in January I received the invitation to
attend my 10-year high school reunion
and I was shocked high school did not
feel like it was ten years ago
so to be invited to something that was a
celebration of 10 years when it only
felt like a couple months maybe a year
or two really threw me for a loop I
began thinking of what reunions meant to
me and ideas of TV shows and movies
where they depict cheerleaders marrying
deadbeat guys and jocks getting fat and
bald were the only images that I had and
they were very critical and
condescending and they weren’t very
inviting or warm I began going through
all my accomplishments over the last ten
years thinking about what I’ve done and
what I would tell my classmates this
place as I went to school the degrees
I’ve collected the places that I’ve
traveled to where I’ve lived my job but
something about that felt really hollow
like that was not possibly all I’ve done
over the last 10 years so I kept mulling
this over in my mind what I’ve
accomplished reunions and something
became clear to me while I was doing
that and that was but the last 10 years
of my life my biggest accomplishment
wasn’t that I’ve gotten degrees and I’ve
started a great job and I live in a
fancy condo it was that I’ve grown from
the person that I was in high school
into a confident self-sufficient adult
the ten years after high school are
really hard there are a lot of young
people in the room today and this talk
is catered to you the people who are in
the process of this ten-year journey
you’re gonna learn a lot of hard lessons
but heartbreak and failure and picking
yourself up when you’re when you’ve
fallen down but when you get through
that and look back you’re gonna have
such a sense of fulfillment and relief
and joy and celebration to the person
that you become as you journey through
all those really hard lessons you have
to find your path during this time
Carrie
and that’s really scary but you all set
to find out who you are as a person and
the lessons that I want to share with
you today there are five are some of the
things that I really learned over the
last couple years that I hope help you
all on your journey as you make your way
through this time period as well so the
first lesson that I have is to do what’s
right for you and that sounds really
simple you’re doing you every day you
wake up you brush your teeth you go to
work or school or or whatever it is that
you spill your day doing but as you get
older the voice is around you become
quieter your teachers start giving you
less instruction your parents take a
step back and say no you have to figure
this out and bosses give you even less
feedback than both of them so how do you
learn to manage that and navigate that
for me this was a lesson that I learned
in a very impactful moment it was a
night and day difference a switch went
off in my mind in high school I spent a
lot of time doing performance arts I act
and I sang I danced and I was involved
in every single community theater
production that I could possibly get my
hands into the photo is actually of me
dancing taken by Paul akin so when it
came time to go off to a higher
education it was natural it wasn’t
really a question I was gonna go pursue
performance art I was gonna act and sing
and dance all day long you know maybe
teach maybe if I was really lucky become
a performer and get paid to do this so I
auditioned and I got into a school and I
started but something wasn’t quite right
I wasn’t as happy as I should have been
and the little things would really set
me off and give me a really bad day I
finished the first semester went home
for Christmas break reconnected with my
family my friends and my home and when I
went back to school for that second
semester I realized that something was
really wrong it wasn’t just kind of off
it was wrong I called my mom in tears
like I don’t understand I should be so
happy right now this is my dream come
true but the subways late and I want to
cry or my classmate says something
something to me and I’m a mess for the
rest of the day this isn’t normal and
it’s not healthy what’s wrong with me
and my mom said well is this right for
you and the answer was no we have to
find a way to listen to that tiny voice
inside of us now while you’re young
before you have kids and a mortgage or
you’re 30 years into a very established
career and you the idea of starting over
again is terrifying
taking the time to develop that voice
that gut feeling whatever is for you to
navigate major decision is critical and
as you do that and gain confidence in
that voice and in that decision-making
process you’re gonna build a life based
on decisions that you are so happy with
and you’re going to create a life that’s
so content and amazing and fulfilling
that you couldn’t imagine it any other
way the second lesson that I have for
you is to accept yourself for who you
are every single person on the planet
has something about themselves that they
don’t like some people are better at
hiding it than others that’s something
that I’ve learned with my over this last
10 years but everyone has that thing it
could be physical it could be mental it
could be completely made up for me it
was my height I had my growth spurt when
I was quite young I was probably 12 13
when I grew m59
so that meant I was about a foot taller
than all the boys in my class until
college when they started to grow at
ages 17 18 19 so I would float in photos
I’d wear flat shoes I would do
everything I could to create the
illusion on social media that I wasn’t
as tall but then I would look at those
photos and I wouldn’t feel any
satisfaction because I looked
unattractive because I was loved tching
or standing kind of crooked to try and
make myself the same height as my peers
learning to accept myself for who I was
wasn’t an overnight snap of the fingers
moment it was a full 10 year process and
some days I wake up and I’m looking at
my closet it’s like do I want to be six
foot tall and wear the heels or do I
want to kind of blend in more and wear
the flat but the point is it’s a
decision you have to decide to accept
yourself find one little thing to like a
that thing that you don’t like then
build on it slowly create a foundation a
baseline where you can be find a sense
of acceptance for yourself no it could
be a mental thing it could be maybe the
way you answer questions or the way
thoughts bounce around in your head or
it could be the way you laugh
maybe it’s an ethnicity issue or a
heritage issue where you’ve got
multiracial parents everyone has
something that they’re self-conscious
about so find a way just start the
acceptance process and work through it
because it’ll take you places that you
never thought you could have imagined
now the third lesson is hopefully gonna
lighten things up a bit because those
are two kind of heavy thought-provoking
ideas and that was to find your sense of
humor life is gonna throw at you bad
days and you think it’s bad and it’s 12
o’clock and you’re like oh god how could
it get any worse and then you know what
it does we’ve all had those days where
we’re late we spill coffee all over
ourself you’ve got a big meeting with
boss we come in here strafe or if you’re
a girl maybe stain or unshaven if you’re
a guy it happens now the question is how
are you gonna deal with it are you gonna
criticize yourself for the rest of the
day and hold your head down and and
struggle through or are you gonna find a
way to laugh it off and move forward and
be your own cheerleader growing up I
grew up in a house with three dogs and I
took the stands no being dramatic and
having teenage angst that I didn’t like
dogs no logical reason at all just the
fact that I wanted to probably to annoy
my parents and not liking the dogs did
that so I would make a huge stink about
it
complaining about the hair and the
barking and wouldn’t help out with them
at all but when I moved away to school
something happened that I never expected
I missed them I missed the dogs and I
couldn’t tell my parents because of all
the fuss that I had spent making over
the last 10 years if I told them that
would open the door to teasing that I
did not want to experience but missing
them didn’t go away and hiding from the
fact that I liked dogs wasn’t helpful
either because I was in the process of
adopting my own little cutie so one day
I told them hey guys
I really actually like dogs surprised
and accepted the teasing and it still
happens to this day they still tease me
about it
but the fact is I can laugh it off you
have to find a way to roll it off your
shoulder and praise yourself be your own
cheerleader because the world is doing
enough criticizing for you already you
don’t need to be adding to that list the
fourth lesson that I have is to take a
leap of faith we’re all going to be
given opportunities they might look a
little different than we expect when I
was applying to grad U at schools a
professor told me you have to pick a
school based off of the professors and
the research outputs of that University
don’t pick it off of the name of the
school the location you really want to
pick it based on the maximum outcome of
education that you can get so taking
this information to heart I began my
search researching different schools
being from the Caribbean my scope was
pointed at the equator and maybe
Australia for her surfer dudes but I had
no intention of actually going there and
I wasn’t finding what I was looking for
the professors weren’t quite researching
the exact area I wanted to be in the
research outputs weren’t quite as
interdisciplinary as I had hoped so I
kept looking and I kept looking and I
still wasn’t finding it so one day in a
very frustrated mental state I began to
slam in key words into Google angry
typing no take up the aggression on your
keyboard and I put in words like marine
and management and interdisciplinary and
law and policy and coastal management
and out pop this program first hit that
seemed almost too good to be true it was
doing the exact sort of research I was
looking for with professors that were
with the experience just that I was
looking for with alumni and jobs that I
would dream of having the kicker was it
was a Nova Scotia Canada not near the
equator at all a very hard place to get
to from the Caribbean so I had to make
the
do I take this opportunity or do I let
it pass me by I had the financial
resources to go I got accepted into the
program and it was exactly what I was
looking for well I made the decision to
go and it was fantastic it opened door
after door after door research projects
led to jobs which led to the job I have
today which I love so opportunities are
gonna be presented to you but they may
not look what how you’re expecting the
timing might be off the location might
be off or the person may be off but if
there is no real reason not to do it
there is no block to your safety perhaps
your finances then take it have
confidence in your ability that you can
master this step because one of two
things can happen you’re either gonna
hate it and okay that sounds scary at
first you hate something but think about
it
you hate something you’ve just learned
about whole new thing about yourself you
probably didn’t know before which can
help shape you making better decisions
in the future or you like it maybe even
love it and that opens door after door
of opportunity and before you know
you’ve built a life that you are so
fulfilled with and so proud of to call
your own so take it take that leap of
faith the final lesson that I have for
you is a combination of all the other
lessons when you start to do what’s
right for you you start to hone in on
that inner voice that you have and
driving your decisions based on what the
best thing for you is and you start to
accept yourself for who you are and stop
trying to be anybody else and you find
your sense of humor and become a
cheerleader it’s opposed to a critic and
you start embracing the silly things you
do and then you start to have confidence
in your ability and you take advantage
of those opportunities those leaps of
faith something starts to happen and you
start to like yourself and that’s
something we as a society don’t talk
about very often is this idea of liking
yourself and developing that like into
love and I’m not talking about in a
cocky way we’ve all seen those people in
rooms with their chests up and and you
think oh god who do they think
they are for you know standing and
having that aura about them I’m talking
about liking yourself in a very humble
and grounded way where you’re so at
peace with the person that you are in
the decisions that you’ve made in the
life that you’ve created around you so
you want other people to experience that
you want to help others when you love
yourself all the relationships around
you start to change you start to build
stronger relationships with your family
with your friends intimate relationships
with lovers it really starts to change
how you interact with the world and how
the world interacts with you and it’s
something that I wish everyone can
experience so wrapping up the talk and
the idea of these five lessons I
wouldn’t have got to where I am today
without an incredible support network my
family talked to me they told me stories
when I had locked my keys out of my
apartment and called them in tears
because the super was on vacation and I
didn’t know what to do I had no way of
getting in there they consoled me and
they told me stories that they had that
were equivalent or when I had that big
meeting and the coffee cup when draped
down the front of my shirt and of course
I was wearing a light color so though
everyone in the conference room could
see it call it called them and my dad
told me a story of what he did something
very similar we have to communicate with
each other and talk more because you
never know the impact of what something
that you think it son significant can
have on someone else so my challenge to
everybody in this room today is one of
two things and it will depend entirely
on your age for those of you who are out
of this 10-year period I want you to
share your stories try and take an
opportunity when a young person comes to
you and say what’s happened to you what
was equivalent help them not feel alone
and like the world’s gonna end help them
know that other people have been through
this and that they will survive and
young people in the room I want you to
listen I didn’t I fought this battle
uphill the entire way there until
literally my only option was to try
listening because all my other arguments
and reason not to have failed they’ll
listen to the stories in your life
because there might be a nugget of
information in there that helps you see
something in a different way it might
help you find some way to accept the
thing about yourself that you don’t like
this 10-year process is not easy it’s
really hard and you’re faced with real
challenges that you’ve never seen before
financial issues maybe family issues
maybe maybe getting married or having
children but as you look back it can be
so fulfilling and rewarding if you find
ways to really love yourself so good
luck to all you guys on the next 10
years of your life my reunion is in two
weeks so I look forward to seeing how
that goes thank you
[Applause]
you
attend my 10-year high school reunion
and I was shocked high school did not
feel like it was ten years ago
so to be invited to something that was a
celebration of 10 years when it only
felt like a couple months maybe a year
or two really threw me for a loop I
began thinking of what reunions meant to
me and ideas of TV shows and movies
where they depict cheerleaders marrying
deadbeat guys and jocks getting fat and
bald were the only images that I had and
they were very critical and
condescending and they weren’t very
inviting or warm I began going through
all my accomplishments over the last ten
years thinking about what I’ve done and
what I would tell my classmates this
place as I went to school the degrees
I’ve collected the places that I’ve
traveled to where I’ve lived my job but
something about that felt really hollow
like that was not possibly all I’ve done
over the last 10 years so I kept mulling
this over in my mind what I’ve
accomplished reunions and something
became clear to me while I was doing
that and that was but the last 10 years
of my life my biggest accomplishment
wasn’t that I’ve gotten degrees and I’ve
started a great job and I live in a
fancy condo it was that I’ve grown from
the person that I was in high school
into a confident self-sufficient adult
the ten years after high school are
really hard there are a lot of young
people in the room today and this talk
is catered to you the people who are in
the process of this ten-year journey
you’re gonna learn a lot of hard lessons
but heartbreak and failure and picking
yourself up when you’re when you’ve
fallen down but when you get through
that and look back you’re gonna have
such a sense of fulfillment and relief
and joy and celebration to the person
that you become as you journey through
all those really hard lessons you have
to find your path during this time
Carrie
and that’s really scary but you all set
to find out who you are as a person and
the lessons that I want to share with
you today there are five are some of the
things that I really learned over the
last couple years that I hope help you
all on your journey as you make your way
through this time period as well so the
first lesson that I have is to do what’s
right for you and that sounds really
simple you’re doing you every day you
wake up you brush your teeth you go to
work or school or or whatever it is that
you spill your day doing but as you get
older the voice is around you become
quieter your teachers start giving you
less instruction your parents take a
step back and say no you have to figure
this out and bosses give you even less
feedback than both of them so how do you
learn to manage that and navigate that
for me this was a lesson that I learned
in a very impactful moment it was a
night and day difference a switch went
off in my mind in high school I spent a
lot of time doing performance arts I act
and I sang I danced and I was involved
in every single community theater
production that I could possibly get my
hands into the photo is actually of me
dancing taken by Paul akin so when it
came time to go off to a higher
education it was natural it wasn’t
really a question I was gonna go pursue
performance art I was gonna act and sing
and dance all day long you know maybe
teach maybe if I was really lucky become
a performer and get paid to do this so I
auditioned and I got into a school and I
started but something wasn’t quite right
I wasn’t as happy as I should have been
and the little things would really set
me off and give me a really bad day I
finished the first semester went home
for Christmas break reconnected with my
family my friends and my home and when I
went back to school for that second
semester I realized that something was
really wrong it wasn’t just kind of off
it was wrong I called my mom in tears
like I don’t understand I should be so
happy right now this is my dream come
true but the subways late and I want to
cry or my classmate says something
something to me and I’m a mess for the
rest of the day this isn’t normal and
it’s not healthy what’s wrong with me
and my mom said well is this right for
you and the answer was no we have to
find a way to listen to that tiny voice
inside of us now while you’re young
before you have kids and a mortgage or
you’re 30 years into a very established
career and you the idea of starting over
again is terrifying
taking the time to develop that voice
that gut feeling whatever is for you to
navigate major decision is critical and
as you do that and gain confidence in
that voice and in that decision-making
process you’re gonna build a life based
on decisions that you are so happy with
and you’re going to create a life that’s
so content and amazing and fulfilling
that you couldn’t imagine it any other
way the second lesson that I have for
you is to accept yourself for who you
are every single person on the planet
has something about themselves that they
don’t like some people are better at
hiding it than others that’s something
that I’ve learned with my over this last
10 years but everyone has that thing it
could be physical it could be mental it
could be completely made up for me it
was my height I had my growth spurt when
I was quite young I was probably 12 13
when I grew m59
so that meant I was about a foot taller
than all the boys in my class until
college when they started to grow at
ages 17 18 19 so I would float in photos
I’d wear flat shoes I would do
everything I could to create the
illusion on social media that I wasn’t
as tall but then I would look at those
photos and I wouldn’t feel any
satisfaction because I looked
unattractive because I was loved tching
or standing kind of crooked to try and
make myself the same height as my peers
learning to accept myself for who I was
wasn’t an overnight snap of the fingers
moment it was a full 10 year process and
some days I wake up and I’m looking at
my closet it’s like do I want to be six
foot tall and wear the heels or do I
want to kind of blend in more and wear
the flat but the point is it’s a
decision you have to decide to accept
yourself find one little thing to like a
that thing that you don’t like then
build on it slowly create a foundation a
baseline where you can be find a sense
of acceptance for yourself no it could
be a mental thing it could be maybe the
way you answer questions or the way
thoughts bounce around in your head or
it could be the way you laugh
maybe it’s an ethnicity issue or a
heritage issue where you’ve got
multiracial parents everyone has
something that they’re self-conscious
about so find a way just start the
acceptance process and work through it
because it’ll take you places that you
never thought you could have imagined
now the third lesson is hopefully gonna
lighten things up a bit because those
are two kind of heavy thought-provoking
ideas and that was to find your sense of
humor life is gonna throw at you bad
days and you think it’s bad and it’s 12
o’clock and you’re like oh god how could
it get any worse and then you know what
it does we’ve all had those days where
we’re late we spill coffee all over
ourself you’ve got a big meeting with
boss we come in here strafe or if you’re
a girl maybe stain or unshaven if you’re
a guy it happens now the question is how
are you gonna deal with it are you gonna
criticize yourself for the rest of the
day and hold your head down and and
struggle through or are you gonna find a
way to laugh it off and move forward and
be your own cheerleader growing up I
grew up in a house with three dogs and I
took the stands no being dramatic and
having teenage angst that I didn’t like
dogs no logical reason at all just the
fact that I wanted to probably to annoy
my parents and not liking the dogs did
that so I would make a huge stink about
it
complaining about the hair and the
barking and wouldn’t help out with them
at all but when I moved away to school
something happened that I never expected
I missed them I missed the dogs and I
couldn’t tell my parents because of all
the fuss that I had spent making over
the last 10 years if I told them that
would open the door to teasing that I
did not want to experience but missing
them didn’t go away and hiding from the
fact that I liked dogs wasn’t helpful
either because I was in the process of
adopting my own little cutie so one day
I told them hey guys
I really actually like dogs surprised
and accepted the teasing and it still
happens to this day they still tease me
about it
but the fact is I can laugh it off you
have to find a way to roll it off your
shoulder and praise yourself be your own
cheerleader because the world is doing
enough criticizing for you already you
don’t need to be adding to that list the
fourth lesson that I have is to take a
leap of faith we’re all going to be
given opportunities they might look a
little different than we expect when I
was applying to grad U at schools a
professor told me you have to pick a
school based off of the professors and
the research outputs of that University
don’t pick it off of the name of the
school the location you really want to
pick it based on the maximum outcome of
education that you can get so taking
this information to heart I began my
search researching different schools
being from the Caribbean my scope was
pointed at the equator and maybe
Australia for her surfer dudes but I had
no intention of actually going there and
I wasn’t finding what I was looking for
the professors weren’t quite researching
the exact area I wanted to be in the
research outputs weren’t quite as
interdisciplinary as I had hoped so I
kept looking and I kept looking and I
still wasn’t finding it so one day in a
very frustrated mental state I began to
slam in key words into Google angry
typing no take up the aggression on your
keyboard and I put in words like marine
and management and interdisciplinary and
law and policy and coastal management
and out pop this program first hit that
seemed almost too good to be true it was
doing the exact sort of research I was
looking for with professors that were
with the experience just that I was
looking for with alumni and jobs that I
would dream of having the kicker was it
was a Nova Scotia Canada not near the
equator at all a very hard place to get
to from the Caribbean so I had to make
the
do I take this opportunity or do I let
it pass me by I had the financial
resources to go I got accepted into the
program and it was exactly what I was
looking for well I made the decision to
go and it was fantastic it opened door
after door after door research projects
led to jobs which led to the job I have
today which I love so opportunities are
gonna be presented to you but they may
not look what how you’re expecting the
timing might be off the location might
be off or the person may be off but if
there is no real reason not to do it
there is no block to your safety perhaps
your finances then take it have
confidence in your ability that you can
master this step because one of two
things can happen you’re either gonna
hate it and okay that sounds scary at
first you hate something but think about
it
you hate something you’ve just learned
about whole new thing about yourself you
probably didn’t know before which can
help shape you making better decisions
in the future or you like it maybe even
love it and that opens door after door
of opportunity and before you know
you’ve built a life that you are so
fulfilled with and so proud of to call
your own so take it take that leap of
faith the final lesson that I have for
you is a combination of all the other
lessons when you start to do what’s
right for you you start to hone in on
that inner voice that you have and
driving your decisions based on what the
best thing for you is and you start to
accept yourself for who you are and stop
trying to be anybody else and you find
your sense of humor and become a
cheerleader it’s opposed to a critic and
you start embracing the silly things you
do and then you start to have confidence
in your ability and you take advantage
of those opportunities those leaps of
faith something starts to happen and you
start to like yourself and that’s
something we as a society don’t talk
about very often is this idea of liking
yourself and developing that like into
love and I’m not talking about in a
cocky way we’ve all seen those people in
rooms with their chests up and and you
think oh god who do they think
they are for you know standing and
having that aura about them I’m talking
about liking yourself in a very humble
and grounded way where you’re so at
peace with the person that you are in
the decisions that you’ve made in the
life that you’ve created around you so
you want other people to experience that
you want to help others when you love
yourself all the relationships around
you start to change you start to build
stronger relationships with your family
with your friends intimate relationships
with lovers it really starts to change
how you interact with the world and how
the world interacts with you and it’s
something that I wish everyone can
experience so wrapping up the talk and
the idea of these five lessons I
wouldn’t have got to where I am today
without an incredible support network my
family talked to me they told me stories
when I had locked my keys out of my
apartment and called them in tears
because the super was on vacation and I
didn’t know what to do I had no way of
getting in there they consoled me and
they told me stories that they had that
were equivalent or when I had that big
meeting and the coffee cup when draped
down the front of my shirt and of course
I was wearing a light color so though
everyone in the conference room could
see it call it called them and my dad
told me a story of what he did something
very similar we have to communicate with
each other and talk more because you
never know the impact of what something
that you think it son significant can
have on someone else so my challenge to
everybody in this room today is one of
two things and it will depend entirely
on your age for those of you who are out
of this 10-year period I want you to
share your stories try and take an
opportunity when a young person comes to
you and say what’s happened to you what
was equivalent help them not feel alone
and like the world’s gonna end help them
know that other people have been through
this and that they will survive and
young people in the room I want you to
listen I didn’t I fought this battle
uphill the entire way there until
literally my only option was to try
listening because all my other arguments
and reason not to have failed they’ll
listen to the stories in your life
because there might be a nugget of
information in there that helps you see
something in a different way it might
help you find some way to accept the
thing about yourself that you don’t like
this 10-year process is not easy it’s
really hard and you’re faced with real
challenges that you’ve never seen before
financial issues maybe family issues
maybe maybe getting married or having
children but as you look back it can be
so fulfilling and rewarding if you find
ways to really love yourself so good
luck to all you guys on the next 10
years of your life my reunion is in two
weeks so I look forward to seeing how
that goes thank you
[Applause]
you
Please follow and like us: