we don’t have all of the
answers or that we aren’t as perfect as
our Facebook and Instagram paints us to
be and we must do so with an open mind
and understanding that not everyone is
in the same place growing up I didn’t
know what it meant to be a kid that
received free or reduced lunch I just
knew that there was never a day that I
would forget my lunch money
but it wasn’t until I joined the
education sector that I learned that
Society has already placed a marker of
failure on low-income students and I was
one of them I didn’t know growing up
that youth of color would not given the
same resources as their peers I didn’t
know that there were systems and
structures still in place that
contribute and promote the failures of
entire races but as a very good friend
of mine always says we have to stop
looking at our youth of color from a
deficit perspective in 2017 why are we
still providing our youth with an
education that is structured to prepare
them for factory work but place the
blame on them for being dissing
aged when we’re the ones not meeting
their needs I’ll ask that question again
in 2017 why are we still providing our
youth with an education that prepares
them to work in factories but placed a
blame on them for receiving DS or
dropping out when we are the ones that
are failing them we’ve skipped the step
of building relationships with our youth
and we’ve placed them into buckets based
on their test scores and socioeconomic
status we’ve projected their entire
future in advance before they even step
foot into middle school our youth
specifically our youth of color are
trying to thrive in environments that
are structure for them to fail most are
trying to navigate in spaces of white
privilege some are trying to escape the
perpetual cycles of poverty and others
just want to feel as if they have a
voice that’s worth listening to the way
a person looks their ethnicity and race
is not oftentimes the conversation that
we want to have but we can’t truthfully
talk about socioeconomic status if we’re
not talking about race we can’t begin to
eliminate sexism racism homophobia or
classism if we aren’t talking about how
they’re all interconnected we can’t skip
the race conversation and dive into data
for solutions on how to cure poverty
because if you pull back the layers of
that data you will see that all roads
lead to your skintone so what do we do
now that we’ve witnessed these perpetual
cycles for centuries what do we do for
the people that aren’t yet ready to
accept this as truth and what do we do
for the people that are willing and
ready to engage in these conversations
but don’t know where to start well
myself and two seniors tallit tilman
anti-wall de mola
created the solution through an idea
that has now evolved into a company
called diversity talks diversity talks
fosters a space for adults and youth to
have difficult conversations in the
classroom we’ve fostered this space by
providing student-led professional
development to K through 12 educators we
incorporate topics such as race power
privilege and oppression we train you to
be able to facilitate these difficult
conversations in a space where they
spend most of their lives and are
greatly impacted but the realization
lies within the fact that even though
they spent a great amount of time in the
classroom all of their identities and
experiences still have not been
represented diversity Hawks axe adults
to relinquish their power by allowing
you to have a seat at the table an
actual seat not to make decisions for
themselves
just decisions based off of what we
project on to them I knew that I
couldn’t stand here before you today
with untold truths while going out into
the world and sharing the mission of
diversity top I couldn’t continue to ask
adults to reach a level of vulnerability
and discomfort if I had it done so
myself today I asked you to join me in
living your truth join me by inter
engaging with the next person that you
cross paths with ask them how their day
is going but instead wait long enough
for a response
pushing them beyond I’m well or it’s
going well join me by having
uncomfortable conversations it is then
that we can begin to dismantle systems
that aren’t equitable join diversity
talks thank you
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
I want to play a game but it has to be
our game it has to be our secret that
means that you can’t tell anyone that
we’re playing this game not even your
friends those were the words that he
said to me he first began to touch me
around the age of 8 he would touch me in
places that were meant to be sacred I
trusted him and I thought that what he
was doing was right I thought that
playing a game with my stepfather was
something that all little girls do but
it wasn’t until I grew older after years
and years of us playing this game our
game that I learned I was being molested
I have built a relationship with my
stepfather being that he was present
most of my life my dad was my dad is an
alcoholic and he cheated on my mother
when I was about 8 months old which left
her to raise me and my two sisters alone
my mother was married to my stepfather
for about eight years well at least
that’s when the I stopped counting as a
result most of my life was spent raised
by my molester
it was fencing silence because I have
promised to keep this secret I also
didn’t want to be blamed for what
happened to me
I didn’t want to be judged or labeled as
hyper-sexualized
because as a society we tend to put
labels on things that we don’t fully
understand because in our minds it’s
easier to classify a situation or person
then to have the realization that were
all complex humans and so I shied away
from the idea of people saying that I
wanted it to happen and so I told no one
just like I didn’t tell anyone that I
was gay until my freshman year of
college it took a while for me to accept
it myself because I wanted so so badly
to be straight I would pray every night
for God to fix me to take what I was
feeling away I prayed so much that my
prayers had prayers growing up I felt
obligated to have a boyfriend because
that’s what everyone seemed to question
me about I remember at a very young age
being questioned by my great aunt and
grandmother it was actually their
favorite line what little boy I was
crushing on in class other than my
great-aunt asking how my hammer is
hanging and me still to this day not
having a clue what she was talking about
I would say a random name like Jeffrey
or Adam but in reality my soul was
crying out for me to say the
girl’s name that I would constantly
smile at and she was smile back
and so I went through my adolescent
years seeking love from guys because
that’s what I thought I was supposed to
do I knew that if I were to come out and
say that I would gain that I was gay I
would have either been bullied or called
an abomination or both and so I told no
one we tend to live our lives telling no
one our truths the truths that we’ve
hidden so deep inside of us in hopes
that they go away but still they linger
and they haunt us because our truths are
a part of who we’ve become our truths
have helped to shape our present and
they continue to mold our future but how
did we as a society get away with not
living our truths daily were axed by our
peers colleagues and family the simple
question of how are you doing and
without even thinking we utter the words
I’m well but are you really well 24
hours a day seven days a week
when is it ever okay to be humble enough
to break down and say that life sucks
today we build outer shells that have
allowed us to get away with not being
vulnerable but I would like to think
that being vulnerable is what really
makes us human
but being vulnerable means that you have
to live with yourself you have to live
with your secrets and you have to accept
your mistakes
I’ve lived with my untold truths for
roughly 20 years and these are just now
the truths that I’m willingly open to
share imagine how many untold truths we
carry throughout our lifetime imagine
how these untold truths affect the
generations that come after us if we
shared more of our secrets and
experiences with other people I believe
that we could stop making those same
mistakes over and over and over again as
adults we have to be willing to engage
in conversations that go beneath the
surface the types of conversations that
make you queasy and uncomfortable the
types of conversations that most people
avoid and we have to be willing to have
those conversations with our youth so
that they aren’t taught to live up to
our unrealistic ideals of perfection
shifting the narrative from perfection
to truth because our youth are already
living similar experiences such as mine
and yours and they will continue to do
so with them hidden if we don’t begin to
address the elephant in the room
we have to stop placing the same
band-aid over various levels of trauma
that we all carry through our untold
truths the first step for this paradigm
shift to take place is humility it’s
accepting that we don’t have all of the
answers or that we aren’t as perfect as
our Facebook and Instagram paints us to
be and we must do so with an open mind
and understanding that not everyone is
in the same place growing up I didn’t
know what it meant to be a kid that
received free or reduced lunch I just
knew that there was never a day that I
would forget my lunch money
but it wasn’t until I joined the
education sector that I learned that
Society has already placed a marker of
failure on low-income students and I was
one of them I didn’t know growing up
that youth of color would not given the
same resources as their peers I didn’t
know that there were systems and
structures still in place that
contribute and promote the failures of
entire races but as a very good friend
of mine always says we have to stop
looking at our youth of color from a
deficit perspective in 2017 why are we
still providing our youth with an
education that is structured to prepare
them for factory work but place the
blame on them for being dissing
aged when we’re the ones not meeting
their needs I’ll ask that question again
in 2017 why are we still providing our
youth with an education that prepares
them to work in factories but placed a
blame on them for receiving DS or
dropping out when we are the ones that
are failing them we’ve skipped the step
of building relationships with our youth
and we’ve placed them into buckets based
on their test scores and socioeconomic
status we’ve projected their entire
future in advance before they even step
foot into middle school our youth
specifically our youth of color are
trying to thrive in environments that
are structure for them to fail most are
trying to navigate in spaces of white
privilege some are trying to escape the
perpetual cycles of poverty and others
just want to feel as if they have a
voice that’s worth listening to the way
a person looks their ethnicity and race
is not oftentimes the conversation that
we want to have but we can’t truthfully
talk about socioeconomic status if we’re
not talking about race we can’t begin to
eliminate sexism racism homophobia or
classism if we aren’t talking about how
they’re all interconnected we can’t skip
the race conversation and dive into data
for solutions on how to cure poverty
because if you pull back the layers of
that data you will see that all roads
lead to your skintone so what do we do
now that we’ve witnessed these perpetual
cycles for centuries what do we do for
the people that aren’t yet ready to
accept this as truth and what do we do
for the people that are willing and
ready to engage in these conversations
but don’t know where to start well
myself and two seniors tallit tilman
anti-wall de mola
created the solution through an idea
that has now evolved into a company
called diversity talks diversity talks
fosters a space for adults and youth to
have difficult conversations in the
classroom we’ve fostered this space by
providing student-led professional
development to K through 12 educators we
incorporate topics such as race power
privilege and oppression we train you to
be able to facilitate these difficult
conversations in a space where they
spend most of their lives and are
greatly impacted but the realization
lies within the fact that even though
they spent a great amount of time in the
classroom all of their identities and
experiences still have not been
represented diversity Hawks axe adults
to relinquish their power by allowing
you to have a seat at the table an
actual seat not to make decisions for
themselves
just decisions based off of what we
project on to them I knew that I
couldn’t stand here before you today
with untold truths while going out into
the world and sharing the mission of
diversity top I couldn’t continue to ask
adults to reach a level of vulnerability
and discomfort if I had it done so
myself today I asked you to join me in
living your truth join me by inter
engaging with the next person that you
cross paths with ask them how their day
is going but instead wait long enough
for a response
pushing them beyond I’m well or it’s
going well join me by having
uncomfortable conversations it is then
that we can begin to dismantle systems
that aren’t equitable join diversity
talks thank you
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
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