I used to always wonder what it would be
like to see myself through someone
else’s eyes but I have learned that when
you hear about the way other people see
you it can change the way that you
viewed yourself last year I got to hear
about the way people viewed me for that
through their eyes and that is when
everything started to fall apart
I got consistent messages on social
media and in school that told me to kill
myself
that I was fat ugly worthless mean fake
and plenty of other things I would not
care to repeat after I heard the things
people had to say about me
I could never unhear them and I didn’t
just hear them but I saw them and I’d
look in the mirror I would always notice
the things that were wrong about me just
because I chose to believe what people
said about me rather than ignoring them
suddenly I no longer wanted to hear but
what people thought of me but it
wouldn’t stop Dylan this is what caused
me you notice a change in my behavior as
a kid I was outgoing and loud I was
ready to dump me whatever obstacle came
in front of me however I didn’t know
that some things weren’t as easy for me
as they were for other people I know
more ups than ever get over things in
freaked out without control I have lost
everything in my thought to always
somewhere else especially when I was
supposed to be focusing on something I
didn’t care about the thing is I never
thought too much of it I was just a
regular girly messed up sometimes pretty
common right my mom said that they just
felt what other people felt and that’s
why it was so emotional it seemed
reasonable enough so I believed it last
year something changed though I would
move around and I wasn’t as interested
in things as I used to be I was so hard
on myself because whenever I messed up I
would hear the insults play back in my
mind I wasn’t confident more I was
afraid to stand up for myself when I
questioned every little thing I did a
voice in my head it repeats
here and I couldn’t stop it I thought I
wasn’t happy because there are marks
made towards me and I thought it was my
fault I thought I was crazy
it wasn’t until last year my mom asked
me where her happy daughter went at that
moment it froze because I didn’t never
answer I didn’t know I wish I knew
because I so badly wanted her back my
mom decided that my behavior had gone on
too long I needed help she sent me a
therapy sure I wasn’t I wasn’t super
psyched at first about going to talk to
a stranger about my problems but I knew
I needed help on the first visit there I
was explaining how I felt in certain
situations how I offici
thinking before acting and how upset I
would get over the smallest things how I
get invited to parties and not talk to
anyone because the amount of people that
scared me my work has said she thought I
had ADHD which surprised me because it
isn’t exactly what I thought she was
going to say I was expecting depression
because many people in my family have
had but later I found out that those are
side effects of having ADHD after a
couple of doctor visits and an
evaluation it was concluded I had ADHD
my therapist Amanda says something Anita
how we figure out what that man and I
didn’t but I don’t think I’ll ever
forget it she said hello you were like a
fancy car but with no engine people look
at you and assume that you can function
perfectly because you look as if you are
able to but you’re stuck because you
can’t drive without intention and
nobody’s going to realize that and
that’s just going to frustrate you this
really made me think because she would
break you nobody could see that there
was something wrong to me nobody would
realized why I couldn’t do some things
as easy as they did when I told people I
am EHD not many people knew what that
meant they say oh that’s the thing you
can’t sit still right it’s frustrating
because not many people really know what
ADHD is it’s different for everyone for
me I get thoughts in my head I can’t
stop I mean Paulson and I tend to say or
do things without thinking it is hard
for me to sit still for a long time
I got anxiety over the littlest things
like wandering the radio station well
you want an even number this feeling
with having no control makes my body
feel as if it’s on the fire I was also
watching a TED talk once and the person
speaking at a PhD
they said that having ADHD is like your
brain flipping through 30 different
channels and someone else has the remote
this made me think of being in class it
turns so hard to focus on what the
teacher was saying but constantly
drifting off to what I was going to be
doing after school I have to ever start
taking medication which helps me a lot
maybe able to feel more relaxed and like
myself again during this process I
learned
the word to do hurt a lot I’ve been
trying really hard to stop caring about
what people think of me because no
matter what you do there’s going to be
someone who doesn’t like you
people are so quick to judge someone and
it really bothers me because you can’t
know who a person is just by looking at
them
I will hear people say Ella rice is
stuck-up and it makes me laugh because
when well they think that I love myself
too much I used to not even like looking
in a mirror I didn’t think I was good
enough compared to other girls I hear
girls today talk about how they think I
am how they think I act I want you to
think of the overall way you treat
people do you think you are a nice
person do you look for ways to make
someone get a little shaken up if you
think back are you proud of the things
you say if someone secretly recorded you
for a day do you think you’d be proud to
show that video to your family ever
since last year and they’re trying
really hard to be nice to everybody it
really bothers me when I hear somebody
being flat-out mean I don’t get why
people waste energy being mean to people
it really isn’t okay but there are girls
starving themselves because someone
called them fat and girls killing
themselves because they’re being bullied
and don’t know what else to do whether
you like it or not your words hurt
there’s no way to take back what you
said to someone and no matter how much
apologizing you knew you can’t make that
forbidden how would you feel if someone
said that to you how would you feel you
didn’t want to go to school because you
were too afraid you could get attacked
I’m so sick of the fact that there is an
ideal image a person should just be able
to lift their legs happily no more sad
girls crying in their bed no more
standing in front of a mirror which he
just changed that reflection everyone is
beautiful in their own ways we’ve been
put in the body that was coming whether
we like it or not and that is something
that I have struggled to be okay with
this last year’s been a huge roller
coaster but that’s something that has
helped me a lot his big books in poetry
there is a poem I love by Atticus and it
reads she conquered her demons and more
her scars like wings this makes me think
of myself and I wanted to affect
everyone else who’s going through
something because last year I got
through my something I went to therapy
it dealt with what I had to I used to be
embarrassed to be the girl who got
bullied
the poor girl got told to kill herself I
didn’t want people feeling bad for me
and I didn’t want to be looked at
differently
I just wanted to redeem old me again the
point you might talk wasn’t to make
people feel bad for me I wanted to be an
example of how your words truly affect
people when everything just be so much
easier everyone was kind people could
feel happier with their lives and bodies
I really want more people to feel
comfortable with the fact that it is
okay to be yourself I used to think
something was wrong with me
but today I realized that last year has
made me a better person it is maybe a
stronger person
never happen to the most likely wouldn’t
have got diagnosed I’m not afraid to
talk about Who I am anymore I’m the girl
who got through all of that I may not
have wings to wear but I will walk with
my head up and be proud of Who I am
I’m still the girl from last year but
I’m also the girl from the years before
that I’m the girl I am today I am living
my life
and everything that happens to be wrote
it it’s just another feather on my wings
I hold stories that nobody’s capable of
seeing on the outside everyone has
secrets everyone has regrets
everyone has memories that make them unique and that is the truth of a person
like to see myself through someone
else’s eyes but I have learned that when
you hear about the way other people see
you it can change the way that you
viewed yourself last year I got to hear
about the way people viewed me for that
through their eyes and that is when
everything started to fall apart
I got consistent messages on social
media and in school that told me to kill
myself
that I was fat ugly worthless mean fake
and plenty of other things I would not
care to repeat after I heard the things
people had to say about me
I could never unhear them and I didn’t
just hear them but I saw them and I’d
look in the mirror I would always notice
the things that were wrong about me just
because I chose to believe what people
said about me rather than ignoring them
suddenly I no longer wanted to hear but
what people thought of me but it
wouldn’t stop Dylan this is what caused
me you notice a change in my behavior as
a kid I was outgoing and loud I was
ready to dump me whatever obstacle came
in front of me however I didn’t know
that some things weren’t as easy for me
as they were for other people I know
more ups than ever get over things in
freaked out without control I have lost
everything in my thought to always
somewhere else especially when I was
supposed to be focusing on something I
didn’t care about the thing is I never
thought too much of it I was just a
regular girly messed up sometimes pretty
common right my mom said that they just
felt what other people felt and that’s
why it was so emotional it seemed
reasonable enough so I believed it last
year something changed though I would
move around and I wasn’t as interested
in things as I used to be I was so hard
on myself because whenever I messed up I
would hear the insults play back in my
mind I wasn’t confident more I was
afraid to stand up for myself when I
questioned every little thing I did a
voice in my head it repeats
here and I couldn’t stop it I thought I
wasn’t happy because there are marks
made towards me and I thought it was my
fault I thought I was crazy
it wasn’t until last year my mom asked
me where her happy daughter went at that
moment it froze because I didn’t never
answer I didn’t know I wish I knew
because I so badly wanted her back my
mom decided that my behavior had gone on
too long I needed help she sent me a
therapy sure I wasn’t I wasn’t super
psyched at first about going to talk to
a stranger about my problems but I knew
I needed help on the first visit there I
was explaining how I felt in certain
situations how I offici
thinking before acting and how upset I
would get over the smallest things how I
get invited to parties and not talk to
anyone because the amount of people that
scared me my work has said she thought I
had ADHD which surprised me because it
isn’t exactly what I thought she was
going to say I was expecting depression
because many people in my family have
had but later I found out that those are
side effects of having ADHD after a
couple of doctor visits and an
evaluation it was concluded I had ADHD
my therapist Amanda says something Anita
how we figure out what that man and I
didn’t but I don’t think I’ll ever
forget it she said hello you were like a
fancy car but with no engine people look
at you and assume that you can function
perfectly because you look as if you are
able to but you’re stuck because you
can’t drive without intention and
nobody’s going to realize that and
that’s just going to frustrate you this
really made me think because she would
break you nobody could see that there
was something wrong to me nobody would
realized why I couldn’t do some things
as easy as they did when I told people I
am EHD not many people knew what that
meant they say oh that’s the thing you
can’t sit still right it’s frustrating
because not many people really know what
ADHD is it’s different for everyone for
me I get thoughts in my head I can’t
stop I mean Paulson and I tend to say or
do things without thinking it is hard
for me to sit still for a long time
I got anxiety over the littlest things
like wandering the radio station well
you want an even number this feeling
with having no control makes my body
feel as if it’s on the fire I was also
watching a TED talk once and the person
speaking at a PhD
they said that having ADHD is like your
brain flipping through 30 different
channels and someone else has the remote
this made me think of being in class it
turns so hard to focus on what the
teacher was saying but constantly
drifting off to what I was going to be
doing after school I have to ever start
taking medication which helps me a lot
maybe able to feel more relaxed and like
myself again during this process I
learned
the word to do hurt a lot I’ve been
trying really hard to stop caring about
what people think of me because no
matter what you do there’s going to be
someone who doesn’t like you
people are so quick to judge someone and
it really bothers me because you can’t
know who a person is just by looking at
them
I will hear people say Ella rice is
stuck-up and it makes me laugh because
when well they think that I love myself
too much I used to not even like looking
in a mirror I didn’t think I was good
enough compared to other girls I hear
girls today talk about how they think I
am how they think I act I want you to
think of the overall way you treat
people do you think you are a nice
person do you look for ways to make
someone get a little shaken up if you
think back are you proud of the things
you say if someone secretly recorded you
for a day do you think you’d be proud to
show that video to your family ever
since last year and they’re trying
really hard to be nice to everybody it
really bothers me when I hear somebody
being flat-out mean I don’t get why
people waste energy being mean to people
it really isn’t okay but there are girls
starving themselves because someone
called them fat and girls killing
themselves because they’re being bullied
and don’t know what else to do whether
you like it or not your words hurt
there’s no way to take back what you
said to someone and no matter how much
apologizing you knew you can’t make that
forbidden how would you feel if someone
said that to you how would you feel you
didn’t want to go to school because you
were too afraid you could get attacked
I’m so sick of the fact that there is an
ideal image a person should just be able
to lift their legs happily no more sad
girls crying in their bed no more
standing in front of a mirror which he
just changed that reflection everyone is
beautiful in their own ways we’ve been
put in the body that was coming whether
we like it or not and that is something
that I have struggled to be okay with
this last year’s been a huge roller
coaster but that’s something that has
helped me a lot his big books in poetry
there is a poem I love by Atticus and it
reads she conquered her demons and more
her scars like wings this makes me think
of myself and I wanted to affect
everyone else who’s going through
something because last year I got
through my something I went to therapy
it dealt with what I had to I used to be
embarrassed to be the girl who got
bullied
the poor girl got told to kill herself I
didn’t want people feeling bad for me
and I didn’t want to be looked at
differently
I just wanted to redeem old me again the
point you might talk wasn’t to make
people feel bad for me I wanted to be an
example of how your words truly affect
people when everything just be so much
easier everyone was kind people could
feel happier with their lives and bodies
I really want more people to feel
comfortable with the fact that it is
okay to be yourself I used to think
something was wrong with me
but today I realized that last year has
made me a better person it is maybe a
stronger person
never happen to the most likely wouldn’t
have got diagnosed I’m not afraid to
talk about Who I am anymore I’m the girl
who got through all of that I may not
have wings to wear but I will walk with
my head up and be proud of Who I am
I’m still the girl from last year but
I’m also the girl from the years before
that I’m the girl I am today I am living
my life
and everything that happens to be wrote
it it’s just another feather on my wings
I hold stories that nobody’s capable of
seeing on the outside everyone has
secrets everyone has regrets
everyone has memories that make them unique and that is the truth of a person
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